Self Loathing, Non Acceptance Of The Condition?

[BoTox]

It seems some of us may be infected with the self loathing bug, unable to accept the simple fact we have a craving, that often cannot be explained in mere words, for diapers and diaper related items.

Is this you? While I have a touch of it, I certainly have accepted my fate, I just chose not to share it with anyone in real life. Is that harmful to my psyche? Maybe but it won't kill me, only embarrass the piss out of me. At that point, I'll be glad I had a diaper or at least prove I needed it! LOL

How goes this in your life?

[CDLover]

Its funny.. of all the various interests that might cause self loathing, diapers are not one of them. I have binged and purged other things but never diapers.

In fact, my wife wishes I would get rid of more of them as when I buy new diapers (cloth) I have a hard time getting rid of the more worn out ones~

CDL

[tcc]

I only had one time that I purged and threw supplies away - including a dozen perfectly good cloth adult diapers and plastic pants - and, of course, like everyone else, was back replacing those supplies within six months.

I think I had more guilt at "being different", as I felt I was, and with something that surely had to be "wrong", and truly was "out of sync with society", but, for the most part, just wanted to know that I was not alone in my thinking, in my type of desires, and that if MY mind could conceive it, and be turned on by it, others "out there", also could be of the same mind-state. And, all I wanted to do was "connect", somehow, and if nothing else(and this was back in the snail-mail days only, and early days of DPF and like Nugget magazine "Personals" section) just KNOW that I was not alone, not warped, not crazy, not mentally ill and not in need of being institutionalized or seeing a shrink to deal with my diaper "obsession". And, back then, I thought I needed all the trappings of "adult infancy" to legitimize my diaper urges, wear and use. When I got over THAT hurdle, I was good to go. Diapers are easy to hide, easy to use out in public, and easy to be discreet with - being in them and using them - and very practical, and MY choice to have as MY underwear. And, where I got there, I relaxed and have never looked back, and never will.

Guilt? Yes. Self-loathing? Never. It's only diapers - a legitimate product for a legitimate need - even if I CHOOSE to wear them and use them, and not NEED or HAVE to...

[BoTox]

I never did hit the purge cycle though I have binged a few times heavily. I've figured out that no matter how disgusted I may get with it, don't toss it all out. Just box it up and wait for later.

[square_duck]

I didn't get into the binge / purge cycle....well, at least the purge part. I wear when I want or need to what ever and when that goes away, I just leave everything in the closet for the next time the urge strikes....BFD. I used to think that I was weird or qwazy because of this desire, but never to the point of utter self loathing etc.

I have changed my attitude though over time and being involved with this community and I know that essentially I'm OK, and not a weirdo or bad person or what not...I wear different underwear ..so what..

One thing I also did was try to find some positive use for this so that I might be able to help others. I channel this to focus on the incontinent community and those who have to wear and don't have the choices that I have. As a D/L i have a vast knowledge of products and vendors and things available that might work better then products that an incontinent person might not be aware of. Also, my attitude is one of being as positive as possible, which can also help someone struggling with incontinence and in a negative mode. Looking at the situation as a "condition" (positive and something that needs to be managed) rather than a "problem" (negative and something that needs to be solved or overcome yet can't) can help a lot and do wonders towards someones mental health and well being. I have that as a tool and use it when and where I can.

this also can help build a positive relationship between the 2 communities IF we all adopt the attitude that we can help, instead of some of the other more destructive attitudes of jealousy and stupidity expressed by some that those who are legitimately incontinent are some how "lucky" and fortunate to be able to "have to" wear diapers etc. this accomplishes nothing and just builds a barrier of resentment and distrust.

this needs to be over come with positive attitudes and actions. we are in a position to help others who are "less fortunate' and stuck with something that they really don't want. To most of us, diapers are a kind of "hobby" that we enjoy. So, like any other hobby, when you first get into it, where do you go?? you seek out others who are involved with it as well. If you like a certain type of car and want to have one etc...you seek out a club that supports that type of vehicle IE a Camaro club or what not, if you like guns you join a gun club.

Granted most incontinent people don't "like" diapers, but if they can be directed to us as a resource, I imagine that we can be able to help them with their issues and influence a positive impact on their lives and ultimately even be able to change society's attitude towards disability and disease and bodily functions etc.

