Wondering...

[jack3295]

As previously mentioned, finding pleasure in filling one's diaper makes us unique in the community. We've wandered down a path that, as it turns out, is more worn than I expected. I think what surprises me most is the interest shown by such a wide sample of the membership. Boys and girls both. I'm not sure what led us down this path and to be honest, I don't think it matters much. It might make for an intersting blog but for purposes of clarity I'll stick to the question at hand. Motivations are complex and can be difficult to explain. What we feel and think is simply description. So, what is it that goes through your head when you make a big poo in your diaper? What do you experience physically?

Those of us with years of experience (along with the resources and circumstance to indulge) might have the most to say on the subject. No doubt the young members are still developing their methods and might find it difficult to not only explain their thoughts, but to find the opportunity. Regardless, I'd be interested to hear what anyone has to say. I'd be especially interested in the thoughts of girls. I'm amazed but not surprised that girls share the enthusiasm. And I suppose their motivations aren't that much different. But girls and boys are different and I'd like to hear from both sides of the gender fence.

I will add my own thoughts after seeing what others have to say. I was going to write about it this morning but I'm being distracted by a growing urgency. So I will check back after mother nature has her way with me and hope a few of the more literate have contributed.

[TDL]

i feel pleasure and relief for 5 seconds, then i think of the cleanup afterwards, which is a pain in the bu... anus.

[POOPYDL]

I accidentally messed my pants as a pre-teen and actually enjoyed that sloppy squishy load in my undies and have enjoyed filling my pants since. I enjoy pooping while sitting down as this forces my movement forward and up around my genitals as opposed to going up my backside where it can exit at the top of my diaper. I will stay in my poopy pants or diaper for as long as I am able to before having to cleanup and go off to work for the day.

[full nappy]

any chance i get i fill my nappy, i'm not sure which i like best...the actual filling or when i then sit down in it. both have a great feeling for me, and after all i am called full nappy

[rusty pins]

I mess only a few times a year when out running errands, mostly because of the smell and clean up. What I enjoy about it is the feeling of it slowly coming out and pushing it's way into my diaper and finding the room in there that it needs. Once in my diaper, I usually change as soon as I can however there have been times when I've just said, "F*** It!" and kept it on while driving, running errands, etc. It also depends on the odor. If it smells I will not force other people to smell my poopy diaper. If I don't notice the odor I might wait a little while to change. I do prefer solid loads as opposed to soft ones and I'd probably mess more often if it didn't smell and I could hop in the shower each time. Unfortunatly, I don't live by myself and wet diapers are OK, the messy one's require clean up that I just can't do privatly at my house.

[diaperpt]

A number of the responses so far are from people who poo out in public. I'm glad to read that there is caution taken here both in the name of your own personal concerns and for those around you as well. I have yet to poo out in public and my choice is to continue avoiding that to the greatest possible extent.

Further, even when home and by myself, I pick and choose when I will allow myself this release. I have to be in a particular mood and mindset. There have been times when alone that I've felt the urgency and spontaneously decided "Oh what the heck, let it come!" For the most part, however, I enjoy the feeling of putting on a diaper and telling myself that I'm going to have to poo in my diaper. Usually I go the route of suppository, liquid glycerin or enema and so it's a planned experience. At times like that, I get to feel the anticipation and the growing urgency. I can feel the excitement of trying to hold back the inevitable, pretending that I don't want to have to poop in my diaper. Sometimes I'll even go to some measures of restraint - locking on a home-made diaper harness so I can't avoid the impending poop (without unlocking the harness...which would probably take too long anyway!). Most of the time, I'll have used a tampon to help hold off and stretch out the whole process.

Once I've pooped, I don't often wallow in it too long. It isn't that I don't enjoy the feeling of the poop mushing on my backside, but rather that its an easier cleanup when not mushed. When going via enema, a shower is absolutely required but otherwise I normally avoid a mess that would require a shower. For me part of that is that I don't want to miss the diaper time taken by the shower time! Pretty silly, but the way my mind works.

Perhaps my desire to poop in my diaper at all goes back to the long walk home from my school bus stop when I can remember struggling to get home and to the bathroom in time. I don't remember those times as especially pleasurable and so I don't understand my emotions now. I know that there were and have been at other times in my life a lot of close calls and even times when I've not quite made it. Again, those are times of embarassment, so what the link is to the pleasure of allowing myself to poop in the diaper, I'm not sure.

