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abrera

What'S Going On With Me...

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Yeah, well I went to see my GP today because well I just wanted to know what? if anything is happening.

Well, there is a report from the psychiatrist on the NHS system and a 3 page letter on the issue. However nothing has been done about it. According to the letter, the psychiatrist who evaluated me sees no evidence of mental instability, is confident that I am of sound mind and I suffer no existing mental conditions nor associated disorders that would make me unable to judge. The psychiatrist does however say that I am suffering from transsexualism (I told my GP not to apologise from the wording as he didn't write it.)

However, as nothing was done, I have been left in limbo for months. So my GP wrote a letter to the clinic I WANT to see, as opposed to the general purpose clinic. It's 40 miles less far to travel both ways.

However, I come home and explain to my mother what the letter says and her response it that well, it's all wrong. She assumes superior authority and says that there is no evidence that I am or ever will be female. This hurts. Just when I had a reason to be cheerful. I shouldn't be surprised at this, the months of indifference and refusal to acknowledge that anything was happening, coupled with the promise I made not to tell my siblings should give it away.

My father just said that he wasn't pleased that I had asked my GP to follow this up, but if it 'cures' me then it's all for the best. I hate this. The emotional bonds they seem to tie me in, making sure I am seldom content emotionally with life, all under the guise that I should be happy as we are not a majority deprived family physically seems to assert their position. If I do get to a specialist, and he/she agrees that I can choose my own path then I assume the knowledge that I am serious about going all the way with this for my own happiness will cause some fights.

Like when Caster Semenya first came up in the news, their reaction was 'if she was born a man, then it's wrong for he to present herself as a woman.'

I hate this sometimes.

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At least you didn't get hit by a bus.

*pity smile*

"the process" sucks... it's not just with this gender stuff... all "processes" suck.

Luck to you. Much of it..

-Sofi.

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At least you didn't get hit by a bus.

*pity smile*

"the process" sucks... it's not just with this gender stuff... all "processes" suck.

Luck to you. Much of it..

-Sofi.

Thank you Sophie :) Although a bus would have been better, I could get compensation for that. (Obviously that was a joke.)

I get their mindsets on some things but not on others. For example my mother believes in the UK ID card scheme in which everyone's details are put on record including DNA and retina scans, my father believes the government and ruled by a secret order.

Both of them at points have libeld others character because of their actions with their children. I remember my mothers comments in passing when another mother threw out her gay son. I distinctly remember the words 'I'd never ignore my children's needs' which is true. She doesn't, she is attentive to help my sisters through their times of crisis, and she wishes to help cure her son. Thing is, I'm so disillusioned with the world at the moment, the only thing I can hang on to that I know is true is that whether she accepts it or not, she has no son.

I don't want to appear as the bad party, but as ethical as I try to be, there is no easy way for this to work out. I can't find an ethical balance between myself knowing I am who I want to be and the overriding sense to keep on good terms with my parents. It's not selfish of me to say that they should at least try to understand who I am as opposed to telling me who I am, it's always been the case. If they dislike something, then the room turns awkward and you feel shamed for something that a) isn't your fault and B) is imperative to your good health.

Frankly, I'm at the stage where although I am not financially independent, I will do this with or without their blessing as it is not their choice. Where's the economic boom-wave? I need a house!

Maybe not, but the point stands, if they end up deciding that it's not MY choice, then there is no reason for me to stay here. Friends can take you only so far and frankly if my parents take one view, then you can be sure that it will be expected of siblings and my grandmother to follow suit.

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I'm hoping my siblings and extended family follow suit of my parents. They're quite accepting. Just to the right degree... not interrogating, but not bitching...

Am I allowed to say bitching? I've never sworn on the boards..

Anyway, although they are allowing me to transition in the house... I'd prefer getting out.

If you need a roomie, gimme a ring.

-Sophie

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Eventually it'll work out, sonner or later, though I'm sure we'd all prefer sooner over later.

