Completely, Totally, Busted

[segufix]

So a couple of weeks ago my stepdad was looking for Christmas decorations and he happened to stumble across my stash of diapers. I feel bad because I lied to him and told him that I was having bedtime issues and he was completely understanding and supporting in the matter.

Last night though I was out drinking with my friends and I didn't want to take the restraints off my bed so i threw a couple thicks sheets over it to conceal it. He had his girlfriend over and since I was out he wanted to grab an extra pillow for his girlfriend so he went into my room and picked it up and voila he saw the restraint system I had on my bed.

He brought it up with me when he got home tonight. I really didn't tell him much about it, just told him my feelings and what not, but I didn't tell him I was into bondage. He knows I've been through a lot the last decade. I lost my mother (his wife) in a tragic accident in 2002 when I was in high school. My birthdad has been in and out of mental institutions since I was born. He is on so many meds right now he hardly recognizes me. I was in the armed services and I lost my good friend in Iraq, to make matters worse I had gotten in an argument with him and 10 minutes later a mortar hit the building we were in and he died on the spot even though I tried to save him. It still bothers me that he died with me being angry at him. I used to cut myself until I got into bondage which IMHO i find as healthy alternative to cutting.

I don't know what I should do, I really want to tell him, it's really hard though. But he has been supportive this whole time. I've been seeing a therapist as well and I don't have any intention of tell her any of this, but I've ben taking anti-depressants to help me out. I don't want him to worry about me though.

Give me your input.

[gbw_dl]

do what you got to do man, and thank you for your service, its unfortunate you lost your pal, my dad was in the service too and had the same expericance in desert shield. anyway, think about it, would your step dad be dissapointed if you told him your true feelings about diapers? your excuse to your step dad is actually a good one, if it came to it i would make the same excuse if i was discovered, but if your step dad is supportive of your "bed wetting" issues then i would let it be. do what you think is best though, i dont know your step dad but you do, so think hard and make the right descision.

[Guest Baby-Toa]

i'm sorry about the loss of your pal in Irag *salutes for him* and thank you for your service.

My thoughts are that if he is supportive of it then it's okies to tell him more and explain to him if he asks questions. but those are just my thoughts on it.

[diaperpt]

you've got to come up with something to tell your stepdad...as gbw said, do what you gotta do, but you've got to say something. Truth is not a bad thing, if you feel he can deal with it. If not, don't knock yourself out over it. I'm assuming you can't/don't want to move out - no problem there, but you've got to develop a relationship wherein you can be who you need to be without creating too much friction in the house.

As for your therapist, why wouldn't you talk about the things that are bothering you and how you are coping with them??? You've been through an awful lot and you owe it to yourself to learn good ways of coping and healing. And you are right - if bondage has helped you avoid cutting yourself, that's a good thing! As long as you aren't hurting yourself or someone else - physically, emotionally, or mentally - what's wrong with the bondage and why should your therapist not know? If she doesn't approve, then back away from the topic gracefully and go on to other issues. I imagine you may be limited in selection of a therapist, so I won't recommend finding someone else if she can't help you with your issues. Remember...the therapist is there to help you solve the problems you've presented to her. Bondage is part of the solution you've developed - not a problem in itself. Don't be afraid to discuss it with her in that light. Listen to what she has to say, but that doesn't mean you have to accept everything she says.

Good luck.

[beallucanb]

There is nothing wrong with bondage I have been practicing self bondage for the past 40 years, in a way it's a healthy release for pent up agrivation, you have some stuff you need to learn to get over.

And a release that dosn't hurt anyone eles or yourself is good, I would look for a bondage buddy in your area someone to confide in and discuss things with, bondage is always safer with a buddy, wish I had one.....B

[WallaWalla]

Bondage is fun. It's no longer that shameful

Agreed, I talk pretty openly on a pretty regular basis. I can't imagine that anybody who is willing to talk about sex with you is going to have too strong of a reaction when you tell them that you like a little bondage mixed in. I actually have a hard time imagining somebody with so vanilla of a sex life that they didn't at least think about it seriously once or twice.

Granted, you might weird out the average Joe if you go into too vivid of detail.

[WallaWalla]

I gotta say, I don't count bedroom 'tie me up' games as bondage which is as far as your average vanilla has gone.

I don't either. However, I have to say that the amount of people I run into who are that vanilla is pretty limited. Not to say that the majority of people I talk to sex about are hard-boiled BDSM aesthetes or anything either. I guess I just lean toward the notion that people are much weirder than they will ever admit most of the time and that normal doesn't exist, especially not when it comes to sex.

[WallaWalla]

Well, the English are (in)famous for their stonefaced lovemaking after all...

[WallaWalla]

Err...some country on that continent is. I don't know, I'm an American.

[loopy]

I thought the english where famous for being Kinky... behind closed doors that is. In public we don't talk about sex ooooooohhhhhhh noooooo (well its different in this modern enlightend age), but behind the curtians... its a different story .

[tenderheart]

It's a stereotype but yeah, the British are viewed as prudish in most things including the bedroom by a lot of Americans. Of course if you go to peopleofwalmart.com you can see plenty of Americans so I don't know how much weight you want to give it.

Notable exceptions are football(soccer) hooligans and the clubbers.

[loopy]

So we're either prudish or drunks? yay

Its a bit weird but most europeans are seeing americans more and more as the prudes of the world, what with those fundamentalists and all....

[anondl]

Its a bit weird but most europeans are seeing americans more and more as the prudes of the world, what with those fundamentalists and all....

We in the US are somewhere between Europeans and middle eastern Muslims on the prude scale. And we seem to have a boob fetish that I can't explain.

Anondl

[Codymoogle]

We in the US are somewhere between Europeans and middle eastern Muslims on the prude scale. And we seem to have a boob fetish that I can't explain.

Anondl

~ moogle