Dating And Incontinence

[bignappybo]

If you care for someone enough then you would see past anything that was wrong with them,after all is a diaper just not a padded pair of pants,so anyone who dumps someone for wearing a diaper just aint worth it.

[Akael]

My girlfriend has had similar issues in the past, so it's okay with her. Honestly, though, no one should dump someone over a little thing like that. If they do, were they really right in the first place?

[dlover49]

I personally would have no trouble with a GF who was incontinent. Then we could change each other. That is, if we were compatible otherwise.

[tcc]

How do you get guys to not dump you when they hear/see you are incontinent?

While I cannot relate to being truly incontinent, being a diaper wearer/user BY CHOICE, certainly put a different spin on dating. Now in my third marriage, I dealt with the diaper issue during two previous marriages. I decided that I would NOT invest a lot of time and emotion in someone who could not accept my diapers, my DL side/life/world. Period. Thus, it meant I had to be upfront about it EARLY ON. No acceptance, no continuation of any type of relationship, and certainly not long-term. Incontinence, just because it includes the use of something besides medications, should not be any different than any other type of medical condition or situation. And, depending upon how you choose to approach it, and have the right to EXPECT a particular response and consideration in return, being dumped should NOT be because of incon or diapers. Rather, it should be because of incompatibility issues in other areas of your relationship. And, like in ANY dating/relationship situation, a person KNOWS if it's working or not, or has long-term potential. So, you can allow your incon to rule and direct YOU, or YOU can choose to deal with it and direct how YOU proceed in your life and relationship. Of course, unless you NEED to make it an issue - like you might leak while out, or need a change while on a trip, etc. - there really isn't any need to "'fess up" or "reveal" until it's absolutely NECESSARY. Of course, the earlier on revelation is made, the less chance you will invest more time and emotion than you should in a relationship that has the potential to go nowhere...

Thats not right, and certainly not something that you can control. Even for me, if I was not a part of the DL lifestyle, I'd have no problem dating a woman who was incontinent. Best of luck finding Mr. Right!

I think this issue has to go both ways - a woman dating a male incon or a man dating a female incon. And, if the person IS a true incon, they have a legitimate medical condition and issue. Diapers, their need and use, is a part of that. A person that would dump someone because they choose to or have to wear "absorbent underwear" is small-minded, petty, unfair and not realistic. Would they do the same thing to someone else with some OTHER sort of medical problem(s) or condition(s)? And, if they did, they aren't much as "dating material". You need to find someone better, with more potential and a more open mind, and you should. You deserve it.

I would think it might possibly have to do with an idea by whomever that you might be thinking of them as becoming caregiver versus a boyfriend. girlfriend or lover. Going into a relationship with the feeling that you will constantly changing some one's diaper could be a reason for that person not wanting a relationship with you. And of course the odd chance that you two might be in public when that incident of incontinence occurs and results in an embarrassing moment.

I know when my brother takes me shopping with him to get me out of the house it can be embarrassing when my urinary & fecal incontinence kick in and your standing at the cash register with folks looking around for where the smell is coming from. In those situations we always pick a line that has a baby in a shopping cart so everyone in the line will think the Lil stinker in the cart did it.

A true incon learns how to take steps to avoid odor and leakage. A real friend will want to and be there to jump in and HELP if the unexpected happens. A partner who really cares would be the sameway. When you date, you're not LOOKING for a caregiver. You're looking for a potential life-partner. A true incon is not normally an AB(while they could end up being a DL or AB over time...), and would not normally be looking for someone to "change their diapers" like an infant, unless they were physically incapable of applying their own diapers, which, to me, means a whole lot MORE medical/physical issues than just wearing diapers on a date. Eventually, out of love, compassion, and maybe even adult "play" leading to intimacy, diaper changing might be involved, but I will bet that out of embarassment alone, most incons "do the honors" by themselves AND privately...

As a guy, dating a girl is nerve-wracking because of my incon. Most girls don't want to find a guy is wearing a diaper but either boxers or briefs. Diapers are like krypton to girls. UGH. So, that is why I am 35 years old and single. I have not had a relationship in a few years, and have just accepted that wearing diapers and dating does NOT mix. Finding someone that is understanding about incon is very hard to do.

