Future Wife Getting Used To A Dl

[BBoy]

Well I am getting married this summer (yeah!) and my financee knows about my diapers. I told her about it four months into our relationship and it definitely made the relationship stronger. The problem I struggle with is that she is not completely accepting of the fact I have the urge/desire to wear diapers. I don't mess and I rarely pee in them along with being only a DL. I feel that she finds it dirty and isn't terribily accepting. She has told me I can wear around the house no problem however when I wore 3 days in a row she got upset. I haven't bothered to wear anymore when she is in the house. However it still makes me feel dirty because I have to keep it away from her.

I would never push my diapers on her I just don't know how or if she will ever become accepting of my lifestyle. I don't care if she wear but I'd like to be comfortable wearing around her.

Am I asking too much? Are there others in simillar situations that may have found their wives have softened their attitudes with time or am I probably looking at a life of hiding diapers forever?

Comments? Anyone else in this situation?

Thanks, B.

[tris]

Only you know her best, which is hopefully why you're getting married, lest anyone else's advice here is only speculation.

Sit down with her and discuss these things --she's gonna be your wife, your partner for life-- you don't want to start a life together where neither of you are getting what you need from the other.

[diaprbayb]

Ok, let me ask you this. When you wore them around the house, were they covered? If not do they need to be "in her face"? Covered you still get to wear, she may still know but not every time she sees you it's not the first thing she sees.

[diapermommie]

Have you asked her about it? You're getting married, so it's a good habit to get into. Maybe you're assuming she finds it dirty, when that's not the case at all. Maybe she really doesn't mind it, it just doesn't do anything for her either way. Which is ok. But maybe what's going on is that she doesn't know enough about it. Maybe when you wear them 3 days in a row when you don't normally do that, she's starting to doubt whether you're still attracted to her. Women have a tendency to second guess everything, and if something changes she's going to wonder what she did to cause the change.

I share this fetish with my boyfriend and there have been rare occassions I've found myself in that frame of mind, even though I *know* better, I still doubt when I'm having a bad day, or whatever. SO maybe instead of assuming she thinks your dirty or bad, you need to just ask her why her attitude changes, and what precisely makes her uneasy about it. Because it may be something you can reassure her about.

[Diapers4Me]

Yeah...you have to talk to her about it and define the boundries that you can live with. Don't be to strict or too lienient either, you have to think long and hard about how important diapers are to you, and what compromises you are willing to make to share the rest of your life with someone.

I wouldn't have gotten married had I not had that discussion with my fiancee. You need to talk about what she'll expect when/if you have children etc. She needs to know and understand what makes you tick and visa versa. Hiding them isn't going to work.

[jenniebear]

however when I wore 3 days in a row she got upset.

Perhaps moderation is the key in this situation...maybe when you indulged yourself for 3 days wearing a diaper, she may not have understood why......her understanding of your needs and desires must be fairly limited at this point in your relationship and it must be confusing to try and understand your reasons for wearing....most of us take years to understand or at least accept our own diaper wearing..... In addition not all but many women look to men as the "strong provider...etc..." For three days you may have taken that view from her...

i think time, patience, taking things slowly....and communication may be best idea........

i know in the beginning my Daddy worried each time i would want to wear....because i'd described it as a stress releaser.....He worried or even assumed that i must be stressed or unhappy and that was why i would want to wear...

[BBoy]

Yes. We have discussed this however it is obvisous that she is not comfortable around them. I always wear covered, (I'm not an exhibitionist). It is very obvious from our discussions and her mannerisms when I did wear around her that she isn't comfortable.

Believe me, I would never push the issue or suggest she do something she isn't comfortable with.

I'm just curious from other DL's who have been in this situation however it worked for them over the years.

[Mean Mommy]

Whoooa, slow down tex.

I have never been married or engaged. However, I have been in several long term relationships and have observed friends marry and divorce. From my experience and observations, I think I have cobbled together enough knowledge to identify several red flags in your situation.

I have certainly remembered when I didn't like something my SO did, but did not say anything because - despite my feelings - I believed he had every right to do it. I kept my thoughts to myself and created a thin veneer of acceptance. Eventually my patience wore thin and I exploded at him.

I think your soon-to-be wife is in this process with you. You have a right to enjoy diapers. She understands that they are not hurting anybody and you have the liberty to do whatever you damn well please otherwise. I think she was shocked when you told her, but came to terms with it intellectually. When the reality was in her face, however, she had a harder time swallowing this revelation.

