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Dante'S Infanzia


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Not a matter of being offended. It's just a different belief system and I think that's fine. Actually I enjoy looking at such beliefs through someone else's eyes. And in this case it is Personalias who is looking through someone else's eyes - even better!

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Chapter 12: Lysa’s Lies.

Dante sat in the stroller, eyes blank. Time and feeling had decided to take a backseat yet again. His intellect though was already playing catch up. It all made sense, now: The baby instinctively reaching for Lysa’s breasts, Lysa’s death glare at the wet nurse, Jamal’s crack about maternal instinct. Lysa saying she would never lactate, get pregnant or have her period AGAIN. God, how could he have been so naïve? (To be fair, he thought the AGAIN only applied to her period.)

Even the Judy’s insistence on Caroline being Lysa’s baby “sister

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How can Dante tell whether to believe Lysa or Jamal? Which of them is telling him the truth? ...or are they both lying to him? Lysa sure is changing her story a lot, but what if Jamal is just a trouble maker. What if to keep your teen-age mind, you have to be a trouble maker? It seems to me that Jamal is right in that; Dante isn't by nature a trouble maker. Does that make him 'doomed'...or is it really 'doomed' to become baby-like? I've wondered that already.

Since this is a story and not actual belief of what happens after death, what if you become a baby for a while and then are 'recycled' back to life as that baby? In other words, a child that goes to limbo has to become a baby again and after a 'suitable' time is re-incarnated - re-born - into another family and gets another chance at life?

Could it be that BOTH Lysa and Jamal are 'tools' of the Judy's to mess with the minds of new-comers in order to break them down and retreat into the comfort of the Judys?

Wow! This story is just so good that it has me wondering this much - creating this many possible scenarios. I want it to go the way Personalias has it planned out rather than any particular way I've speculated. It's just so much fun to think about all this.

Keep at it Personalias!

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Chapter 13: Threshold

It had been Valentine’s Day when she had become a woman. She was 15 and the wait had been well worth while. Robbie had taken her out to dinner, and a movie. He had been a gentleman the whole night. After the movie, he took her out to lovers’ lane. He lowered the roof of his convertible so that they could see the stars.

It hadn’t snowed that night, so the sky was clear. It was so still cold though, so they cuddled up close together. One thing led to another (doesn’t it always), and he started kissing her neck. Everything tingled. Everything. She felt his hands, his gentle touch as he nibbled on her ear. She melted for him. He could have asked for the world, and she would have given it to him. All he had asked was for her to get into the back seat with him and turn him into a man.

She was saving herself for marriage. That’s what she told her parents, and all of her friends at school. But right then, she didn’t care. She was going to marry Robbie Simmons anyway, so it didn’t matter when they consummated their love. She was invincible.

She didn’t know then that months later Robbie would bail on her as soon as she told him what he had done to her. Deny the whole thing. Call her a whore and a slut. So she said the only word she could thing of. “Yes.

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Thank you all for reading this far. The story's not over yet, though. Still... This chapter was very important to me as a writer, because it's one of two scenes in my head that really made me decide to give this thing a go. Thank you to everyone who has read this and encouraged me so far. I know most people who read these stories don't comment and never will. But if there was ever a time to give me honest praise or constructive feedback; THIS would be the time. Now on to your regularly scheduled programming.

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That was a great! Can't wait for more! I especially liked the blank space, just before Dante came back. It reminded me of the phrase "The Darkness before the Dawn" (or something like that).

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Really excellent twist. And that just happens to be almost my top favourite song, one that I keep wanting to give six stars to in iTunes. This has to be heading for a five star story too, especially if you can pull off the ending.

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That was a great! Can't wait for more! I especially liked the blank space, just before Dante came back. It reminded me of the phrase "The Darkness before the Dawn" (or something like that).

YES!! My mind was racing as I scrolled through the blank space. This whole section of story has answered a lot of questions, at least for me. And I still have enough more so that the suspense is keeping me hanging...I won't say 'killing me'. I've been baptized and am way, way adult in age. Still, I'd love to experience just a little bit of the limbo you've created.

I also agree with Bluebird67 that the ending will be critical to the success of the story. I'm not afraid to add that pressure to you because you've shown yourself to be an imaginative, creative and thoughtful writer.

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Great story. I truly believed this was the ending when Dante would fall into the sleep before he finished the lyrics to the song. I loved the use of white space to make the reader franticly scroll down to see the rest of the dramatic scene and how Dante found his anchors at the last moment possible. Please continue this and give it the incredible ending it deserves.

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Agreed. I don't want any of my comments - or anyone else's - to pressure a writer. Strangely enough, we all have lives outside of this site. While I love reading the stories and interacting with people here, writers especially need space.

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Chapter 14: Sunshine.

Dante had been close, tantalizingly close to complete mental oblivion. Having slept through his actual death, Dante found skirting the edge of his adult threshold very similar to what many people must have thought death was like. As he had lain there in Lysa’s lap, he could feel himself losing things. Memories, concepts, and words had been slipping right out of him. Everything that he had was going the way of the dodo.

It was like every bit of knowledge he possessed had been a grain of sand, slipping through his fingers. As he had looked up from Lysa’s lap, everything was leaving him. Reading, math, science, history, art…everything. Even little words escaped him. He couldn’t remember words like “food

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Or up a good creek and won't need a paddle. I don't know. The suspense and action are just great. Love this story. I know it's got to end but I'm loving what it is.

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Wow,

Lysa should not have been able to sing along to a Beatles song. I am anxiously awaiting the next chapter.

Yeah, I know. But they were tripping and speaking baby gibberish anyways. So it wasn't singing as much as the ultimate of harmless coincidences. The joke just popped up. :whistling:

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