Is This Why We're Diaper Lovers?

[knightrider142]

Hi gang,

Paul here from the UK. Okay, if you've read my profile (I'm a new member), you'll know I'm heavily into psychology. Like you, I'm also a diaper lover, and I love using the same one all day if I can. And here's the theory:

Your self image is created and cast in concrete by the time you're 5. It's with you for life, buried deep in your subconcious, and to a greater exent, it controls everything we do. Our Self image is learned from our parents, our early home life and so on. And it stops developing at 5.

The self image is responsible for how we see ourselves, whether or not we're inadequate, forms our whole personailty, our core beliefs and traits. It's controlled to a large extent by our concious mind - can't do that/that's not right/grow up/etc.

None of us can remember the things the make us who we really are on an individual basis. But all these unconscious learnings stay with us. So, for example, if we're late being toilet trained, the subconcious accepts this as normal behaviour, but buries it. This is the same way most sexual fetishes are made, without us realising it.

And in our case, I think we're really lucky to have rediscovered it. Many people don't. The self image explains why we do things we don't sometimes understand why - but our unconscious behavior always plays out, without us realising it. With me, it was different because I loved wearing my diapers, and I used to pinch my sisters when she was a baby and wear them.

And that's because my brain's sub concious accepted diapers as normal, and I did not want to make a conscious effort to deny it. And now, at 44, there's nothing better than a loaded and soaked diaper, it's just that I don't get much chance to indulge now.

But I'm an avid DL. I'd wear them 24/7 if they were socially acceptable, but they're not, so I can't. The need to wear gets stronger every day, but it gets more diificult to indulge as well. For me, it's the whole thing, the feeling of a hot, heavy wet and loaded diaper between my legs, it's definately sexual, and wearing diapers puts me in 7th heaven.

The natural side effects are brilliant - doing and carrying on a normal life without being bothered about finding toilets, being able to do what I normally do without disturbance. They're a brilliant stress reliever too, and I could definately wear them 24/7.

And, by giving in to my self image, like all others who do so, I'd be totally at peace with myself.

I'm bi in orientation, but that's only because diapers bring out the gay in me. I'm straight in "normal" life, but there's something extremely sensual about seeing a man in diapers, especially those under shorts or worn as everyday underwear. My secret fantasy is live with a man 24/7 with us both in diapers all the time.

[jenniebear]

Your self image is created and cast in concrete by the time you're 5. It's with you for life, buried deep in your subconcious, and to a greater exent, it controls everything we do. Our Self image is learned from our parents, our early home life and so on. And it stops developing at 5.

Hi Paul,

I found your post interesting, however I was not familiar with this particular theory. I am not in anyway an expert in the field,.......but do read a bit on the subject of brain development and how connections are made within the brain and basically how children learn and grow....a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. I have heard and believe a few things on the topic of self image, but had not heard that it stops developing at age 5. Would you please recommend a source or two that would supports this so that I might do a little further research?

Thanks so much...

One source I am familiar with talks about self image being a recording in your head that plays over and over.......when it is telling you something negative that holds you back in life.....you must find a way to overlay that message with a positive one........for example one might hear "i'm so stupid...i'm just so stupd...." but with work you can override that negative message with....."i am on the honor roll at school, i am great at the game of jeopardy, my friends like me because of how intelligent i am......etc...."

I don't guess that you ever get rid of that negative recording completely, but i believe you can certainly can overcome it and replace the negative with a positive....

a curious beargirl

[Sophie ♥]

I dont believe in the theory that by age five your personality is set. It's a subversion of a Freudian theory... and Freud believed that every aspect of ones personality is determined by particular repressed memories hidden in the unconcious. I dont think anyone's personality is "concrete" and i've had people who have proven my side correct. Anyway, even though ABs and DLs probably get at least a portion of their desires from activities ranging from a young age, i dont think those certain experiences can concretely determine the future of the child.

As for the example just given, that'd be a cognitive method where you listen to the tapes playing the same stuff over and over in your head, and that develops a personality. I believe highly in this method, as well as overwriting the tapes. Changing your personality is possible, just difficult. Albert Bandura's "Bobo Doll Experiment" is a good representation of the cognitive personality theory. And Albert Ellis is the most famous and thought to be the founding father of cognitive-behavioral therapy.

