Elibean

Write the best stories you can and share them. That's it. Honest!

The intention and symbolism absolutely came across, but it's the details that tell on the men-writing-women thing. Imagine a man picking out an outfit for court. Does he spend more time debating which pair of boxers to wear or which tie? Probably the tie, right? And if he's a rich pop-star, the boxers are probably ready-to-wear but the tie from a limited line. That blouse of Jen's could be couture, tailored, but more importantly, it will be long out of season when her sentence is over. It's probably a better symbol for the loss of her old life.

Before anything else is said, it's very cool of you to ask! That's one of the big issues within the larger problem. No one believes men shouldn't write women, but this trope is what happens when there aren't women editors or the men aren't reading women authors. I haven't read your story in full yet, but yeah, that first sequence's dressing scene did leap out at me. >>My hands shook as I unbuttoned my blouse, slowly revealing a pale pink lace bra. Once the blouse had been taken I unzipped my skirt letting it fall to the floor. I rolled my pantyhose down my legs and stood in just my matching underwear set, the last vestige of my own sense of style. I lingered as long as I could but after a few seconds the guard singled her impatience so I unhooked my bra and slip off my panties. This is clunky. Enough that I would normally put down the story since it bodes poorly for the rest, fetish fiction or not. In this case, you do have an actual reason to draw attention to the narrator's clothes since you're setting up a contrast, but the level of detail is distracting and off. For example, there's no story reason to write "pale pink lace bra" - that's just too many words for one, and probably none of the words have to do with why she picked that bra for court, you know? I don't know what sort of characteristics we're supposed to read into her having matching underwear, but it doesn't seem relevant to the scene. How this particular passage comes across to me as the reader (and the reason I'd abandon most stories here) is the lack of empathy that the article mentioned. It seems more focused on the clothes than on Jen's experience as a human who's just been sentenced to jail, and that doesn't help readers connect to her.

It's not just time and motivation. Writing the middle and the end of a novel are totally distinct tasks from writing the beginning. A lot of people who like writing have the same experience of having written hundreds of openings and first chapters before their first finished novel. Myself included! Introducing a character is tough, but you really have to know character and plot structure to even come up with a satisfying midpoint or third act, much less write it well. Lots of authors only plan a sequence of escalating events happening to their main character, and by the time they reach the midpoint, it becomes clear that this isn't the same thing as plot at all. If someone's posted an unfinished work that you enjoyed, just be glad you got to read what you did.