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Since to 2012, I have essentially lived as an adult baby. I joined this group to gain the insight of people who may have experiences related to my own and reconcile the blessings, disappointments and confusion in my life. I seek your understanding and guidance My wife stepped in and became my caregiver in 2012 when I collapsed emotionally when my mother died unexpectedly. I was overwhelmed with grief, became suicidal and required hospitalization. It was necessary to petition the court to establish guardianship and take adult responsibility for me. With the help of therapists she "Reparented" me and her role changed from that of a wife to that of my mother. We had been married for nearly 5 years and were childless, but powerful maternal instincts that lay dormant within my wife emerged. She spoke to me softly with gentle words of comfort. She would wrap a blanket around us and cradle my head to her bosom like a mother would and let me know I was safe and OK. When speaking to me, she'd refer to herself in the 3rd person as Mommy for ex: "Mommy loves you" or "Help Mommy with the Groceries or "Didn't Mommy tell you not to do that ?" It became natural for me to address her as "Mommy" and I looked to her as a mother figure. Everyday, for more than a year, Mommy patiently nurtured me with tender maternal love that slowly eased my grief. And as it relates to this group, Mommy would give me a bath and sometimes playfully put me into diapers during her reparenting of me. It was sort of fun and being bathed and diapered at bedtime was a comforting bonding experience for Mommy and I that added substance to the the mother/child dynamic that had begun to flourish. At the same time, Mommy's love for me had also evolved. It was no longer the love of a woman for a man. It became the love of amother for her wounded child. Mommy is a wonderful mother. She's told friends that exchanging the role of a wife for that of a mother was daunting at first, but the actual tasks of mothering me came easily. (albeit exhausting). She describes me as a wonderful child to and that unexpected opportunity to experience motherhood as being richly rewarding. But Mommy is more than just a great mother, she is a beautiful woman too. Our sex life was never great and any notion of resuming a sexual relationship with me was unthinkable for her. We had not had sex for nearly 2 years and she had become sexually frustrated and felt lonely. In 2013, a man came into Momny's life. They became lovers and they fell very much in love. They are a committed couple and have established an emotionally intimate, sexually satisfying adult relationship. Their encounters were clandestine at 1st, but they are good people and sneaking around was beneath them. When Mommy introduced me to Mr.G- -g (her lover) in 2014. I didn't want to like him and Down deep. I was afraid that Mommy would leave me to start a new life with him. But they both assured me that would not be the case. Mommy told me not to worry. She was my mother who loved me and she would never abandon her child. So on the nights and weekends when Mommy invited her man to spend the weekend together, she would give me an early bedtime, and confine me to my bedroom. I objected to this with tearful childish rants of juvenile jealousy. But Mommy responded calmly taking time to describe the attributes of masculinity that attract women to men. It was like the Birds and the Bee's talk that parents give to adolescents. She explained to me that Mr. G--g was a wonderful man who possessed these qualities and that they were very happy together. Mommy only got upset with me once about it. But she taught me that a man and a woman who love each other are entitled to privacy to enjoy the intimate pleasure of sexual intercourse at there leisure. She helped to understand that she felt a mother's responsibility to shield me from things that might upset me. That is why she was firm about putting me into diapers. 1) They did not want me to wander to the hallway toilet and disturb their lovemaking. 2) Mommy wanted spare me the shame of overhearing the mattress thumping and the ecstasy of her being taken to orgasm in the arms of her lover as she is being laid and satisfied in the master bed. She would come to my room and change my wet diapers when they were finished, or in th morning as the case may be -I struggled to accept their relationship, But Mr. G- -g truly is a good man and he makes Mommy very happy. He has been a role model and mentor to me and he is entitled to the same obedient respect that I show Mommy. Mr. G- -g is financially successful and in 2016, he built a large home in country where we live as family. The master bedroom suite rhat he Mommy share is at one end of the house. My room is on the other side of the house so I don't need to wear diapers anymore when Momny and Mr. G- -g want to enjoy sexual intercourse. Mommy will put me into diapers if she senses feelings of insecurity which is rare. But I will ask her to bathe and diaper me when Mr. G--g is not around every few weeks or so. Mommy is a beautiful woman with bright green eyes, a dazzling smile, a nice figure and dark wavy hair. It is a special intimate experience that Mommy and I can share. When