I Am Sick Of Who I Am.

[Sophie ♥]

Lets see... where to start.

First I will say that I do try on mommies but they do not fit me quite right. I have only tried on girl clothes at a store once, and that was a few days back when I was too depressed. I wanted to get happier and I went shopping to try on some clothes, but they all made me look fat and I started to cry. That was the day I made this thread...

Nextly, I do want some girly clothes from standard stores, but I do not know my sizes. And Although I assume the shops are more expensive, I would also assume those are the best places to go to make myself look more girly...

Does anyone have a t shop website? I cant look around right now because my laptop is horrible... and if anyone has more suggestions please tell me.

I gotta find shoes too. Lol.

-Sophie

[PArms]

Lets see... where to start.

First I will say that I do try on mommies but they do not fit me quite right. I have only tried on girl clothes at a store once, and that was a few days back when I was too depressed. I wanted to get happier and I went shopping to try on some clothes, but they all made me look fat and I started to cry. That was the day I made this thread...

Nextly, I do want some girly clothes from standard stores, but I do not know my sizes. And Although I assume the shops are more expensive, I would also assume those are the best places to go to make myself look more girly...

Does anyone have a t shop website? I cant look around right now because my laptop is horrible... and if anyone has more suggestions please tell me.

I gotta find shoes too. Lol.

-Sophie

I suggest buying a standard size and learning how to alter it. If you buy the smallest size that fits the biggest part of you, you'll only have to take in a little on the loose parts. Look online for sizes from manufacturers. They usually list the size number with the actual measurements. This way, you won't have to try on something at the store if you're uncomfortable doing so. Plus sewing is a skill that everyone should have.

[Saschadzg]

Nextly, I do want some girly clothes from standard stores, but I do not know my sizes. And Although I assume the shops are more expensive, I would also assume those are the best places to go to make myself look more girly...

Hello Sophie,

There are exact size descriptions on interplatformes of cloths dealers. I bought a bra once in a tranny shop. I rembered the size and then bought one in a normal shop.

Babygirl Kvetinka

[Baby Bethany]

I agree with Kvetinka, don't shop in T shops for normal clothes........especialy once you know your size.

They will charge you like £60 for a skirt just like the one you can get for £10 on the high street. When I was young and nahive I used to buy wigs from those places and they cost me like £80 or £100 each, and then I found I could get one from a womens hair store for about £20.

Besides, I find a lot of the clothes they sell a bit naff (which means kind of cheap/tacky/over the top).

Beth

[Sophie ♥]

I would probably shop for girl clothes at the store like Mommy does, but I mean... I need to get clothes from a t shop or something in order to make myself... figure wise... look more girly. I need boobs and no bulge and I have no idea how to get those so I am gonna check out a t shop.

-Sophie

[Baby Bethany]

Go to u tube and search things like male to female transformation. Sometimes they have useful advice for things like that.

Beth

[Bettypooh]

Sophie

Though I'm not AB I understand a lot about where you're coming from. Please seek out a therapist. Often they can be found free at local mental health clinics in large cities and counties. If that doesn't work then buck up and pay for one. Why am I so insistent on this point? Because when my own TG feelings boiled over and I had to come out as my real self, my life was like an airplane out of control heading for a big crash. I see many of those same feelings in your posts and replies here. Through therapy I avoided my contemplated suicide, found ways to deal with every part of my emotional life, and was diagnosed as having clinical depression which was the root of all of the evils that had set upon me I had to take meds for a long time but I hated them so I learned how to handle my depression without them By allowing myself to express my feminine aspects more openly the depression lessened. By getting comfortable doing that it lessened further. By learning my own 'danger' signals about an episode of depression being imminent I learned to stave it off before it grew to where it would overwhelm me. I'm fine now but without my therapist you wouldn't be reading this because I would be fertilizer. It can hit you so hard and so fast that you wouldn't believe it. Do it, please!