[Phil Schwartz]

My angle on pooping is a little different. For me, it was always part of avoiding abuse. As a kid, letting go at the right moment might - usually - curb the sexual predator who frequently attacked me. Just as wearing a diaper is a form of protection, using it for its intended purpose is a strength. It's myself when I was a little kid fighting back against an overwhelming force.

What do I feel when actually doing the deed? Strength, power, determination, urgency, satisfaction, and pride are all in there somewhere. Wetting or pooping, similar feelings.

As like the others, I rarely poop in public and when I do I usually rush home to change. I would poop more at home but I feel as if it is an imposition on my wife to have to deal with the smell. Carrying a load around afterwards is an ironic reminder that I have control over my body - nobody else does.

And, no, I have never had interest in having anyone change me. For me, cleanup afterwards has always been part of the 'job well done' feeling. To give that power to someone else would undermine the whole point of having used my diaper in the first place - to stand alone and take my best shot at my attacker.

Yes, I know I'm really messed up.

[hazardouskink]

Of course we're all familiar with the physical sensations of the deed, but it's so hard to separate out the emotional/mental responses that I'm honestly not sure if I could consider them exclusively in a description of my process. I know that at first I'm excited and heightened and even somewhat nervous, although not in the negative sense. Just anticipatory, basically.

If the messing is in public or a situation where there's an element of risk I feel delightfully devious and twisted and revel in the fact that I'm enjoying something no one else can see or experience, a private ecstasy that 99% of the folks around me would never think to look for or understand.

If I'm at home, there's that great sense of willful defiance in the deed, especially when viewed in the mirror. One of those "hey, you. yeah. look. I'm filling my f***ing diaper" conversations with yourself. There's a sense of extreme control and satisfaction as your load slides out into your diaper. No one else could possibly give me that sensation, and everything that is happening is from me, for me, and because of me.

I also think that the moment where you really fully comprehend that you really are about to crouch down in your diapers and fill them with your own home-brand muck there's a delightful mindfuck. the socially-conditioned disgust we're supposed to feel and the extreme excitement and elation of going through with it form this wonderful vacuum of responsibility where for a few moments we're completely, blissfully dismissed from any and all worry or care. Yeah, I'm shitting myself. It's the dirtiest, lest responsible thing I could do to myself and still live. Bring it on.

filling a diaper as a result of an enema or stuffing session is completely different, as it's pure sensation. fuck the mentalities; the feeling of that hot load and the way it interacts with my diaper is the only reality in that situation.

[Plasticbutt]

So, what is it that goes through your head when you make a big poo in your diaper? What do you experience physically?

I'm just two weeks shy of my 40th birthday, so I'm not so young as others here, but until relatively recently, I wasn't into pooping in my pants. I wasn't into poop at all. I wasn't even wearing diapers. I'd always loved plastic, for many years, and suddenly the idea of wearing plastic briefs, then plastic-padded diapers, occurred to me. Then, shortly after joinning the DD forum, I started reading threads where some DLs told of taking poops in their diapers. Something CLICKED, big-time. I thought that was the kinkiest thing I'd ever read about. The more I thought about it, the more turned-on I became by it. Then, naturally, I had to try it. Needless to say, I loved it even more; I totally got off sitting in and smelling my own poop. It is a sexual experience for me as well as a sensual one whenever I have a load in my diapers or vinyl briefs.

I guess what goes through my head, initially, is "I can't believe I'm doing this." But then, it very soon becomes, "Oh, that's nice!"

It's amazing too, because I'm quite a neat-freak -- I like things clean and orderly, so naturally I take precautions: I spread a trash bag over the chair when I sit down in my poop, and clean-up in the bathtub is time-consuming and rigorous. But, to be honest, I think pooping in my diapers or briefs is a bit of a release from my neatness and anal-retentiveness. It's why I have a trash fetish too: I love playing around with dry trash, it's the opportunity to create a mess, but one that, if I'm careful with it, can be cleaned up with no ill effects on my living space or arrangements. It's my way of letting loose and having fun, independent of the prissy neat-freak that lives inside me.

So, two reasons basically: (1) Pooping myself is kinky and sensual, and (2) it's a bit cathartic.

[Plasticbutt]

Yeah, I'm shitting myself. It's the dirtiest, least responsible thing I could do to myself and still live. Bring it on.

Now THAT is definitely a great thought with regard to soiling! I completely agree.

