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How Can I Make Incontinence Work In A Gay Relationship


Wetyawn

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I'm a gay 26yo male, and have been dealing with urinary incontinence since i was 12yo. I have had trouble starting and keeping a relationship until recently. i finally meet someone but i feel i am not as sexual as he is. does anyone know a way to help.

A little more about me:

I was Prior Navy, i also deal with PTSD, Aspergers, urinary incontinence, and chronic dislocating shoulders. i have had relationships with abusive and manipulating boyfriends. I now have a caring loving and supportive boyfriend, however he is more sexual than i am, and I feel like my having to wear diapers is mentally working against me on my own part. Does anyone else have any ideas to help me out.

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I think if he is as nice as you say he is he will understand that you need diapers.

Why not ask him if he would just try a diaper, see if it turns him on, most anyone is willing to try new things.

I'm happy that you found someone nice it is a rare thing today.

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In the end, you need to pursue a relationship (as i think anyone should really...) With sometime that you might be able to see yourself with for quite A while. For that to work, you need someone (and also TO BE someone) that will respect their partner, accept wholly who they are and what they're about, and supports their partner no matter what. Compromises may have to be made in most instances, but nevertheless a good relationship should see these things through. I met my boyfriend when he was 14 and i was 16 and the fact that i still wore diapers almost all the time was a very real issue for me. Luckily, he understood, and still does. I'm also not the most sexual person at all due to my past, but my bf and i work through it, and I'm slowly desensitizing to it.

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Phone cut me off :P Also, I'm not sure how long you have been in this relationship, but since you're incontinent and I'm not sure if this is a fetish for you, I'm not sure if i would take that suggestion of asking your partner to also engage in wearing diapers, especially early in a relationship. It might work in some way, but personally i wouldn't suggest it. It took me at least a year before i even stopped wearing boxers over a diaper when i was wearing pants just on the off Chance my boyfriend saw. I can wear a shirt and diaper around him more easily, but relationships and standards do take time to mature.

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About all I can add is that he might have an aversion to a certain style so ihe may like pull-up diapers better or not. If yo wear for need, then whoever you end up with will have to take you as-is, and in that case they do need to know earlier in the relationship- but not so early that there isn't yet a relationship going yet. You might even find diapers to be something special between you. Thing is to keep your own self positive and don't let your physical conditions define you ;)

Bettypooh

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I've had aspie partners, don't want to give a history out of respect for their privacy. Let's just say I have experience there.

Sex with someone with Aspergers can be amazing. It just requires planning and communication.

First, to the OP, you probably do have a lower sex drive. It's good you are aware of this. Many with Aspergers see their sex drives as normal, when they aren't.

People with Aspergers tend to have lower sex drives, but be much more fetish-tolerant and fetish-friendly *hint hint you single guys and gals*

My initial suggestion is to find ways to pleasure your partner that don't require you getting off. Make fun games out of them. Especially if you have a same-sex gay partner, this is not too much of a challenge. Try printing out one of the fetish lists or questionaires for a partner. Have your partner fill it out, and go down the list of what activities he'd like to do. Figure out which ones you could do without bother.

You'll learn more about your partner too! I encourage all long term relationships to do this (gay, straight, Aspergers or not).

One question. You say you're incontinent. Are diapers a fetish for you, or not? If they are, I would start there with fetish exploration... and heck, if your boyfriend is tolerant of diapers, you might find yourself having some new fun there too :thumbsup:

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  • 4 weeks later...

Every date I have been on weather with a man or woman I make sure I am in a diaper on our first date. If we get to that point on the first date they find a diaper covering what they want.

It's surprising how many second dates I get, and they are always a diapered date.

I want to make sure that the person I am in a relationship with understands that diapers are now and will always be part of who I am.

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I have always had the fetish, but became incontinent in reality a few years ago after a bad car crash and nerve damage.

being forced into diapers hasn't diminished the fetish aspect at all.

i have a much younger fiancee, (he is 20 years younger).

He is not in to diapers at ALL.

But..

he is totally in love with me..

He suprised me one day by having a diaper on when i got home one day and it really turned me on.

he was clearly aroused, and I asked him how he managed to get aroused while wearing a diaper if it had no appeal for him.

He told me that, while the diaper did not do anything for him, seeing me turned on by it was a total turn on for him.

We have a great sex life.

When i start to grumble about having to wear diapers 24/7, he teases me about getting what i asked for.