BabyChris121675

The thing that troubles me here is the online "handle", with the word "Baby" in it. To me, this indicates AB versus just incon. There is NO reason why dating and diapers don't mix or CAN'T mix. As a DL, dating an diapers definitely DID mix, and had I been a true incon, they would have HAD to mix. Again, it's all in a person's approach with another person. You can continually be apologetic or you can be factual and realistic. If someone rejects you because you wear absorbent underwear, you probably weren't compatible long-term anyway, and if it hadn't been diapers, you would have gone your own separate ways due to something else! Really, it's that simple. THAT is dating.

I personally would have no trouble with a GF who was incontinent. Then we could change each other. That is, if we were compatible otherwise.

As the screen name indicates, there would be more here than the situation might allow, especially with a shy, embarassed, private incon. "Changing each other" is beyond just dealing with an incon. Obviously, a person who is an incon, or DL, and in some cases, AB, would be more amenable and capable of accepting an incon partner. There is less chance of acceptance by someone who has NO connection with or understanding of incontinence, its causes, its ramifications and its management or an open mind such that they are capable of dealing with a person with a disability. It's all about how you deal with what God has given you and making lemonade out of lemons. A person that is constantly pessimistic and negative is going to see that coming back at them. We seem to reflect back to us, like radar, what we broadcast. It takes a long time for most people to realize that and learn that.

And, for all my "verbal dysentery, there is NO reason that a person should be dumped soley for the fact that they are incontinent. I maintain it's more than that in a "getting dumped" situation. And, if a person SAYS they are dumping you simply because you are incontinent, or they can't deal with your incontinence or that they can't deal with your diapers, it's a lame excuse/reason and convenient for them. They are NOT worth any more time and emotion if they're going to be that small-minded and petty, when they haven't been honest about the real reason they want to part ways...

[pampers212]

Thanks for all the comments. I had a bf for eights years till we split because of the diapers. Oh well...

Sorry to hear that. I would reccomend checking this blog out:

www.iheartdiapers.com

[Honu]

This is a good response Bettypooh and hope that what I'm trying to add to this interesting discussion does not offend anyone. I just think that getting down to one of the possible sources of this issue would help the OP as well as some others consider a possible cause of rejection.

Being friends with someone and chosing a mate are two different things. The mate is person of the opposite sex (not trying to offend those that are not heterosexual)with whom you are interested in having children. Despite our high intelligence, our basic nature is to seek out physical and intellectual perfection in our mate so that our children will be better than us. It's not only incontinence, but myopia, skin acne, assymetry or lack of height that cause the other potential mate to reject us. These are all genetic traits that might get passed to children and why a subconscienous trigger elecits rejection. Please don't blame me, I got these ideas from Darwin.

Where Bettypooh is absolutely correct is that relationships have to develop. Since a friend can accept your faults, I suggest that you start with making friends and with some luck, a friend may develop into a lover!

Good luck in all you do and please keep in mind that there are good guys out there just like there are good hearted girls out there. The field is littered with self-interested guys and gold digging girls as well as other varients of people to avoid. Again, good luck navigating the field.

Aloha,

Honu

So true Relationships are built- they don't come fully assembled! Start off with the generalities If your basic strongly-held beliefs don't 'click' it's not going to work If that seems OK go on to more personal 'public' things such as what you like to do for fun or what you watch on TV. Only after all the 'non-bedroom' stuff seems OK should you start discussing incontinence or other medical issues At that point you should be able to trust their discretion, even if it doesn't work out between you. By then they should know that you care enough to bare your soul and you should have their deep respect

To us diapers are like an insulin shot or a pill you have to take regularly- just something you have to do to live. Others differ in how they handle it, but if you don't let your amorous intentions blind you to what they are really like, you should know when it's right to tell them Just give them equal respect and do it soon enough so that you don't hurt them if they can't handle it and want to end things. Nobody said life was easy, and love certainly isn't, but it's worth your best effort

Bettypooh

[Guest amandalu]

Sorry to hear that. I would reccomend checking this blog out:

www.iheartdiapers.com

I know that site. But both guy and girl are incontinent. It's not likely that i want to search for an incontinent partner.

[battlemage]

How to stop them from breaking up with you because you're incontinent? I have absolutely no idea. All I know is that even just bedwetting was enough to stop me from trying to find any semi-serious relationship.

[dogpiss]

I've found that many times the dislike of needing/wearing diapers comes from a squeamishness about bodily fluids. Some people are just squeamish about body fluids, and many aren't. In my (very limited) dating experience, I've found that asking about this kind of squeamishness early in a relationship keeps less pain. One date I mentioned this in 'getting to know you' questions, and I was home in time for SportsCenter that night. The date was going down hill fast so we both just cut our losses

[tcc]

Hmmm. Diapers. Absorbent underwear. A legitimate product for those that need them, neither illegal, immoral nor fattening.

