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Dealing With Family


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this is one of my first long forums.

well letts start from why i live at my uncles house. i moved in to his house as a favor to him since he is in the millitary and was going to go work away for a while. well he has live by him self for almost 7 years and has his ways of doing things. well there have been several time tha he gets pissed off and it stresses me out to the point of almost snapping (bipolar). well when i mean snapping i mean to the point where i black out and don't remember what happened. i have been stressing all week since he was coming home so i started cleaning the house. but i am also ADD so i am easily side tracked. well i fixed his car and than something else broke on his car the shop fixed it than found more stuff wrong as soon as he heard that he was on the war path again. then week went to walmart to get groceries well it is the day before easter we live in a military area and it was their paid day and food stamps went out and welfare. so it was busy witch pissed him off more. i absorb stress for some reason. so i am to the point of saying enough is enough, but can't since he is leaving again.

what do i do

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Yeah. The best thing you can do to relieve repeated/prolonged stress with family is to get away from them. My relationship with my parents and brother changed drastically for the better after I moved out.

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im on a lease and would have to move to the midwest again and i live near the ocean right now

OK, so life sucks- that's called normal and you have to get used to the trade-offs it takes to get through it :huh: So either find a way to cope so you can stay, or decide that it's not worth staying and do something about it B) What you do about it is up to you ;) Maybe you can avoid spending as much time with your uncle when he's there- you're not imprisoned. I was stuck with a drunken roommate for awhile and that's what I did- when he got too drunk to tolerate I left until he had enough time to pass out or until it was my bedtime :angel_not: That gave me time to get enough money together to better my situation :whistling:

I love a decent sized yard with room for my flowers :wub: I've got almost no yard where I live, but the rent is so cheap that I put up with it :( To get what I want would double my rent, I can't afford that, so that's just life :rolleyes: I look on the bright side- I can still grow some things and keep the ones that are special to me alive and healthy here until I can do better so it's not so bad overall :blush:

You can manage almost anything with the right attitude and approach.

Bettypooh

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I have family who live near the ocean and have visited them there. I'd much rather be in the midwest. I'm much happier living out here in the sticks and being dirt-poor than I would be being rich and living on a beach, or even just being richer and living in town or in city... I'm a country boy... I feel most alive out here, surrounded by a cattle pasture and a field. And my dogs love it here, too.

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Pick your battles. Decide what is worth stressing about, and what is not. If he is in the military he will expect things to be very clean and orderly. That is the military way. If you can be that way, all of the time, find another place to live. Military personnel are trained to be neat and orderly. Everything needs to be cleaned to the extreme. That is the military way, like it or not.

Good luck with what ever you decide.

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Pick your battles. Decide what is worth stressing about, and what is not. If he is in the military he will expect things to be very clean and orderly. That is the military way. If you can be that way, all of the time, find another place to live. Military personnel are trained to be neat and orderly. Everything needs to be cleaned to the extreme. That is the military way, like it or not.

Good luck with what ever you decide.

I think also you need to stop and reflect on what stress your uncle brings and what stress you yourself cause. I don't know the situation well enough and it isn't enough for you to paint a picture for us in your posts. You need to analyze it fairly.

As others have said as well, you need to be realistic about the trade-offs of staying where you are. Life is not going to be perfect anywhere. Your uncle owes you nothing. If you are going to live with him, the two of you must get along - which means you both need to figure it out. You both get rights and both get responsibilities. Your actions and behaviors should not cause him stress anymore than his should cause you stress. Beyond that, however, it seems like he's taken you in, not the other way around. You are living in his house(apt, whatever) and so the bigger burden is on you.

If the arrangement doesn't work out, its up to you to figure it out. YOU can change or YOU can move. Yes, you can talk things out with him and see if there is a way for adjustments to be made, but it isn't reasonable to expect too many concessions from him if its his place to begin with.

Good luck with this. It sounds like you may have a difficult time accepting the results of living with your uncle and at the same time, a difficult time making other arrangements. Keep in mind, it's always easier to change your own behavior than it is to convince another to change theirs. And it's impossible to force a change in anyone else's behavior.

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