For what knightrider said, you'd have to research Sigmund Freud. <not a fan... of Freud's theory or biopsychological theories... I am a behavioralist, cognitive, and sociological supporter.

-Sophie

[afireinside]

I agree with your analysis and also believe that Lacan's pholisophical theory of the Mirror Stage can be implemented here.

Through late toilet training, the child will carry their use of diapers into the formation of their self image.

I'm probably misinterpreting this because i havn't completed any higher education in this field, but i have read a few freud books and others on psychoalaysis this year.

[Baby Bethany]

i love this thread i hope it continues. what i'm wondering is what do you consider late potty training i was well trained by age 3 or 4, is this not a somewhat common age for it and why does it seem like this fetish has only been around this century surely diapers have been worn much longer than that by adults but i've never seen mention of enjoying them before late 1950's

I once asked the same question on here, i.e. why is a sexual liking for diapers a modern thing? I based this on the fact that as a young guy of about 20 (so around 1989) I knew ABs that were in their 50s (so if you say they liked it as a 20 year old, that would push it back to the 1950s) but I never met anyone older. This led me to the conclusion that it started in the 1950s. However, some people on here told me they had indeed met older people who were doing it long before that (in the 30s) and there are a couple of examples of adults wanting to wear diapers back in the 19th century.

All that aside, I think that part of the modern appeal could be the rubber/plastic pants. Many adults obviously have a fetish for these materials anyway, and with regards to diapers they have only been used in recent times. You can only go back in time so far before a diaper is just a piece of linen between your legs. Meaning that back then the fetish appeal was limited. Another thing to consider when asking how long people have liked this, and just talking about ABs for the moment, is how would an adult in the 1930s have dressed like a baby?

Beth

[knightrider142]

Thanks for reading and thanks for your replies gang, I'm making new friends already. OK, first off, let me say that I'm not an expert in this (by education anyway), but it is something I see working time and time again. maybe I didn't explain myself properly?

Here's an example. You're a parent, and you've got your three year old with you in the garage as you're working on the car. At first, your son is happy to watch you work, but he soon starts to want more. He wants to help daddy. The repair is urgent, you as a parent, don't have spare time; the job must be done as soon as possible. Little ones are not easily discouraged; and he keeps asking to help. You, as the parent, can easily see this as interference or an hinderance. Either way, your patience is being tried.

One of two things will happen, you as the parent will take ten minutes out, give your son a simple job to do within his capabilities, guide him through it, and praise him when the jobs done.

Or, you can lose your patience. You get angry with your son, take him back in the house and tell everyone he's an hinderance. Either way, it's soon forgotten.

Except for your son's sub concious mind - his self image. Jump forward 10 years or so, and you, as the father, think it's time that your son started to learn how to handle tools. You set a day apart - this is the day for just father and son. Now, if you'd handled the situation positively years back, your son will enjoy his new experience.

But if you'd been negative about the situation, and coupled with your likely negative behaviour (shouting, being angry, etc), your son will feel uncomfortable about the garage situation, although he won't know (remember) why. Subconciously, your son will always view the garage, tools, working on the car and so on as an unpleasant experience.

Just one example of the self image at work, how the positive or negative outcome of a given situation will, and does, unconciously affect the boys life........for life.

It's the worse thing we do with our kids you know, we stop them living their life, telling them to sit down and be quiet because that actively kills the self discovery aspect. We teach our kids how to conform, rather than be themselves.

Okay that above was just one example that affects a persons self image - for life. It's all part of the learning curve, which includes behaviour, language, traits, beliefs and so on. As I said before, the self image is cast in concrete - and it's formed by the age of 5.

The son in this case could overcome his self image problem though. Jenny Bear touched on this yesterday when she said: "One source I am familiar with talks about self image being a recording in your head that plays over and over.......when it is telling you something negative that holds you back in life.....you must find a way to overlay that message with a positive one........"

And that's right. Because the son could still work in a garage after leaving education, but it would be a job he hated...... and he still wouldn't be able to work out why.

