I've Been Having Thoughts...

[Mean Mommy]

I've been thinking a lot about bondage recently, and since I can't find any good BDSM boards, I'll post it here. I'm sure someone will come along in a year's time and reply.

Anyway, we look so mean from the outside, us dominants. When really its the same pitiful needs driving us to commit our sadistic acts of pleasure as it is for the masochist receiving those arcane acts. Bondage is about control and ownership. For me, bondage is a way of saying "Ah ha, I've got you and I won't let you get away. You can never run away from me." The masochist is the beautiful butterfly caught in the heinous trap of the dominant.

A lot of self-loathing underlines my dominant tendencies. My love of bondage and er...bonding springs from a fear of abandonment, a knowledge that I am (despite my awesomeness) unlovable. But I don't have to worry about these things once I have tied someone up. He can't move, I am free to love him and he can't do a goddamn thing about it. And I do love him with a perverse sadistic glee.

I can't describe the pleasure, the ecstasy of trapping the object of your affection. Only people who know loss could ever experience that sweet high. It is based in hatred against the self. It is not about trusting your lover, or concerning your lover's feelings towards you, it's about conquering your lover. Completely possessing him with or without his consent, because you love him that much. You can stand his hatred, his fear, his disgust, you even expect it, as long as you can have him.

It is truly thinking like a monster.

I am sure it is a crippling moment of pain, or a few, which turn people into dominants and submissives. This sort of love does not come from a mind that has not suffered. BDSM is a way to console that initial suffering through reactionary suffering, it almost negates itself for a while. A bound submissive can think "Yes, I really am loved. She wants me." while the dominant thinks "He must love me, otherwise why would he be suffering so?" (The obvious answer is "because you tied him up and didn't let him escape." But WHATEVER.)

Anyway, yeah. Horribly depressing, how no idea I would be that bleak.

[singner]

What a thoughtful way of looking at it. I think I understand the BDSM scene much more clearly now!

I don't think I could ever be a good Dom but a Sub, I may well be.

[diaperdoc]

heck im the same but im a switch you can actualy turn my domance off just by playing with my hair and or my neck once I start to pur you have me the problem Im faceing is finding a Dom that is a female in to diapers of course and one that has a switch side as well Ive never been domed by a woman or even forced to wear of do any thing in diapers yes I do wear them when I sleep because if I dont I sleep too hard and wont get up to go to the bathroom

so Im looking right now and its not easy

Looking in the cornfeilds Ia

[jenniebear]

again i'm drooling.....*wipes her chin*

Nice post...i've asked many Dom/Domme's their motives for being into bdsm.....because there are people with Dominant personalities that aren't into the lifestyle particularly....but no Dom/Domme i've known has really taken the time to answer on the level You've described it....

i believe that Dom/Dommes and submissives are often cut from the same cloth ... i actually have a dominant personality in a big part of my life...the thrill for me of course is surrendering to Another....i've noticed that pain has most definitely played a part in prior lives at some emotional level of every submissive i've shared this conversation with. The conversation on this topic is often not so forthcoming with Dom/Domme's...Some Dom/Dommes will offer a little background about themselves... but others keep it tightly bottled up . Either way i end up basing my thoughts of why they are who they are on a lot of assumptions, i could only guess from what i know of Their history how They've come to be who They are

and finally

BDSM is a way to console that initial suffering through reactionary suffering, it almost negates itself for a while. A bound submissive can think "Yes, I really am loved. She wants me." while the dominant thinks "He must love me, otherwise why would he be suffering so?" (The obvious answer is "because you tied him up and didn't let him escape." But WHATEVER.)

....wow....i need intensity..........i desire it.....i crave it..........i yearn for it..........and unfortunately i unconciously create it when i don't feel i'm getting it.......and when i do create it....it ends up being the wrong kind of intensity...........which basically though i didn't do it intentionally...it's me trying to top from the bottom.....the result of my actions is i usually end up in a world of hurt because my Dom has His own set of emotions and needs tied up in this relationship....and my guess is i've probably made some major submissive faux pax that in His mind was probably interpretted as my not needing His love...or yeah...whatever a Doms unconscious mind is telling Him....

by the way...i'd love to be able to post this post on my bdsm blog, giving You credit, if it would please You Mean Mommy....but i won't do anything without Your consent

Thanks for the insight ....

jennie

[Baby Bethany]

I've been thinking a lot about bondage recently, and since I can't find any good BDSM boards, I'll post it here. I'm sure someone will come along in a year's time and reply.

