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Okay, so today, after the service got out, I used a urinal at the church restroom. Pedestrian activity, think again. As most of you know I have paruresis or shy bladder. Okay, I can usually use the urinal at a dead restroom. But at places like work, school, or church where someone I know is likely to come in, I am driven to the cubicles. Today, I felt the need to urinate, walked down to the mens. Took the left most urinal, no problem so far. I counted backwards from 12 to 1, then pictured a waterfall. At home, this sends me rushing to a restroom. I felt my body relaxing, but not enough. I then thought, relax, picture myself in a diaper, wetting like a toddler. I was able to use the urinal, and I finished just as another guy was walking in.\ Later when I was home I was catching up on some school reading, alternating between watching stargate and youtube. I felt an urge to urinate. I relaxed my body as usual, but then I began to relax my bladder as a toddler. After doing this three or four times, I began to pee my pants while on the wooden chair. I was able to wet my pants without shifting position. My crotch and butt were quite soaked, and I had a towel nearby to cleanup. I just got out of the shower. Here is a hypnosis audiofile that teaches the subconscious mind that it is okay to wet/mess your diapers and or pants when it is appropriate to do so. I am not sure if I could to this in public or not and honesly, I don't really want to. It would definately not be appropriate if it were for show. While it could be fun having a true wetting accident, I do not believe that is possible. I cannot 'go' unless I consciously relax my body to release the sphincters; this is not possible in all circumstances. I am convinced that I will need to think like a toddler, and cultivate infantile thought patterns about urination to destroy this. here is the file: http://littleab.com/wavs/Baby.mp3 When I was in High School, I was in the Business Academy at California High School in Whittier. Among other things we had to learn how to dype, use microsoft word, take an accounting class, and our senior projects were a little bit harder, we deleloped a mock business plan. We traveled up to San Francisco on a tour bus. I felt a need to pee. I could not relieve myself on the bus. Two hours later, I was greatly with pain, I could not urinate, went back on the bus, finally 2.5 hours later we stopped at a rest station. I waited until we were almost ready to leave, then ran to the bathroom, peed, and ran back! Being in pain for hours on end is something no one should endure. Back them I had a moderate to severe case of shy bladder. Honestly, having puritanical body shame drilled into me did not help, nor being pushed around a bit by the guys, nor being accused of masturbating when I could not use the urinal at Carls Junior in Somewhere, CA. I have had this since I was eight. I now know the cause. For years I had this memory of a fast food restaurant, a dark night, and an Aladdin series toy, but I could figure out how this made sense. Often I would see these images when I thought back on deep sea fishing trips, and it would appear randomly usually before I fell asleep. I realized this was a repressed memory. This summer, I saw the horrible movie. My father kept sending me to the mens to try to do the stand up kind, I kept telling him that I didn't have to go, making several trips. Then he got frustrated followed me into the restroom, I headed to the stall, after passing the urinal at the Burger King. This stranger comes in, and he has to use the stall for #2. At that moment, he hears me let out a little stream. The stranger became upset because I didn't need the stall to pee and he needed to use it. My father mumbled: Ohhh, my sonnn, he is innn there peeinnng! (Angrily muttered through his teeth) I quickly finished, abruptly rushed, got out, the stranger walked into the stall. For a young child, it is traumatizing when their parents do not stand up for them. Then I began to avoid the urinals at school. My father warned me about bullies in school restrooms as well, only to use then between classes. My mother talked to the school, and I was allowed to pee in the nurses office. Paruresis is formed by: a traumatic initial event (My father deferring to the stranger and taking his irritation on me), avoidant behaviour (my avoiding urinals at school, then using the restroom in the nurses office to urinate) I am now 26 and have had paruresis for 18 long years. Now it is an occasional nuisance, when a restroom is crowded I must use the stalls. According to my research (and the IPA website; paruresis.org) Seven percent of the population has paruresis. Chances are, there are several abdl's on this site who have this as well. I have already had a few members confide in me that they have this as well. The hypnofile is very powerful, I recommend you wear a diaper while listening to it. I soaked my diaper the second time I heard it!