But he could change his self image limitation by either hypnosis, self hypnosis, or by affirmations where he'd repeat the same affirmation twice daily as a minimum - " I love working with cars and want to be the very best mechanic there is. To do this I must study and learn to love my craft, for only then could I be the best"

The self image is formed in the subconcious mind by the time we're 5 - and it stays the same, limiting and controlling our lives until and unless we conciously seek to change it. We naturally use our self Image as the ceiling on our lives - when instead, it should be our floor. And this self image controls every aspect of our behaviour and our lives - unconciously unless we change it - and we can't do that unless we (a) recognise we have a limitation on our life or (b)consciously WANT to change.

Tell a kid he's ugly enough times, he'll believe it until the day he dies. Unless and until he changes his self image. But most people just accept the way they've been brought up, just keep on getting along. Parents and carers don't realise the damage they do to their infant children in their early years before they are able to make judgements, believe conciously and criticise. This is why the terrible three's exist - the child is starting to gather his critism tools, whereas before this he would simply accept things as they are. And theory goes that the child can act conciously, with critism at 5, which is when the early learning , the self image formulation, stops.

Think of the police profilers - they can actually predict a persons personailty and acvtions by the way that person conforms to his "normal" behaviour (Self image) patterns - because certain people with self image problems tend to behave the same.

And in answer to diapersallways comment: "what i'm wondering is what do you consider late potty training i was well trained by age 3 or 4, is this not a somewhat common age for it" - what I'd say here is that behaviour reinforces itself, so the longer a certain behaviour carries on, the stronger it gets, and the harder it is to change. And it buries deeper in the subconcious. As to the diaper fetish being particularily recent, I'm not sure what to say here, except for the fact that I think it's the actual action of wearing, storing and using bodily waste which is the fetish here - the diapers just make it easier because it can be controlled and contained safely. You can get the same effect almost from using normal underwear - I think it's the act of being able to hide it is the actual thing here - not the thing (diaper) we use to do so.

Paul

[Skywolf]

Towards the question about why diapers seem to be a modern thing: Yes, this fetish has been around for a long time, even before the 1950's, but my view on it is in the past 80 years, the pace of the world has increased dramatically. Stress is overly abundant. Diapers are a way to let go of that stress. Prior to the 20th century, most people lived much more slower lives. We are rushed with everything nowadays.

Do you remember when you were little, and you had all the time in the world? The days would last forever, as well as the summers. Now, at 24, I find the days aren't long enough to get everything done, the year passes by at about the rate that 1 month did when I was little. Diapers are a way to relax and slow things down a bit, help you remember those days. People 100 years ago didn't need it that much as their lives were much slower.

This is just my 2 cents

-Sky

[Sophie ♥]

In accordance to that incredibly long post above, i completely disagree. Self-image cant be cast concretely by the age of five. I have never come across a situation at all where i've felt uncomfortable without knowing a good reason for the discomfort. You may argue that maybe I just had a wonderful childhood, but I am not so sure that's the proper explination. I admit that self image issues can be developed before the age of five, probably mostly are developed by that age due to the interaction and remarks of the people around you, commonly your parents and the underdeveloped mind takes these into account at a high priority. But that doesn't mean your self image is concrete or that it takes extra effort to change it.

I hate using this example, since i am not a fan of the biophysiological theories, but IQ and creative skills have been thought to be genetic. What if someone discourages you when your fingerpainting or coloring? If you have such a deep attaction to artistic things naturally, dispite the put-downs of others you may still enjoy it when you grow older since the creative artistic abilities lie in your genetics. As for IQ, if someone is genetically smart but occastionally act stupid for fun or because it's a form of their personality, people might call them a retard or moron or idiot, but they'll still ace an SAT even though people always call them stupid.

An example in reverse, using cognitive methods, would be that people can tell you all your life how good you are at this and that (as it was with my childhood), but in adolesence one can develop a negative self image without the put downs of their peers. For example, my childhood was the happy go lucky type, at least until age 5, which is what we are discussing, and my parents and my friends never said one negative thing about my artwork or anything. Even in adolescence my friends and family would always tell me how great my writing or drawings or paintings or sculptures or lego structures or vocabulary were. Yet, i still feel i need to learn more words, i still feel inferior in artistics, i still think my writing style is lacking, i still believe i can do better. I am often pessimistic and doubtful of my abilities. I dont usually work on enhancing them since it depresses me when i dont get better. Even though no one has ever doubted my skills, I have developed a negative self image of how I do things. And to that you may say that perhaps my memories of neglect had been repressed, but i know my parents well, and my mom has told me countless times, they were always supportive parents and made time for me. I do admit, however, that society in general may have caused my sense of shame in my own abilities. For example, I do feel the need to lose weight although no one calls me fat. As for the artistics and drawings and all, I have seen other paintings and drawings online and in museums. I doubt i can ever achieve that sort of status. Even if these things were true, i wasn't exposed to the pressures of society by the age of five. At least not in any way that could cause perminent damage.