she undresses me, I am naked and vulnerable. The one thing that protects me is our mutual trust and the powerful love that evolved between us. I have been celebate for more than 10 years. Mommy dries me after my bath, and has me lay on the towel on my bed. She takes her time to massage baby oil or lotion onto my private areas in a non sexual way. But the gentle touch of Mommy's finger tips is a sensual reminder of the man that I was and the child that I have become. Mommy and Mr. G--g wish to Marry. He is single and says his business career had been his wife until he met Mommy. He is quite wealthy and has been emotionally supportive of Mommy and I has financial wherewithal to cover some of my uninsured medical expenses. Most women would have divorced me to be with the man she loves and most would men have walked away. But they were both concerned and decided to wait until I was emotionally stable. I am lucky... I am still emotionally fragile but I have been stable for quite awhile. Mr. G- -g and Mommy met with legal counsel to devise a workable family solution and estate planning that protected his substantial financial assets. Adult adoption is legal in my state and Mr. G- -g offered to adopt me. I agreed, and Mommy executed spousal consent and on August 23 of this year the court granted the adoption. The language of the adoption decree declares Mr. G- -g to be is my legal "Father" and that I am his "child and heir". He excercised his parental prerogative and change my surname to his. I am grateful to Mr.G- -g for all he has done and I am proud have been given his name. The adoption gave Mommy the comfort she needed to proceed with a divorce. We've agreed to the terms and I witbout objection, the fast track divorce will be final on December 30.

hello all. I suffer from depression and anxiety. It has gotten extremely worse since that extremely stressful year of 2020. There are some questions that I just cannot find the answers to, no matter how hard I look. Any help or advice would be appreciated. Thank you. I hate who I am but if I attempt to do something that is outside my comfort zone, I have a huge panic attack that basically shuts me down. How can I heal this? My question is, how can someone with depression and/or anxiety even begin to date? All of my research always talks about it as “loving someone with depression”, “dating someone with depression”, or “married to someone with depression”, but it never discusses it from the side of the person with depression. Can anyone help me find any resources that would help me with meeting someone as a person with depression? Because right now, I feel as though there is no hope for me.

So, @foofybabykitten gave me a prompt over on DA, "A young woman was born with the ability to read minds, she hears everyone's secrets, their lies, and because of that she ostracizes herself from everyone. When she meets a girl who doesn't think about her as a piece of meat, or a pity case, or even a freak, no she only wants to... baby her?" I feel like I did a good job with this one, I didn't compromise a lot of things, I did take out some words that had merit for the tone of the story, but I felt that someone reading it might feel negatively reading them and changed or softened them where I could. This story hurt a lot to write because it made me think about my own feelings of being insecure about what other's really think of me and I struggled greatly with it until I finished it. Overall I think I did justice to the prompt and like the finished product very much. I hope you enjoy it @foofybabykitten and I sincerely thank you for allowing me the opportunity to use your wonderful idea! A Second Thought By: RambleLamb ...tear that pussy up... ...fuck that pretty little mouth... ...cum all over your tits... ...rape you to death, jungle bunny... ....cut your fucking throat... ...cunt... ...dyke... Ugh. You know that feeling you get when you overhear someone's thoughts about you and no matter how hot or how long the shower is you just don't feel clean enough? No, I suppose you wouldn't, would you? I do, and I can tell you that it's just the absolute goddamned worst. When I was born I was "blessed" with a "gift". Those quotation marks are used because what I have is neither a blessing nor a gift. I can read people's thoughts. I know, it sounds like some superhero nonsense, but it's true, I hear what people are thinking ALL. THE. TIME. As a baby I didn't stop crying until I was about three, like constant crying, only stopping because I passed out from a day spent crying because I could hear people's voices when they weren't talking and it scared me. I could hear my parents thinking about what a mistake it was to have me, I could hear my mother mentally weighing the option of smothering me with a pillow or drowning me in the tub because she was so exhausted. I could hear my father thinking about abandoning my mother and I to go live with his girlfriend. Thanks to my "gift", I could understand thoughts even though I didn't understand language, neat, huh? I learned at a disgustingly young age that a lot of people are fucking disgusting human beings. Teachers, preachers, young, old, blood relatives, strangers on the street, so many people wanted to do terrible things and I