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Joining The Incontinent


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Most of the day is spent sitting in a canoe drinking beer. 2-3 times, we'll stop on the river and jump in for a swim.

How the hell do I handle this situation? lol!

I can't wear my "normal" protection, because getting in the river will water log it, never mind that it'll be painfully obvious that I'm wearing a diaper under my shorts... A swim diaper "might" work, but I can't imagine they're all that absorbent, so if I'm in the canoe long enough between dunkings in the river... hmmm...

I'm not concerned about my buddies. They know. I'm concerned about everyone else on the river, which is a lot of people, lol.

Do I need to just say F-it?

Surfers routinely change in and out of their wetsuits in public. They wrap a big towel around their mid-section, which gives their privates sufficient privacy.

Bring whatever changes with you that you think you might need - in a waterproof storage/bag, of course.

Because your friends know, this should be sufficient for changing in privacy around them.

As for the other people on the river? Well, you're incontinent now. :-) Strangers will find out you wear diapers, and accepting that comes with the territory. You've taken reasonable steps to change with some privacy, so don't worry about them.

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I pratice canoe but not diapered (please dont damn me :unsure:) so I suggest to wear a shorty suit with simples retangular diaper pad a good waterproof plastic pant.

..........

Steph

I am with StephRider...I leave off being diapered when canoeing. I jump in the water to pee. You might want to just have a towel under the canoe seat, rinse it and squeeze it out periodically. There are lots of legitimate reasons why your condition might improve on your trip....there you are on a relaxing vacation!

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I thought about the external cath setup. I've never used one, and I'd be up for trying it out, but it seems like there'd be issues dealing with a belly bag or leg bag and a swimsuit...

Right now, the cunningham clamp or the option of simply sitting on a towel are my front runners... Like I said, too, I have plenty of time to experiment, and you guys have given me some great ideas!

By way of an update: I'm still in the basic early routine. The little bit of a rash I'd picked up seems to be responding to Desitin, though it hasn't completely gone away yet. I went to what will be the first of 4 or 5 family Christmas parties today, and there were no issues. Today's was a smaller group, and most of the family there know.

Tomorrow will be a better test, as its extended family, none of whom know (at least not through me). I'm planning to drop a backpack with my supplies in the upstairs bathroom, and be an nonchalant as I can about changing. (Note that I really am ok with people finding out, so won't be the end of the world if it happens. I'm incontinent after all.)

My wife remains incredibly supportive. She even walked into an area I was changing in and had a normal conversation with me while doing so. I think she's seen what this has done to my mood, and that's gone a long way to affirming her choice to support me.

I'm still waiting on US Customs and the Postal Service to get me my order of cloth diapers, lol, so for now it's status quo on what I'm wearing. I'm still looking for a more discrete option for multi-day business trips, but recent quality issues with Abenas and my ever increasing trust of Bambino means I may decide to forego increased discretion for better confidence...

I have to figure that out soon, as I have a week-long trip coming up in a few weeks.

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Just as with being ABDL in life, achieving a balance between discretion and confidence makes a big difference in how well it goes for you ;) Time also factors into your equation and in some businesses and situations that time can exceed your expectations so a balance more toward confidence would be wisest :) There is a point where time runs out and you must change regardless of anything else- this is where your management technique becomes important. If you know you are going into an extended time situation, start off dry just in case you need that extra time B)

Not to be critical, but a backpack in a bathroom will certainly look out-of-place, and those with uncontrolled nosiness will be sorely tempted to look within :angry: Most of the people who have that problem also lack the ability to hold their tongue too- they live for the notoriety of being the gossip with the freshest 'news' :bash: You might do better to reveal your situation to whoever is doing the hosting and ask them to allow you to put the backpack in a less visible nearby location to help avoid the matter from becoming the topic of general discussion :blush: Even with your being ready to deal with people knowing, it is always better to be in the sidelight and not the spotlight with things like this :D This will put you in a better position to control how the information is disseminated which will make for an easier time dealing with it B)Somehow I doubt that you want this party to be remembered as the one where everyone was talking about how mahleedl wets his pants :o Aiming for discretion may not assure that you will get it, but it certainly helps you present a more positive message when the topic arises!

