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lil_angel

My Transition?

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For those who know me (or at least have read my profile), you know that I have often said that I never do an actual transition due to the fact that I don't want to loose any family and friends and I worry about my career which is well established.  However, since taking the summer off, I have had a lot of time to think about things and I am now starting to consider  it more. 

 

If I do this, I want to do it correctly, take the years that are needed, following the advice of doctors and therapist etc.  I know in my heart that being truly female is who I am, but I think I need the journey to help me understand the whys and the hows.  So I am taking my first step by going to an orientation session at a gender clinic next week.  This is where I would get my PCP and therapist.  I want to use this post to chronicle my journey and share it publicly with my friends here.

 

Post if you would like or not....its all good.  Who knows where this one is gonna lead...maybe nowhere...maybe to the happiest place in my life  We will see.

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Sounds like a great idea angel :)

 

You are going about it the right way too, going to the meeting and things means you will be able to learn more about your wants and needs and a slow pace that you can stop at any point if you decide it isn't for you. Its what Alice has been doing and its working out well.

 

As for family and friends... I know its hard, but in the end, you have to do what is right for you, if this is what would make you happier then its something you should explore.

 

Good luck :)

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thanks elfy :)

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I really don't have much to say other than it sounds like you are making a big step into a wider world. Good luck!

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If you really need to transition, this is going to be the very best moment of your soon-to-be-happier life B) If it's something less than that, you're still going to learn a lot about yourself and what makes you 'tick'. In that, no matter the state of transition, you will become better at handling your life in a way that works better than before, so go ahead and explore. Just move slowly and think carefully before making any permanent changes you can't easily undo should you change your mind. And regardless of others in your life, think of yourself because you are the one who needs to be making yourself happy with or without them ;)

 

Best Wishes!

Bettypooh

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I said the same thing.  I figured out I was trans* when I was 13.  I swore I'd never tell anyone.  I didn't want my family and friends to hate me, I didn't want to be on Jerry Springer (in the pre-internet days, that was the only place I saw what I thought was an example of transgender people).  I hid it, did what was expected of me by getting married and starting a family, and after that crashed and burned after 9 years, I was 29 years old and realized it was time for me to figure out what I wanted from life.  I started testing the waters by going to a local LGBT bar and found out I was really happy around people who knew the real me.  I started HRT and came out, and found out who my real friends were (I had so many more true friends than I ever expected).  My relationship with my mother is still strained, but she has finally stopped trying to save me from myself.

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/me Claps Hands!  Good for you!

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I wish you the very best on your journey to your true self.

 

I always wanted to become a baby girl and to wet diapers like a girl.

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thank you all for the kind words...let's see what happens next friday :)

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I'm at the same step in my journey as you lil_angle. Just started therapy in June and found out there is a transgender group meeting near me. I have come out to a few friends and they accepted me. The counselor suggested I go out for a night out as a girl to see what it is like. I will be doing this next Saturday with my wife and two friends. A girls night out like I have always wanted. I'm so excited. Good luck on your journey too.

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So today is my appointment with the gender clinic.  I am a little anxious because I've never taken a public step like this. While I do go to BDSM events and get to be angel, this is the first time I am admitting this to the more mainstream public.  My mind has been racing for days about what will happen in this orientation and what I will say etc. 

 

On another note, as I start looking to do some more subtle changes to my body, I met with a plastic surgeon yesterday about getting Lipo.  I wasn't really a fan of this place so I hope the people at the clinic can recommend someone better and trans friendly.  I figure there are three things I can do where I can still keep my male persona (in case I change my mind), that I would do no matter my gender:  Liposuction, Electrolysis, and a trachea shave.  The last one is more obvious to the public but I can say honestly that I hate how big my adam's apple is anyway.  There are other body mods I would like to do, but they will have to wait until I come out about my gender....nose, chin and breasts.

 

Of course the ultimate goal for me is vaginoplasty.  If I could do it now without declaring a new gender I would.  I really hate my penis and want it gone.  Unfortunately, I am years and years away from getting to that. 

 

Monday is my birthday, I turn 41 this year.  My goal is, if I decide to transition, to have it done by my 45th birthday.  I hate the fact that I am older and feel as if I missed out on a lot of things my female side would have liked to do being younger.  Oh well, I can't turn back the clock, so I will just continue to look forward.  I think no matter what I decide, my 40s are going to be interesting.

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Breasts will develop naturally while taking hormones, a lot of TG people don't need to have anything done to their breasts because of the growth they get from hormones alone.

 

Its probably too late now but I suggest taking your partner with you to the gender clinic for moral support if nothing else.

 

Good Luck :)

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So the clinic was really cool.  The program that I am now signed up for helps anybody who is unhappy about something with their gender, no matter what that is or what title they like to use.  There were 8 of us in the orientation which shocked me that there would be so many.  The clinic provides medical and mental health care plus they also help you with anything you need to help keep the 'best you' going.   For example, they will help people find housing if needed or even with immigration.