heard them all. One time, when I was maybe four, my mother took me to the grocery store and there was a man in the dairy section that just kept repeating "kill". Nothing else, no specific target for his thought, just the one word. The weird thing was that he wasn't even thinking it in an angry way, it was calm and constant like he was repeating a number he didn't want to forget. When we passed by him I stared at him and he smiled and waved at me like a totally normal human being would to a small child, but his thoughts didn't change and it scared me so badly that we had to leave the store because I couldn't stop crying. Depression became my defining character trait pretty early on. Once you know that a shocking amount of people that see you think the most hateful and racist shit about you it kinda fucks you up. I stopped crying after a while, just becoming so overwhelmed with sadness that I couldn't even cope with the emotions anymore, retreating into myself and basically just becoming a husk of a person that went through the motions of her day to day life but thought about killing herself almost exclusively. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be sitting in a pizza parlor on your sixth birthday, family and classmates that your mother had to invite because you're a mute little weirdo that everyone avoids standing around the table singing "Happy Birthday" to you and smiling but you know they're thinking how they'd rather be anywhere else than at "Freaky Frankie's" birthday party? How fucked up is it that kids, little fucking children are thinking about hurting you because you're weird to them? What would you do if you could hear the thoughts of the various sexual predators in the establishment wondering what kind of panties you're wearing? I started cutting myself before my seventh birthday, I'd heard so many people thinking about self harm that it became a thing I couldn't stop thinking about. I actually glommed onto a girl in my class because her older sister came to pick her up one day and she was thinking about where on her thigh she could cut so her mother wouldn't find out. She'd been date raped at a party and had to get an abortion without anyone finding out and the guy that had assaulted her had taken pictures and was threatening her with them so she'd prostitute herself to him just to keep her friends and family from knowing what had happened. When she eventually killed herself I knew she was going to do it days beforehand but didn't say anything because she was so sad and hurting so badly that I wanted her to find the freedom she was seeking. I didn't get control of my ability until high school, maybe it was puberty or something, I don't really know, but it became a thing that I could not always have on and that helped me immensely. Having quiet in a room full of people shouldn't have been cause for celebration, but I started smiling and allowing myself to be happy for the first time in my life, started being more sociable, and actually made a few friends. The funny thing about school is that you're provided these opportunities at the start of every new year or new school you attend wherein you can change the person you are and kids being about as deep as a puddle on a hot day will forget the old you existed, by and large, and adopt the new you as someone else entirely. I wasn't "Freaky Frankie" anymore, I was just "Frankie" or "Francine" when people weren't hip to my preferred nomenclature, and it was great for longer than it probably should have been. I spent most of the time with my powers turned off, allowing myself to take people at face value and found that the world had done a complete one eighty for me. I no longer feared people because when they smiled at me and said nice things there wasn't any underlying thought process to be heard that betrayed that outward presentation. Girls talked to me about boys and we'd laugh about how cute someone's butt was and go to the movies and have sleepovers. Boys would talk to me like I was a person and occasionally compliment me on my appearance. The scars on my legs were still there, but I didn't feel the need to add to them because I had friends and life was a thousand percent easier without a peek behind everyone's curtain. When my dad killed my mom and then himself it surprised everyone, but the one person it shouldn't have surprised, the person that should have heard the warnings rattling around inside his brain, ended up being the most surprised. I blamed myself for what happened, hated myself for being too much of a coward to use what I had to change the course of events and protect my parents from what happened. Apparently they'd gotten into a fight over my dad cheating on my mom and the fight escalated to a point where he'd smashed her face into the cast iron tub in the bathroom. We couldn't even have a viewing for her because of how badly her head was damaged. When the principal had come to get me from class I listened to his thoughts. I'd been practicing in the library or at the bus stop, quieter places with less people to distract my focus and creating that background din that drove me crazy, honing my power to focus just on one person and hear only their thoughts instead of having overlapping voices from every direction