It seems you're going along quite well and I hope that continues. Some things in our lives can be big changes, and if dealt with properly they can be equally good for you in size- therin lies the secret to success :girl_happy:

Bettypooh

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I probably should have mentioned that today's party is hosted by someone "in the know," lol. I'm not planning to leave the bag out in the open, but put in in the linen closet, which is accessable from inside the bathroom.

Tomorrow's party will require a bit more creativity, as that's hosted be someone who doesn't know, but who will care enough to want to talk about it if I bring it up. Since I'd rather not be an hour long distraction on Christmas day, I'd rather wait for another time to have that conversation. I plan to take your tact of aiming for discretion.

I do have a fairly easy solution. Photography is a major hobby and side business for me. I'm always "that guy" at family events with the bag full of camera gear snapping pictures everwhere. It'll make a damned convenient diaper bag, and nobody will question me for carrying it around. Might get a raised eyebrow or two for taking it into the bathroom, but I really don't think anyone will leap to "he must be wearing diapers!" lol I've already discovered what numerous others have pointed out: Most people are oblivious...

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Dl

With six months ahead, you really ought to visit your local surgical supply and tell them you need an external cath setup. Be prepared to measure for the condom part, and spend a few days in it. I think you will be pleasantly surprised, particularly if your external swimsuit is long and loose in the leg.

From Dr Seuss: Try them, try them, you will see...... Lol

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Santa dropped off my order of cloth diapers on Christmas Eve. Needless to say, that made my a happy camper.

With all of the family parties and other things going on the past few days, I decided to stick with what I know until today. I'm glad I did! I clearly have some learning to do. I had my first major public leak today. Fortunately, nobody seemed to notice other than me, but my heart was in my throat the whole time till I got back to the privacy of my car...

I was wearing a single Kins velcro diaper with a terri pant and plastic pants over it. I happened to be out buying cloth baby diapers as inserts when it happened. Hopefully adding add'l absorbency fixes the issue, though I think I need to experiment with different plastic pants too...

On a different note, the holiday was great! I had no problems at any of the parties, and had a good time at all. I even spent last night hanging out with a couple long time friends, who know I've been having issues. I'd been there a few hours, and had changed once, before the topic of my "struggles" came up. When it did, they were surprised to know I was "wearing protection." They hadn't noticed a thing... Pretty cool.

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maheedl some suggestions i would make as a long time diaper user ditch the destine and go for the more soothing and Less familiar smell to people of Calmoseptine i love the love the stuff ,but also in your plastic pants take one or two pair and put a mark on the label be it a black dot or a check or an x or whatever you like in permanent marker so that you know those are your rash pants and are or have been exposed to petroleum so that when they get brittle and fall apart or crack and leak your out one or two pair you do not end up having to replace all your plastic or rubber pants all because of the petroleum in rash creams. or if you want to avoid the petroleum problem all together you can use any of the Medline Remedy products which are available on some Walgreen's stores shelves but if not near you are available at there online store and they have everything from one step clean and rash protectant to just plain wipe on cream after you have cleaned up your skin. and they are very good products i have used them for years and the only time i got a rash was when i was in the Hospital AKA "The Health Jail"".

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"Health jail" :roflmao: There's a good one! So much similarity: getting stuck wherever they want you, not always good roomies, no control on when you can leave, associated costs are high, and universally bad food just to name a few. Well at least the 'health jail' usually leaves you better off in the end ;)

Bettypooh

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"Health jail" :roflmao: There's a good one! So much similarity: getting stuck wherever they want you, not always good roomies, no control on when you can leave, associated costs are high, and universally bad food just to name a few. Well at least the 'health jail' usually leaves you better off in the end ;)

Bettypooh

It's that one time that is not usual that is a douse. That is why it is best to avoid, unless absolutely necessary and then get out ASAP.

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It's been a little bit since I posted a "general" update.

I am continuing to experiment with cloth, and am having better luck with it now. I still have work to do to figure out the right combination of inserts and plastic pants for me. I don't like my beloved latex pants for all-day/every day use. I've ordered a pair of Gary Active Briefs, but I don't know that they're going to work with thick cloth. I'm going to order one or more of Kins' styles as well and keep experimenting.

Cloth is going to get back-burnered next week anyways, as I'll be out of town all week. I'm planning to take a supply of Abena L2's and Bambinos, and am (gulp) going to let myself backslide a bit that week and use the toilet to extend time between changes. I know that'll be a LOT less of an option a year from now, but I'm still figuring things out just yet and don't want a major incident...

