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KimiM

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Everything posted by KimiM

  1. Someone I've considered my best friend, and I've known for 20 years, just took the word of someone, that I abused his kids. First off, you've known this bitch for 2 years, and know she can't stand my ass. Second, I'd hoped you would know me better then that. Third, I've helped you raise you goddamn kids, and you know damn well I ain't ever even spank them. And lastly, I WAS FUCKING ABUSED AS A GODDAMN CHILD. , WHY the FUCK would you EVER even THINK I would ever want to put anyone through that. I just feel betrayed and hurt right now.
  2. I'm just honestly so damn tired of fighting myself. Fight to get out of bed, fight to eat, fight to bathe. I'm just to worn out to keep fighting. I know, I have to, but it keeps getting harder, and harder. Every day gets harder to cope with, and I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. Idk, just tired
  3. Legacy, play a white blue stun deck, with warship, and mill out.
  4. KimiM

    PSO2?

    Dang, I'm on ship 4.? only been playing a few months. Played pso1 on the dreamcast back in the dial up days. Found out they made a free to play sequel, and jumped on it. Play est day.
  5. Hey all, wondering if anyone plays tis, or world of tanks. Would love to play sometime. I prefer warships over wot, but do play both. Am still kinda new on them, but I'm up to tier 5.
  6. KimiM

    Podcasts?

    Anybody listen to them? Got any recommendations? Specifically ones aimed toward our community?
  7. I play yugioh, Pokémon, aminal crossing, and wot blitz mostly
  8. I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, so feel free to have it moved if it's not. Today was a bit of a strange first for me. Both of my ex's tried to contact me on Facebook. Brought back some not so pleasant memories. Both of them were abusive in there own way, and I'm glad they're both out of my life, but I haven't been in a good place since they tried to talk to me.
  9. Ive tried telling them what this is doing to me, my dog, one of my rats, and my cockatiel. They keep setting them off all day. I've tried getting the police involved, and they say they can't do anything. I fucking hate this. Just up the street from me, someone was picked on with them, and they set his hair on fire.
  10. I have PTSD, and this time of year is horrible for me, cause they set fireworks off all day where I live. I feel like I should give more of an explanation. When I was growing up, my sperm donor would hit me(abusively) and when he was especially mad he would get worse. The only sign I had was slamming doors, so I learned to be scared of loud bangs. And that's something that's never gone away. And now when I hear fireworks go off, it just sends me back to those days. It's really bad right now too. I hate being broken?
  11. I'm feeling super overwhelmed right now, and all I wanna do is cry. Between the virus and the riots. It's just getting to be too much pressure. I'm suppose to stay home because I don't want to get sick, but I'm supposed to go out and protest and participate in the riots, because cops are asshats that think they can do whatever they want. I can't do both so I'm gonna stay home so I don't get sick. But then my neighbors get mad and call me racist cause they see it as me not showing my support for the black community. I'm just so frustrated........ I don't know what to do......... I'm just gonna curl up and cry into my stuffies.
  12. Happy Pride month everybody. Hope you all stay safe in this time of craptasticness. Hugz and love.
  13. So.... I have pet rats, and one of my girls passed away suddenly last night. She was playful, and full of energy when I went to bed last night......but when I woke up this morning she was dead. I've been crying all day. I just want her back, I want to hold her again. ??
  14. You ever just feel like nobody sees you? Like they could look right at you, and only ever stair through you. I've been feeling like that a lot lately ?. Like my mere existence doesn't even register in anyone's mind. I don't know. I guess I'll just move on. I can't tell which way is up half the time anymore. I feel like I'm drowning, but I look around and see everyone else is breathing just fine.
  15. I haven't started yet, hopefully by the en of the month though. It's just been a really rough month. I'm just mentally exhausted. Last night was just to much. Everything was seeming to go south, my Minecraft world (that I've been working on for a year) got corrupted and my phone kept crashing. I know it's just stuff, but it was just one more thing on top of everything that's been going on in my head, it just got too much. I'm feeling a little better today, but my nerves are still on end, and I feel like I'm need to stay on guard.
  16. How can you live with other people and still feel alone, and unwanted. Probably just my depresion kicking in extra hard, but I feel like nobody wants me around. Like they'd all be better off without me in their lives. Like I can never do, or be good enough. I probably hate myself more then anyone I live with does, and I know all this is in my head, but it doesn't stop me from feeling this way. I want to f***ing die, and put everyone out of their misery. I feel like I'm just a burden on everybody.
  17. I feel numb, and unloved. Just a total wreck at the moment. Hate this feeling.
  18. KimiM

    MtF HRT

    So, I'm gonna be starting HRT soon, and was wondering what I can expect. I know the technical side, but I don't know anyone that's gone through it, so I don't know the what kinds of mental, and emotional effects there might be. I would like some insight, if anybody can help.
  19. I don't really know what else to say about it. I'm tired of everything. Tired feeling like nobody cares. Tired of trying to stay strong. Tired of faking a smile. Tired of drama. Tired of just playing along. I'm so tired of all the fake ass people that I have to deal with every day. I just wanna give up, it feels like to much weight. I feel like I'm suffocating.
  20. Anybody else playing yugioh duel links, and wanna duel?
  21. Yes, I'm okay............ well, as okay as I can be. I appreciate you checking up on me again, it really seams to have brightened my mood a bit. Thank you for caring.
  22. Physically, yes I'm fine, and none of the way I feel has to do with any kind of media. I don't have a tv that can pick up digital signals, nor do I have cable, so I don't watch the news, and haven't in a long time. I haven't been on Facebook in almost 3 months either, nor do I pay any attention to politics. The bad I see is in my every day life, and it's the norm for me. I was brought up in some of the darkest conditions you can "raise" someone in . My"father" (whom I have no respect for) kept me locked in a trunk until I was 14, (the only time he would let me out was to beat me for one of my siblings getting him mad) and even then I wasn't allowed out of the house. I'm 31 now, and I've only been able to interact with the world around me for 11 years. I've been hoping to see something other the pain, misery, and strife, but all I can see is hate in the streets. I was asking, mainly because I wanted to know if there was any good out there at all, because I've never seen it. The fact that you all answered, and even checked in to see if I was okay let me know that there are good people out there, and that just made me smile for the first time in years.
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