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Dating And Incontinence


Guest amandalu

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I think it would be ridiculous for a guy to dump you bc you are incontinent. That seems absolutely absurd to me, a guy should not take anything like that into consideration when dating someone, he should focus more on what kind of person you are and the things that you have in common and the feelings between you to. Sometimes my gender can just aggravate the hell out of me. I hope that you have better luck finding someone who will treat you right and make you happy.

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I would think it might possibly have to do with an idea by whomever that you might be thinking of them as becoming caregiver versus a boyfriend. girlfriend or lover. Going into a relationship with the feeling that you will constantly changing some one's diaper could be a reason for that person not wanting a relationship with you. And of course the odd chance that you two might be in public when that incident of incontinence occurs and results in an embarrassing moment.

I know when my brother takes me shopping with him to get me out of the house it can be embarrassing when my urinary & fecal incontinence kick in and your standing at the cash register with folks looking around for where the smell is coming from. In those situations we always pick a line that has a baby in a shopping cart so everyone in the line will think the Lil stinker in the cart did it. :lol:

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i had a long typed up response but i cut it...

its hard to deal with incontinence and dating for all people i feel its probably even harder for a woman with it than a man as we all know women are natural care givers.... and men well are not.

thats not to say we cant or wont but its just going to take patience to find the RIGHT one.

my only advice is not MAKE it a BIG issue like you will need that persons hands on HELP with it (unless you really do) go on a few dates without telling him/her about it and when you prove its not a major issue that (HE/SHE HAS to deal with) than you can tell him.

BUt SOME one is out there that does not care and you will find them.

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As a guy, I know how much we can be complete jerks, but I don't think I would ever dump a girl because she had a medical condition that was beyond her control.

You don't want a guy like that, trust me. I know that's easy for me to say, but the truth is, I feel like I wouldn't want a girl who couldn't accept something that was in my life which I couldn't control.

Good luck in your search for the right guy. And hopefully, I'll also have luck as I continue to search for the right girl.

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Guest dragonmaster4066

sorry to say i understand what you are saying only because i go through the same thing. i to am incon and i have a had time finding and keeping a girlfriend. even if they say the accept it or understand it, it always seems to get in the way somehow. my ex and i got devorced because and i quote "she can't sleep beside someone wearing diapers all the time." i kinda understood but its not like i could help it. so yes amandalu, i understand perfectly!! :(

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Amandalu, you're just the victim of simple prejudice. What people SHOULD do and what they actually do (if there is no hidden agenda involved) are usually two different things. I had to get used to the idea that my age is continually against me when comes to all sorts things, not just sex and the sex arena as in the gay scene, but employment too. And that strangely disconnected, empty feeling when you walk into a club and realize you're "invisible". You're a spectator, not a player. It's far, far worse when you were at one time so sought after, so 'in demand', so popular. Like a candle in the wind, it's all gone.

You just have to live in the real world and somehow deal with it. "C'est la vie, c'est le guerre", as I say to myself a lot of the time nowadays.

Daddy Fred.

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Well, I did have a boyfriend who dumped me because of incontinence. His exact words were, "I don't want to come off as a douche, but I can't handle dating a guy in a diaper. I know it is for medical reasons but everytime we get intimate, all I picture is that wet diaper between your legs."

As much as it hurt, I respect him for telling me the truth.

Most would lie blaming it on anything else. People in general judge people to quickly before they can get to know them.:blush: (I'm guilty of it too sorta.. But was raised to judge with my "gut"..Get to know them alittle 1st & if my "gut" don't knot-up then they're OK. I'm also guilty of not listening to my "gut" & got stuck.:angry2:

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I wouldn't have an issue with dating someone who was incontinent.....I mean....Why?? As long as we have fun and enjoy each others company...whats the issue? So she has to wear 'different' underwear....which so happen to be like the ones I wear sometimes :blush: As long as she is mindful and takes good care of herself and has a good maitnence and management program....theres should'nt be a problem.

I only mention this because we get handicapped people into our store and 'occasionally' one of them comes in and ummmm....well.....'reeks' of pee, and it's disturbing, and sad. she is also kind of difficult to be around, so much so that she drove off her son, and she has a different caregiver now ( or assistant...what ever) but thats more an emotional thing I think, as opposed to incontinence.

