I Don'T Know What To Do ):

[Necros]

Hello everyone, I sometimes post here and there on this forum and have fun but today i come to you all wanting some advice or help if possible. I'm transgendered or transsexual i have no idea ... i went to many psychologist and therapist on the subject with little result. They all agree however to say that i'm hiding something very big (Being transsexual) by saying that i'm just transgendered.

It also has its ups and downs, meaning that for a few months i won't even think about it and then it picks up again which means i always have it on my mind. I want to be a girl ladies and gents, i would give anything for this. It hurts me to my very core to think that science is not to the point of making possible a fully functional switch. So here i am, going trough life being happy some day and sad the next. I want to at least dress as a girl in my everyday life but this sadly means loosing my job and being shunned by many of the people i know.

Everyday i put on the man suit i hurt but i move forward anyways, it weighs very heavily on my mind and soul. I don't know what to do. I can't afford to loose my job and Canada doesn't have laws in place yet to defend transgendered and transexual individual suffering from discrimination.

I'm on my knees here, I guess I cannot expect any answers for my problems but at the very least i can expect a listening hear.

Thank you.

Necros

[Necros]

Your right ... I'm not expecting answers to my problems I just needed a place to vent that would listen to me. Your also right on which situation is the worse .. Living a lie or being true to yourself. I think I would go for the latter. I was quite depressed yesterday that's why I sounded so negative. I checked with the company I work for and apparently they are against discrimination towards trans people. They even have someone that fully transitioned from one sexe to the other working for the company so that made my day!

I'm far more positive than I was yesterday. Now I need some advice or tips on how to transition smoothly. Did ya take hormones abrena? (From the pic you have on display you look very femenine )

[Necros]

Sorry abrera I replied to your post with my blackberry and I didn't have the option to edit the mistake.

Wow, so you look feminine like that without hormonal therapy O: that's pretty cool in my book.

By transitioning I meant tips and tricks on buying clothes and stuff for now. Anything can help right now ... Kinda stressed a bit about all this heh.

[Necros]

Good advice, I just bought a boat load of make-up to have fun with :3

[Amber K]

Your right ... I'm not expecting answers to my problems I just needed a place to vent that would listen to me. Your also right on which situation is the worse .. Living a lie or being true to yourself. I think I would go for the latter. I was quite depressed yesterday that's why I sounded so negative. I checked with the company I work for and apparently they are against discrimination towards trans people. They even have someone that fully transitioned from one sexe to the other working for the company so that made my day!

I'm far more positive than I was yesterday. Now I need some advice or tips on how to transition smoothly. Did ya take hormones abrena? (From the pic you have on display you look very femenine )

Good Luck!

Glad to hear that things may work out for you positively!

[Bettypooh]

Follow your heart and it will take you where you need to go Canada is one of the better places to transition but no place allows it without issues happening Those issues can be overcome with planning, determination, and a good attitude As big a life-change as transition is you know it's not going to be easy, but like everything else if you really have to do it then you will do it regardless simply because you have to- you won't have any choice at that point. There will be loss but there will be gains too- nobody has ever transitioned without going through that, yet so very many have managed it that you can too.

From what you have written I think that you need to begin seeking a therapist now. Doing that early as opposed to later gives you time to find the right one, and it's a requirement should you go decide to forward with things At worst, a good therapist can help you find your way through to a better life even if you don't transition, and isn't that what we all want? When you become overwhelmed you should look for help with your load- even if only for a little while Otherwise you will just keep falling further and further behind, sinking deeper and deeper as things get worse

You're worth the cost and effort so take care of you. Find your heart and follow it. Rarely are gains made without risk or cost, but the biggest gains such as happiness are always worth whatever the cost is. The payback in peace and happiness is enormous

We're here for you, let us know how it's going and count on us to help where we can.

Bettypooh

[Backindiapers]

I know this may sound a little crazy and I don't know the laws or traditions of Canada but is your job so important you couldn't find another? Lets say hypothetically you save up tons of money, find a new job far away. Move there, make new friends and start fresh dressing the way you want and being the way you want and no one there knows better. I know it sounds outlandish but I hear all the time of people contemplating suicide because they can't be who they want to be. Sometimes a pay cut or loss of a few friends might make it better in the end. Just a thought.

[KittenAB]

From my experience, since that's all anyone can really go by. The hard part is to stop worrying about what other people think, it's ingrained into us since birth that "society's opinion is so important." Really it isn't. You may even lose contact with family over your choices, but that's their problem not yours. I have "started over" so many times it became redundant, yet oddly when I embraced my own wishes I became anchored for once, actually been living in the same place for longer now than I have ever lived, simply because now I know who I am and feel more comfortable with me (still a bit to go for perfect but meh). Once you acknowledge that other people's opinions and ideals of who or what you are matter as little to you and how you live as a gnat, then you will move forward and even find your own place in the crazy world. But to deny it you will eventually go insane, trust me on that one.

[Necros]

@Amber K: Thx for the good vibes I'm more positive than ever. I think i was in a really bad spot when i wrote the first message O:

@Bettypooh: Ultimately i know i have to follow my heart. Right now its telling me to move forward and start dressing and acting like a women but its not telling me to fully transition yet (with hormones and stuff). I saw a lot of psychologist and therapist actually. They all know less about it than i did so how can one hope to help a client when one has no idea of what their talking about. I studied in psychology and my limited but very precise knowledge on the matter almost made me want to charge HER for teaching her stuff haha. In all seriousness however, finding a good therapist in the area i live in could prove to be a little harder than one could imagine but its probably doable.

