You People Are F^&king Idiots!

[Mean Mommy]

Y'know, I'm glad ABDLs and their ilk don't have an established subculture. It keeps us humble. I'm glad we don't have a celebrated scene. Because then we would have people obsessed with that scene. We would have people who would become so obsessed with that scene that all over normal purveyors of the kink would be driven away.

I'm glad we're not like that.

So I was introduced to the BDSM subculture and its loyal following. These are poly-amorous folk who congregate in dungeons throughout their communities and rarely anywhere else. While some of these people are cool, most are uptight assholes (too power-obsessed to break out of character and say something honest or interesting), and some are downright insane.

I asked if anyone had tips to make my near-formidable former partner to bawl like the baby bitch he truly is. I was advised to seek out a partner "in the scene" who was already an experienced and willing crier.

..great. Um.. No.

What about BDSM for monogamous people? What about BDSM for those of us who want to meet up outside the local dungeon? What about BDSM for those of us who may not be practiced and experienced in every fucking aspect, but know we got what it takes deep down? What about BDSM for the people who want a life out of mother-fucking BDSM?!!

And then there were these submissives who wondered whether they may have been pushing themselves too hard when they FORCED themselves to participate in scenes that FRIGHTENED them. WHAT...THE...FUCK?!?! It's meant to be ENJOYED you freaking morons!!! If you aren't enjoying it, you STOP. It's sort of RULE- NUMBER-FUCKING-ONE of BDSM!!!

Sorry for ranting...just had to get it out somewhere.

Anyone else have anything to say about hardcore BDSM scenesters?

[Baby Bethany]

I've never been in a BDSM dungeon (Noooo MM, it's scare-wy in there!!! ) but I did go to a couple of BDSM/Fetish parties a few years back. I thought they were pretty boring, and clicky, with most of the people too far up their own arses to really enjoy themselves. I also felt a bit unwelcome, because although they were parties for any old fetish the hardcore BDSM guys seemed to look down their noses at us AB's (Poor diddums....did the nasty man offend you by dressing like a baby girl????)

At least when AB's get together there is always a bit of humour, and I guess that's because it's pretty hard to turn up at a party dressed like a baby and still be over serious about yourself. I mean let's face it, what we do is friggin funny!

Beth

[Tadpole]

I've ventured into a BDSM dungeon and yes, MM & Beth, I agree with everything you both say. At least where I went (In Bristol) there were a couple of ABies there too, and I'll go again but only if I now a few ABies are going to be there.

> At least when AB's get together there is always a bit of humour, and I guess that's because it's pretty hard to turn up at a party dressed like a baby and still be over serious about yourself. I mean let's face it, what we do is friggin funny!

Exactly! Just wish there were places where this happened in the UK.

Tad.

[DailyDi]

I would LOVE to experience a real dungeon scene just once, but all the people around here who gave made dungeons only invite women into them.

[lil_angel]

Mommie and I are lifestyle BDSMers, poly, as well as lifestyle ageplayers.

We frequent the local dungeon on a regular basis, and yes, there are a fair share of overly pretentious people there. However, there are plenty of regular down to earth people too. I have many BDSM friends who get together outside of dungeons and BDSM events to just hang out, go to dinner or the movies, or any other vanilla activity.

It is also true that most BDSMers do not like AB/DLs. A lot of them have had a bad experience with one or two of the type that give this lifestyle a bad name. I mean the ones that run around in a wet and messy diaper begging anyone around them to change them...you know the type. It's the whole...don't push your kink on me and I won't push mine on you.

I ask them, just as I would ask you, to please not judge an entire community based on the actions of one or two people. Instead, form opinions about an individual bases on their own actions.

As for the insanity, if it is dangerous, then people shouldn't be doing it. The number one rule in BDSM is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. I may do things that people outside of BDSM (and some within) look at and say, oh my god that is insane. However, I promise that I am enjoying it or I stop, I've agreed to it, and that it will not do any permanent damage. People have different levels they play at. I am a heavier player than a lot of people, but lighter than others.

[lil_angel]

I would LOVE to experience a real dungeon scene just once, but all the people around here who gave made dungeons only invite women into them.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of areas in the country like that. In many states, as hard as it is to believe in this day and age, there are still laws about BDSM and most of the activities are considered illegal. Therefore, they make parties invitation only.

But, if you ever make it to the DC area, let me know, Mommie and I will take you to the club

[Baby Bethany]

Exactly! Just wish there were places where this happened in the UK.

Tad.

There are, but you have to spend a small fortune to enter them!!