cascading over my brain. ...goddamned tragedy... ...orphan... ...murdered... ...tits like her mother... ...should hug her... I didn't make it more than two feet from my desk before I fell to my knees and started bawling uncontrollably, screaming in pain and rage like some kind of lunatic, which everyone assumed I was now because I knew something terrible had happened without anyone telling me. I spiraled pretty far out of control in the years after my parent's death. I lost the focus I'd built up to keep my power from being stuck in the "ON" position and went back to crying day and night, the angry and hateful thoughts of the world around me serving as my only companion, pushing my own thoughts from my mind and infiltrating my personality and making me question which thoughts were from other people and which were my own. I felt like my identity had been taken over, that I'd become the things people were thinking about. When I walked from my house to the train station in my pajamas I was the racial slurs people thought, I was probably high on crack and going to sell my body for more because that's all a young black girl like me was good for. When I walked down the stairs to the train platform I was that crazy N word without shoes on that shouldn't be acknowledged because I was probably high and homeless and would just beg for money and when I stood at the edge of the platform and heard the train coming I was- Oh my God, don't do it, sweetie The arms were around my waist and pulling me back from the edge. Such a beautiful young woman I was sitting on the ground in those arms. Who hurt you? I was crying in those arms. You're safe now. The only thoughts in that moment, in that train station full of people taking video with their phones and talking about what had happened were the first truly positive thoughts I'd heard in my entire life. When I looked up at the face that owned those arms and those thoughts I saw a beautiful young woman smiling down at me, her green eyes gleaming with tears threatening to come pouring out at any moment. I've got you, Frankie. I was surprised to hear my name in her mind, but her smile reassured me and she passed knowledge through our eyes as we looked at each other, letting me know that we were sharing something that no one else could possibly understand. Go with the people that come for you and I promise I'll find you after. She nodded softly to me and helped me to my feet just as several security officers came to collect me, leading me away from her, through the sea of onlookers. My name is Gabrielle. Don't be afraid, sweetie. I- ...probably going to delay the trains... ...fucking crazy bitch... ...goddamn crackhead... Her thoughts disappeared as the thoughts of all the other people in the station swarmed around my mind and I lost sight of her in the crowd. Everything started to gray out and become fuzzy, the thoughts becoming muffled like I was hearing them through a thin hotel wall and I stumbled and fell but was caught and lifted off my feet and then there were no thoughts for me or from anyone else. When I woke up I was at the hospital and the world came flooding back all at once, my brain burning with the thoughts of people mourning, people worrying, people far away being happy as they looked at their new baby. I shut my eyes tightly and forced the world out, blood dripping from my nose and onto the paper gown I was wearing. Silence returned and I lay limply in the bed staring up at the ceiling, feeling the searing pain of all the thoughts hammering against my defenses in their attempt to have me acknowledge them. Frankie, are you okay? Gabrielle's mental voice slipped through without anyone else joining it and I opened my eyes to see her standing there. She truly was lovely. Her caramel colored skin was as warm and calming to look at as her mental voice was to listen to. She smiled with her slightly crooked smile and looked down at her folded hands that were rubbing each other softly and then back up at me with those emerald orbs. I promised to find you. I opened my mouth to speak but she put her finger to her lips and softly shushed me, the light sound sending a pleasant tingle up my back to the base of my skull. May I hold your hand? She looked at me with an inquisitive look that let me know she somehow knew I could hear her thoughts, her face taking on the expression to match the question her mental voice was asking. I nodded softly. Gabrielle approached the bed and pulled the chair beside it over so she could sit even with the top part of my body and reached out and gently took my hand in hers. I'm what's known as an Empath, Frankie. Do you know what that is? I shook my head slowly. That's okay, sweetie. Basically, it means I can feel what other people feel, their emotions come through to me when I make physical contact with them and I can help them when those feelings are bad or hurtful. Do you understand? I nodded. Normally I have to touch someone to feel their feelings, but you, you were radiating pain and anguish from you in waves from a block away and it hurt me so badly to feel all of your pain that I ran to you and made it to you before you could do what you were planning on doing. The tears formed in my eyes as I looked at her, a complete stranger