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I was confirmed/dianosed transsexual in 1990, and did receeived some treatment/counseling, but had to stop for family reasons, well they are now all grown up and left home, and have been thinking of seeing if I could re-start the treatment, as the feelings have not changed, and a few very good friends that know say the same thing, go for it, give it a go, but as I am now 60, do not know if it is now too late for me, would appreciate any opinions on this.

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I was confirmed/dianosed transsexual in 1990, and did receeived some treatment/counseling, but had to stop for family reasons, well they are now all grown up and left home, and have been thinking of seeing if I could re-start the treatment, as the feelings have not changed, and a few very good friends that know say the same thing, go for it, give it a go, but as I am now 60, do not know if it is now too late for me, would appreciate any opinions on this.

It's never too late to be yourself ;) Nor is it ever too late to do for or with yourself whatever it is you wanted to do, so long as it's still physically possible :thumbsup: Transitions generally work best at the earliest ages, because you have much more time to learn how to interface with the world. Younger people are generally more understanding about Trans issues these days. And last but not least, your body is much more adaptable to changes then. None of that says that you can't go ahead now :) It's just saying that it's easier to do early on.

I knew a very sweet person who waited till she was almost 70 to transition- that was when she began living full-time as a woman B) Prior to that she spent plenty of time out in the world as a very passable crossdresser. Her children and close family knew about her 'secret life' for years. Single and in her own home she spent time as both her and him and when someone called asking to drop by she would let them know who would answer the door so they weren't surprised. She tried to accommodate those friends and family who weren't totally comfortable with her, but she made it clear that this was her life, her home, and that she'd already spent most of her life doing what she thought best for them (hiding her being Trans) so it was now time for her to please herself instead :angel_not: Her business had been successful so her divorced wife had a nice home, her kids all went to college for as long as they wanted, she had a nice home too and enough money to last her lifetime. Dang straight girl- you GO! And she did. She's gone now but she passed on more than just "secrets of passing" to me, she passed on some wisdom that I still treasure. We all miss her- well most of us because one of her strengths was her self-assuredness which didn't set well with everybody :o

So do you do it or not? Only you can make that decision. If you've lived a typical 'male' life in the closet so far there are some things you should expect if you go for it. First is a lot of initial non-acceptance: they've known only the guy so far and this is a huge change for them too. Maybe half of them will come around in time and you can't know who they will be until it's over :huh: You may lose the very people you most want to keep in your life :crybaby: Can you live with that? Unless you've spent a lot of time 'passing' already you're probably not going to 'pass' as well as you want to- you're overcoming a lifetime of habits in 'passing' and at advanced ages that's a lot of habit ^_^ The upside of that is if you're small, it''s much easier to look like a 'grandma' than a 'covergirl' :rolleyes: Unless you're already on HRT you'll find few doctors willing to go there with you due to your age and even if you do find one, the changes will be mostly emotional in nature- it takes time to grow breasts and your body doesn't respond as quickly as a young person anymore. An older body is far more susceptible to the dangers of HRT too, especially thrombosis. So far all this may sound discouraging but don't take it that way, just see it as reality.

To transition may be a life-long goal for you so to not do what you have always wanted to do may lead to emotional bitterness and depression. You've given the world all your time so far, isn't it time for you to put you at the center of your life? I'd say you earned that right long ago :D According to your situation you may have the option of trying it and returning if you don't go through with it- a safety net of sorts. Either way you'll still have whatever pensions etc. you've built up and money is a major problem for most of those who transition earlier in life. You won't have to get a job and take whatever you can get just to stay warm and dry and eat now :blush: And few people get to realize such a wonderful dream in their lives; we usually have to give up out biggest dreams to get through this world until we're too old to go through with them- that's one heck of a disappointment far too many people live with and it's not good no matter how you try to justify it :mellow:

I didn't fully transition (working as a guy) but I still look back at the time I was living as a woman with a deep satisfaction and happiness unlike anything I've ever felt. I know it's right for me but life interceded and until I can overcome the issue that brought me back to a public life as a guy I don't have much choice in the matter. I first knew I could do it when I took a vacation where I had a few Trans friends and spent the entire time as a non-passing woman doing everything but working in 'girl mode'. That week brought a lot of social unpleasantness and a modicum of tolerance for me in stores, restaurants, parks, non-male-oriented nightclubs, libraries, and generally most of the places I'd go in my average week. It's like a test-drive that gives you a general idea of what to expect. It taught me that I could handle life as a woman; it taught me that there is a woman inside of me; and most importantly it taught me that I can do it! If you've not spent time in the real world like this I'd start there and see whether I wanted more- a test-drive of sorts :biker_h4h:

It's your life and your choice. Don't trash your dreams or your chances but don't be blinded by the desires either. Think it through, realize the very real risks, decide if they are worth it, and go from there. Remember that you don't have to follow anyone's "rules" and you can go as far as you want to or not. You don't have to transition fully if you find you don't need to but in the end you should do what your heart tells you to do because it knows where your happiness really is and that's always a goal worth achieving :groupwave: Remember, you're worth whatever effort it takes to get there!

Bettypooh

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It's never too late to be yourself ;) Nor is it ever too late to do for or with yourself whatever it is you wanted to do, so long as it's still physically possible :thumbsup: Transitions generally work best at the earliest ages, because you have much more time to learn how to interface with the world. Younger people are generally more understanding about Trans issues these days. And last but not least, your body is much more adaptable to changes then. None of that says that you can't go ahead now :) It's just saying that it's easier to do early on.

I knew a very sweet person who waited till she was almost 70 to transition- that was when she began living full-time as a woman B) Prior to that she spent plenty of time out in the world as a very passable crossdresser. Her children and close family knew about her 'secret life' for years. Single and in her own home she spent time as both her and him and when someone called asking to drop by she would let them know who would answer the door so they weren't surprised. She tried to accommodate those friends and family who weren't totally comfortable with her, but she made it clear that this was her life, her home, and that she'd already spent most of her life doing what she thought best for them (hiding her being Trans) so it was now time for her to please herself instead :angel_not: Her business had been successful so her divorced wife had a nice home, her kids all went to college for as long as they wanted, she had a nice home too and enough money to last her lifetime. Dang straight girl- you GO! And she did. She's gone now but she passed on more than just "secrets of passing" to me, she passed on some wisdom that I still treasure. We all miss her- well most of us because one of her strengths was her self-assuredness which didn't set well with everybody :o

So do you do it or not? Only you can make that decision. If you've lived a typical 'male' life in the closet so far there are some things you should expect if you go for it. First is a lot of initial non-acceptance: they've known only the guy so far and this is a huge change for them too. Maybe half of them will come around in time and you can't know who they will be until it's over :huh: You may lose the very people you most want to keep in your life :crybaby: Can you live with that? Unless you've spent a lot of time 'passing' already you're probably not going to 'pass' as well as you want to- you're overcoming a lifetime of habits in 'passing' and at advanced ages that's a lot of habit ^_^ The upside of that is if you're small, it''s much easier to look like a 'grandma' than a 'covergirl' :rolleyes: Unless you're already on HRT you'll find few doctors willing to go there with you due to your age and even if you do find one, the changes will be mostly emotional in nature- it takes time to grow breasts and your body doesn't respond as quickly as a young person anymore. An older body is far more susceptible to the dangers of HRT too, especially thrombosis. So far all this may sound discouraging but don't take it that way, just see it as reality.