As for the official "diaper loving" or "adult baby" relationship, I was potty trained by two years old. I never gave a second thought to diapers until i was eight or nine. I loved my younger brother and never felt any lust toward him being the new baby. And you may say that it's impossible for me to remember this sort of stuff at two or three years old, but trust me, i would deffinently remember if i had any sort of conflict with my brother. He's one of my best friends.

I dont understand, at all, why i am an adult baby. I questioned it over and over again. I went through the posts of people and how they were denied a childhood, how they had never experienced it fully. None of it matched me. It seems to be a mystery as to why I of all people would be an adult baby, and yes, i would like to know, but I've come to the conclusion that despite the reasoning behind it, it's who I am, and even if i dont have an explination it wont change the person I enjoy being.

As for Skywolf's post, i completely agree. The stress and "need to accomplish things" has been exponentially increased in our society over the past fifty or so years. It would be a good reason to enjoy being an AB or DL. But i also agree with Bethany when she says that back then these sorts of materials didn't exist properly, and substitutions may have existed.

-Sophie

P.S. Darn... my post wasn't longer.

[Guest]

Hi gang,

Paul here from the UK. Okay, if you've read my profile (I'm a new member), you'll know I'm heavily into psychology. Like you, I'm also a diaper lover, and I love using the same one all day if I can. And here's the theory:

Your self image is created and cast in concrete by the time you're 5. It's with you for life, buried deep in your subconcious, and to a greater exent, it controls everything we do. Our Self image is learned from our parents, our early home life and so on. And it stops developing at 5.

The self image is responsible for how we see ourselves, whether or not we're inadequate, forms our whole personailty, our core beliefs and traits. It's controlled to a large extent by our concious mind - can't do that/that's not right/grow up/etc.

None of us can remember the things the make us who we really are on an individual basis. But all these unconscious learnings stay with us. So, for example, if we're late being toilet trained, the subconcious accepts this as normal behaviour, but buries it. This is the same way most sexual fetishes are made, without us realising it.

And in our case, I think we're really lucky to have rediscovered it. Many people don't. The self image explains why we do things we don't sometimes understand why - but our unconscious behavior always plays out, without us realising it. With me, it was different because I loved wearing my diapers, and I used to pinch my sisters when she was a baby and wear them.

And that's because my brain's sub concious accepted diapers as normal, and I did not want to make a conscious effort to deny it. And now, at 44, there's nothing better than a loaded and soaked diaper, it's just that I don't get much chance to indulge now.

But I'm an avid DL. I'd wear them 24/7 if they were socially acceptable, but they're not, so I can't. The need to wear gets stronger every day, but it gets more diificult to indulge as well. For me, it's the whole thing, the feeling of a hot, heavy wet and loaded diaper between my legs, it's definately sexual, and wearing diapers puts me in 7th heaven.

The natural side effects are brilliant - doing and carrying on a normal life without being bothered about finding toilets, being able to do what I normally do without disturbance. They're a brilliant stress reliever too, and I could definately wear them 24/7.

And, by giving in to my self image, like all others who do so, I'd be totally at peace with myself.

I'm bi in orientation, but that's only because diapers bring out the gay in me. I'm straight in "normal" life, but there's something extremely sensual about seeing a man in diapers, especially those under shorts or worn as everyday underwear. My secret fantasy is live with a man 24/7 with us both in diapers all the time.

I completely disagree with you... If anything from my home life was concrete by 5, I'd be a neat freak with a temper problem (my mom) who hates faggots and sleeps with whatever will touch me (my dad).

"But I'm an avid DL. I'd wear them 24/7 if they were socially acceptable, but they're not, so I can't."

Complete BS. I wear 24/7. I've had 0 social impact. I can't stand when people use that flawed logic.

You can put on a business suit with a diaper under it and still be CEO of something... Or, like me, have a good job being a computer repair technician, diapered 24/7, who hugs her stuffed wolf in the car all the way to the next repair site.