Your fiancee, as of now, does not like your diaper fetish. She is only saying she is fine with it to please you, and perhaps because she wants to be a good open-minded lover. But she should not deny her feelings, she should be honest with you. If she denies and represses her feelings, there is only so much she will silently tolerate before she snaps and lets you have it.

She may also be holding back from talking to you because she does not want to hurt you. Although she has good intentions, she should understand that it will do you both a world of good to openly discuss it now. She may love you so much as to smother her unkind sentiments, but her resentment will grow and soon she will hate you. I know, it happened to me with a man I adore. If you guys wait, she will be legally bound to an adult baby and you will be living with a hostile diaper nazi who only resembles the woman you once loved.

There is a lot of pressure on this relationship to be perfect - since there is a wedding looming in the near future. You MUST get her to honestly discuss your diaper fetish with you before you guys tie the knot - otherwise things will get a whole lot messier. She must realize her feelings and decide whether she can overcome them, or work with them, because if she wants to be with you (and it sounds like she does) she must learn to live with diapers.

Be prepared to hear that she hates the idea of a grown man in diapers. She thinks they're disgusting, juvenile, stupid, etc. Encourage her to tell you these things. But do not apologize for your fetish - this is who you are. If you repress your love of diapers it will be just as dishonest as she repressing her true feelings about you wearing diapers.

You are in a very dangerous situation right now. Good luck.

[Toddler Pampers]

Mean Mommie nailed it, I'm afraid. BBoy, you're doomed. I was once engaged to a gal who stewed for months before she finally said she wasn't marrying me. I must mention, too, that she didn't know all there was. She only knew I wanted her to wear diapers (like lingerie is worn during foreplay). Maybe I'd have been fine telling her just that I like wearing them, but I don't think so.

Well, it was a blessing disguise, because within a year I met the woman I've been happily married to for eleven years. But do you think even this woman is 100 percent okay with my diaper fetish? Think again. Fortunately, we have lots in common and she loves me for many reasons. But being a man who likes to wear diapers, isn't one of them.

I remember baking cookies with my wife once and wearing only a diaper. I was being in her face about it I now realize. So now I basically wear diapers alone. Once in a great while I will ask if she minds if I wear them to bed. She always says it's fine, but I know it wouldn't be on a nightly basis. I live happily with my wife because I accept that when it comes to being into diapers, it's like being gay in the military: Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

I would disagree with anyone who says this is unworkable in a marriage, because then you're saying that your spouse has to like everything about you. If that were true, very few people would be married. There's bound to be a lot of give and take.

Unfortunately, BBoy, your gal still has plenty of room and reason to bail out. You've got no kids together, no huge investment of time. She's gone, I think. Having said that, you are not facing a lifetime of hiding from your mate. Stashes of diapers are inevitably found, with deeper consequences for failing to disclose something about yourself she had a right to know. Don't hide, tell the truth, but don't force her participation. And don't get discouraged when they run for the exits.

Eventually, you will find someone who can take your fetish and, in time, you may have some moments together as you would like them, but it should be enough that you get to do what you want without having to hide.

Good luck.

[tris]

Why get married anyway? What are the advantages to YOU? I would never want to throw a ten thousand dollar party because I just voluntarily relinquished any semblance of freedom and volition I may have had. . .

Why couldn't you just save the money and live your vows everyday like you would if you loved each other anyway?

[porter]

BBOY,

Went through something similar with my wife (then gf / fiancee) about 6 years ago. My experience was (thankfully) different... we're happily married. The fact that your fiancee stewed one time after a 3 day wear may not mean the end of you guys. But, it is crucial that you enter a phase of open communication and extreme honesty before you marry. While I don't know any of the answers, I would consider the following questions to be important ones to explore now.

• Could you work out a set routine / agreement where you wear -- no questions asked -- for a certain length of time on a routine basis? (i.e. a weekend a month or a certain day / certain days per week?) This way there are no surprises, while needs are met...
• How much of your love for your fiance stems from some form of acceptance or validation of the diaper thing vs. your relationship and collective happiness as a whole? What do you value the most in your relationship?
• What do you ultimately want from her with regards to diapers? Do you want her to wear diapers? Change you? How often? Does she know this? (Be really honest here...)
• Does she love you enough to accept this part of your life, and indulge your fantasies reasonably?
• What are her (non-diaper) needs / desires / fantasies that you could fulfill that you may not like? Have you explored this together?
• If you choose to have children, how will you handle the diaper wearing?

Mi wife and I found a solution together that works for us and we are happy together.... diapers and all... But, it has been a ton of work, and a (sometimes) difficult path.

Good luck & best wishes.