To transition may be a life-long goal for you so to not do what you have always wanted to do may lead to emotional bitterness and depression. You've given the world all your time so far, isn't it time for you to put you at the center of your life? I'd say you earned that right long ago :D According to your situation you may have the option of trying it and returning if you don't go through with it- a safety net of sorts. Either way you'll still have whatever pensions etc. you've built up and money is a major problem for most of those who transition earlier in life. You won't have to get a job and take whatever you can get just to stay warm and dry and eat now :blush: And few people get to realize such a wonderful dream in their lives; we usually have to give up out biggest dreams to get through this world until we're too old to go through with them- that's one heck of a disappointment far too many people live with and it's not good no matter how you try to justify it :mellow:

I didn't fully transition (working as a guy) but I still look back at the time I was living as a woman with a deep satisfaction and happiness unlike anything I've ever felt. I know it's right for me but life interceded and until I can overcome the issue that brought me back to a public life as a guy I don't have much choice in the matter. I first knew I could do it when I took a vacation where I had a few Trans friends and spent the entire time as a non-passing woman doing everything but working in 'girl mode'. That week brought a lot of social unpleasantness and a modicum of tolerance for me in stores, restaurants, parks, non-male-oriented nightclubs, libraries, and generally most of the places I'd go in my average week. It's like a test-drive that gives you a general idea of what to expect. It taught me that I could handle life as a woman; it taught me that there is a woman inside of me; and most importantly it taught me that I can do it! If you've not spent time in the real world like this I'd start there and see whether I wanted more- a test-drive of sorts :biker_h4h:

It's your life and your choice. Don't trash your dreams or your chances but don't be blinded by the desires either. Think it through, realize the very real risks, decide if they are worth it, and go from there. Remember that you don't have to follow anyone's "rules" and you can go as far as you want to or not. You don't have to transition fully if you find you don't need to but in the end you should do what your heart tells you to do because it knows where your happiness really is and that's always a goal worth achieving :groupwave: Remember, you're worth whatever effort it takes to get there!

Bettypooh

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Been trying to post this in answer for a couple of days, last time something went wrong, more klikely me, but trying once more.

The last time on treatment, I was taking hormones, so have a bust already:rolleyes: . The two reasons for stoping last time was my son, now 30, he was having great trouble with it:angry: , and then Charing Cross was pushing very very hard for a date for me to start my transition, I was more than ready, but the children were not, so was put on hold, well that is how they put it. But no longer really have them problems now, I also had all the silly name calling whilst out and about, mainly due to my late in-laws and their bigoted veiws and lies they spread around, and all that without me ever being seen outside as the real me, so have a good idear of what if anything could happen again.

Also already know who I would loose as regards family, there would be my brother, as he told me last time he would dis-own me if it happened, know that will not have changed, my son would also dis-own me, but have already given him enough of my life to date. My daughter would I think accept it, but then her husband is a different matter, and one I am not too sure about, but feel he would be against, my sister was willilling to stand by me last time, can not see that that would have changed either, but they all either lived with me or close by then, they have all moved away, apart from my brother, so only he now lives in the same town/city as me.

I also have one thing I did not have last time, some very nice and close friends that already know I am TS, all female I may add, apart from two male gay friends, so feel I have more support this time if I decide to go for it, than I did the first time around. The only thing I am uncertain about is the age bit, everything else is already in place apart from finding and getting treatment for my facial hair, even had a bit of that last time too, not that succesful sadly. But I am taking on what you have already said, and thank you for your time and trouble in doing so:) , most greatful to you.

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Hi bettypooh. I am not a frequent visitor to this forum, but I found your post to be well written, and it's content very inspiring. This person - being 70 yrs. YOUNG! And Authentic! Thanks. :)

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Well you're off to a great start so if it's what you need then go for it :D I didn't get any permanent changes from the HRT other than my general attitude; I'm a much nicer person now than before :blush: I did do the electrolysis,"Blend Thermolysis" to be specific and it took lots of time and money but it's the best money I ever spent ;) I guess another 50 sessions would prepare me for SRS, most of the rest is gone for good. I pluck the few stubborn ones still on my face and my tummy still has some hair but the feeling and look is awesome. If I can ever get past my financial problem or if it becomes overwhelming like it once was I'll transition. I don't want to start a new life so far in debt that I will never have a dime, but then there's always the lottery so maybe oneday B)