Beth

[Mean Mommy]

For the sake of saving space (I'm really embarrassed when my posts extend beyond a page..which they often do), I deleted the beginning of my post. Which explained that I had joined an online BDSM board. That was where I met this hardcore BDSM crowd. Not at the local dungeon. Sorry for the confusion.

...I ask them, just as I would ask you, to please not judge an entire community based on the actions of one or two people. Instead, form opinions about an individual bases on their own actions.

Okay, you got me. Maybe I am being a tad too presumptuous. I just received a far colder welcome on this BDSM board than compared to how welcomed I feel on DailyDi, but that shouldn't necessarily say anything about BDSMers as a whole.

As for the insanity, if it is dangerous, then people shouldn't be doing it. The number one rule in BDSM is Safe, Sane, and Consensual. I may do things that people outside of BDSM (and some within) look at and say, oh my god that is insane. However, I promise that I am enjoying it or I stop, I've agreed to it, and that it will not do any permanent damage. People have different levels they play at. I am a heavier player than a lot of people, but lighter than others.

Totally. But the mention of heavy BDSM play is not what shocked me (ha! please). What shocked me is that more than one hardcore submissive posted about battling her fear of impact play. From her post it sounded as if the scene scared her, but she didn't view her fear as a sign that she should slow down or evaluate her feelings, but as something that should be obliterated, plowed through. It's sort of in conjunction with this demented train of thought that I'm sensing within the BDSM community: that there is shame in using one's safe word. That submissives who scorn their safe words are true submissives: more worthy and respectful than those who do not. And I feel that that approach to BDSM - not the BDSM itself - is dangerous, abusive and insane.

I don't know. I reread the thread recently and she posted that it was actually semi-consensual edge play all along. It didn't sound like that in the beginning but I guess whatever floats her boat... I have no idea. Intense BDSM relationships confuse me.

Yeah BB, what we do is funny. Thank god for that. It keeps us grounded, I say. Because nothing could be funnier than a guy in a diaper except an elitist guy in a diaper.

Screw the local dungeon! I'm making my own dungeon. And I'll invite you when I'm finished, DD.

[Sprinkles]

Y'know, I have to agree with the original poster. I feel that way about the BDSM scene in my city. It's pretty much just people - older, experienced people - swanning around and tying each other up and screwing each other and bitching and moaning about the lack of action in the scene.

That's the impression I got from a scene party I went to once. I'm never going to one again.

I'm a submissive and I have yet to meet a genuine male Dom who isn't a complete arsehole wanker. I mean, Doms usually have an air of arrogance about them, but I don't want someone who treats me like shit. Even if I am a sub. A lot of them are just like.... "oh hi. Yeah... you're a little sub... wanna come back to my dungeon now?" And they're all over you like they already own you and they don't even know your name yet. Personally I'm looking to be in a long term D/s relationship, I don't just want to be screwed and then discarded.

They probably don't even have a dungeon and are just saying that to make themselves look better -___-

[lil_angel]

Y'know, I have to agree with the original poster. I feel that way about the BDSM scene in my city. It's pretty much just people - older, experienced people - swanning around and tying each other up and screwing each other and bitching and moaning about the lack of action in the scene.

That's the impression I got from a scene party I went to once. I'm never going to one again.

I'm a submissive and I have yet to meet a genuine male Dom who isn't a complete arsehole wanker. I mean, Doms usually have an air of arrogance about them, but I don't want someone who treats me like shit. Even if I am a sub. A lot of them are just like.... "oh hi. Yeah... you're a little sub... wanna come back to my dungeon now?" And they're all over you like they already own you and they don't even know your name yet. Personally I'm looking to be in a long term D/s relationship, I don't just want to be screwed and then discarded.

They probably don't even have a dungeon and are just saying that to make themselves look better -___-

LOL...that is true...I've heard Doms use that line many times and some of them defiantly need a diaper of their own to hold all the crap spewing out of them.

However, I also know many Doms who are not wankers or a$$holes and DO have their own dungeons. The problem with any alternative lifestyle scene is that most people are afraid of being different and not finding someone who will accept them for who they are, including Doms. Because of this, some people come off as 'creepy' by association.

But you are right about one thing....if someone said to me, let's go back to my dungeon before even knowing my name....I'd tell them to get lost. You don't want to get to know me, then you don't get to (insert verb here [spank/screw/beat etc]) me.

Good luck sprinkles on finding your relationship, the right person(s) are out there for anyone, it's just a matter of time and a bit of luck in finding them.

[Baby Bethany]

LOL...that is true...I've heard Doms use that line many times and some of them defiantly need a diaper of their own to hold all the crap spewing out of them.