Not wanting to end my reply on a sour note here's some fun things for you to think about A thin disposable diaper will make your backside and hips look more feminine if you pull a tightish pair of full cut brief panties over them. An old-fashioned waist cincher pulls the belly back into a nicer shape and supports your back too. Breast forms made of silicone can be had cheaper on Ebay than in the specialty CD stores. The molded ones are relatively cheap and the costlier gel filled ones are so real that by feel you can hardly tell the difference Buy something smaller than you think you want unless you really want to have everyone staring at you in public If you can't afford these, fill an old pair of knee-hi stockings with round bird seed till you get the size you want. Under a bra they will look better than you think and won't burst like a water baloon will! Not being sexual, play with your 'toy' and you can find a place where you can tuck it away out of sight with relative comfort. Use your cincher-reduced belly's bottom as a place to begin stuffing hose into your panties(or diapers)until you get the single rounded look in front that larger girls have Keeping your legs and body shaved clean, then using a pleasant smelling lotion afterwards will go a long way to making you feel feminine. It can be a lot of maintaining but it's well worth it. Maybe Mommy can help do that for you? Either way just relax and enjoy being pampered(as opposed to being diapered)during the process. Begin your shopping at used clothing stores. Fewer people are there and the cheap prices will let you figure out your clothing sizes without having to try them on. Go there with a girl and nobody will say a thing, promise! Put the manly deodorants and colognes away and begin using the nicer products. I use generic 'Secret' and never have an odor problem, and my perfume is a very faint floral scent that never gets noticed unless you're right against me(but I smell it and I like it). Find comfortable panties that you can wear during your undiapered times. Jockey's cotton 'Elance' line for girls and boys has no difference at the waistband except for the color of the small tag so nobody will know a thing if your shirttail pops out. The white cotton bikinis I wear to work are quite comfy indeed

Try some of these things and let your girlish feelings have an outlet. Repression leads to depression and you need to avoid that. Seek therapy, it really helps more than you think it can. Do things for your body that make you feel good inside regularly and relish those times. They're for you alone and you're worth it Deal with your problems now, even if you're feeling better at the moment, because we both know that they will be returning again and again for the rest of your life until you find a fix. Above all, let yourself be the real you as much as you can and don't feel guilty about doing it.

Take Care Friend!

Bettypooh

[Sophie ♥]

Wow. I dont think I have felt this good about myself in a while.

Lets see... I will start with your outragously long list of suggestions. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I had no idea that there were so many things I could use to look more girly. A lot of these suggestions will probably be put into effect. I never thought of a lot of those ideas...

Onward to the therapists. I cant see one. I dont have time between work, school, and Mommy. I also am so far behind on my bills its upsetting. I dont have enough income to spend money on therapy, and I wont let my family pay for it because that makes me feel like the "confidentiality" is between my parents and my therapist.

The final reason is that I am so incredibly picky, and I cant stand a lot of people knowing my secrets or how I think. I would never talk to certain people about my problems, and there is a ninety percent chance my therapist will be one of those people I dont like to talk to. Also I dont take medicine, even when I am sick. My theory is that if I cant get better on my own, I dont deserve to get better. I dont like screwing with my body's chemistry. I'd need a behavioral or cognative therapist... no psychiatrists.

However, I need a therapist and I know it. I need it beyond just the TG thing. I have certain AB feelings I want checked out as well as crossdressing and all that. Beyond my ABDL and LG lifestyles, I need therapy for my personality as well. I act a certain way when I dont want to act that way... and I hate it. I want that to be fixed. I also worry too much, I am a bedwetter, I cant sleep without a pacifier because it's the only the only thing that calms me down, I daydream, I cry too much, I never know what I want, I'm indecisive, I have mood swings, I think about hurting myself, I make up alteregos, I am afraid of sex, I act egotistical although I hate who I am, and I cant tolerate people... they are generally evil, but I find that to be a product of their untolerable environment.

I also dont know where I am going to college or what I want to be when I grow up. I want to teach and write novels and draw and become a therapist (ironic) and study religion (because I hardly believe in mine anymore) and become an actor(/actress) and learn to play guitar, violin, cello, flute, and xylophone and I want to design computer software and invent things and create a corporation and learn to sing better and design the house I will live in (which means architectual skills) and design a website like this one and become a doctor (just to help people, although I hate blood, needles, and hospitals and meds). I also want to open up an AB hotel for those less fortunate... the types who dont have a mommy or daddy and I will have babysitters available... or just the mommies and babies that do not have the right furniture. But I wouldn't make expensive rates.. just enough to get by. But there's also the part of me that doesn't want to do anything and instead sit in my nursery with Mommy forever and always be her baby... but that wont happen because I need to contribute or I am nothing to this world. See... indecisive... and I obviously can't study everything.

