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BitterGrey

Exit Strategies/"He Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins"

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A fellow Bay aRea Diaper Enthusiasts (BRiDgE) member asked a few questions a while back that got me thinking. How many of us have made AB/DL-specific plans for after we die? Younger AB/DLs might have a few items that they don't want their family to ever know about. Older AB/DLs might have a furnished nursery that the widow won't know what to do with, much less be able to move herself.

One minimal option would be a 'stash letter' stored with your things. This way, when an executor/next of kin/etc. finds them, they be able to read the letter and find out from you, albeit posthumously. This would be slightly better than leaving them to wonder and wade through whatever Bing decides to show them. It would replace learning in a bad way at the worst time, with learning in a not-so-bad way at the worst time. Still not good.

Coming out to the family and/or neighbors now would be one option. Of course, if you haven't already, there is probably a reason why you haven't.

Another might be to have a designated kink-aware 'cleaning crew.' This option might be as simple as having a few members of the local AB/DL club ready in case the widow needs help moving something discretely. However, it also might be as complicated as a secret crew that 1) somehow knows before the next of kin 2) has physical and legal access to clear away specific items discretely, and 3) is trusted to execute all this without robbing you blind.

Have you researched exit strategies for yourself? Have you heard about the aftermath of another AB/DL's passing? Have you served on a 'cleaning crew?' If so, what advice would you give others?

Now if only we could take it all with us...

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A fellow Bay aRea Diaper Enthusiasts (BRiDgE) member asked a few questions a while back that got me thinking. How many of us have made AB/DL-specific plans for after we die? Younger AB/DLs might have a few items that they don't want their family to ever know about. Older AB/DLs might have a furnished nursery that the widow won't know what to do with, much less be able to move herself.

This very subject was discussed in the story subforum where we bandy ideas about. It makes one think and if I write a story based on this, it would be an exploration.

Personally, I have no exit strategy as I figure I'm dead, they can think what they want.

I've toyed with the idea of "burn box" and making sure someone I trust will burn it without peeking or at least burn it and keep their mouth shut. As a DL I can literally get everything in a footlocker sized container.

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I've thought about sending DD my real name and location so if I disappear from the forums without saying good by, DD can look up my obit since I know no one in person that knows about this site.

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Well, I would probably just ask someone who would use it to take it free of charge or possibly at the widow's choice. I am speculating that it will be in the will. Anyways, I am hoping this is a long ways off for me.

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.....Personally, I have no exit strategy as I figure I'm dead, they can think what they want.

I've toyed with the idea of "burn box" ....

Likewise, my family has instructions to remove valuables they know about and the "burn box" is the rest of the house. (Hey, it's Detroit, another burned out place is nothing. :lol:) At my age, I'm sure some of the family already knows or has an idea of my lifestyle, so most of it won't come as a surprise to them. I'm a widower, so I don't currently have a spouse or Significant Other to "cover" for me.

I've thought about sending DD my real name and location so if I disappear from the forums without saying good by, DD can look up my obit since I know no one in person that knows about this site.

That's not a bad idea. My family already has instructions on how to notify all my 'normal' forums, facebooks, family & friends, but I never thought about the "oddball" ones. I just figured if I disappear, no big deal, but since I have become active here and formed some friendships, I'll have to re-think that option. (As I've said before, I've lurked here for many, many years, but just recently joined, [or re-joined since I can't remember my name or password from 10+ yrs ago. :lol:])

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I've asked this before.

So I'll ask again, since we're talking about this.

Would you want a diaper to go with that dirt nap?

I say sure!

Put me in Pampers and then put me away.

Sounds no different that having a favorite suit or dress.

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Leave it to bittergrey to come up with something like this. He doesn't post much, but when he does, it's usually something that really makes you think!