Bettypooh

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Well you're off to a great start so if it's what you need then go for it :D I didn't get any permanent changes from the HRT other than my general attitude; I'm a much nicer person now than before :blush: I did do the electrolysis,"Blend Thermolysis" to be specific and it took lots of time and money but it's the best money I ever spent ;) I guess another 50 sessions would prepare me for SRS, most of the rest is gone for good. I pluck the few stubborn ones still on my face and my tummy still has some hair but the feeling and look is awesome. If I can ever get past my financial problem or if it becomes overwhelming like it once was I'll transition. I don't want to start a new life so far in debt that I will never have a dime, but then there's always the lottery so maybe oneday B)

Bettypooh

Had the same electrolysis for the first 2/3 times, but it was leaving large blisters, which was starting to scar, so had to move to regular electrolysis, I wish you well with your financial problems, hope you solve them sooner, and be able to move on up, and a big thank you for your reply.

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Had the same electrolysis for the first 2/3 times, but it was leaving large blisters, which was starting to scar, so had to move to regular electrolysis, I wish you well with your financial problems, hope you solve them sooner, and be able to move on up, and a big thank you for your reply.

Electrolysis is as much art as science ;) The results depend almost totally on the skill of the Technician doing the work B) At first my skin was reacting badly too, but she dropped the power level and as the hair density dropped she worked up until we hit the maximum my skin would stand. When we went to new areas she lowered the power and worked similarly. In electrolysis there is no 'one size fits all' and there's a lot of contention about what is best :whistling: Plainly put, what works best for you is best for you even if it isn't the best for someone else. Also remember that the work can be only as good as the tools used to do it, but great work can be accomplished without the newest, latest, and greatest tools if the user is skilled enough :thumbsup: Electrolysis is best judged by it's permanence and lack of permanent skin damage :) Making that call takes at least 2 years time since follicles can easily lay dormant for that long :( I would change only one thing if I went through it again- Since I had mainly dark hair (getting grayer now) I would have done laser first and let it get what it could, then switched to electrolysis afterward -_- I think it would have saved some time and money and with dark hairs well done laser can be effective- again it depends entirely on the skill of the Technician doing it and decent equipment. Use what works for you and enjoy the smoothness you deserve.

Bettypooh

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Electrolysis is as much art as science ;) The results depend almost totally on the skill of the Technician doing the work B) At first my skin was reacting badly too, but she dropped the power level and as the hair density dropped she worked up until we hit the maximum my skin would stand. When we went to new areas she lowered the power and worked similarly. In electrolysis there is no 'one size fits all' and there's a lot of contention about what is best :whistling: Plainly put, what works best for you is best for you even if it isn't the best for someone else. Also remember that the work can be only as good as the tools used to do it, but great work can be accomplished without the newest, latest, and greatest tools if the user is skilled enough :thumbsup: Electrolysis is best judged by it's permanence and lack of permanent skin damage :) Making that call takes at least 2 years time since follicles can easily lay dormant for that long :( I would change only one thing if I went through it again- Since I had mainly dark hair (getting grayer now) I would have done laser first and let it get what it could, then switched to electrolysis afterward -_- I think it would have saved some time and money and with dark hairs well done laser can be effective- again it depends entirely on the skill of the Technician doing it and decent equipment. Use what works for you and enjoy the smoothness you deserve.

Bettypooh

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The only way I managed any at all was by going to a colledge, as was on benefits bringing up my children on my own, the girls loved having me, and the tutor, well the second one was very good, the first one left, and it was she that got it wrong on me. did try very hard for it on the NHS, plus my doctor of then tried everything he could to help me get it, but no luck, so that was a small reason with the two bigger ones that forced me to stop last time, but been doing some checking up on that too, can ask to be refered by whoever you see at Charing Cross, last time all they said was see your GP, this time I am not going to fobed off there, plus things have changed a bit since I was last there, will not see the one I last saw, but never liked him, so no great loss, all he ever did was talk down to you as if you was some sort of idiot, and I know only to well you don't have to like them to get the right treatment. As all he wanted to hear was a start date for role change, only got 7 appointments, but knew others that had been going for twice that long, if not longer, just needed a bit longer, but no he would not hear of it. The last visit was more of make your mind up on the spot, or go away, so I had to go away, but now with any luck, going back, as don't get rid of me that easy.