As for me I'm happy in seeing a friend near where I live begin hormones, but I'm also sad that I'm not able to yet.

society is depressing. you just can't trust it. you got to help yourself first.

sometimes I wonder if the happiness I feel is even real.

I understand my thoughts but I'm terrafied of having to do this alone, if that's what it takes.

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I'm hoping my siblings and extended family follow suit of my parents. They're quite accepting. Just to the right degree... not interrogating, but not bitching...

Am I allowed to say bitching? I've never sworn on the boards..

Anyway, although they are allowing me to transition in the house... I'd prefer getting out.

If you need a roomie, gimme a ring.

-Sophie

My folks are just awkward, my mother got pissy at me and my father for getting a bookcase so the pile of books in the spare bedroom floor didn't cause a hazard.

Honestly, I've made note of everything she's said to us today, the wording exact, just to use myself later on.

Eventually it'll work out, sonner or later, though I'm sure we'd all prefer sooner over later.

As for me I'm happy in seeing a friend near where I live begin hormones, but I'm also sad that I'm not able to yet.

society is depressing. you just can't trust it. you got to help yourself first.

sometimes I wonder if the happiness I feel is even real.

I understand my thoughts but I'm terrafied of having to do this alone, if that's what it takes.

It best do. I'm waiting on the strength of my doctor's 3 week promise. I can't believe the psychs left my file dangling. I mean, theoretically if I'd have waited until my parents said (6 months) to question it, nothing would have happened :/ The one thing I will hate is when two other Trans people I have met ask, I get the dreaded feeling that they will ask and be immediately accepted. Life seems to work that way for me.

I'm not terrified of loneliness, I know the feeling too well to be.

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Yeah the 3 weeks expired and nothing happened *cries*

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

In better news, I am the Trans Rep for my University, so I get to speak on diversity matters with authority nowas opposed to the rambling authority I had before!

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Yeah the 3 weeks expired and nothing happened *cries*

I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT

In better news, I am the Trans Rep for my University, so I get to speak on diversity matters with authority nowas opposed to the rambling authority I had before!

*hugs* im sorry to here this sweetie...

if i were you id go back or fone, just chase it up....they cant ignore it if your asking whats happening!!

i hope that you do get somwere with it and i hope they pull out there fingers, its just no on!!

*more hugs*...cant hurt!

fingers crossed for you honey

juniper

xxx

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*hugs* im sorry to here this sweetie...

Juniiiiiiii *Hugs*

if i were you id go back or fone, just chase it up....they cant ignore it if your asking whats happening!!

The sad truth is they can ignore it. They met the legal requirement to see me within 18 weeks (which is the report I want to see that is based on a 20 minute interview.) They can ignore me for the rest of time :/

i hope that you do get somwere with it and i hope they pull out there fingers, its just no on!!

16 months since first contact :/

Pffft.

*more hugs*...cant hurt!

fingers crossed for you honey

*Hugs for you and Lucy*

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The NHS did one thing right. They didn't break the law with regards to my data protection request.

I got the psychiatric report. I am sane and fulfil ICD-10 requirements. But the psychiatrist ignored my request for female pro-nouns and used 59 male pro-nouns in a document of roughly 1000 worlds in length.

In other news, my parents refuse to acknowledge the report.

Also, I phoned to see why no response in 3 weeks. The secretaries are 'conveniently' 3 weeks behind on their typing and it was sent out Friday (I phoned Monday-next working day.) I wish they'd stop being bitchy about my choice of pro-nouns and titles.

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Right time for another instalment of 'The NHS are uselss' or more realistically 'The secretaries of the NHS are useless.'

They did post the letter on the Friday, and they got a response back, the following Tuesday!!!!!

What did they do with this response? The secretary didn't understand it, so filed it under 'to review.' Then it was forgotten till I turned up and asked WTH is going on.

