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Some of Vincent van Gogh's more unusual relatives:

His dizzy Grandmother –Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes – Gotta Gogh

His nephew who worked at a convenience store – Stop n Gogh

A sister who loved disco – Go Gogh

An aunt who traveled in a recreational vehicle – Winnie Bay Gogh

The cousin from Illinois – Chica Gogh

His Mexican cousin – A mee Gogh

The constipated uncle – Can’t Gogh

The little bouncing nephew – Poe Gogh

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My horse ate my bedding. I got him to puke up the pillow and blankets but I had to beat the sheet out of him

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A fellow dies and since he didn't live a very wholesome life, he's sent down to Hell.  The Devil shows him 3 doors and says he can have his choice of which one will be his eternal punnishment.  The first door opens and everyone is standing on their head in a boiling hot room.  The second door opens and everyone is standing on their heads but it's freezing ice cold!  The thrid door opens and everyone is standing normally, drinking coffee and eating doughnuts and chatting, although they are standing knee deep in feces.  The guy tells the Devil, "I'll take door number 3"  He's ushered in and starts to wander to the coffee machine when a big Devil comes in and says, "Ok!  Breaks over!  Back to standing on your heads!" 

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HOW TO BE A GREAT CHEERLEADER by Tara Raboumdier

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RUSTY BEDSPRINGS by Ipee Nightly

50 Yards to the Outhouse by Willy Makit and illustrated by Betty Dont

How to put an AB to sleep by Nurse Seree Rhymes

Where to find the best arcade by Dave Enbusters

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OK, this ones really bad, but I got a laugh out of it, apologies to all blondes.

 

What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

A: You can get more than 3 fingers into the blonde.

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Since we are starting with blond jokes, here's one.

A trucker spots a blond hitch hiking so stops to pick her up.  She gets in the cab and they are riding along when his CB radio goes off with "Breaker Breaker".

"What's that?" asked the blond.

"That's my CB radio", replies the trucker.  "I can talk to people all over the place through this radio".

"Gee", says the blond.  "I haven't talked to my mother in a long time.  Can I talk to her with your radio?"

"I think we can work something out" says the horny truck driver.  He unzips his pants and pulls out his penis and points to it.

The blond smiles knowingly at him, goes down, grabs his penis, opens her mouth and says, "Hello, Mom?"

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1 hour ago, rusty pins said:

Since we are starting with blond jokes, here's one.

A trucker spots a blond hitch hiking so stops to pick her up.  She gets in the cab and they are riding along when his CB radio goes off with "Breaker Breaker".

"What's that?" asked the blond.

"That's my CB radio", replies the trucker.  "I can talk to people all over the place through this radio".

"Gee", says the blond.  "I haven't talked to my mother in a long time.  Can I talk to her with your radio?"

"I think we can work something out" says the horny truck driver.  He unzips his pants and pulls out his penis and points to it.

The blond smiles knowingly at him, goes down, grabs his penis, opens her mouth and says, "Hello, Mom?"

On that note, a secretary walks into her boss' office and asks him, "Can I use your Dictaphone?" He looked at her and replied gruffly, "No. Use the telephone like everyone else." (For those of you who don't know what a Dictaphone is, look it up).

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When I was 9 years old, I started dressing like a nun. My parents though this a bit much and took me to a threapost who said that it was all right as long as it did not become a habit

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If I made a verbal misstep that revealed something significant, would it be a Freudian crinoline? Or a Freudian babydoll?

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I had this german girl friend who liked to rate sex on a scale of 1-10 until one night I didn't use lube she screamed NIEN NIEN NIEN I thought that was the best score I ever got until the police told me NEIN means no 

 

 

 

 

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On 1/15/2018 at 4:56 PM, ELLIE52 said:

OMG is Latin being revitalized in the public schools?

Probablius-a-um

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An example of "tow nations separated by a common lanaguage"

My wife divorced me; she said I lacked spunk

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Confucius say: Forget about the past, you can't change it;

                           Forget about the future, you can't predict it;

                           Forget about the present, I did not bring you one.

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Benny Hill on marriage: Men and women look at their wedding day quite differently. A man walks into the church. He walks down the aisle, sees the altar and sings the hymn. A woman walks into the church and thinks, "I'll altar him."

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When asked if anything made her blush, Betty Bedhopper said "No; obscene it all"

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