@Backindiapers: I agree that it would be simpler to just quit and start over at another location but for me it wouldn't be an option as i love my family and friends and their probably not the people that would be the problem if i ever start to wear and act like a girl all the time. It was my job i was worried about, which was unfounded because i contacted HR department and they were supportive of this decision and said that no employee would get fired for such a trivial thing.

@KittenAB: Your totally right, what others think shouldn't matter one bit. This, however, was a very big problem of mine in the past but i learned to shrug it off and solidify my foundation better so i can take the occasional bigot that passes by. I also learned that most ignorant sounding people can almost all the time change if one takes the time to explain the situation and be understanding of their limited knowledge on the matter. In the end the terminology of our different lifestyles can seem impossible to learn for an individual who as never had contact with anyone like us.

If anyone has any good tips please don't be shy , in the meantime i'll keep you all posted on whats going on and how its progressing.

[Daddy Fred]

I've spent years trying to understand what a t/g is like as a lifestyle, and what makes a t/g tick. I haven't come up with any solutions, but I have found from studying t/gs and others that there are 'mindsets' that are permanent and go a long way back in a t/g. And as a PARTIAL solution I'd like to say what I think.

In a t/g, there seems to be a kind of "dual-personality" one is male and deals with the practical world, paying the rent etc., and the other is female, but of a kind not exactly like a conventional woman. I'd call it a male 'view' of conv. woman. This internal female seems to be based on some conv. female in the t/g's past, but is not an exact copy. This female has a personality of her own.

NOW, as a non-t/g, try and imagine what it's like having what amounts to another person living inside your head. Scary isn't it? Like being taken over by an alien maybe?

Well, it's not scary to a t/g. He/she has lived with that situation all their lives, it was accepted (usually) long ago.

One obvious problem I've seen is the two 'halves' of the t/g personality not getting on with each other. A classic power struggle leading to "purges" (you know exactly what I mean don't you gurls!) and other sudden changes. And not-so-sudden ones like the 'op itself.

I said I had a partial solution here, and now I deliver.

The most important thing in the world for a t/g is for his/her two halves to GET ON with each other. Cut out the competition and go for co-operation instead. This has to be accomplished at a very deep level; not a big problem as t/gs are expert in introspection, it comes with the territory.

I offer this as maybe a new way of seeing things that might, just might enable you to be a little happier.

Daddy Fred.

[Necros]

I agree with Abrera, i don't believe that this is solely a duality between masculine and feminine, some just feel one or the other and some stay somewhere in between. Personally i have a duality going on between masculine and feminine but every psychologist i saw all seem to agree that its a defensive behavior for my mind. Think of it as a way for my mind to deny or block my true self (female) which still thinks like it did many years ago when i used to live in a VERY religious town in which being female meant shunning of many activities i liked.

They all predict that eventually i won't feel masculine anymore and will completely be feminine. As for if this is true or not no one can say for now but as of today the trend follows what as been foretold by the psychologists.

Thank you for your input Daddy Fred, very insightful but in the end its pretty hard to categorize transgenderism in its entirety by one definition.

Necros

[Necros]

I went to a few psychologists actually and one therapist that had some basic training in gender related issues. Its expensive though ... and none of them are specialized in transgender issues, i ended up probably teaching them a thing or two about it too

Is it so hard to find a psychologist in your country ? O: If so, immigrate to Canada! ! You can stay at my house to start hahaha!

EDIT: I hope i didn't bum you out or anything ): i send you many virtual hugs

[Necros]

It's difficult to get specialist help in the UK... well it takes forever. I've had one appointment after a two and a half year wait and am waiting the six months till the second before they will make a diagnosis!

Holy sh*t yeah thats pretty long for a wait time ...... well if anyone is specialized in that area they should immigrate to your country, its a sure shot for making good business XD. When you say specialized do you mean in gender therapy or in psychology in general ? Because all i saw here are general psychologist and one therapist that knew a little more than most about gender related issues.

[Necros]

Woah, how can they even tell if you would benefit from psychologist help or not in 12 minutes D: also crazy is that one office handles everything .... Which is completely mental if you think about it.

If it can make you feel any better if I would seek out specialized help in the province I live in it would be a long wait as well! It wouldn't be as long as 2 years but it wouldn't be instant as there is no one specialized in my province.

[KittenAB]

Woah, how can they even tell if you would benefit from psychologist help or not in 12 minutes D: also crazy is that one office handles everything .... Which is completely mental if you think about it.

If it can make you feel any better if I would seek out specialized help in the province I live in it would be a long wait as well! It wouldn't be as long as 2 years but it wouldn't be instant as there is no one specialized in my province.

They think they can tell in 12 seconds. They also think gender therapy is all elective ... LOL I don't think it's a regional thing, I just think it's a fear thing. Nor is it even an insurance thing. Many of the private insurance companies will actually pay for a lot of it, some even offer premiums for GRS. But even state funded insurance is reluctant to acknowledge a need for such measures, but will offer boob-jobs to teens. LOL