As far as the physiological stuff, I keep reminding myself that it's very very early on in the process, but I'm pretty much status quo. I can relax to the point of near constant dribble if I'm standing, but still struggle to make things happen sitting or, God forbid, driving. We drove 3 1/2 hours this weekend and I had to stop and get out of the car to get things going. I'm going to have to find a secluded parking lot and sit with a gallon or two of water and practice, I think, lol.

I'm also still experimenting with rash creams. My first round responded well to desitin, but I have a friction rash now where the plastic pants circle my thighs. Desitin isn't really the right thing for that. I'm using Aquaphor at the moment. I have a cloth friendly cream in transit, and recommendations for several more. I also wonder about a powder for this particular problem...?

Psychologically, I'm still riding the high. I'm very happy with this decision. I've been a lot more engaged in my wife's needs and with family and friends in general. That was never a "problem" for me, but this is a new level. Pretty cool stuff.

MahleeDL

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The diaper rash creams will decrease the life of your plastic pants :o If the openings are bothering you, perhaps you need a larger size ;)Plastic or rubber panties are not meant to hold liquid directly, only to retain it long enough for the diaper to do it's work. To accomplish that does not take really tight elastics or openings, just enough tension so that the opening does not pull away from the skin :) Also at the first sign of skin distress at the elastics (often a simple itchiness) take a moment to move them lower or higher a bit, just enough to clear the previously affected area. And change styles daily (or more often) so that the openings don't land in the same place constantly. It does take more experimentation to get things right with cloth diapers since there are more variables involved than with disposables :whistling:

A friend recently sent me some plastic panties in my best-fitting style, but in a large size where I always wore a medium before. I discovered that these worked every bit as good in leak prevention and they were much more comfortable to boot B) I haven't tried any more brands or styles in large yet, but I plan to do so when I need more.

Bettypooh

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At the waist, my cloth Birsdseye diapers stretch a bit after awhile so I put them on as tight as I can and they stay put for the duration :D Flannel and Gauze fabric is slightly more prone to wear and tearing so pin accordingly. If you diaper isn't falling down towards the end then the waist is tight enough ;) As to the rest of the fit, with male anatomy so long as it is within the diaper you're OK, with female anatomy direct crotch contact helps avoid leaks. Shorter males sometimes 'point up' which can increase the immediate absorbency area somewhat :blush:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, about three weeks ago I started waking up more and more. Now, mind you, I'm committed to this for the long term, so I simply go (in whatever position I find myself in) and then go back to sleep. That said, it strikes me as a bit odd.

The only time I have to force things is if I'm driving, for some reason.

Re the waking up and wetting - I'd read the suggestion a while back that when you wake up and need to wet, just let the wetting happen and then go back to sleep. No cause for celebration or excitement. You're just reinforcing the idea for your body that wetting is normal, even when you're in bed, awake or asleep.

Re forcing while driving - If it's just how you're sitting, something's probably just pinched. Nature will do its thing once the pinch ends. Forcing it would just reinforce the idea that you're in control. (once you achieve full incon, you'll still occasionally find yourself sitting in a way that blocks the flow.)

When I was doing my recent month in diapers, I was good about keeping things relaxed, but I was much less likely to flow when sitting in some chairs than in others. One evening I was working on the computer and regularly leaning to my right to change a document in the scanner off to my right (I scan my bills into the computer for record-keeping). At one point, the flow started when I leaned, stopped when I sat back in my regular position. Lean -> leak, upright -> stop. This repeated 5 times before I was empty. It didn't need forcing - just a change of position that unblocked the flow. In recent years I've had a couple accidents while getting out of the car - I had to go more than I realized, and the change in position (unexpectedly in those instances) did its thing.

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When I was doing my recent month in diapers, I was good about keeping things relaxed, but I was much less likely to flow when sitting in some chairs than in others. One evening I was working on the computer and regularly leaning to my right to change a document in the scanner off to my right (I scan my bills into the computer for record-keeping). At one point, the flow started when I leaned, stopped when I sat back in my regular position. Lean -> leak, upright -> stop. This repeated 5 times before I was empty. It didn't need forcing - just a change of position that unblocked the flow. In recent years I've had a couple accidents while getting out of the car - I had to go more than I realized, and the change in position (unexpectedly in those instances) did its thing.

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