that cared enough about me because of my pain that she ran to me to save my life. I leaned over and hugged her as tightly as I could, the tears falling freely from me now as I began to sob. Her arms wrapped around me and she rubbed my back in small circles. I'm so sorry that you've suffered so much because of your gift, Frankie, but I'm so thankful that I found you in time. She started crying with me, and we held each other and cried until the nurse came to inform us that visiting hours were over. Gabrielle came to visit me every day and we never said a single word to each other, she would hold my hand and think her thoughts to me and I would feel better day by day, visit by visit. When I was with her it was only her thoughts in my mind, all the negativity that surrounded me, the animosity, objectification and disdain was replaced by sweetness, tenderness and this sense of calm that I'd never felt before. I was truly at peace when she was with me and even though we never spoke the words, we loved each other. When I got released she was there to take me home but as she held my hand while the nurse pushed me down the hall in the wheelchair she knew that I didn't want to go home. You can stay with me for as long as you like. Her thumb gently caressed the top of my hand assuring me that she was there to take care of me. Gabrielle's apartment was a palace compared to my own and she smiled at me as we walked in, thinking words of thanks as she set my things down, having taken me to my place to pack a bag. She led me by the hand around the kitchen and living room and mentally gave me the nickel tour before guiding me to the couch where she sat with me facing her and held my hand with both of hers. Frankie, I need to explain something to you and I'm hopeful that you'll allow me to do so fully without being afraid. I looked into her lovely and loving eyes and swallowed hard before nodding. I love you, that is to say that I'm in love with you. You're the person I was meant to be with and I know this because the odds of someone that can read minds ending up with someone that can feel other people's emotions is astronomical, not to mention the fact that someone like me is exactly what someone like you needs in their life, right? I nodded and allowed myself to smile at her. I feel that you feel that I'm different for you. I know that you feel safe with me because you're thoughts are your own when you're with me and not filled with other people's, right? I nodded again. I feel that you feel loved and protected for the first time in your life because the intensity of your calm is as strong when you're with me as your pain was on that train platform. I nodded again. I feel that you feel love for me, sometimes it's romantic but more often than not it's something more akin to the love a child has for a parent. You love that I'm here to keep you safe and to take care of you and to never have negative thoughts about you, only ones of love. I wiped a tear from my eye and nodded once more. I'd like for you to focus on those feelings and let them fill you up completely. Feel calm and safe and loved. Feel love for me and feel only happiness and peace. I closed my eyes and did as she asked, thinking about her smile and the warmth of her hands on mine, thinking about her arms around me in the hospital and on the train platform, the love coming through her embrace and creating an impenetrable barrier that none of the bad things in the world could get through. She squeezed my hand gently. Good girl. Now, I want you to picture yourself getting smaller and smaller, keep imagining the world getting bigger around you and just when you start to feel afraid that everything around you is too big I want you to imagine me holding you in my arms and keeping you safe from anything that might hurt you. I saw myself getting smaller, but not staying the same, I was getting younger and shrinking as the years melted off of me. I drifted backward through time, back to the girl that lost her parents and then her mind, back to the girl that celebrated her birthday in a pizza parlor full of people that feared her or wanted to fuck her, back to the girl that had to leave the grocery store because she was afraid, and finally back to the baby that never stopped crying because the world around her was full of terrible thoughts that only she could hear but had no one to protect her from. The tears were flowing freely now as that sorrow began to fill me up, and then she was picking me up and cradling me in her arms, and the baby I'd become stopped crying and looked up at the face of its protector. Open your eyes, baby. I opened my eyes and saw her smiling face, her eyes red from crying along with me and she leaned forward and kissed my forehead. I'd like to make that a reality for you. I'd like to be the arms that you lay in and the face you look up to, I'd like to be the mommy that that baby needs and has needed for her entire life. She stood up slowly and helped me to my feet, leading me from the living room and down the hall to the door at the end of it. I won't make you do anything you don't want to, sweetie, but I promise I'll be here to take care of you. Her hand went to the doorknob and turned it slowly before lightly pushing the door inward