Anywho...I had been thinking about this off and on for a while,what would I want to happen with my 'stuff' should I drop dead or something happen to me etc. I had been thinking of creating a kind of network of AB/DL types. I know of at least 2 personally who are reliable, Stanley and Briguy....who I could leave a note with and if anything happens they can pass the word here to the rest of the community...if it matters. :P

I don't have a 'burn box, and all my stash could (theoretically) fit in a foot locker (right!), but....maybe it doesn't matter. *shrug*

I like to think that it would save some 'shock' factor for those left behind, so they wouldn't have to deal with my 'unmentionables', hmmmm

maybe I could stuff everything in a chest or foot locker and leave a note to contact (Insert contact name here) for removal etc. And they could post something here regarding my demise.

It's not something that is "fun' to contemplate, but each one of us, one day, will be returning to the dust from which we came. what happens to our 'stuff' though is is worth pondering and acting on.

Just as long as it something better then what happened to Heidi Lynn, who lived alone and died alone, and wasn't found for quite a while. From what I understand, the family just had the entire house cleared, and sanitized, and tossed everything that was inside, and probably sold the house. Luckily, Tami was her friend and found out about it and was able to pass along the message here to people who were friends and such. It was a sad day, and I am sure an odd one for the family, to have to deal with all her Possessions, and furnishings etc.

*SURPRIZE!* yeah.

So maybe a note and some contact info, a little organization can go a long way to preserving some semblance of dignity for both the deceased and remaining family...

It's worth thinking about, regardless of your age.

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I can't answer it for diapers, but I had a close friend who was very much into the S&M scene (male chastity belts, etc....). The local "club" for that had procedures for that worked out to clean things up for/before the family had to. The only real issue was whether he had his "appliance" on when he was killed. The "club" even had their own service. The downside is that they did not allow the fellow's father to attend. I find that a shame. I've known the father as long as I've known the son and the father (a psychologist) is one of the most open and understanding guys I've ever met and he was just intensely curious about the whole thing.

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The thing about being dead is it's very hard to express the guilt we feel over this lifestyle. Meh, when I exit, I exit. I told my girl if she's still around to pass my Abdl stuff out to those who would like it. But if she's not around then cest la vi.

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My now-deceased best friend had instructions, a key to my place, and access to my main email accounts too where he would have posted the news :whistling: Now it will take some small luck. I know my nephew well, and upon my demise he will check here on my PC(as the note on my dresser asks) to find my will ;) It contains conditions that must be met before it can be fully executed B) First is that my nephew and/or his wife, being totally honest, will be the only ones allowed in to inventory my belongings, with instructions to throw away anything that belongs in the garbage as they inventory ^_^ He/she/they will know what I meant, and know what to do- and they will thus save the rest of the family any extra grief :D He/she/they will understand; we have that kind of relationship and respect between us, plus of all my relatives, he/she/they are the ONLY ones who can keep their mouths shut. They are vastly different people than me, but have more honor than anyone else I know at the moment :) Sic vos es, sic ego quaeso :wub:

Before trust, I had a letter placed with the things I didn't want to pain others with that said "finder open now" in big letters, and placed where they would see it first when they got to the 'goodies'. That letter requested the same thing, with an apology for having to ask :huh: I'm not apologizing anymore, just asking- and not for my sake either because when I'm dead it won't matter to me anymore, will it? :roflmao:

Bettypooh

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My condolences to Rihanna, willnotwill, and Bettypooh for their losses.

This very subject was discussed in the story subforum where we bandy ideas about. It makes one think and if I write a story based on this, it would be an exploration. ...

I've toyed with the idea of "burn box" and making sure someone I trust will burn it without peeking or at least burn it and keep their mouth shut. As a DL I can literally get everything in a footlocker sized container.

Found it: Idea: Life Goes On Without Me

I didn't think of "burn boxes" as a possibility. I suppose they would work better in areas where big fires were more common. They wouldn't work well for apartments and houses without big yards or fireplaces. Having a 'throw away, far away, box' would work better in areas too populous for burn boxes, but would run the risk of getting found and traced back to the source in small towns.

I've thought about sending DD my real name and location so if I disappear from the forums without saying good by, DD can look up my obit since I know no one in person that knows about this site.