Can't cause it's not socially acceptable... No, you can't because you don't accept it.

[Floaty_Boy]

Here's an example. You're a parent, and you've got your three year old with you in the garage as you're working on the car. At first, your son is happy to watch you work, but he soon starts to want more. He wants to help daddy. The repair is urgent, you as a parent, don't have spare time; the job must be done as soon as possible. Little ones are not easily discouraged; and he keeps asking to help. You, as the parent, can easily see this as interference or an hinderance. Either way, your patience is being tried.

One of two things will happen, you as the parent will take ten minutes out, give your son a simple job to do within his capabilities, guide him through it, and praise him when the jobs done.

Or, you can lose your patience. You get angry with your son, take him back in the house and tell everyone he's an hinderance. Either way, it's soon forgotten.

Except for your son's sub concious mind - his self image. Jump forward 10 years or so, and you, as the father, think it's time that your son started to learn how to handle tools. You set a day apart - this is the day for just father and son. Now, if you'd handled the situation positively years back, your son will enjoy his new experience.

But if you'd been negative about the situation, and coupled with your likely negative behaviour (shouting, being angry, etc), your son will feel uncomfortable about the garage situation, although he won't know (remember) why. Subconciously, your son will always view the garage, tools, working on the car and so on as an unpleasant experience.

Just one example of the self image at work, how the positive or negative outcome of a given situation will, and does, unconciously affect the boys life........for life.

Nope. I don't buy it. I grew up with two emotionally-stunted, immature, self-involved, abusive assholes for parents. I heard on an almost daily basis from my mother that my siblings and I were "the worst thing that ever happened" to her, that we ruined her (and my father's) life, and that she "wished she'd never had" us. Emotional abuse was a constant, sexual abuse had happened, and beatings were frequent for infractions ranging from the serious (finding a can of spray paint and scribbling on the side of the garage) to the accidental (spilling your milk at dinner). My oldest sister was made to do all the cooking for the family and I wasn't allowed to do any of it. The theory being that I was too small and would only make a mess and screw things up (basically, replace "car repair" in your example above with "food preparation").

Today, I LOVE to cook. When I was 13, I LOVED to cook. When I was 7, I would STILL beg and plead to help cook, despite the fact that I would get yelled and possibly beaten if I screwed up. And trust me when I say that there wouldn't have been any "pleasant" subconcious memories of the kitchen from when I was 5 or younger. The smaller the child, the more my mother got off on bullying. She still tells stories of when she would scare (terrify) me as a toddler. She thinks they're funny.

--Floaty

[DiaperBoyKR]

I cant say that I completely buy the theory of complete personality formation by the age of 5. I will agree that many of the experience that help to shape are sub-conscious attitudes and outlooks are formed in our early years.....this has been sufficiently demonstrated (i.e. children who love to read because parents read to them as children, interests in arts/music because of consistent early exposure, etc.). As far as specific fetishes/sexual interests/personal desires being formed that early in life.....I am highly skeptical about that. Those of us in the AB/DL community run the whole gamut of training times in our life....there are those that were trained late, and others who were trained as early as possible. I myself was trained at 2, but I know folks who weren't trained until 4 and 5. Theres other reason that trigger our desire to wear diapers.

I have to agree with what was said before in regards to the stresses of everyday modern life. I think that is more of the trigger for diaper wearing than any particular formative age incident. Our subconscious links the diapers with a less stressful period in life, and as a result, its a relaxing event when we wear.

We are obsessed with trying to figure out WHY we like diapers that we need to step back, realize that its just something that we enjoy, stop stressing about it, and wear our diapers.

[babylin]

I once asked the same question on here, i.e. why is a sexual liking for diapers a modern thing? I based this on the fact that as a young guy of about 20 (so around 1989) I knew ABs that were in their 50s (so if you say they liked it as a 20 year old, that would push it back to the 1950s) but I never met anyone older. This led me to the conclusion that it started in the 1950s. However, some people on here told me they had indeed met older people who were doing it long before that (in the 30s) and there are a couple of examples of adults wanting to wear diapers back in the 19th century.