Anyway, we look so mean from the outside, us dominants. When really its the same pitiful needs driving us to commit our sadistic acts of pleasure as it is for the masochist receiving those arcane acts. Bondage is about control and ownership. For me, bondage is a way of saying "Ah ha, I've got you and I won't let you get away. You can never run away from me." The masochist is the beautiful butterfly caught in the heinous trap of the dominant.

A lot of self-loathing underlines my dominant tendencies. My love of bondage and er...bonding springs from a fear of abandonment, a knowledge that I am (despite my awesomeness) unlovable. But I don't have to worry about these things once I have tied someone up. He can't move, I am free to love him and he can't do a goddamn thing about it. And I do love him with a perverse sadistic glee.

I can't describe the pleasure, the ecstasy of trapping the object of your affection. Only people who know loss could ever experience that sweet high. It is based in hatred against the self. It is not about trusting your lover, or concerning your lover's feelings towards you, it's about conquering your lover. Completely possessing him with or without his consent, because you love him that much. You can stand his hatred, his fear, his disgust, you even expect it, as long as you can have him.

It is truly thinking like a monster.

I am sure it is a crippling moment of pain, or a few, which turn people into dominants and submissives. This sort of love does not come from a mind that has not suffered. BDSM is a way to console that initial suffering through reactionary suffering, it almost negates itself for a while. A bound submissive can think "Yes, I really am loved. She wants me." while the dominant thinks "He must love me, otherwise why would he be suffering so?" (The obvious answer is "because you tied him up and didn't let him escape." But WHATEVER.)

Anyway, yeah. Horribly depressing, how no idea I would be that bleak.

Hey, nobody is "unlovable" (well, some people are) so stop depressing yourself. You show more positive character aspects in one post than you probably realise!

*Sorry if I spoke out of turn.......please don't hurt me, lol*

Bethany

[Topguy]

I'm simply evil.

I like being sadistic, and there is no shred of self loathing in it. I see control and torment as arts-and I like to see just how far I can get someone to go-without actually breaking them for real.

Do I care? Sure-I dont like to get a bad rep.

Do I pick fragile people to do this shit with?

Hell no.

[Mean Mommy]

by the way...i'd love to be able to post this post on my bdsm blog, giving You credit, if it would please You Mean Mommy....but i won't do anything without Your consent

Thanks for the insight ....

jennie

Wow. Sorry it took me so long to answer this but yes, of course you can. I would be delighted.

I'm simply evil.

I like being sadistic, and there is no shred of self loathing in it. I see control and torment as arts-and I like to see just how far I can get someone to go-without actually breaking them for real.

Do I care? Sure-I dont like to get a bad rep.

Do I pick fragile people to do this shit with?

Hell no.

BLEEEEEEH!!! >P

Yes, I've noticed you and I take different stances on many things. Psychology and Domming being the top two.

I like to break my sub. Because I know I will catch him and put him back together. It's a very intimate, loving thing. But because I do that I'm a very picky Dom. I only select someone who I am very passionate about. I only play with somebody who I could consider raising a kid with, or dying next to. It's all or nothing.

People are always fragile complicated beautiful things. I myself like a challenge. I like a sub who can stare me down, who needs to be pushed to kneel. But that doesn't mean he isn't fragile. If you mean "fragile" as in "off balanced" then yeah, totally.

Also

A lot of people tell me I'm not a monster, and they're right. I'm not. I won't shoot innocent people and I don't eat small children for lunch. (Although that may make an interesting scene..) What I mean is, there is a part of me that feels ugly and horrendous. And it will be there no matter what I say or do to the contrary, it's rooted pretty deep. Intellectual persuasion will not shake this undeniable feeling.

