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TheMommyM

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  1. That conversation lecture between Petra and Ducky felt real, I'm proud of Petra but damn, Ducky got put in her place pretty hard. Also, I kind of love baby Rochelle and Zack's time together, it's a weird and totally unrealistic scenario, but it's making me so happy for her and I'm really glad Petra changed her mind and didn't call Rochelle out. Keep up the great work!
  2. Some parts do happen quickly, but you're also trying to balance two very different narratives in one story, and you're doing your best. Would I like more of the game part? Sure! Do I also not want to give up the real world parts for that? Also sure! You do you and keep up the great work and everything will be just fine!
  3. 1. I love the character interactions you have here and in the story overall, the conversations feel like people talking and it helps with immersion to see these characters as people. 2. Rochelle's transformation feels like a case of too much too fast, but the whole adoption thing is full of feels and makes me love her so much more. 3. If you break this family up I will cry...HARD, and that's not okay. This story is overall very good and enjoyable and I really don't want it to end, so make up ways to keep it going forever kthxbai.
  4. I've been sleeping on this story and I'm really sorry for that, but wow, this is really enjoyable and makes me excited to see where it's all going! I'm not going to unpack everything that's happened since I last commented, but here's a ranking of how much I love the characters: 1. Rochelle (she's the absolute cutest and sweetest thing and I love her and want to cuddle her forever) 2. Ducky (She's so much fun to read because she's a little snarky brat with a heart of gold) 3. Petra (she's very hot and cold and I hope that she evens out to bump up her ranking) 12. Illiana (she's being dumb and awful and I kind of actively hate her for being the way she is) I would love for these rankings to shift around, but Rochelle is locked at #1 for the foreseeable future.
  5. I have such mixed emotions right now about Illiana! On the one hand, I'm so happy she broke out of her shell and let herself be more at ease but on the other hand, why you tryin' to seduce a married man, girl?! Really looking forward to seeing what happens with that! I LOVED the opening here with the pile of sleeping babies and I absolutely ADORE Rochelle, she's so stinkin' cute and I want her to be a permanent fixture in this house and story! Ducky and Petra are straight up not even a little bit concerned that they're acting like little whores in front of everybody and it's making me sad because Zack is such a good caregiver and it feels like he's being used and put to the side while he maintains balance and stability in his marriage despite acts playing out in front of him that make it clear he's losing control of things. I missed not having more of the game, but you've done a tremendous job of making the real world stuff just as compelling to read so it doesn't feel like we're wasting time waiting for more game stuff. Please make Rochelle the best character and give her the happiest ending because if you hurt her I will cry and that's not okay! ?
  6. I am enjoying this so much, I can't wait to see what happens next!
  7. As someone that's never played any tabletop games and only has the most basic grasp on how one works, I don't have much to say about that aspect of the story BUT as a lover of girls in diapers, I adore the real world part of this story. I'm curious to see how much of each you focus on, but I'll stick around for more Ducky to be sure!
  8. I WANT to like this, I REALLY do, but something about it just doesn't sit right and I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the sudden sissification of Tommy or the fact that our strong and dominant female lead ends up no better than her ex husband, but it doesn't work for me, sorry. It's well written though! It's just kinda meh for me.
  9. A kick in the butt is obviously what you need since polite requests aren't making you see the right choice to make, you're welcome for it. I accept that whatever you come up with will PROBABLY make me sad BUT I'm fine with that so long as there's more writing from you. ?
  10. I'm going to answer your question with a question: Why do you believe that all that's left is "normal relationship struggles and possible flair ups with lingering trauma issues"? Did what happened at the end of the story magically erase recent events for both of these characters? They're both still dealing with the same issues they were dealing with, they're just doing it together in a romantic capacity versus in a support group capacity. I don't know that either is in a place where they're going to be emotionally prepared for everything that comes from a new relationship, learning about one another beyond just the trauma's they've experienced, learning to be a part of something greater than themselves, being emotionally available for another person while also dealing with they're own problems. If anything, I'd say that the hard part is still to come for them and seeing that develop and unfold with your writing abilities driving the story would absolutely be worth the read. Again, it's up to you, but I think you're missing a larger opportunity by not looking at the bigger picture.
  11. I can see where you'd think that expanding on the characters lives outside of this small window could spoil the uniqueness of them and their situation, but I would remind you that you're pretty good at storytelling and I doubt that you'd take what you've done here and make it lesser by adding to it, but it's your story and your characters and you're free to do whatever you believe is right.
  12. I absolutely ADORED this story! I appreciate that you tried to ground the exaggerated reality of these kinds of stories and I think you succeeded with flying colors. I would love to see more from the main character, I notice she doesn't have a name, or even a description and, personally speaking, I really liked that as it allowed for me to create a look for her in my own mind without biases. You definitely told a happy story and I'm a little surprised and humbled that I was mentioned as a sort of catalyst for that move. Please think about continuing with these characters in some way as I feel like there's a wealth of more experience and growth that can be seen from them.
  13. There was a story a long time ago with a mother that began mentally regressing, possibly because of a meteor(?) and she's at home with her toddler daughter and a teacher or friend stops by near the end and things go about as one would expect. I hope this is enough info to go on since I don't have much more unfortunately.
  14. I'm going to count this as a happy ending, it's dark and twisted, but nobody got hurt and the bad guy got what was coming to them, also a wedding happened and those are always happy, well done! You'll be writing romance stories before you know it!
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