northeastnaps

Hi guys, I've just joined to share my story, although I hope I'll be here more regularly to contribute. I met my girlfriend almost exactly a year ago. We met due to shared kinks, most notably DDLG and ABDL, and she was an avid DL. Despite the shared kinks, these were not primary motive in progressing the relationship; we genuinely connected as individuals and fell for each other. She told me very early on that she has no interest in guys wearing, and her DL fetish was non-sexual, although did admit to sexual play while wearing. She knew I wore quite regularly, that I find it very much a sexual fetish, although did at least have milds experience as a daddy / dom. Lovestruck, I simply agreed not to wear for the sake of our relationship, and things went from there.She moved in, and very early on I admit to both myself and her that I really don't want to give up wearing. She was initially accepting and told me she'll work through it in her mind; to me this seemed a little strange since she wore regularly, I'd diaper her etc, and here she was telling me that she'll 'get comfortable' with me wearing. Now, I completely accept that this may have been a deal breaker for her, but in my mind the responsible thing to do is to accept it or walk away. She didn't make it particularly clear what she wanted me to do, merely that she'd get comfortable and I'd need to be patient. Anyway, one night I put a nap on and just go to bed - she lifts up the covers and gets in herself and sees me wearing, and she goes absolutely ape shit. I wasn't in a particularly good place mentally at this point and quite frankly I wore to bed to help me relax - clearly I'd jumped the gun and she wasn't ready to see me like this, but it wasn't well communicated from either side. We spoke at length about it and she told me that she wants to lead my wearing around her. She did as agreed, and after a few weeks tentatively engaged me, even put me in one. We seemed to make good progress, but there was still a discomfort and odd atmosphere about them in the house. Her comfort would fluctuate, and she did nothing to reassure me that this is on her. As the months have gone on, we got to the point whereby she told me to 'just wear and don't make a big deal about it' so that she 'could ignore it for now until it became comfortable for her'. Everything she said to me gave me a big complex and anxiety over wearing in general - I have felt ashamed. In spring she told me that the smell of pee in a diaper really freaks her out, despite the fact she wets hers, and even has a mild pee fetish (she's asked me to pee inside her, on her). She wants me to drink tons of water when I wear to prohibit this. Each and every time I wet around her, or even in bed, I'm paranoid she's going to make a big thing of this. It took until June for her to effectively give permission for me to wear each evening (not that I do), although she still made it clear that she doesn't want me to wear more often than her, or have it compromise her little side. A few weeks ago, she admitted during an argument that she has stopped wearing often in an effort to discourage me from wearing, and has admitted that me wearing still makes her uncomfortable - from my point of view it all seems quite baffling. She has reiterated time after time I need to be patient - it's been nearly a year, IMO she's either comfortable by now with who I am or she isn't. This should be such an easy area of our relationship given our mutual enjoyment of diapers, one of understanding and empathy, and more importantly, fun! It has been a huge issue, our primary area of conflict. I still have little idea of how to deal with this. As someone who's down for almost anything, and very much outspoken about my limits, I can't see why she hasn't just embraced it or left me - I'd prefer her to do either one of these rather than make my life so unpleasant.