Anyways incon are people too, they like to play, have meaningful conversation and companionship like anyone else. It's just sad that, as mentioned above, there are people out there who feel they have to judge others for what ever reason, (more then likely fear) even if it is because of the underwear they wear.....Sheesh :P

Back to the OP, I'm sorry you have had a hard time, but know that you are not alone in this, it is a (sadly) common thing, mostly because ( I guess) that people in general don't know how to deal with it or handle it.....what ever...their loss.

Keep shopping and you'll find someone :)

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How do you get guys to not dump you when they hear/see you are incontinent?

i have had that happen to me to but the other way around and it sucks i know

plus i have been dumped just before (i'm talking about minutes) the second date because "Your to nice!" i would like to know how that happens :badmood:

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A lot of why a person may like or fall in love with another person is not just personality but looks too and the way they carry themselves. It may sound shallow but if I was dating someone and they turned out to be a bi-polar headcase, I may just not be as interested in them even though other things may be working for me. It's no different than say one of us, like a DL, BEING attracted to another DL because of who they are. It goes all ways. You can't hide your weight, it's something someone sees. Some people are and are not attracted to others who are overweight so they may not even persue a person just based on that. Now if you could hide your weight, get to know a person, then find out they're obese and you're not a fan, then that too could be a deal breaker. Your perception of the person would change and it may be human nature or the way your wired to just not be attracted to that so you may dump that person. You have to Love the whole package and somethings send people over the edge. It may be cold, shallow, whatever but you also shouldn't stay with a person if it's not what YOU want out of the relationship. Not what you signed up for, don't want to deal with it, see them differently, etc. You wouldn't be happy then either and nor would the other person because it would be a fence between you.

I realize once your married, it's supposed to be different and it. In sickness and in health, til death do us part. You should know everything already before you get married like if you're a DL, it's pre-existing. If it happens after marriage you become incontinent, it's a little different but people DO fall out of love and that may be a reason. Don't stay with someone you don't love either. It's not in eithers best interest.

Just my two cents anyway.

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A lot of why a person may like or fall in love with another person is not just personality but looks too and the way they carry themselves. It may sound shallow but if I was dating someone and they turned out to be a bi-polar headcase, I may just not be as interested in them even though other things may be working for me. It's no different than say one of us, like a DL, BEING attracted to another DL because of who they are. It goes all ways. You can't hide your weight, it's something someone sees. Some people are and are not attracted to others who are overweight so they may not even persue a person just based on that. Now if you could hide your weight, get to know a person, then find out they're obese and you're not a fan, then that too could be a deal breaker. Your perception of the person would change and it may be human nature or the way your wired to just not be attracted to that so you may dump that person. You have to Love the whole package and somethings send people over the edge. It may be cold, shallow, whatever but you also shouldn't stay with a person if it's not what YOU want out of the relationship. Not what you signed up for, don't want to deal with it, see them differently, etc. You wouldn't be happy then either and nor would the other person because it would be a fence between you.

I realize once your married, it's supposed to be different and it. In sickness and in health, til death do us part. You should know everything already before you get married like if you're a DL, it's pre-existing. If it happens after marriage you become incontinent, it's a little different but people DO fall out of love and that may be a reason. Don't stay with someone you don't love either. It's not in eithers best interest.

Just my two cents anyway.

Hey D Drew Before you Shoot off your mouth about BiPolar Headcase's Which are biochemical imbalances in the brain why not look up up in the DSM Diaper Lover its under FETISH, MENTAL ILLNESS commonly seen with PERSONALITY DISORDER'S

Thats a lesson on this post do not judge others unless your are as pure as the driven snow

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In high school we had a girl that had her pelvis and legs crushed in a bad wreck when she was younger. If she wanted to go out in a group outing, most of her better friends would pick her up first and store the supplies in the trunk. It didnt always go well for her all the time, but she knew that she had friends that were there for her. We also made it very clear to others in school or in public that she was not to be made fun of or picked on for thier entertainment. Dating for anyone with birth or medical issuses is not easy. I do think self estem and confidence and some luck plays a big part. But you cant control what others think or thier friends. I know that I could date someone that was incon, but I now face the same problem of finding someone as well. It is hard to judge how much info to give out at first meeting someone, dont want to scare them off but not decieve them either. So I am still learning, what I thought I knew about dating is like starting all over from scatch. All I can do is wish ya luck and keep tring.