The nice thing is I get to confront this, even revel in it, through BDSM. BDSM helps me cope with darker sides of myself that I would otherwise have a hard time facing. It's like airing out a mausoleum. It's a good way of approaching something horrible.

Sorry for being so dramatic about it.

[tauschung]

I've just started being a domme in the last two years. I collared my first sub around then.

When I'm domming..I'm not in it to break her. I'm in it to drive her crazy. A lot of the scenes we do involve bondage, or denial of senses. Recently I'm getting more and more control over her..and my perspective is changing a bit.

A lot of the dommes I know seem flaky..subject to whim and have no real control over the person. At the end of the day, when my kitten comes home. She comes home to me.

[malus_infantia]

What a well considered and thoughtful exploration of your thoughts, Mean Mommy. Thank you for sharing that with the lot of us.

I completely dig on the self-loathing that you experience. The special kind of hatred one reserves for oneself tends to be of particularly brutal. Playing off of what you said:

I am sure it is a crippling moment of pain, or a few, which turn people into dominants and submissives. This sort of love does not come from a mind that has not suffered.

Those wounds are likely the same ones that feed our inner tempests...those cutting inner voices that can lay us so low, make us feel unlovable, and make the vision of ourselves seem so unredeemably hideous.

Ah...to be bound by pathos.

At any rate, I find it comforting that someone out there seems to have a complimentary view about BDSM. For me, so much of the ecstasy is in having my agency stripped away, in being bound up and giving complete trust over to the woman I submit to (by necessity or choice, depending on the mood of things). To have the sense of "She loves me and wants me -this- much (and in a way i cannot love me self) so as to not let me go...and she knows best how to keep me" which is to be followed by that moment when I completely break...the visceral ecstasy of catharsis through submission *purr*. There is something beautiful in that alchemy, in how all of that plays out.

I still struggle with the above view, and that part of me that hates this part of me...the part of me that sees me as a pathetic young man, reaching for something he can never quite touch, looking ridiculous in the mean time in his diapers and baby clothes...trussing himself to bedposts with belts of leather and satin. A cross between a degenerate and something less than human.

Fine lines to walk between those two points of view. The part i still get hung up on (but am trying to work around) is reconciling those two points of view, or even better, being able to silence the latter point of view while maintaining and exploring the former.

And no worries about being dramatic. This kind of exploration is dramatic...besides, the scenes could always do with a more poetic bent, methinks.

Thanks again for the posts. G'luck in your struggles.

[lz1396]

I have never played with BDSM much in my relationships. I had a few girlfriends that wanted to be tied up now and then but that’s about it. I know seeing it on the net excites me but I don’t know if I could do some of things I see. I’m a healer I don’t know if I could hurt a girl. Crying girls turn me into Jell-O all I want to do is hold them. At the same time on the net so fare as BDSM goes I’m one sick puppy. I don’t know if it’s that I can disassociate with it when it’s on the net or what. I have a pattern of dating girls who life has broken them and I build them back up and put them together again. It’s a bad habit of mine that I don’t set out to do it just happens. I know ware it come from and it’s ingrained deep with in me. It’s dominating in a form because they need you and you control what they wont but in a way it’s sub too because you want to give them what they wont to try to make them happy. You serve them. The relationships never work out. They get to ware they can stand on their own and they don’t need me so one of us moves on. It ends up being that I give, give, give and all I get is the feeling of being needed in the end. Some don’t get back up and they start to suck the life right out of me. I give till there is nothing left of me and I have to get out or drown. I end up getting bitter because I gave but never got because it was always about them but I set my self up for it. I have know idea how to ask for what I want and what I need, out side of the feeling of being needed. I don’t think I would make a very good sub. I can serve to a point but if my past has thought me anything I’m a fighter. Pain and abuse tend to bring out my nasty side and I can get quite violent. The bad part is I’m a stuffer so the warning signs are subdue. You might think your getting away with it for some time and the water looks calm except for a few waves. Then I go off when I can’t stuff it any more and it’s like Krakatoa. What this long rant has to do with BDSM I don’t know at this point. Yah I know I’m fucked up. Any way take what you want from that. Oh a board some of you may be into.

http://extreme-board.com