The specialist is good, he responded to them within a day, used genderally correct pro-nouns and offered to see me, however I will eventually be subcontracted to Charing Cross (Bastards!)

So, Ima see the specialist and tell him to send me Charing Cross where I need at least 2 more psychiatric assessments (already having had 3 technically,) so they don't umbrage me!

The secretary has no idea WTH TG is, and asked me to read the letter and tell her what it meant, she didn;t understand what to do (send a letter ffs) therefore my GP is gonna phone me tomorrow (hopefully!) and Ima tell him to send me to the specialist who can refer me to Charing cross. The reason Ima tell my GP to send me to the specialist is because if my GPs secretaries deal with CC then I'll hear nothing for months (as previous custom dictates.)

So Ima tell the specialist to deal with the correspondence then end up at CC eventually!

I do wonder though how long it would have taken the secretaries to review the letter and ask me or my GP what it meant if I hadn't gone in.

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What did they do with this response? The secretary didn't understand it, so filed it under 'to review.' Then it was forgotten till I turned up and asked WTH is going on.

Even if you're perfectly explicit about who and what you're reffering to in the first sentance or two, things are still often delayed, and often more than just a few days. Maybe avoid acronyms?

Being a guy is sucking the life right out of me, but I'm in no position to really do anything about it. Being a ~1/2 girl is a PAIN sometimes. At least in the UK the law is clear (world class, really).

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The UK law is not clear.

That's why the problems arise.

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My father just said that he wasn't pleased that I had asked my GP to follow this up, but if it 'cures' me then it's all for the best. I hate this. The emotional bonds they seem to tie me in, making sure I am seldom content emotionally with life, all under the guise that I should be happy as we are not a majority deprived family physically seems to assert their position. If I do get to a specialist, and he/she agrees that I can choose my own path then I assume the knowledge that I am serious about going all the way with this for my own happiness will cause some fights.

Like when Caster Semenya first came up in the news, their reaction was 'if she was born a man, then it's wrong for he to present herself as a woman.'

I hate this sometimes.

Wow! I read this and my heart just breaks for you! Please don't get too discouraged! People often say things that hurt us because they are afraid, because they don't understand, and basically because they can't understand. Best of luck to you as your pursue your dream. We'll cheer you on.

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Thank you, I'm about broken TBH.

My parents last week read the letter, went into a tizz and then buried it the day after. I think my father has gone blank, but my mother is unhappy, yet she won't talk.

I can't keep lying to my family. If it weren't for the fact my friends are still around me, frankly I'd have been broken long before now.

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Thank you, I'm about broken TBH.

My parents last week read the letter, went into a tizz and then buried it the day after. I think my father has gone blank, but my mother is unhappy, yet she won't talk.

I can't keep lying to my family. If it weren't for the fact my friends are still around me, frankly I'd have been broken long before now.

I hope you get all this sorted out very soon miss Abrera, it sounds as though you are having a tough time of it. I won't try to offer you any advice or suggestions as I am totally out of my element here, but in general I think people need to do what makes them happy. Going through life trying to please everyone else at the expense of your own happiness leaves you an empty lonely shell of a person. I admire your courage with this, keep fighting for yourself and don't let anyone try to change who you are!

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dont fret we all are here *hugs tight* i know it is ezer said then done. but you can do it..... jsut keep faith and if they dont want to bein your life then it is there loss.

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Thank you to both of you.

I went back to my GP's surgery today and explained the situation. The receptionist looked at her screen and said 'oh yeah, we wrote to him on the 5th, we haven't heard anything back'

So I showed her the letter I requested a copy of last week. She replied 'oh yeah, it's here on the system' *Head counter*

When I enquired as to whether my GP had been informed of the request to call me I was told he wasn't, this proven by the note saying to call me still on the 'to do' pile in the office.

So after explaining that this has been going on for 6 months, I asked to see my GP as he is actually prudent in these matters and would comply with my request for referral in accordance with the letter.

