Getting To Common Ground

[AlliR]

There are those of us who have partners but are not willing to participate in bondage scenes. Attempting stimulation of the subject is always risky but at the same time would be a plus for both partners. Are there any ideas or methods that have any reasonable success?

Example: You self lock into your bondage habit knowing that your partner will have to release you. It may not go well but on the other hand may create a dialog in which the partner might begin to see a different point of view. Maybe try it out to see if perhaps it's digestible.

What are your opinions on how to "Break the Ice"?

[orange clock]

How about just being open and honest. I think the last thing you want to do is to shock anyone into a kink. It will never end well. If you have a healthy, compatible relationship you should be able to be open and honest without devising some kind of tactic. If your partner is not willing to participate then you need to weigh your options and ask yourself what is the significance of the kink in your life and the implications of not being able to share it with your partner. You should be true and honest about your feelings and share them with your loved one. If you cannot do that then you should not be together in the first place.

[tcc]

Talk. Present. LISTEN at the response(s). Don't push. Don't whine. Always offer more than what you would receive in return for trying something that, on first blush, is not desireable to the partner, but actually might be found to be pleasureable. Don't push. Nibble away at "the edges". If the main focus is one thing, maybe try other things, perhaps more "tame" than the "main event", in the same genre - like tying a partner up with silk handkerchiefs or nylons/pantyhose versus steel handcuffs or hemp rope. If you spank someone, for instance, light "love taps" versus a stern whipping with a cane. How about a wine or champagne enema versus a big 5 qt. soapy water one(um, careful with alcohol!)?

When a partner sees you being turned on by what is happening, and if you determine to give more pleasure than you will ultimately receive, you may find a great deal more receptiveness than you might have otherwise, using a less-well-thought-out and less patient approach. Sometimes it takes a person, anybody, a little time to accept something new, something foreign to them. Sometimes someone doesn't realize or had no idea that what they thought might be the farthest thing from something they would consider trying or experiencing might actually be something they eventually could get into or, at least, occasionally enjoy. Expectations are, in fact, premeditated resentments. And, preconceived notions can be wrong.

Go gently. Don't push. One step at a time. Proceed slowly and intelligently. Get to know your partner, and appeal to them the way you know they are most likely to be receptive. Most of all, make it worth their while to join you and maybe discover a whole new world of pleasure opening up to them.

Oh, and if you hear "No.", it means NO. Let it go for a while. Revisit later. Move on and appreciate all the things your partner does do for and with you. Over time, minds and visions can change...