All that aside, I think that part of the modern appeal could be the rubber/plastic pants. Many adults obviously have a fetish for these materials anyway, and with regards to diapers they have only been used in recent times. You can only go back in time so far before a diaper is just a piece of linen between your legs. Meaning that back then the fetish appeal was limited. Another thing to consider when asking how long people have liked this, and just talking about ABs for the moment, is how would an adult in the 1930s have dressed like a baby?

Beth

Interesting ! I've read diaper stories from the 1930's and to associate them with rubber/plastic pants I would think then that the diaper fetish, as is the presumptive question here, would go back into the 1870's when Kleinerts first produced rubber baby pants, and reflected mostly the 1950's, as it was after WWII in the late forties when plastics were then applied to baby pants. Playtex came out big in the early 1950's, but by then rubber baby pants were common and the generic for baby pants was "rubber pants". Plastic replaced rubber and disposables, once they had plastic backing and adhesive tapes, replaced cloth diapers in the 1960's.

As to when my diaper desires began: I can remember wanting them shortly after I was taken out of diapers at age two. Back in the 50's, peer pressure was great on mothers to have their children toilet trained by age two; one was an adequate mother if she did so and less so if the baby was getting older. So I can remember wanting diapers befor age 3. But I was also a bedwetter and wanted diapers right thtough grade school, waking up every morning soaked neck to knees. I think my diaper "fetish" developed as I entered puberty.

As far as a theory of personality formation and diaper desires: well, I believe in reincarnation and Karma. So my bedwetting and consequent diaper desire may have been a leftover from a previous life manifesting in this life cycle. I know I am not conquering my diaper desires in this lifetime---but have come to accept them --- so maybe they won't be with me in the next lifetime.

HAPPINESS IS WEARING COTTON DIAPERS

[tcc]

I have to agree that we might often try TOO hard to analyze WHY we are into diapers. I can't disagree with the original premise. I cannot disagree with all the intelligent responses to the original question/theory. If you were to go to my blog entries at this site and at D Space, I have been able to track back to WHEN I remember consciously moving into a DL world. Unlike the ABs, who I keep hearing may be there because of a failed or lousy infancy/childhood, I had a great childhood. I just always remember being attracted to bulky cloth diapers encased in those noisy "swishy" Gerber plastic panties. I had NO attraction to the wearers - infants - but I LOVED the idea of being dressed the same way, in bulky cloth diapers and plastic pants. Now, I was born in 1955, so this was WAY before disposable diapers, plastic-backed or not, were even thought of to be on the market.

I WILL, however, NEVER forget the affect of a parent's expression or impact upon a child in a given situation. I was a foot race director. My son, at age 8, was going to enter the 1 mile "Fun Run". It was October. The weather, as I got up a 4 AM, was lousy, as it seemed to always be, here in Michigan, for the little local Octoberfest Festival. In fact, besides cold and light rain, there was SNOW flakes. My son's mother, who took care of registration at the races, brought my son out to help me. I SAW the sparkle and excitement in his eyes as he jumped out of mom's car to join me and help me put up signage. MY mood was LESS than upbeat. MY mood DASHED his! I will never forget it. AND, my son WON the male division of the Fun Run, beating ALL male entrants - about 10 of them - in a very respectable time. But, even in my attempt to make up for my prior downer mood, being more upbeat in presenting him his trophy for his win, and proudly announcing his name as the winner, it STILL did NOT make up for how I brought him DOWN with my attitude, earlier in the morning. I will never forgive myself for that ding to his psyche, and now, he's married and in the Navy, doing well and appreciative of his father.

The bottom line with this comment? Who KNOWS how we are wired, and how our wiring is affected by our infancy and childhood, as well as parental input? Yet, the reality IS that what molds us into what we are may be a very minute or miniscule input that we cannot even track back to or identify, that affected us at a very critical time or slipped into us in a very slight tiny opening!

I don't think any of us should ever stop trying to identify that which leaves us as we are, and sets us apart from many other people, but I also agree with one of the other commentators. We need to understand WHO we are, WHAT makes us US, but chill out and ACCEPT ourselves AS we are, and learn how to incorporate that into our everyday lives, and into the lives of others around us - if that's what we need to do, desire to do, cannot refrain from doing - and stop beating ourselves up because we ARE different. And, we need to stop questionning WHY we are the way we are as there are SOME things in our world and our lives that ARE "imponderables". Okay, you can ASK the questions, but there are SOME things in which there ARE no answers or you may NOT ever find an answer TO.