Thats the growth I have had in my being a D/L, and accepting this as part of me. I just thought "OK, this is part of who I am...now what can I do with it to help others?" etc..I have this knowledge and experience, I am sure that it can be used somewhere to help others who are struggling with the negatives of it and all the social stigma etc...and if we all adopt this, I feel the community as a whole can be raised up and be looked at not in distain as some perversion, but as a viable resource for others in need.

just my 2 1/2 cents...sorry its so long

[Baby Brian]

I used to love wearing diapers when I was a kid. At 18 I went into probably the biggest purge cycle anyone could when I joined the military. After a car wreck I became urge incontinent and fought with and hid my diapers for quite a long time after that. Eventually I learned they weren't going away, it's who I was now, and that I actually liked wearing them any ways. Now it's just binge.

[Bettypooh]

Guilt is for criminals It's not going to run or ruin my life. I dismiss anything bad I feel and look at the good diapering does for me and the 'guilt' vanishes I have pondered this fully and I can't find one thing justifiably bad about it which helps too And seeing so many others here like me confirms that I'm right Wherever it comes from, any bad feelings about this were artificial concepts induced by society (which I can easily see has many wrong-headed concepts) so why should I give this any credence? Screw society and what it wants me to do in my personal life It's my life and I'm going to live it the way I want to as much as I can

Bettypooh

[Bettypooh]

Everyone would love acceptance, but sometimes the best you can do is get tolerance- which is not so bad when compared to intolerance Nobody likes everything in a partner, but then again they don't like everything in you either. As long as those things are not 'deal-killers' you find a way around them so that both of you can be happy Many of the married-hetero-crossdressers I knew had tolerating wives and a compromise deal in place such as "not at home" or "only on Sunday morning when nobody comes around" or the mote common "as long as I don't see it" which allowed the relationship to continue and the needs to be filled This happens only when you have the honest conversation which addresses all the issues.

So, like it or not that's where you are- if the relationship is to grow (which it must or it will fade and die) then you need tom have that conversation. Till then you're going nowhere or worse Opening the subject is where most people have problems and you're already past that. It's never easy knowing that what you are about to tell someone may hurt them or you, but denial is a word that also covers not discussing something you know about to resolve the issues it brings. Perhaps he is in that kind of denial When the conversation happens just make sure to not make promises you cannot keep- there's a lot of good in admitting "I don't know" or "I'm not sure" when it applies. So cover what you do know and deny nothing, then find a way where you can have your needs fulfilled while he can be glad that you're still together too. That is the only path to a potential 'win'- all other paths are fraught with hidden traps which can blow up on you

Somehow I sense that you will do well, even if he really isn't into this. Pick as good a time as you can find and go forward with him about your lives together- and good luck!

Bettypooh

[foundationbaby]

I am kinda stuck in between liking that I have to wear and wishing that I didn't have to. It definitely not always convenient and it sucks to travel when wearing. When I travel, I am always conscious about where I am discarding my diapers. And staying with relatives on vacation with my condition isn't fun either...I am always careful to pack grocery store plastic bags so my diapers can be discarded later while we are out and about. I have also been embarrassed when a bag of my used diapers were not tied properly and came tumbling out and into the trunk of our rental car. Luckily no harm came to the trunk...but I was fuming and upset...because I was the one blamed for not tying the bag properly.Ooopssss!!!

[Nat]

Sometimes I think this is a mental illness. (I may post a thread on this forum about it later). it's not something we picked and choose to like. We feel compelled to do it and we can't just stop liking them. Not wearing them ever again can effect us. If someone took them away from me and told me I can never do it again, I would be very depressed and upset. it's like someone taking your kids away or your pets or your hobby. I remember how bad it was in 6th grade, I felt suicidal, I felt i couldn't handle the feeling of not ever wearing them because my parents wouldn't let me have them. I am not going there again. I know how us liking diapers can effect our relationships and getting one because most people are not into this and they may not be able to do our needs. It can be a roadblock, same as going away to college and not being able to wear so we may refuse to go away for college and would rather go to one in our town. I did try and get rid of it once and all it did was I had it buried at the back of my mind but I still thought about them and went to the websites and read stories there. Then once I stated wearing them finally, I got addicted because it's like you smoke, you can't stop. Do drugs, you can't stop. Same with diapers. I feel I can't give them up. It will always come back when I lose interest in wearing them.

