ELLIE52 Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 10 minutes ago, BabyJune said: I wanted to get a Corvette for my brother...but no one would take him in trade for one. HaHaHa Love it! Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 That joke is quite dative Link to comment
horrorfan Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 Q: What is your most ideal date? A: mm/dd/yyyy, other formats can get confusing. Link to comment
Wannatripbaby Posted July 7, 2018 Share Posted July 7, 2018 Adam sees Bill pulling a 100 foot rope that isn't attached to anything. A: "Hey Bill, why are you pulling that rope?" B: "Have you ever tried pushing one of these things???" Link to comment
Coffee_Mate Posted July 8, 2018 Share Posted July 8, 2018 Did you hear about the chainsaw juggler who lost his left arm and leg? He's all right now Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 14 hours ago, Coffee_Mate said: Did you hear about the chainsaw juggler who lost his left arm and leg? He's all right now That same guy was cooled to absolute zero afterwards. Don't worry, he's 0K now. 1 Link to comment
rusty pins Posted July 9, 2018 Share Posted July 9, 2018 One couple had a baby years ago but when it was born it was only a head, no body. The couple were shocked but raised their "baby" and loved him like he was any normal child. One day about 15 years later the couple were on vacation when they chanced upon a fellow who was a famous doctor, They got to be well acquainted and in talking, the couple mentioned their son who was born without a body. The doctor said, "I guess you haven't heard about my recent research. I developed a process for adding a complete body to a head! Not only does the head get a body, but the body can walk and do anything anyone else can do!" "Wow!, said the couple. "Can you help our son and give him a body after 15 years?" "Of course", said the doctor. "I'll go home with you and get started on it right away". The couple cut their trip short and rushed right home with the doctor. They dashed into their son's room where his head was laying in his small crib like bed. "Guess what we brought home for you!", they said excitedly. "Oh God", the head said. "Not another hat!" Link to comment
Mars.inDiapers Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 German, Russian and American surgeons are drinking in a bar, and the German says: "You want to know how advanced our health care is? We once had a man brought to us who got both his legs cut off by a train. Completely gone. We attached him new ones. Today, he's an olympic sprinter." The Russian says, "We can do better. They once brought us a man who was mauled by bears. Arms, legs, torso, face, everything torn to shreds. We put him completely together and today, he's an olympic decathlete." And the American just shakes his head and says: "My friends, that ain't nothing. They once brought us a severed penis they found in a dumpster. No head, no torso, no limbs, only a complete dick. We attached a whole body to it. And today, he's running for President." 1 Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 What is a "Prime Timer Pick"? :giggle: Link to comment
rusty pins Posted July 10, 2018 Share Posted July 10, 2018 You misunderstood. I thought the "R" was left out in the LAST word, not at the end of the second word. You know, the word on the bottom. Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Computer terminology 101: Screen - a device that keeps all your computer's bugs from flying out. CD drive - refers to a Convienient Drink holder. RAM - Random Asshole Module. Stores all spam and trolling content when you have spam filters enabled. HDMI - High Difficulty Machine Interface. An old type of operating system that has been discontinued. Antivirus software - a type of health program designed to detect if the user is ill. Link to comment
rusty pins Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 A woman was constipated so she went to her doctor. The doctor told her to take suppositories to relieve her constipation. A few days later the woman was back, upset and stating she was still constipated. "Did you take the suppositories?" the doctor asked. "I did! I used almost the whole bottle!" "The whole bottle!" the doctor said. "What have you been doing, eating them?" "Of course!" said the woman. "What do you think I'm doing, shoving them up my ass or something?" Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted July 15, 2018 Share Posted July 15, 2018 On 7/12/2018 at 12:57 AM, Firefly 35 said: Computer terminology 101: Screen - a device that keeps all your computer's bugs from flying out. CD drive - refers to a Convienient Drink holder. RAM - Random Asshole Module. Stores all spam and trolling content when you have spam filters enabled. HDMI - High Difficulty Machine Interface. An old type of operating system that has been discontinued. Antivirus software - a type of health program designed to detect if the user is ill. HDD Hard to Discover Defect SSD Still Somehow Defective SATA Sucky Attempt to Tweak Attributes PCI Pecker Caught Inside (e "eeeek!") VoIP Voided In Pants FTP Friggin' Tortuous Procedure HTML Hard To Manage Lunacy DRM "Damn Retarded Machine!!!" 1 Link to comment
vvp39 Posted July 15, 2018 Share Posted July 15, 2018 Moving on to actual computer-guy acronyms, one I used when I was a sysad was RSN: Real Soon Now Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted July 15, 2018 Share Posted July 15, 2018 I finally decided to upgrade to a solid state drive - the old one kept leaking everywhere. Link to comment
horrorfan Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 I'd tell y'all a joke about UDP, but I'm not sure you'd get it. Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 On the forge I really took a beating but I was hot stuff so all's weld that ends weld Link to comment
rusty pins Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 On the threading machine: "I'm screwed!" Link to comment
urson Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 What did the judge say to his dentist? "Do you promise to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?" What did the beautician say to the Mafioso? "I'm gonna offer you a make-over you can't refuse." Link to comment
willnotwill Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 Q: How does Donald Trump know the difference between a Garbonzo Bean and a Chick Pea? A: He's never had a garbanzo bean on him. 1 Link to comment
horrorfan Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to REALLY want to change. Link to comment
Wannatripbaby Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 How many cockroaches does it take to change a light bulb? Nobody knows. Whenever the light comes on, they scatter. Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 I used to work in a diaper factory, but I got fired for being such a SAP Link to comment
Firefly 35 Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 I used to work in a bakery, but always felt pretty battered after work. Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted August 3, 2018 Share Posted August 3, 2018 I used to work in a baby panty factory in New York: the Empire state Link to comment
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