I was told I would need to book an appointment, and the first available would be on November 19th. So I asked for an official complaints form and then by magic, they had 5 appointments tomorrow. *sigh*

So Ima go see my GP tomorrow and get him to refer me to Bristol. Bristol can do nothing for me, however if I got here I can a) buy shoes for my enormous feet, B) get Bristol to refer me to Charring cross direct as if my GP's receptionist do it, I'll get a referral, but they wont tell me and I will miss it.

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Good luck with your family Abrera,

It takes courage to come out to loved ones, whom percieved you the way they wanted you to be. I am just starting gender therapy, Nov 12th being my first session. Coming out to family is one of the issues that I will need help to cope with from my therapist. I do live 24/7 now, except for when I visit family, and I know how hard it can be, as I always get negative feedback from my family, "Cut your hair." "Did you pierce both ears?" "Do you shape your eyebrows?" ... I am sure the list will go on.

For me it is a little easier, as I live in a different state then my family does. I chose to be happy, and true to myself. If my family doesn't accept me for who I am right now, or in the future, they do not need to be a part of my life, right now anyways. I wish you luck with your family, and please just do whatever you feel is best for you, makes you happy, and be true to yourself.

Michelle

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Unfortunately I am not so lucky.

If I can't get acceptance, I have nowhere else to go and if my parents aren't on side, my siblings will follow suit (as is my families working.)

My plan is to come back from Bristol and to tell them simply they can like it or not.

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Well I went to the Dr and he is sending me to Bristol (eventually) for 1 session of counselling as that's all he can get.

Oh and my mothers response was "They should consult the parents and it should be up to them, I know you better than you know yourself."

BS.

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Well I went to the Dr and he is sending me to Bristol (eventually) for 1 session of counselling as that's all he can get.

Oh and my mothers response was "They should consult the parents and it should be up to them, I know you better than you know yourself."

BS.

Parents think they know better... they rarely do in my experience. And aren't you 19? When legally your parents hold nothing legal over you? I can see the parents being consulted when its a child of 12-13.... but over 18 then its nothing to do with them (well ok it is cause they're family, but they shouldn't have any bearing on it)

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My parents legally hold nothing over me, however if I were to ever overstep my boundaries without persuading them differently, I'd be out and I don't want to be out in a recession, also it's winter and quite cold.

In other news, Ima be a published writer in a Trans magazine.

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My parents legally hold nothing over me, however if I were to ever overstep my boundaries without persuading them differently, I'd be out and I don't want to be out in a recession, also it's winter and quite cold.

In other news, Ima be a published writer in a Trans magazine.

So basically you would be another statistic, for our community. Im sorry to say that this is a shame. When I was living with my mom and family, I did not even have the courage to tell them. For that I want to tell you that you do have a lot of courage, and am happy that you came out to yourself. I do hope that you can find a place to live on your own soon. I don't know you yet, but maybe it is best. A little independence, and you get to be your true self. Although this is not a suggestion to go and do, as I do not want to emotionally upset you in any way.

I know a girl that I have talked to a numerous ammounts of times, about her life, what she wants, her hurdles with religion/family and the community in general. In her eyes, and as she was raised, she feel's "God hates Queer." My boyfriend and I both told her that, that was not the case. We tried to tell her she had to pick out the "QoL" that she wanted... Wether it was to stop dressing, to stay within good faith with her parent's, church, or to possibly research how other religion's work (Wicca in particular). We as human beings have to accept ourselves for ourselves, if we are not true to ourselves, then you ultimately do not get the Quality of Life, that you want. I feel that you accept yourself as yourself, but your family needs to give you QoL. My friend couldn't do that, and was scared away for no apparent reason that I could find, and is not in my life anymore.

I do wish you the best with your decision/family issues. Hopefully in the end of it, everything will work out.

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Eventually it will get to the stage where the wills will concede. I just hope that I don't break in the mean time.

There is no chance I will be able to move out. Therefore I need to change attitudes.

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