Sharing your name with a few trusted DD friends might work better, since they are the ones who will miss you and be willing to search through the obituaries. Experience has shown that not all AB/DLs are trustworthy.

It's not something that is "fun' to contemplate, but each one of us, one day, will be returning to the dust from which we came. what happens to our 'stuff' though is is worth pondering and acting on.

True. Thanks for putting some thought into it!

I told my girl if she's still around to pass my Abdl stuff out to those who would like it.

Instructions like that are actually quite useful. One issue that the next of kin might face is what to throw away, what to give away, and what to sell. For example, they might have difficulty with an improvised adult crib that might cost tens-of-thousands to replace with a hospital-grade unit, but won't actually sell for more than it costs to ship to the buyer.

I know my nephew well, and upon my demise he will check here on my PC(as the note on my dresser asks) to find my will ;) It contains conditions that must be met before it can be fully executed B) First is that my nephew and/or his wife, being totally honest, will be the only ones allowed in to inventory my belongings, with instructions to throw away anything that belongs in the garbage as they inventory

I like how that is worded: It gives instructions and provides access without mentioning too much in the will- which might be read by others.

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I'm going to be dead and free from all this pointless drama, why would I give a poop what they find? Personally once I turn 30 I want to do a video testimonial that I want to update once a decade to see how I evolve as a person.

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Outside of making arrangements for life insurance and other $ issues, I have done nothing to prepare for death. I certainly have not done anything to make arrangements for somebody to come and toss all my diapers and stuff. My family all know I wear diapers, so I don't really see the point. I understand others are not in my situation though.

:-)

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I see some have contemplated it and others are pretty much in the "dead and gone" camp.

BTW, a "burn box" to me is just something to be disposed of discretely without mentioning it to the grieving.

I am now considering putting a note in my main stash that locates the backup up stash and vice versa for the "Person that finds this, read first" that would be part explanation, part apology for asking the final favor and a request for silence.

The note might have something like this:

To the person that finds and reads this note, I must ask you a favor. This box contains a part of my life I was not comfortable sharing with others and I apologize for you finding it without a context. If I am terminally ill or dead, please discretely dispose of this box and the other one similar to it at the other location indicated. Your silence in this final matter is requested.

If, by chance, you found this and I am still well, please keep it in strictest confidence. Ask me privately to explain myself about my "burn boxes." I will be red as a beet and embarrassed but I will pay that price for your silence.

If your curiosity has gotten the best of you, the next page has information you may look up for yourself.

Two years ago when the accident happened and the car was totaled, I was in the hospital wondering if I'd ever make it home and what would happen if I didn't. That put the germ of the story idea in my head but the larger story I wrote for it took precedence and I had to write it to preserve my sanity as a way of coping.

None of us live forever... at least not yet. I've been to too many funerals in the last few years to look at them as anything but ceremonial ways for the living to deal with the loss. The dead do not care. If you have any compassion for the living, you owe it to yourself to think about a will and last requests.

As I approach middle age, I find I'd rather not think about final matters but at some point it will be a reality whether I deal with it or not.

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with a couple of friends we made a cleanup crew, two random people have a key of each member (so I give it to person 1 and 5, person 2 gives it to 3 and 4, etc nobody knows who has who's keys and what has to be removed except for those who have them and who gave them) if someone either dies, has to go somewhere and couldn't plan in advance (and it's possible a cleaning lady, parent, whatever can show up) or actually whenever needed, the team is called in to remove all porn, take all computers and hard drives, any sex toys and fetish material. etc.

We haven't done any massive (post-mortem) cleanups, but there have been two emergency cleanups since plans were made.

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Cleanup will all fall to the county coroner. And like ERs I'm sure they have seen it all. I have no relatives closer than cousins or 200 miles away. Contrary to my hyper paranoia in life I have no issue with what I leave behind.

Anondl

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I am a DL.

I keep all my computer DL stuff on a flash drive even the bookmarks of the sites i go to.

only i have the password and the drive is Encrypted with Truecrypt. I also store all videos and photos on this drive

http://www.truecrypt.org/

My computer also has password protection.