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Just to keep all you lovely people that tried to advise and showed so much kindness, I made the decistion to see my GP, saw him this last Wednesday, now awaiting a letter giving me an appointment somewhere, but at least I have taken a step, and one for me and me alone, know you will all wish me well, and I do thank every last one of you, bless you all.

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It will be a great price to pay, loosing all contact with my son, asa I love him dearly, but just cannot go on like this any longer, and I know even with the cost, I will be so much happier, and not only on the outside that others can see, but deep down inside, just will not be made to stay living in my personal living hell, and thank you for your reply, graetly appreciated, and thank you for showing you care.

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Hi just a quick update, since seeing my doctor, don't really know why, but am happier within myself, seems the spring in my step has returned, sleeping far far better, getting at least 6 hours at a go, instead of 1, 2, or 3's at the best, am even losing some weight, which I have been trying to do for ages, so far so good, and thats before any appointment has come though, so don't know what it will be like then, hopefully can only get better, and bless you all for your advice and help.

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Hi just a quick update, since seeing my doctor, don't really know why, but am happier within myself, seems the spring in my step has returned, sleeping far far better, getting at least 6 hours at a go, instead of 1, 2, or 3's at the best, am even losing some weight, which I have been trying to do for ages, so far so good, and thats before any appointment has come though, so don't know what it will be like then, hopefully can only get better, and bless you all for your advice and help.

Often when you handle the big 'problems' many other things fix themselves ;) That's how it went with me too. Dealing with my gender changed every part of my life except my career for the better. I should have changed that too- but whatever :rolleyes: I'm OK and it looks like you are going to be OK too :D

Bettypooh

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Thanks for your very kind reply, and very pleased to hear you found the same, but some of the things did surpize me just how quickly they sorted themselfs, really did not realise I was under that sort of pressure or stress, must have sneaked up on me without me realising, was putting poor sleep down to age and all the interrupted nights I had with my aging dogs [all sadly gone now, last one at sixteen and a half] , just put that down to that, but could not have been, as I have found out, feel so silly for letting it get that bad, but then sometimes you can not see the wood for the trees, and thank you once again.

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I was confirmed/dianosed transsexual in 1990, and did receeived some treatment/counseling, but had to stop for family reasons, well they are now all grown up and left home, and have been thinking of seeing if I could re-start the treatment, as the feelings have not changed, and a few very good friends that know say the same thing, go for it, give it a go, but as I am now 60, do not know if it is now too late for me, would appreciate any opinions on this.

I avoided this topic just because I don't really have any advice on what to do, but I do want to say this, it's never too late to make yourself happy, ever. I'm tired of people telling each other that they shouldn't do something that makes them happy just because of stupid things, like age or what "family" wants. What does surprise me is to see a few TG survive this long without treatment, and the diagnosing methods are completely archaic anyway. Counseling did nothing for me, except make me more depressed, so if it doesn't help you don't do that either. The reason is, unless you see a counselor who has had the same life as you, they will know nothing to help. But they can be a good ear until you find that one best friend (if you don't have one already) who understands. My best friends calls herself a "drag queen in a woman's body" ... she loves dressing like a drag queen and use to date TGs when she was dating. Don't seek out such a friend though, you may wind up getting hurt a lot, let them come to you but remain honest and open about who you are, in spite of the people around you. Just never be afraid to strut, never be ashamed of being who you are, and remember, just as with every other subculture, there is no such thing as a "standard" transgendered person. Transgendered (the word) means only that you are not typical of what society considers gender to be, you transgress the gender barriers.