Contrast this to an earlier long term relationship.

My previous partner, also much younger, was not into diapers either, and seemed to have contempt for the fetish aspect.

He didnt try at all, and our relationship suffered from it as a result.

So..my advice would be this:

You dont need to find an ab/dl..just a decent guy who is willing to please his partner while his partner pleases him.

The props, (diapers, sexy underwear, leather, or whatever)..are unimportant.

If someone is showing contempt and major discomfort, you will eventually have to choose between the two things..and that just iant necessary.

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Joe, we have a decent amount in common with the boyfriend that doesn't necessarily like diapers for themselves, but for the feeling they give us. My boyfriend didn't surprise me after getting home, but after i got out of the shower xD he's done it a few times now, because he knows i think they're exceptionally cute, and he knows what happens when i think he's exceptionally cute ;) but anyways, I've always needed for some reason and that has developed into a pseudo-fetish, so that's kind of the opposite with you.

To answer the OP though, honesty is still your best option. No one WORTH being with will judge you for what you need. Just like if you need glasses and hearing aids like i do too (my entire body just hates me i suppose), they're all supportive devices, just as a loving partner should be :)

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I thank you all for your responses... to answer some of your Q's, I am permanently UI, My current BF is a care taker for a lady with ALS and he understands my UI but not my Aspergers (AS). For those who don't know AS is a high functioning form of Autism. i can't handle Textures very well, so things like Cum, body hair, Lube, or anything sticky,slimy,gritty, etc. bother me. my other issue is that i am told that i don't express my feelings very well at all. over my life time i have learned how to deal with my feeling the only way i could or was allowed.... by not expressing them at all. one of the responses referred to my knowledge of my sex drive, i only learned that i may have a low sex drive because of an ex, who pointed it out every chance he got. before than i thought i had a normal sex drive. my wearing diapers is not a fetish, although i am trying to figure out a way to make it not such a burden to myself or my partner but rather some how make it fun for the both of us. We have talked about possibly trying the daddy/son route but nether of us know what to do or how to start the role playing off, plus it doesn't help that i mentally can't pretend, i think that is because of the Aspergers, i was never able to. i wish some of you were here in FL so that i could possibly meet, someone who know more about ABDL and that could help me/us understand how to go about trying it out, or at the very minimal i would have someone that understands (wearing) that i can talk to

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You absolutely need an honest relationship.

Also, I would discount your previous partner's vicious comments about a low sex drive...they were being used as a weapon against you.

What I would say, on the basis of your having trouble with some sensations that most of us positively associate with sex, is that you have some turn-offs that make sex difficult for you. Help your partner avoid them, be gentle with them, and maybe desensitize yourself to them, and your sex drive will improve because the sex itself is better.

Also, realize that it is rare for two partners to have exactly equal sex drives, so you will want to find mutually acceptable ways for each of you to act on your sex drive when the other is "not in the mood".

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Also, realize that it is rare for two partners to have exactly equal sex drives, so you will want to find mutually acceptable ways for each of you to act on your sex drive when the other is "not in the mood".

HAH, my wife's and my sex drives are perfectly equal. Her's is in the evening and mine is just as equal every morning. We've learned to give each other a lot of leeway when the other is "not in the mood". It makes when we are just that much better.

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  • 2 months later...

I thank you all for your responses... to answer some of your Q's, I am permanently UI, My current BF is a care taker for a lady with ALS and he understands my UI but not my Aspergers (AS). For those who don't know AS is a high functioning form of Autism. i can't handle Textures very well, so things like Cum, body hair, Lube, or anything sticky,slimy,gritty, etc. bother me. my other issue is that i am told that i don't express my feelings very well at all. over my life time i have learned how to deal with my feeling the only way i could or was allowed.... by not expressing them at all. one of the responses referred to my knowledge of my sex drive, i only learned that i may have a low sex drive because of an ex, who pointed it out every chance he got. before than i thought i had a normal sex drive. my wearing diapers is not a fetish, although i am trying to figure out a way to make it not such a burden to myself or my partner but rather some how make it fun for the both of us. We have talked about possibly trying the daddy/son route but nether of us know what to do or how to start the role playing off, plus it doesn't help that i mentally can't pretend, i think that is because of the Aspergers, i was never able to. i wish some of you were here in FL so that i could possibly meet, someone who know more about ABDL and that could help me/us understand how to go about trying it out, or at the very minimal i would have someone that understands (wearing) that i can talk to

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