and allowing the room beyond to become visible. The wood floor was covered with a large white rug, the thick shag looking so soft and inviting. The walls were a soft lavender with cream colored curtains on the window. In the right corner was a dark mahogany rocking chair, a small pink chest to the left of it, the lid open with brightly colored toys of various sizes and materials piled up inside. To the left of that was a large mahogany crib with the side rails down, the light purple bedding within lay invitingly below a carousel shaped mobile with pastel animals of various types dangling motionless. I'd like this to be your room. Her hand gently squeezed mine as she moved into the room, not pulling me with her, but allowing me to make my way into the room at my own pace, my eyes moving around the room as I went in further. Next to the crib was an open closet, clothes hanging up inside creating a rainbow of bright and soft colors and materials and patterns. To the left of the closet was a dark mahogany changing table, a thick pad on the top and stacks of diapers and cubbies of diapering supplies beneath that. Her hand went to my back and softly rubbed it. I can leave you alone to explore at your own pace or you can leave if you want, we can go back to the living room and save talking about this room for later, whatever makes you feel the most comfortable is what we'll do. I stood there for a moment and allowed myself to feel the warmth of her hand through my shirt as it moved in its little circles. I slipped my shoes and socks off and walked onto the rug, feeling my feet swallowed up into the thick shag making my toes wiggle as a smile formed on my lips. I took a deep breath in through my nose, the soft scent of baby powder filling my nostrils and I felt calm wash over me. I turned slowly to her and stood silently as I looked down at the carpet and my wiggling toes. She was smiling when I looked up at her and seeing that smile made me smile. I reached out and put my hand in hers and allowed my feelings to pass through to her. I let the feeling of finding the only thoughts that mattered in the world fill me up. I let the feeling of finding the only person I'd been able to be truly comfortable and accepted by fill me up. I let the feeling of finally being loved and loving someone fill me up and I let them go to her before I let go of her hand and moved my hand up to my face, fanning my fingers out wide as I put my thumb to my chin, signing "mommy" to her. Gabrielle smiled and wiped tears from her eyes before she put her arms up to her chest and made a little cradle with them that she rocked to sign "baby" back to me before she opened her arms and welcomed me into them for a hug that cemented our bond and made us the family we were meant to be.

I decided to have a go a writing. Sort of a hobby of mine I suppose. I suppose I should say that this might not ever be finished. Its something more of like a venting story. The sun rises way above the window, a clear sign that it is way past 1:00 pm. The silence is cut with the sound of rattling from the window ac unit. Slowly but surely a body tosses and turns on the bed, groaning with tired echoes. “Another day of loneliness and misery.” The figure stands up, the sounds of the bed speaking fill the room. The cool breeze in the air feels like a frozen tundra. “That dream, why must it haunt me?” Eyes begin to swell with tears. “Maybe its possible..” the sentence was cut short from a knock on the room door. “its work time!" someone exclaimed behind the door. “I don’t have time to do this today" he reaches for the bottle marked “Fluoxetine” and takes a capsule out. “One for the road I suppose”

I went to therapy for 5 months now, because of my social anxiety, co-dependency. The therapist was not much help, he did not address my emotional damage from years of emotional abuse from my father, and he just went on to tell me that i just need to get a job, or go to college, which i feel too stressed to even think about doing right now. I even tried what he told me, and searched for a job, i did not find a job i was capable of doing, and every time i tried, the anxiety, and stress only got worse. Now my parents are getting a divorce 3 days before Christmas, and my father absolutely refuses to pay child support, because he says that he has provided for them enough, just by taking them to school, which is a ridiculously small amount of support. Since he refuses to pay child support we are going to have to go to court, which is absolutely terrifying to me because of my social anxiety. He also is trying to get custody of my little twin sisters who are both 13, which is causing even more stress, and anxiety because i know he will not emotionally support them, or make sure they are eating right, and i care deeply for my sisters. I have also been trying to find a relationship, because i just can't deny the feeling that i have, that i would be much happier, and maybe even be able to deal with this better, because i would have emotional support. Yet every time i try, people tell me that i need to get therapy and "Fix," myself first before i even think about a relationship. To me, that would be denying my feelings, because it is very important to me to find someone who i will