All of the above, last 2 paragraphs were just reasons why I need a therapist. Also its so people can get to know me better, the me that isn't a super talkative optimist... the persona I create for strangers. But everyone here... they're not strangers. They are my friends. I dont mind being open with my friends.

Thank you everone... for being my friend.

-Sophie

[Sophie ♥]

I might take into account both the socks and gloves idea. I wear long sleeves at all times anyway so no one would get suspicous.

And if I do have a hormone defficiency, then so be it. As I said, i'm not one for drugs or meds or anything to alter who I am. If I was born with or intended to get a horomone defficiency then I will deal with that fact. I am not saying it was "god's will" or anything, but I dont like altering my personality with chemicals. However perhaps I will look into it... But i don't believe in much biological mentalities... I think personality is determined cognitively, environmentally, and behaviorally.

Oh. And I cut my hair. I had a little temper tantrum and cried and decided I looked too much like a boy. I cut the back a lot shorter and it looks more girly than it did. I am generally happy with it, considering it was spontaneous and I am a sucky hair cutter. I got my brother to fix the back where I messed up. He didn't ask questions. It was easier that he didn't.

Well, off to bed.

-Sophie

[Bettypooh]

Hi Sophie

I have about half a gazillion ideas about adding femininity to one's life. It's kind of "been there done that" for me plus I've learned things from many others who've also traveled the lesser-taken paths in life IM me if you want to hear some more.

I hope you're OK medically. Nowdays I don't like taking any more meds than absolutely necessary(especially considering my drug-dependant past). I do take numerous vitamins and supplements daily that keep me fairly healthy. Not so long ago I was a druggie by fate, choice, and scrip when I began my Transition. To get SRS you have to do that, and you have to take a potent mix of T-blockers and 'mones and have close medical monitoring forever. It's kind of like being diabetic but far more expensive and just as deadly if you get it wrong It changes you, controlling your life and the way you think but that's what you asked for when you began taking them. Clinical depression ended that part of my life, but nobody knows if she will come back to take all of my life again. I'm making it OK for now by appeasing my feminine side as much as I feel the need to. I hated the depression meds which they were changing and increasing. When I saw that their side effects were worse for me than the depression I weaned myself from them against their advice. They underestimated my willpower and inner strengths which I'd learned to draw on when things got rough. I couldn't have done that without learning how to diagnose my own mental issues to deal with them properly. I had to learn from my therapist how to be my own therapist to get away from the meds without her figuring out what I was doing It took over a year but I managed to do it and I'm usually better now than ever before. If the depression ever gets beyond my control I will be running back to her, my doctor, and the dam* meds I so hate so I can stay alive. It's kind of like sitting on a box of sweaty dynamite and constantly being aware of every tiny thing all around you so you don't go BOOM! To do this you have to go to a Therapist and learn how it works first! End of Sermon

I'm glad to see that you decided to do something nice with your hair Back when I ran from my female feelings I kept my hair short and manly. When I finally faced myself I realized that what I really wanted was long beautiful hair and bangs so I began letting it grow. Unfortunately I waited a bit too long and my hair had done most of the growing it's going to do I can still make it pretty but I'll never have what I wanted, bummer. If that's something you want to try then don't wait as long as I did to start. At work I keep it as a short ponytail and nobody thinks twice about it. Well maybe twice but never three times It doesn't need much cutting but it feels nice to have my stylist give it the tiniest trimming and make it as femme as she can a couple times a year. She really enjoys doing it, she says it keeps her skills sharp After my first time there I asked her if she had ever had any other guys ask for a femme looking "do". She smiled and said "Sure. But that's all I'll tell you, a girl's got to have her secrets you know!" We both laughed

It's nice to share with friends

Bettypooh

[Sophie ♥]

This transition thing sounds scary... and I thought i was indecisive before... I don't want to willingly give up control of myself over to some stupid pills...

*sigh*

My hair has always been long, just in a boy style. Right now it's technically short in a girl style. Thanks to my little spasm... I still don't regret it though, the next day. I look cuter.

-Sophie

[Saschadzg]

Well I was just suggesting based on personal experience. Honestly testosterone deficiency was one hell of an awkward time, which came just after a bad time.

I don´t think it is right to cure T* persons with testosterone. I would consider it a form of deliberate torture. Estradiol and other female hormones would be more appropiate.

Kvetinka