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I am very afraid to look in my mirror now that i am alone again. I have fallen back into the same bad patterns as before. I know he is just waiting for eye contact now that i put it out of my head and became a grown up again. lets take you back, i am 36 years old and i have had a sexual and emotional need to be regressed in a specific way for a long time now. This is an old story, my story. Recently i some how developed an emotional hole in my heart and in my soul. i was hurting it was dangerous i didn't know what to do about it i didn't even know why i had it. i realized i couldn't fill my usual void through my usual methods, but as i was trying to do that very thing i glanced in the mirror like i always do to see myself using my usual means to get turned on like i do and i saw the sadness on my face. and i touched my hand to the mirror and i told myself its too bad you couldn't help me. Later that night as i lie awake in bed battling my insomnia and rolling all my thoughts around i thought back to that. i began to think it wouldn't be fair for just the same me to come out of the mirror i mean he could fulfill my needs but i would have a hard time fulfilling his and then to think about it more he would have a hard time fulfilling my needs cuz he is me too. So i thought that would never work but what if the mirror showed a parallel world. like a bizaro world where things were opposite but still the same so like the me there would be a top and a dom. mind you problematically he could also be a jerk tho. so things like this are how i expand a thought, and it gets deeper, but lets start to pick up the pace slightly. the next day i was filming videos of myself partaking in these methods of filling my void to share with others into the same thing. i saw myself in the mirror from the back as well as on the video display i felt like i was being watched from behind and watching somebody else from behind. my video feed and mirror had created a loop and i thought of what i said. now it almost looked like it was becoming real. i started to lose myself in the fantasy wishing it was true . i started to play like i do. i come up with unpleasant sounding things that i want and i ask myself as if ii were myself and my dom, "daddy do i have to ?", than i eenie meenie miney moe to decide to do it or not. so now with this fantasy in my mind i started using the mirror to look at and ask. i eventually got into to doing that but i still was empty. i started begging for the man in the mirror to save me. i even tried to pretend like i was doing summoning spells and mind over matter tricks and things. as my hole grew ever deeper i started to fall into bad patterns and taking risks and then i caught his eye. in my mind he ordered me with no eenie meenie miney moe and i complied . i felt something a little more alive perhaps. i began to give into that fantasy further i started truly imagining the consequences the long talks. i even started feeling better he let me off my punishment cuz i had to get back into my normal life. but during my normal life tho i experienced the same joys as before i still had some of the emptyness that has gotten out of hand lingering and i fell right back into the same bad patterns this time during the usual joy this time it really has gone too far i am very afraid to face my daddy in the mirror now but i cant bear not to look any longer. the tingles up my spine feel like i am being screamed at ordered to come to it. i must be going now i must look. in case i don't get out of this alright i am writing this here. i brought this on my self i deserve it its time for me to face it. one more parting word before i go, a warning to you i know it is cliche but you have to believe me. be careful what you wish for it may not be what you desire at all. good bye.