[glycerine]

To me, it's an intense sexual stimulation as I poop. I've been taking Zoloft for a while, and that deadens the usual feelings of orgasm...if I can have one at all (*sigh*). However, giving myself a glycerine enema, putting in a tampon, putting on my diaper and plastic pants, and then my nightie, gives me a fabulous feeling. I snuggle down under my covers and after 5 minutes start feeling my rectum trying to push out the poop...with no success. Each wave of pushing makes my anus tingle more. I can feel my blood pulsing against the tampon plug. Pretty soon my whole mind in concentrating on my bottom and what's going on down there. When I finally let loose it's like an orgasm. The sensations peak and then I can feel the now squishy poop flowing out of me in waves. If I've been loading on Metamucil that feels like it goes on forever. I then usually drift off to sleep for a half hour or so. The neat thing about the waves of intense stimulation is that it's like having a multiple orgasm...something that a guy my age can only vaguely remember from 40 years ago. (Ah youth!)

Cleanup is no big deal to me. Paper towels and baby wipes...

And, yes, the knowledge that I'm dirtying myself whilst in my bed, under the covers, is part of the excitement.

[DavidMW]

I think pooping in my diapers or briefs is a bit of a release from my neatness and anal-retentiveness.

I'd certainly agree with that last part.

[zakkurah]

For me a description of what i physically felt would be dry and boring.for me all this thing about diapers tend to be for the most part, mental. I'm mainly AB and as such the whole aspect of using my diapers is to feel close to my partner, knowing i'll be stuck in my mess tell they deciede to change me. For me the biggest thing is the feeling of being loved. Simply that is what is most important to me, and knowing i have someone who would even change my messy diaper for me make me feel loved. I'm pretty sure this makes little to no sense but i tried to explain it

[jacob]

I can remember doing a poo in my nappy when I was about two years old. I was crying at the time and the feeling of my nappy filling up without control was comforting. Now when I do it I get those same feelings of comfort and security, even though I now obviously have control over doing it.

[Letluvsrool]

Not really sure why it started, but I've always loved dropping a big load in my diapers. As a teenager I would usually indulge after school before my parents got home, so frequently I would find myself riding the bus home agonizingly trying to hold it until my stop. A lot of the time I didn't have to go and so I ended up disappointed as I tried to sit and squish a couple rabbit turds. As I've grown older and had more independence in my life, I've been able to experiment with altering my diet and timing meals and such to create wonderfully big squishy loads at the right time in my day so I can enjoy them in privacy.

I love almost everything about it; the anxiousness of holding it in until the right moment, the feeling of pooping in a diaper, the naughtiness, the smell, (still can't stand the smell of other people's, but there's something familiar about your own stench that is pleasing) and of course the heavenly feeling of sitting and squishing a warm poopy diaper.

[timmyc]

I don't mess often, couple times a year or so. I love the idea of doing it and would love to meet a female that enjoys it too. I know I pooped my pants a few times as a kid and probably wasn't the best wiper in the world. I know my parents hated it and I think current messes are just kind of thumbing my nose to the rules. I am a grown up and can do what ever the eff I feel like. I have messed in public a few times in my life, but not something I do regularly, it has been years, but I have been feeling the itch lately. The release and feel as I am filling the diapers is a big time stress reliever. My ex wife didn't mind wet ones on me or herself, but wasn't into messy ones, the one time she changed a messy (for my birthday) she said she almost threw up. I had another girlfriend who never quite brought herself to do it, but was certainly considering it. She said I would hate changing them, I agreed I might but would love the opportunity to find out. If we stayed together, I think she would have eventually. Even though I wet way more than I ever mess, I don't really distinguish the two. I am a diaper boy plain and simple, and diapers sometimes get pooped in.

[Guest diapered67]

I just messed for the first time on purpose i guess you can say. I have been sick in the past and wear diapers just in case. However this morning I was busy doing the morning routine and let one go in the ole diaper. Whew it felt good to be able to release it... however I will have to give everyone credit right now who likes to mess in your diaper. The smell about knocked me out, good god... I do not know how anyone could mess their diaper and still do errands.... BRAVO to all. The cleanup was not pretty, or should I saw quick, or non-hazardous... My throat remains sore from yaking so much... MY GOD!!!

I have been a DL for years, have changed all kinds of diapers... however I feel that after today I will not be messing my diapers every day. However I might get use to it... Nope right now I will not be pooping the ole diapers every day...

BTW I was wearing a ABENA XPLUS and it held... was already soaked from the evening...

Enjoy your Tuesday..

Diapered