 

I have to admit that if felt odd hearing everyone there calling me Angel.  Not odd in a bad way, but something I have to get used to.  I always have a hard time with 'first times' on anything in life. 

 

I have my first doctors appointment  and meet my mental health care provider on Aug 4.  I am looking forward to going back and getting started on finding the right path for me.

 

Elfy...Mommie will certainly be involved as I go through this process...doubt I can go through it on my own anyway.  As for HRT, that is still a ways away for me since Mommie and I want to have a baby before I transition.

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I said it in chat, but I'll say it here too.

 

I'm not surprised so many people were there, I get the feeling that more people have TG thoughts than let on and so live their lives not as happy as they could be :(

 

I also mentioned in chat, if you can start taking HRT sooner, then you have the option of having sperm frozen and then if and when you want another kid you will be able to try. But I don't think that will be a problem since the journey to starting HRT is not a short one I'm afraid to say, me and Alice have been on the path for nearly 2 years and only now do we see an end to the diagnosis process (Hopefully Alice will be on HRT before the year is out)

 

Its good that you are looking forward to exploring the paths open to you, I know there are people who think this is what they want and then after a few meetings with various professionals they realise maybe this isn't what they want to make them happy.

 

Also I've seen your name as Angel on here, it never crossed my mind that that would be your transition name like you hinted above but its a nice name :) and suits you (should mention you look very cute in your profile picture! Heck, from that picture you could fool me into thinking you'd already started hormones!)

 

And last point, make sure you involve your mommy every step. Its not easy for you to transition obviously, but it can also be very hard on partners. Even ones very accepting such as me or your mommy, there will still probably be times when she will need you for support as much as you need her.

 

Make sure to keep us all updated!

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Thank you as always elfy for the encouraging words :)

 

Angel is my nickname, short for Angelia which is my chosen name :) 

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I kind of suspect more people are transitioning now than did a few years ago. My girlfriend and I went north this weekend to visit family and play ingress. We've randomly spotted about a half dozen other transwomen since Friday night that were in the early stages of transition.

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So Mommie made a very valid point the other day saying that if I am serious about this, I have to learn to live as an adult female as well. I hadn't really thought about that until she mentioned it, but she is right.  Most of my experience as a female, with some exceptions, has been as a little.  And while my little side will never go away, I do have to learn to embrace my adult side as well.  So to that end, I did some shopping this week and bought a whole new wardrobe for adult Angel.  I will start by staying dressed in adult mode at home and see how that goes and take things from there.

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That's good Angel, often before they give hormones they want to see that you have real World experience. IE, that you have been living as a female 100% such as going out dressed up, informing family and friends, etc...

 

Obviously these are all big steps but taken one at a time they can all be taken.

 

But making sure you are dressed as big girl Angel all the time whilst at home is a very good start :) Then once you are feeling comfortable you can start pushing out those boundaries!

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Good luck Angel It seems you are making all the right choices.  Best of luck on your journey.

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Agreed elfy...gotta start somewhere, and this is a fun place to start....new clothes YAY :)

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Just throwing in my "Good on you! Wish you the best of luck!" support!  :thumbsup:

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Hi lil angel, just wanted to wish you well on your journey :)

I had my grs just over 2 years ago, and to wake up with a smile every morning is priceless.

Don't rush into any operations till the hormones have time to work there magic, surprising what a difference they make over the years.

The best advice I can give you at the moment is to start electro or laser as soon as possible, it can take along time to get anywhere with hair removal. Also to stop smoking ASAP if you can.

Best of luck, keep us all updated

Chloe

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Thanks floaty

 

Hi Chloe...thank you for the advice :) .  I do intend to start electro ASAP.  That is one of the questions I have for the doctor at the clinic, to see if they have someone the recommend.  My first appointment is today :)

 

FYI....I quit smoking 2 weeks ago :D

 

*huggles*

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So I had my first doctors appointment on Monday with my PCP and my Social Worker.  On the positive front, the SW says that I am not crazy (although Mommie wants a second opinion *giggles*).  As for my PCP, she was doing my medical history and with my issues, it took a long time lol. 

 

We touched briefly on the subject of hormones but we both agreed to readdress that later down the road.  For me it is a matter of Mommie an I wanting to have a baby before I can start them.  For her, she wants to work on some of my other health issues first.  We both believe that realistically it will probably be about a year before I can start HRT.

 

I have also started getting quotes and consultations for my liposuction, tattoo removal and electrolysis.  Yay for forward progress.

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Today should be an exciting day...I have my first electrolysis appointment this evening and I can't wait :).  The girl doing it is also TG so it will be nice to be around a kindred spirit and to be working with someone who will understand my needs.

 

The tattoo removal quote was way too much....I need to get another one *grumbles*

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