On the whole, the entry was a good one, and certainly, for a number of us, though-provoking!

[packrat]

Well said, tcc.

I live in SE Michigan and was raised in roughly the same time frame. Since only recently finding DD and reading the multitude of posts and comments by others, I have finally come to personal peace with my DL; which dates to my early youth in the 50's. Instead of being embarrassed about the fact, and worried that I was in some way slightly crazy, I have just now come to embrace my desire to be as much a part of me as my other personality traits or characteristics. My DL is harmless to others and gives me calm in times of trouble. Let us hope that the younger members of DD and those still finding themselves with this unique identity are similarly braced up by the knowledge that we are not defective in any way. It is just who we are. How we travel through life and how we interact and affect others will define our legacy, not the underwear we choose to employ.

[Markley]

I am still asking 'WHY" now and then, or I think of something that might have contributed, but in the end I don't think it really matters. It makes me happy and I enjoy it, and brings me comfort (and relief when needed ) and its really no big deal anymore, Its just part of who I am.

Self acceptance is one of, if not THE greatest gift a person can give themselves.

You cant make everyone happy and yes, there will be those who look at you like you are qwazy, so what. Its not their life, but yours, and your not hurting anyone BFD.

I ma a better person because of this, and I try and pass this along to the younger people coming up behind us, to help them avoid what I , and many others have gone through, and pass on the knowledge that ... "IT'S OK"

I ask myself why all the time, but my desire alwas seems to override it.

As for what you said about this being our life, and no body elses, I have to somewhat disagree.

I have recently been indulging in my Diapered Issue after coming out to my girlfriend whom I live with.

When you do this, this isnt your life anymore. It's your's and your SO.

Saying that you should not care what everyone else thinks jut so you can wear a diaper anytime you want, while living with someone you truely love, who happens to be indifferent about your situation, would be selfish.

I try to look at it from both, mine and her point of view, because it's not always about me, and what makes me happy.

[tcc]

In looking at the posts after mine, I need to say two things.

ONE, it is SELFISH to "come out" to someone AFTER you're in a relationship. You are expecting that your revelation is going to be accepted. And, if it isn't, there goes the relationship OR you're back into a closet nursery, with a major issue of trust or MIStrust always on the table, regarding what you're doing to indulge yourself in secret or when your SO is not around. Yes, in some cases it works, but it's not really fair, and it doesn't HELP the relationship if one person is doing things "on the QT" - in secret, in private. And, if a person does NOT "come out" prior to a major investment of time and emotions, they are likely to be slammed and devastated when the SO does NOT accept or will not put up with such "foolishness". It happens ALL the time. It is a repeating mantra in the AB/DL world.

TWO, when I met my, now, third wife, I drew a "line in the sand". I KNEW that she would have to KNOW about my diaper life and the way I was, or we needed to move on, seperately, out of fairness to HER. I knew EYE would survive. Had been there, done that before. She is STILL my wife, and we proceeded after my revelation, with her only asking for time and patience to digest what I had told her about me and my leanings. She understood and SAID it was MY thing. She would need to adjust to that.

Just recently, her greatest gift to me was, in talking about how I worried from time to time that while she accepts and encourages me NOW, in time, she might grow tired of my DL ways/life/world and either tell me to put it away or push ME away. She said she'd never do that because my diaper thing is a PART of me, and when she accepted ME, she accepted THAT part of me, too. I love her even more NOW with that reassurance!

So, it doesn't matter WHY we are DLs or ABs. It doesn't hurt to explore the reason, and try to embark upon self-discovery. And, if we ARE able to track back to the ultimate original trigger, what good will it DO? I don't think anyone, including head shrinkers, think it's possible to UNpull the trigger, or reverse what IS. Maybe one behavior or addiction can be traded for another one, possibly more "accepted", but one shrink told me it can be very expensive to do that, and doesn't always work! If WE accept ourselves and don't apologize for it, yet are conscious and considerate of OTHERS in our lives, who we might choose to reveal our secret to, what we DO deal with can be more palatable to US, on the bottom line, AND to others in our lives, should we make that part of us known to them.