PS... Be sure to seek out & share Dan Savage's column in the Seattle Stranger (and syndicated in Alt. weekly papers across the US) for some great info. on fetishes and couples in general, including a fair amount of diaper related stuff. His general premise is that if you and your partner are both "good, giving and game" towards each other's needs / desires, then all is well.

[redneck diaper boy]

You certainly did the right thing by telling her. Good luck.

Well I am getting married this summer (yeah!) and my financee knows about my diapers. I told her about it four months into our relationship and it definitely made the relationship stronger. The problem I struggle with is that she is not completely accepting of the fact I have the urge/desire to wear diapers. I don't mess and I rarely pee in them along with being only a DL. I feel that she finds it dirty and isn't terribily accepting. She has told me I can wear around the house no problem however when I wore 3 days in a row she got upset. I haven't bothered to wear anymore when she is in the house. However it still makes me feel dirty because I have to keep it away from her.

I would never push my diapers on her I just don't know how or if she will ever become accepting of my lifestyle. I don't care if she wear but I'd like to be comfortable wearing around her.

Am I asking too much? Are there others in simillar situations that may have found their wives have softened their attitudes with time or am I probably looking at a life of hiding diapers forever?

Comments? Anyone else in this situation?

Thanks, B.

[brianh]

I believe that communication is everything in relationships - w/out it, they are doomed to fail. Your soon to be wife seems to be sending you mixed signals - it's okay to wear diapers, but if you do it 3 days in a row, that's not okay. I believe that she is not really telling you how she feels about it. I would sit down w/ her and foster a very open and candid conversation about the issue. Find out her concerns, needs and beliefs. Maybe couples counseling would be a good idea - b/c a lifestyle issue like yours (ours) does not just go away. Maybe after counseling, a happy medium can be met in regards to this (you give a little, she gives a little). Maybe after counseling you find that honestly this fetish is destructive in your life and needs to be changed. Maybe after counseling everyone agrees after learning more about it, that it is okay and healthy - just a fun way to relax and be comfortable.

But to set up a pattern of not communicating and leaving big issues like these unresolved before marriage (even during marriage) will only eventually be destructive to the relationship.

Hope it helps!

[Diapers4Me]

I agree with Mean Mommy....

Sounds like she's repressing and you need to talk it through.

My wife and I talked about it quite a bit. I realized she would only ever "tolerate" my being in diapers. Looking back on it, I would probably have a much happier marriage if I'd waited for someone who was a little more forgiving and accepting of them. The boundry between her tolerance and intolerance has always seemed rather slim.

I literally scratch her back some nights, and when I ask her to pat my diapered butt, I get a single annoyed pat.....so much for you scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours!

[Mr. Sea Otter]

I think some people might be a bit pessimistic when they say "She's gone." But I totally agree that you two need to have a serious, sit-down conversation on the topic ASAP. Some of the question that Porter mentioned you should discuss seemed like great things to go over.

-Mr. Otter

[Teddy Bear Brian]

First off I do hope that you work things out.

I must say that you need to know the boundaries and what is acceptable now. If you find that she cannot truly accept it (or at least truly tolerate it) and you can't truly remove it from your life and be happy (and so far I haven't seen anyone be able to) then this will end up ruining your relationship. If that's the case you might want to get out now. It is hard to do that. You both need to be honest and take off the 'in love rose coloured glasses' and good luck with this because I bet your already sure you don't have them on (you probably do).

I can say that I love my wife Nicky dearly. I even get to be diapered some times and occasionally get a bit of cuddle time. But I can say this. We are both AB. We met in an AB chat room. She was my mommy online for quite some time and for a long time in the beginning of our real life face to face relationship. Saying all this, even she gets intolerant of it sometimes. I am now her husband and she looks to me to be the man. There were promises that she would always accept this side of me and it is accepted but its not like it was. She promised she would always want to be my mommy and I truly believe she meant these things. I do think some of it was because she was looking through the 'in love' goggles (they are alot stronger than beer goggles). Remember that the 'in love' feeling is not really love. Love is a choice you make each day to put someone else before yourself. This only works when both parties make this choice and therefore both peoples needs are met.

Why do I mention this? If our relationship started out with this celebration of the lifestyle together and that has faded into acceptance then there is a great risk that this acceptance you have that sounds as if it may be false in the first place will fade into resentment.

I love Nicky dearly and even though things have changed I wouldn't go back and change the fact I married her. Just be warned that things can change. I hope the best for you but please for both your sakes examine deeply each others true feelings. If your both going to be happy your going to have to have some very frank and honest discussions to see what path to take. Your going to have to not be afraid to lose each other or hurt each other. Don't set yourself down a path of even greater hurt.