Hehe, reckon their "Dungeon" is actually their bedroom at their mom and dad's house, and a pair of those pink fluffy handcuffs?

Beth

[Sprinkles]

LOL...that is true...I've heard Doms use that line many times and some of them defiantly need a diaper of their own to hold all the crap spewing out of them.

Hahaha

The problem with any alternative lifestyle scene is that most people are afraid of being different and not finding someone who will accept them for who they are, including Doms. Because of this, some people come off as 'creepy' by association.

Yes, that's true. Which is why it's so hard to find people who you connect with

I'm guilty of feeling like this myself so I can't blame others for not being open about who they are.

Good luck sprinkles on finding your relationship, the right person(s) are out there for anyone, it's just a matter of time and a bit of luck in finding them.

Thanks, lil_angel. I hope I find them too lol, but I should probably make more of an effort.

--

I've found online BDSM communities to be a bit scary, also. About a year ago, I registered on CollarMe.com because I was still curious about the lifestyle and I wanted to talk to people who were in it. I became overwhelmed because about 10 minutes after I'd registered and filled out basic details of myself (sex / gender, age, sub or dom or switch) I was inundated with messages. Over the few days I logged in there I got hundreds O_O

I couldn't reply to them all and it was a bit weird some of the things people sent me, so I never logged in again

But that's mainly my problem. I'm sure most of the people on their are quite nice... although maybe that's my naivety showing.

[lil_angel]

I've found online BDSM communities to be a bit scary, also. About a year ago, I registered on CollarMe.com because I was still curious about the lifestyle and I wanted to talk to people who were in it. I became overwhelmed because about 10 minutes after I'd registered and filled out basic details of myself (sex / gender, age, sub or dom or switch) I was inundated with messages. Over the few days I logged in there I got hundreds O_O

I couldn't reply to them all and it was a bit weird some of the things people sent me, so I never logged in again

But that's mainly my problem. I'm sure most of the people on their are quite nice... although maybe that's my naivety showing.

Unfortunately, because you are female, it doesn't matter what website you log on to. You will get the same response. I do not envy any woman in an alternative lifestyle, having to weed though all the BS emails they get on a daily basis from places like collarme or bondage.com or even here.

This is one of the reasons that I think doing things IRL is more important than online (going to play parties etc). At least there, you can get a better handling for who a person is with them right in front of you as opposed to some words on a screen.

Of course the problem here is still the same. Males out number females and there are still the creepy ones who are going to hit on any woman that walks through the door, but at least you have a better chance.....And some guys wonder why women don't feel comfortable going out to dungeons, play parties etc.

The other problem is obviously by doing this you don't have the protection of the internet distancing you and them. Luckily, if you go to an event sponsored by a reputable group and not a private person, they are regulated (as far as rules) and there are monitors who you can go to if you are being bothered by anyone. As a general rule, these events are very safe to attend, even solo.

[curiositykilledthecat]

yipes.. I don't get off on pain but I have such a desire for the whole kidnapping/abduction role playing thing. I am the type who is smart and tries to be in control of everything, there's such a rush about having no control and being forced to do soemthing. That being said I am scared shitless of going to a dungeon, or a bdsm club, cause I'm not neccessaarily into all of that stuff nor do i really want somebody putting a ciggerrette out in my eye. I think what you said meanmommie is right on the money. I'm kind of the curious but be gentle i'm fragile type of person, at least at first.

Years ago i ahd a girlfriend who wanted to do soemthing with a dog collar and leash, don't remember if it was her or me but I thought she was nuts. I have to rust somebody first, or be really horny. Heck I'm terrfied of going to an abdl party but if one ever happened locally I'd go just out of morbid curiosity, thus my handle.

Aother problem is when something ecomes a scene it becomes more mainstream which means the charm and uniqueness is slightly lost, and with all the jack off power hungry ceos and cfo's who want to be spanked joining the scene, the whole 'relationship' seems to be lost. At least that's what I have observed.(okay tv only but still)

[Mean Mommy]

Unfortunately, because you are female, it doesn't matter what website you log on to. You will get the same response. I do not envy any woman in an alternative lifestyle, having to weed though all the BS emails they get on a daily basis from places like collarme or bondage.com or even here.

hee hee.. after graphically describing my interests this is no longer a problem for me. >)

also, is a "handle" the thing that makes a person snap? i sense that it is.

[Topguy]

I first went out in the local seattle scene in 1995. I'd already been through the online bs for about six months before then. I knew I did not care for Gorean and old guard stuff by then. I saw those people as total asshats and fantasy wankers-so full of themselves that they needed a freshly pumped septic tank to hold all of their crap. No WAY just a diaper could do it.