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....unless you see a counselor who has had the same life as you, they will know nothing to help.....

Not always true :huh: A lot depends on the therapist and what kind of person you are :D I relate well to women in the way women relate to each other- I fit right in as if I was supposed to. My therapist was a woman, so we related very well- thus she was able to understand and help with all of my issues, including a few which were 'male' in nature :blush: Had I been a Drag Queen or had the therapist been a 'he' I doubt the outcome would have been any good at all :( Many things in life transcend usual boundaries and the solutions are nearly universal for them B) It took me three tries to get a good therapist but it was worth the effort.

Bettypooh

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Not always true :huh: A lot depends on the therapist and what kind of person you are :D I relate well to women in the way women relate to each other- I fit right in as if I was supposed to. My therapist was a woman, so we related very well- thus she was able to understand and help with all of my issues, including a few which were 'male' in nature :blush: Had I been a Drag Queen or had the therapist been a 'he' I doubt the outcome would have been any good at all :( Many things in life transcend usual boundaries and the solutions are nearly universal for them B) It took me three tries to get a good therapist but it was worth the effort.

Bettypooh

Unlike psychologists, therapists have to rely on their own life's experiences to do any good. Most people they will have some way to relate to, but TG is almost impossible to relate to unless you are also TG in some way, even a drag queen/king or a cressdresser, but how many therapists do you know with that experience?

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I did have some counseling the frist time around, the first bit on the NHS was a compleat waste of time, but in the end I was passed to some other counseling run by a charity, which was really good, but sadly just as we was making headway, my counselor was offered a much better job and left, and I really could not see the point of starting all over again with a new person, but I know there is good counselling out there, just have to find it. as I have never been ashamed of who I am, or what I am, it is just getting there. But to keep you all up-dated, will not be seeing my local psychiatrist, as heard from CX to-day with what is the standard form to fill in, so one more small step forward, get there even if it is an inch at a time. To also answer something from another earier post here, they did not know how some TG/TS's survive this long, well in my case nearly didn't, that's why I had treatment the first time, but owing to the fact I was bringing up children on my own after my wife died, had to stop for them, and was so good at pushing it and my own feelings away, did not realise to just a while back how badly it was still affecting me, so hence where I am now, but once more thank you to everyone that has offered views and advice, it is really heart warming.

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Just to keep everyone up to date, wrote to my dear son explaining lots of things about the past that he had conmpletely wrong, and also that I was thinking about re-starting my own personal treatment for being TS. Got a very nasty bitter phone call back, telling me that was it, he no longer wishes to speak or know me, it was sadly my sons old thing, him, him, and him all over again, how it effects him, what it will do to him, how it ruined his life, never a thought about what it is doing to me, or has over the last few years, it was me being out of order yet again, well sorry, but it is my life now, given him 30 years, so he knows where I am, and it will not stop me, true had a few very bad days afterwards, as it is heart breaking hearing that sort of thing from your own son, but only got to see him once in every two years, one if I was very lucky, so will not be effecting my life very much at all, but back nearly to old self, but plans have not changed, as think I owe myself another go at finding my own inner happiness.

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  • 1 month later...

Sorry all for not keeping everyone up dated sooner, but been very busy, plus a lot going on, first I have now got an appointment at Charing Cross in May, so a step nearer my own personal goal there, but still not a word from my son, which is of no great surprise really, but one can always keep hoping, plus have a planed night out with very close friends now plan and a date set at the end of this month, be able to be the real me for once, really looking forward to that, as it is the real inner me going out, not the one the world sees every day, my female self, and plus about to to re-start electrolysis this week at my local collage, should help to cuty down the need to shave so much, and the more I get, the less need there will be, and no charge either, can't be bad. So things are moving along quite nicely now, still get the odd moment of feeling down from all the hurtful things my son said, but over all keeping tyhings going and myself cheerful , in fact quite happy all things concidered, well that is about it, bye for now.

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