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I don't even know where to begin.... >< I'm Gay and I just really would like to have a nuclear family. Coming from a place that doesn't understand me. That is a very long pipe dream. Taking on the caregiver/dominate role would really help fill a void in my life. I don't even know where to start. I feel lost, but this feels right....><.
So I was at work in a local resort the other day when a real life mommy was carrying her 14-18 month old baby through the lobby. the baby looked directly at me, pointed to me and said (quite loudly) "BABY!" many times. the mommy tried to correct her but she wouldn't budge from her exclamation. it made me blush and I smiled it off all the while thinking inwardly how right and perceptive that baby was! Keep in mind, I did in fact have my diapers on under my slacks and maybe slightly smelled of a fresh change.
The whole bedwetting-desires thing has come up in a few threads. Rather than posting my thoughts in a few separate threads I decided to take my ball and go create my own thread. Iâ€™ve been a DL for a long time, and I posted a few years ago the story of when I went almost 24/7 for almost two years. I think I pulled the story, though, because it contained a few too many details in this era of internet lack-of-privacy. The punch line of the story, though, was that I came out of it as an occasional bedwetter, for real. I didnâ€™t mind at the time, and for a year or three (early 2000â€™s) I sort of encouraged myself, lacking any real relationships or reason not to. My (now) wife and I had been friends for a long time, and when we started seriously dating ~2005, it was relatively easy for me to break the news to her that I had occasional problems. I bent the truth a little; I told her that problems I had had during childhood had re-started due to work stress, etc., and that doctors had not provided any real solutions. Drugs messed me up, alarms just kept me from sleeping, etc. Even after we were married in 2006 I have not corrected this lie. The bedwetting was real, the reason was not. Issues with wetting came and went for me... for a month or three Iâ€™d be dry, and then Iâ€™d start having accidents for a random period of time, then they would become more and more infrequent, etc. During the times when I was wetting frequently I would wear a diaper, and while she wasnâ€™t fond of the idea she preferred it to waking up in a wet bed. During times when I was â€œdryâ€ I would always at least have a mattress protector or various â€˜bedwetterâ€™ pants that were uncomfortable and never worked well. When I flew, or stayed at a hotel, or camped, or visited family, or even took a long car ride where I was not driving and might fall asleep, I would almost always be wearing â€œmy protectionâ€, just in case. Largely, it was my problem to manage, which I did, and except for the occasional times when I didnâ€™t wear a diaper and she woke up very unhappy in a wet bed, she didnâ€™t say anything. Things changed about two years ago with the birth of our wonderful little girl. Suddenly, there were two of us in diapers around the house. In a case of life-imitating-art, my stress level went up and my hours of actual sleep went down, and my bedwetting actually got worse. My wife decided that she was going to use cloth diapers, and therefore I should. Since she was dealing with diapers anyway, she got much more involved in my diapers as well. We looked into a diaper service that would provide both baby and adult diapers, but she ended up skipping that and just using self-washed diapers. (I wonâ€™t use the brand name for fear of attracting the wrong kinds of searches.) She ended up getting a bunch of cloth diapers and plastic pants for me. As the cloth sagged, she also ended up finding and getting some concealers/bodystockings/onsies. Not my â€œthingâ€, but certainly functional. Over the past two years Iâ€™ve pretty much converted to cloth, because it does do a much better job of keeping the bed dry than the disposables that I use (Abena, etc). As she became more involved in my choice of diapers, she was also more involved in when I was wearing and changing them. I should mention at this point that the â€œDLâ€ aspect of my life is for disposables, not for cloth. Cloth really doesnâ€™t scratch that itch, so to speak. They are also bulkier, less comfortable, more difficult to put on, more difficult to deal with when you have to use the toilet, and get more in the way of those rare moments when you might both actually have the time and energy to be intimate. So, I was less likely to put them on when i should, leading to more accidents in bed, and several times where I wet the couch on Sunday afternoons when I fell asleep watching football. She started â€˜suggestingâ€™ more often that I should wear some protection. After a few more accidents due to not wanting to put on the cloth, â€˜Suggestingâ€™ started to become â€˜Insistingâ€™, and for the last year and half or so I been diapered pretty much every night. The only difference between when I am more or less likely to wet is the thickness of the diaper that I wear. After our couch suffered a few accidents, she also began giving me a hard time if I wasnâ€™t diapered when I was watching TV and likely to fall asleep. This is the crux of the problem for me right now... Bedwetting keeps me in diapers, but _want_ to wear disposables, not cloth. As we get closer to thinking about potty-training our daughter, my wife has made some cracks about how sheâ€™ll be out of diapers before I am. Thereâ€™s certainly an edge to her jokes. She will ask me in semi-public (airport, for instance), if I need a change, and has handed me an Abena she pulled out of the trunk to put on at a rest stop. Her take on it is that itâ€™s just a fact of life, it shouldnâ€™t bother me, and she is careful to be very discreet around family or anyone we know. But at this point I donâ€™t even know how to go about stopping. Or even if i want to. So, I guess this is ends up being another cathartic â€œBe careful what you wish forâ€ kind of post. You can definitely turn yourself into a bedwetter, but there were certainly unintended consequences for me. Itâ€™s ended up not being as much fun as it started out being...