I know that doesn't answer anything, but us older "practitioners" have dealt with guilt, self-scorn, self-flagellation and pure wonder if we are crazy or mentally ill long before the relative ease of contacting others via the Internet. WE didn't have that. WE had "snail-mail", if you could FIND a way to find others into diapers AND a way to contact them.

Get to know yourself. Get to know WHO you are and HOW you are, and how you react to and interact with other people. Be comfortable in your own skin. THEN, and only THEN, can you do your thing, be happy and fulfilled - though "different" from other people at times! LOL - and not WORRY that you're different from other people. THAT, in itself, will make a difference in your life. Um, good luck to all who read this...

[Markley]

In looking at the posts after mine, I need to say two things.

ONE, it is SELFISH to "come out" to someone AFTER you're in a relationship. You are expecting that your revelation is going to be accepted. And, if it isn't, there goes the relationship OR you're back into a closet nursery, with a major issue of trust or MIStrust always on the table, regarding what you're doing to indulge yourself in secret or when your SO is not around. Yes, in some cases it works, but it's not really fair, and it doesn't HELP the relationship if one person is doing things "on the QT" - in secret, in private. And, if a person does NOT "come out" prior to a major investment of time and emotions, they are likely to be slammed and devastated when the SO does NOT accept or will not put up with such "foolishness". It happens ALL the time. It is a repeating mantra in the AB/DL world.

Maybe it is somewhat selfish, but its not exactly normal for someone who likes Diapers for the hell of it to just go out and tell their SO the momment they see eachother that he's a Diaper Lover, unless they really dont give a crap. Esspecially as a young adult.

It's hard to tell someone you love that your into something they have never imagined you doing. Lets face it... It isn't the most well known and accepted interest in the world. For those who dont live in our shoes, we are infact strange.

So being afraid to tell your SO for a long period of time seems normal to me.

[packrat]

tcc/Markley/square duck:

This is a most interesting thread. I am enjoying the dialogue and finding it helpful to frame my mindset after a whole bunch of years of guilt. I started this foray into diapers when steam locomotives were pulling trains in my hometown! And, yes without a doubt, the internet has allowed many of us self-flagellating types to learn that we had company in this desire/fetish, and that we weren't just kooks with some weird mental 'twist.'

I am still married to my first love and have many more than 30 years with her. She is just now aware of my occasional diaper use. This occured quite by accident about three years ago when my electronic planner alarm went of in my brief case and she explored to find the source of the noise. Yes, I kept my diaper in a zippered section of the case. When she confronted me I was, perhaps less than honest; but felt the need to as I was reading her mood and opinion. I still believe that her reaction is 'this is your thing, not mine.'

And, on the issue of early family, I had loving parents. We were poor, but I never understood that until I was much older. Love and warmth was everywhere, and in the post war (wwII) boomer years, there was no shortage of play in the neighborhood. We LIVED outside-summer and winter. My diapering opportunities were few in those years, but the advent of disposables gave me a whole new opportunity in the 70's and 80's.

I enjoy the posts by the younger members, I wish I would have been able to have the same experinece with a supportive group at their age.

[Diapered Rocker]

I believe thats the Freudian version...Ive only had General Psychology in College, but, it sounds pretty similar...

And, i think its probably true, Freud gets trashed alot, but he had alot of good ideas that rang true, and i think this is definitely one of them, cause its prettymuch exactly why i believe im into diapers...

[packrat]

Square Duck:

Thanks for the reply. It sure feels different interacting here than struggling along alone with my DL. Hope you have fun at the car show. I've been to Detroit's Dream Cruise a couple of times. Wow what a circus! Over 1M people come and I drool over every car I remember and wish I could have had. Great to revisit cruising in the 60's.

I don't generally wear when I'm around kids. I always worry that they will pick up on my extra padding when they grab-hit-bump-knock, etc. as kids do. And, they are usually honest enough to blurt out something about the 'thick underpants'. I would rather just avoid the problem and embarrassment. I might wear when traveling to and from, but that would be about it. No advice here, just my thoughts.

And, we agree on the porta-johns! I get around a lot of construction sites and can't believe what people do to them when it is the only option available. This is when I tend to wear and use! (I always wondered what those crane operators do on those tall tower cranes...) Later.

[Topguy]

I know exactly why I am a diaper lover. The memory of the triggering event is still crystal clear in my mind 45 years after the fact.