It took a while of hanging out at the local dungeon and learning tricks to get accepted as safe-and find a couple of girls along the way to play with. Some would play along with being diapered, others were just not into it. You just had to be patient and approach it from the aspect of fun.

I like to do sm and bondage and like diapers from a control aspect. I have zero interest in being a daddy. So I have more frustration in finding someone fun in THIS scene with that than I do with the bdsm one.

I'm just a pervert-I have weird kinks. The asshats I find HERE have the stupid idea that "If you like diapers, you have to either be a baby or a parent."

Which is pretty much as bad as the asshats that say "If you don't dominate or submit-you aren't REAL. You are just a "player."

Which is just freaking idiotic-THEY do it.

[underwhere]

There was a whole lot of things I wanted to explore when I got started along my journey, and like you, Mean Mommy and everybody else, I discovered there was a lot I didn't like about what I saw. As a result, I decided to begin my journey, as I often do, by asking questions. It was abundantly clear to me that I was not looking for the same thing most other people seemed to be looking for. At first, I found my way to some of the Yahoo Groups, and from there found my way to a s&m/BDSM flavored local group, (I still have yet to attend any of their get togethers, the reasons for which are overly complicated) and then ultimately found my way to a s&m/BDSM focused web site. The people I met on that site, not one anybody has so-far mentioned nor will I since I have lost confidence in it, were typically very open and understanding and willing to allay some of my concerns and newbieness by answering my questions and putting me at ease. One thing which gets a lot of people's goats in the whole s&m/BDSM scene is the idea of "one true way", because most people agree this simply isn't so. As already mentioned here, different people play at different levels, and that is perfectly okay. Still, among the most obnoxious people I encountered were those who insisted that their was was the only way, "The One True Way", second only to people who believed that being Dom, Domme, or sub was something to be controlled rather than earned. Yes, it's true, a Dom or Domme must earn their sub just as a sub must earn their Dom or Domme. It is often argued that the sub is really the one in control because they get to pick who will be allowed to dom them.

There are good communities and bad communities for s&m/BDSM play. I gotta say that I never felt all that comfortable on collarme. I joined it, just as I joined alt.com, and found both sites lacking significantly in "human" value. Both seemed like a giant game of one upsmanship, a game I really had no ability or desire to play since I knew even then I was looking for something a bit different from most other people. Lucky for me, I found this other website, with whose administration I subsequently had some falling out because of their total unwillingness to allow for anything related to ab/dl or ageplay, which is partly what led me to seek out this community, but then I got the overwhelming sense that nobody there (partly the fault of the admins as well) was at all interested in exploring certain core issues which I thought would be interesting and useful for discussion. How this website can accept payments and that one can not when we talk here about content prohibited over there I do not know. Maybe they weren't willing to find somebody willing to support a broader base of interests. I dunno, and whatever the cause, I no-longer felt welcome nor desired to take part in that website anymore. I still keep in touch with some of those people, including my "M'am", mostly by way of Yahoo Instant Messenger, but I have no desire to rejoin that community. If one can not be true to oneself, as I felt I could not be anymore when there, then I wanted no part of that community anymore either.

If you wish to know the community I am talking about, send me a PM and I will provide it to you. They are not getting a public mention from me, though, because of the issues I had with them, but I'm sure the community is otherwise still adequate for most people most of the time.

It really does take a long time to find the right person for you, especially so if you aren't entirely clear on what you want/need, but I assure you it is worth the journey. Online is a great place to start even despite it's shortcomings. One must become shrewd at sifting through the BS (there is tons of it) but once you get good at that, it's not hard to see who the real people are and who the three Ps are (players, posers, predators, each with their own respective dangers if you should happen to have the misfortune of encountering one or more of them). I still haven't received my first spanking, but I remain in contact with my M'am, and one day I hope we will be able to plan something together. There are still some conditions I have to meet to make that happen, but I am working on those, and my M'am has been extremely supportive of me along the way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if this is an interest you wish to explore, there really are decent people out there with whom to explore it. You just have to take your time finding the right place and the right person/people. The good ones are usually the ones who do not have the loudest voice. Keep that in mind as you journey down this road. Know what you are looking for, but perhaps more importantly, know what you are NOT looking for, and begin your search with that as your criteria. Be prepared to spend a lot of time exploring a community, and communicating as much as you feel willing and able to communicate about yourself, and because of your openness, somebody you really want to notice you inevitably will. It can take a relatively quiet consistent commitment and some substantial time but as others who have found such a person in their life will tell you, and as I can only imagine since I've only made it half way there myself, it is worth it.