love, and will love me just as much. It's so important to me that i actually cannot stop thinking about it, not even for a day, i don't know why this is, but all i know is i can't distract myself enough to not worry about it, because it's that important to me. Also, i have a ton of pressure on me, because we are very poor right now, we are barely paying our bills, and almost had our electricity and gas shut off, and my parents are expecting me to get a job because i am the only one old enough, and not physically disabled, other than my father, which is looking for a job right now. My older sister which is 21 years old, is always on her computer, every single day, all day, and when my mom tried to suggest going to therapy for the issues that she has, she just flipped out, saying she doesn't even want to try getting help for herself. When i heard that, i just felt so angry, and depressed, because i have been giving it my all to try getting better, and get a job. It's like she doesn't even know how stressed i am about it, or just doesn't care. It is just very, very stressful to know that you are basically the only hope of supporting for the family, and then your only sibling that could possibly help, turns their back on you, probably without even realizing it. And she is older than me by almost 3 years. I am so stressed from all of this, that if my parents even get into a small argument, i get paralyzed from anxiety, and i can't even breath correctly, and then i get really weak, and exhausted afterward. I sometime even start shivering, and can't stop until i calm down. Honestly, i don't even know how much more i can take, or if I'm going to collapse and die from the stress some day. I don't know what it will take to get better anymore. I'm just very confused, and overwhelmed, yet I'm only 19 years old, and i haven't even been able to get on with my life because of all this. I'm sorry if this is a bit much, or long, but it is all the truth.

Hey everyone, I will be (as long as everything goes ok) getting a Psychiatric Service Dog. The only thing is, I need YOUR help. Yes, YOU! If you could spare even $5USD (minimum donation), please consider donating to my GoFundMe to help me get the dog. His name is Hunter and he's an 8 month old Black Lab. I could have him in about 4 months as long as he

Its one of those times again, one where you just cant see any light anymore. One where the darkness has almost completly consumed you. You see how anything can change for the better. Ive tried to have some spark left in me, but now, everything just seems, hopeless. Yes I study, yes I have somewhere to live. No I dont have whole clothing. No I dont have all the food i can eat. Yet Ive always felt like i shouldnt complain, some have it worse i usually think. But now, im just lost. I dont know where im going with this, I just need to vent, get everything out, maybe i can feel something.

The school year has started again which brings up a whole host of anxieties. Fear of failing, fear of not fitting in, fear of being an outcast, they are always on my mind. This year my goal was so to be more organized and on top of my studies and social life and i'm already falling behind, each day the work piles up and the anxieties become more crippling. I just don't know how to escape the cycle. Every time i go into class i sit by my friends and feel like an outsider and at this point i don't know if i've brought it onto myself. If i've felt like an outsider for so long i've become one.

I joined this site to connect to people. I've been feeling especially lonely lately and decided I'd really like to talk to some like-minded people, maybe even make a few friends. The problem with this is that I suffer from Avoidant personality disorder and Social Anxiety disorder. This makes it difficult sometimes to reach out and socialize. I want to....but at times my fear overwhelms me and I have to hold myself back. I have such feelings of shame and self loathing. I long to be with people, have friends, laugh and have adventures but I can't. I'm trying. At least I'm trying. I don't know how long I'll stay active on this site before what I call my "black cloud" overtakes me again. I'm just wondering if anyone else feels like this. Is there anyone else who has a disorder that makes it difficult, even painful, to be around people and interact with people? Is there anyone else who doubts their own self worth so much that they actively avoid relationships?

Hey guys. Normally I've been very comfortable with my DLism and infantilist tendencies, but lately I've been thinking a lot. I've been talking to my girl, and she's been saying a lot how wanting a woman to be my "mommy" is wrong. And I guess in a lot of ways I can see how wanting someone who's not your biological mother to play her part can be wrong. Also being in my twenty-somethings I've also been thinking about my future. Being in my twenty-somethings, it's expected of me to soon get married and start a family. But I know that if my wife had a baby, I'd be jealous of the attention that she gave it (bathing, changing, loving, etc.) and I don't want to raise a child that I'm jealous of. Has anyone else had similar fears/thoughts? How have you dealt with them? It's really been worrying me lately :/