I am lucky to meet a AB/DL guy who is also a daddy so my diapers have no negative effect on my life. Plus my parents accept it and always let me wear them when they found out because I was an adult. I made it work without it having it be an impairment for me. It would have been if I was with a vanilla who didn't accept it or couldn't use diapers for sex because that is the only way I can enjoy sex or else it's boring and I am not enjoying it and it be hard to have it. Plus the fact if he had a problem with me wearing them, even behind his back, that would also be an impairment because no way am I giving it up. I even decided before I married that the person is going to have to accept it or I am gone because I am not giving it up or sneaking around with it. I don't tell anyone about it and only my parents know and my husband and that is it. I am sure my brothers know about it and my husband's family knows I wear them but they don't know I like to and my aunt and uncle don't know either. I feel it's no one's business and if someone discovers I wear diapers, they would just think it's medical and not say anything about it. It is still embarrassing to talk about it so I never feel compelled to tell anyone about it. My husband is the only person I discuss it with or people online who are into it. I don't let myself talk about it with vanillas online unless they bring it up and it's not embarrassing online like it be in real life.

But I accept the fact I like diapers and don't feel ashamed about it. I don't let any of the negative comments get to me about it. I sure didn't let my mother's get to me either and she has backed off now about it. I don't know if she was trying to shame me to quit but she has realized it's part of who I am and she has gotten used to it. She even gave me adult pull ups last weekend and admitted the next day she liked them better on me than the cloth diapers because they make my butt look so big like I have a fat ass and the pull ups don't give me that ass. I also dump anyone or block anyone on Facebook who makes a hate speech about AB/DLs. To me that is like making a homophobic comment. It's no different than bashing homosexuals when they bash us. Have I ever felt ashamed of liking diapers? Yes. Have I ever felt disgusted by it? Yes. But what got me to accept it was getting used to it and also discovering I was not alone and also that my mother was wrong about it being sick and twisted and she was just closed minded about it. I also found out she was wrong about how I will never marry someone if i wore diapers and that my life be going backwards. I saw if incontinent people can have boyfriends or girlfriends, get married, so can I. I proved my mother wrong. I never got rid of my diapers or anything else. I would think about it when I would lose interest but I hung onto them and was glad every time the urges came back. I also view me wearing diapers as a lifestyle and see nothing wrong with wearing them. I feel they are part of me too. It's a different feeling I have about them than I do about my other things I own like what i like to do for fun or what clothes I like wearing. I feel attached to them just like how a small child is for their blankets or stuffed animals.

[Forced2wet]

I went through many years after my teens when I did nt think of my childhood urges to wear and wet nappies and it was only by chance that I came upon some adult plastic pants on Ebay (Which co-insided with a lack of intimacy in a failing marriage) that bought me back to the scene.

I'm now with a wonderful partner, the love of my life, and having been honest with her from the beginning about my 'thing', she seems to accept it, helping me by joining in and even bought me some AB Christmas presents this year.

I still hate myself and feel ashamed, why I would put the woman of my dreams through something like this?

Why would I chance losing the best thing that has ever happened to me?

I'd like to think that given the choice between my G/F and wetting and wearing, that there'd be no contest but I'll always worry that I would nt be given the option and that putting her through these things will kill anything we have.

[BabyJune]

It seems some of us may be infected with the self loathing bug, unable to accept the simple fact we have a craving, that often cannot be explained in mere words, for diapers and diaper related items.

Is this you? While I have a touch of it, I certainly have accepted my fate, I just chose not to share it with anyone in real life. Is that harmful to my psyche? Maybe but it won't kill me, only embarrass the piss out of me. At that point, I'll be glad I had a diaper or at least prove I needed it! LOL

How goes this in your life?

You have a very good approach to this in that you don't feel the need to share your interests with anyone. Infantilism is probably one of the healthiest ways to relieve stress. It involves no drugs and doesn't pose any health risks--not counting a little diaper rash in some people. I've never felt the need to stop doing what I enjoy although when under stress sometimes I don't feel like diapering up or dressing up until I have gotten through the stressful event successfully.