Don't give up hope of finding what you are looking for in these explorations. Just resolve to seek out what you are looking for, and ignore those people who insist you must be crazy even if THEY are the crazy ones. Above all else, as has already been mentioned in this thread, have some fun with it, because if it isn't fun on some level, what's the real point?

My wish for you reading this is that you will find the person you are looking for to help you explore these things in a manner you feel will be safe, sane, and consensual for yourself, and that you will be able to ignore all of those people who try to tell you BS about the s&m/BDSM world instead of teaching you the answers to the questions you have about it.

[beallucanb]

I have been playing alone for many many years, and if what is out there is as you discribed I think I will continue to play on my own.

It takes a little, or sometimes alot of perperation and planning, but for me it get the job done, I like to play and have fun with others, but not like you have described.

[jeremy12312]

For all the ragging on the BDSM scene, let me throw in my ray of sunshine.

I'm really new to the scene, so my first stop was to the local TNG munch. If you don't know, TNG is BDSM for the under-35 set, and a munch is a vanilla gathering of kinky folk at a public place. The Domme who organizes this one invited me out to play a couple of times, and now we're dating. We're still trying to find the vanilla/kink balance, and she's not into diapers, but we're still having a blast.

I've been to 2 of the dungeons in the LA area, and I haven't met an asshole yet. Don't write off the scene because you had a bad time once. Try someplace else.

[Topguy]

And to add about online stuff-I did leave and stop paying for bondage.com after the new "Porno owners" admin refused to let me post a few harmless diaper pictures.

I hear that they are in finacial difficulties now, and may end up selling that, and alt.

What goes around, comes around.

As far as my local scene, they seem to be getting more tolerant-and not letting the one way dips to have much influence.

[tcc]

I first went out in the local seattle scene in 1995. I'd already been through the online bs for about six months before then. I knew I did not care for Gorean and old guard stuff by then. I saw those people as total asshats and fantasy wankers-so full of themselves that they needed a freshly pumped septic tank to hold all of their crap. No WAY just a diaper could do it.

It took a while of hanging out at the local dungeon and learning tricks to get accepted as safe-and find a couple of girls along the way to play with. Some would play along with being diapered, others were just not into it. You just had to be patient and approach it from the aspect of fun.

I like to do sm and bondage and like diapers from a control aspect. I have zero interest in being a daddy. So I have more frustration in finding someone fun in THIS scene with that than I do with the bdsm one.

I'm just a pervert-I have weird kinks. The asshats I find HERE have the stupid idea that "If you like diapers, you have to either be a baby or a parent."

Which is pretty much as bad as the asshats that say "If you don't dominate or submit-you aren't REAL. You are just a "player."

Which is just freaking idiotic-THEY do it.

What you say, Dude, is pretty much the way of "scenes". We all have our OWN particular things that get us off. I'm seeing that others are also pretty specific or "defined" in their OWN particular choice of stimulation. Problem IS that we are all HUMAN, and even with our OWN strict "parameters", we ALL may have to make compromises. I don't like it EITHER. But, it's kind of the way we have to deal with things or FURTHER, an probably to each of OUR disappointments, restrict finding our "the one". Reality, I'm sure, rearing it's ugly head...

[BriGuy]

I suppose my own experience varies greatly compared to the general population here. I got involved in a local dungeon and group when I lived in Flagstaff. It was run by a gay couple who are very close to me still today. It was because of them that I became more comfortable with my AB side. They are both BIG promoters of this side of me, my nick name with them is BriBaby, one of them even made a song about it. Cracks me up. They also introduced me to a lot of different things in the scene. When I first me them I was 18 so they were a bit skeptical as to whether or not I was mature enough to join in and understand many of the ground rules. I went in as a sub and learned a lot and found out how much I liked to top, so I consider myself a switch. I am still a sub at heart though as I switch I enjoy providing my partner with the attention they require, if that means momentarily topping for them.

My SM interests aren't extreme, but I have been involved in Needle play, flogging, my favorite single tail work, self deprivation, mummification, food play, doggie role play among others. I tend to gravitate towards leather and rope play, I especially love blind folded food play yadda yadda yadda. Sorry off topic here.

There are and always will be those in every community who give the whole a bad name. Lord knows we have those folks running around these boards as well as others. Unfortunately there are those many who think because they have some experience that they are better than everybody else and thumb their nose at new comers. Those people I always ignore but the great majority I have met have been wholesome and friendly. I treat those unfriendly people like a dog turd in the side walk, I don't get all worked up about it I just walk around and move on with life.

~Brian