And the screen names i use on ABDL sites are not my regular screen names and i never use my real name on ABDL sites.

As i am 60 years old and disabled with multiple autoimmune disorders some neurological the fact that someone finds my diapers will mean nothing.

They will think i just kept the medical problem to myself.

When i go no one will be the wiser.

Only one friend that is also a ABDL knows my screen name and me so that when i pass he can notify the sites i hang out on.

For all other internet use i have another flash drive with the rest of my internet information on it so that many of the non ABDL sites i hang out on and have many friends will get a notice of my passing along with many friends i have made over the years on and off the internet. There is no password on this one and its stored with my copy of my will.

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My plans involve the hopes of either transcendence to cyberspace, or the advancement of nanotech to achieve immortality... If I were to die before those options become viable, I would only ensure provisions for whatever pets I have when I kick the bucket...

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My plans involve the hopes of either transcendence to cyberspace, or the advancement of nanotech to achieve immortality...

I would add genetic manipulation to a form which no longer ages.

(for example, although the average lifetime of snakes and gators is relatively short, there is no set time when they die, some just keep getting older and larger, some are centuries old and show no sign of stopping, also some parrots can be several hundreds of years old, whatever preserves them could be spliced into the human genome)

As for my plans should I die anyways, I don't care, I am dead.

As for my corpse, as opposed to a traditional burial or cremation, I would prefer being fed to ants.

Ants have always inspired me, and even though I am terrified of them in life, in death I will overcome them.

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Cleanup will all fall to the county coroner.....

No. it won't. All the CC does is remove the body and do an autopsy, if someone deems it necessary, then forwards it to a funeral home. The "cleanup" falls on family & friends. Trust me, been there, done that, not the best of times. :lol:

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I've had things I've kept privately stashed in my living space almost my entire life. When I was young I didn't really consider death a likely possibility even though I lived my life in a way that tempted it on a regular basis. I'm lucky at this stage in my life because my best friend knows everything and she will take care of everything and never tell a soul. My best friend came out to me so candidly about how she was living her life and it was so out there compared to how she lived when we roomed together 21 years ago that I just told her about myself straight out. Later she needed somewhere really cheap to live since she is on social security now and doesn't get much so she asked if she could move in with me. We share a bed until we get a 2 bedroom apt. when the lease is up so there's no hiding this from her. I'm using her computer while sitting here in a Bambino Bianco and she just got out of bed. If she happens to go first I'll be back to worrying about what will happen to all my supplies. The diapers aren't really what worries me. I have a daughter that works in a urology office and she knows I have continence issues so my diapers wouldn't be unexpected. It's the bib and my pacifiers and such that would be the embarrassing part. I guess I'll just relax and take it as it comes.

Hugs,

Freta

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I've thought about this many times before, but have never actually reached any sort of plan or conclusion. I think I'll just tell my wife to get ride of all my stuff in the boxes that I keep them and to reformat the hard drives of my computer before pulling them and breaking them.

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This a very interesting topic...for some of us. There are obviously many of us who just don't care who find their stuff for a variety of reasons - I think they are the lucky ones in a sense. I do hope that though they may not care, the one's who find the stuff won't be hurt in some way. Even if you don't care, I do care about the feelings of my friends and loved ones - that's pretty much why I've kept it a secret. What you do or feel, however, is completely your business.

I was one of those with a huge fear of leaving stuff behind for my family to find. At least now my wife is aware, though somewhat unhappy with my diaper stuff. Neither do I have a huge collection of AB clothing or bondage gear. At this point also, I've got at least a temporary need for diapers so if my stuff is found, its no big deal. On the other hand, I'd love to be able to acquire stuff that I could enjoy in some privacy which I might then need to worry about!

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it really depends on where i am at before i die. if i am a spiritual leader then yes i donmt want my private life to hurt anyone who looks up to me or anyone whom may not be able to understand. for the most part though i do not really care and figure it would make interesting headlines

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