You are 19. Unless you are ready and offering sex, what is a guy needing to know what you wear for underwear anyway? And, it seems to me that if your were ready and willing for sex with him, a simple absorbent pad under you would be appropriate, and it shouldn't make a difference if you were incon or not.

If that fact WERE an issue, it seems to me he was after one thing anyway, and not really be worth devoting any more time to OR any more of your body or emotions to.

When it comes to dating, dating is just that. It's to get to know someone else and see if they have the potential to be a life partner. If it becomes apparent they are not, a person moves on. That's what dating is all about.

If you are comfortable with your incontinence, and how you handle it, anyone worth spending more time, emotion and perhaps the rest of your life with will be able to not only handle it, but be able to look beyond it, and see it as the cross YOU bear in your life, and only a small part of you in terms of your relationship, on the whole.

Guys, dumping YOU? Geez, as a female, isn't it the women that usually dump the guys? LOL You deserve better than you've run into, and you can be assured that there definitely ARE better out there, and someone out there to be YOUR "the one"...

[InconJane]

A lot of the posts seem to be about serious relationships and partner acceptance.

What about when you are young and looking to go out with a guy who you like and just want to have fun like a normal date. When they find out you are wearing nappies/diapers, even though there is a medical need for it, most young guys don't have the emotional maturity to deal with it.

I have had great support from those of my female friends and a few of my male friends who stuck by me after my accident, but it is much harder to meet new people at this age with incontinence. Most people just don't understand

[dlsmd]

Jane i agree but i think the reason most dont understand is because thay just dont care to

[square_duck]

I'm just wondering why the OP got banned......

[nikkijo]

sorry to say i understand what you are saying only because i go through the same thing. i to am incon and i have a had time finding and keeping a girlfriend. even if they say the accept it or understand it, it always seems to get in the way somehow. my ex and i got devorced because and i quote "she can't sleep beside someone wearing diapers all the time." i kinda understood but its not like i could help it. so yes amandalu, i understand perfectly!!

add in the fact im transgendered and you hve the reasons i got divorced.. so yea girls can be horible too....

[BedwetterMike]

Well, I did have a boyfriend who dumped me because of incontinence. His exact words were, "I don't want to come off as a douche, but I can't handle dating a guy in a diaper. I know it is for medical reasons but everytime we get intimate, all I picture is that wet diaper between your legs."

As much as it hurt, I respect him for telling me the truth.

The very same thing has happened to me twice. The last time was 35 years ago. I have given-up.

[lilJester]

Hell I can't get a date because of the bladder issues. Well, I know that isn't the ONLY thing that deters a woman from wanting to be with me but still its a big problem for everyone else. Bigger for me and I am the one stuck in diapers. pfffffft

[DartDodger]

How do you get guys to not dump you when they hear/see you are incontinent?

Well if your age of 19 is right... It is the guys close to your age that are the problem most are not really looking at being serious at that age and move along no matter who you are and what you are.

Being incontinent and braking it off is just stupid by it self as a reason but trust me they also have other reasons not even as good. Not that it is a good reason.

Kind of car you own/ drive hoar color etc LOL young guys move on from one to the next and it may have just been an easy excuse do not take it personal you will find the right guy.

[babytommy1981]

when i first meet my wife, I told her the fisrt date, that I have to wear diapers for a problem i have no control over, I also said if you have a problem with that then we can finish our date or depart at this moment, she looked at me and said well ok, then she started to ask me things like, how did it happen and how hard is it to live this way, and she just wanted to learn more about me and my problems, and from that day forward its been great, I have had girls in the past that say yuck or your broken or your a freak. these are the type of people that i say to my self I hope something happens to you and you have to make a life change and then you get treated the same way.

so yes theres guys/and girls out there that wont nothing to do with people with medical problems they think we are strang or freaks, and then theres the ones who dont mind, and are caring and just open minded. these are the kind of poeple this world needs.

[Horndog]

I don't fear much anymore, but this subject is still very sensitive to me. I've been on dates and have told people of my Irritable Bowel Syndrome. One person, that I dated, just pitied me and made me feel like I was lower than them on the social totem pole. I'm thinking of just casting that issue aside because I don't have to be diapered 24/7. I don't foresee it being a problem with intimacy.

[storzech]

If an incontinent girl ever wanted to date a nice guy to show them the respect they deserve reguardless of there choice of underwear I am a single male dl who would be happy to take you out for dinner.