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....It is hard to judge how much info to give out at first meeting someone, don't want to scare them off but not deceive them either....

So true :blush: Relationships are built- they don't come fully assembled! :lol: Start off with the generalities ;) If your basic strongly-held beliefs don't 'click' it's not going to work :( If that seems OK go on to more personal 'public' things such as what you like to do for fun or what you watch on TV. Only after all the 'non-bedroom' stuff seems OK should you start discussing incontinence or other medical issues :mellow: At that point you should be able to trust their discretion, even if it doesn't work out between you. By then they should know that you care enough to bare your soul and you should have their deep respect B)

To us diapers are like an insulin shot or a pill you have to take regularly- just something you have to do to live. Others differ in how they handle it, but if you don't let your amorous intentions blind you to what they are really like, you should know when it's right to tell them :angel_not: Just give them equal respect and do it soon enough so that you don't hurt them if they can't handle it and want to end things. Nobody said life was easy, and love certainly isn't, but it's worth your best effort :thumbsup:

Bettypooh

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Hey D Drew Before you Shoot off your mouth about BiPolar Headcase's Which are biochemical imbalances in the brain why not look up up in the DSM Diaper Lover its under FETISH, MENTAL ILLNESS commonly seen with PERSONALITY DISORDER'S

Thats a lesson on this post do not judge others unless your are as pure as the driven snow

I knew there would be one bi polar headcase to post something because I said it. :P Thanks for coming out!

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I knew there would be one bi polar headcase to post something because I said it. :P Thanks for coming out!

Sorry Drew i have formerly known as "Battle Fatigue" now Called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder- Concentration Camp Survivor Syndrome, I happen to know more than a few Bi-Polars who are on the right medication and lead normal everyday lives just like you or I,or should I say I because you appear to have Biases against certain Disabled Economic or racial segments of society whereas I believe in tolerance and peace and accommodation for everyone we all have a role in this world if we all where alike there would be no fabric to society no marital unions no children born no difference between you me and anyone else, everything would be a shade of gray.

Peace

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A good relationship grows. It grows best on a solid foundation. Mutual trust and respect play vital parts. You know when the relationship wants to develop physically; better to have previously discussed than to have a shock! One person may find it unacceptable the other has need of protection. This could put a strain on the relationship such that it breaks down. You will feel hurt by this prejudice. I say 'Better fish in the sea!' Just don't try so hard looking - it's usually when you stop looking Mr/Miss Right turns up :-)

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As a guy, dating a girl is nerve-wracking because of my incon. Most girls don't want to find a guy is wearing a diaper but either boxers or briefs. Diapers are like krypton to girls. UGH. So, that is why I am 35 years old and single. I have not had a relationship in a few years, and have just accepted that wearing diapers and dating does NOT mix. Finding someone that is understanding about incon is very hard to do.

BabyChris121675

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Thanks for all the comments. I had a bf for eights years till we split because of the diapers. Oh well...

I'm sorry that happened to you. Just my 2 cents, any guy that dumps you over something like this isn't worth it! Don't worry, the right one will come along soon enough. :)

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Thanks for all the comments. I had a bf for eights years till we split because of the diapers. Oh well...

:badmood: what a jurk :badmood:

amandalu i know what your going through :crybaby:

B) but stay strong and someone will like you while disregarding the diapers B)

As a guy, dating a girl is nerve-wracking because of my incon. Most girls don't want to find a guy is wearing a diaper but either boxers or briefs. Diapers are like krypton to girls. UGH. So, that is why I am 35 years old and single. I have not had a relationship in a few years, and have just accepted that wearing diapers and dating does NOT mix. Finding someone that is understanding about incon is very hard to do.

BabyChris121675

im 31 and have never had along lasting relationship(except for one girl i dated when i was in school but she broke my number 1 rule i will not stay with someone that keep breaking up with me, my limit is 3 strikes and your out, weather im head over heels in love or not because i dont want to be the ont that keeps getting dumped when thay want to F%@& someone els) so i know what your talking about

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