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wulfcub420

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    Diaper Lover
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    one age i am stuck in in my head is 13

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    Applegate Michigan
  • Real Age
    35

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  1. I am very afraid to look in my mirror now that i am alone again. I have fallen back into the same bad patterns as before. I know he is just waiting for eye contact now that i put it out of my head and became a grown up again. lets take you back, i am 36 years old and i have had a sexual and emotional need to be regressed in a specific way for a long time now. This is an old story, my story. Recently i some how developed an emotional hole in my heart and in my soul. i was hurting it was dangerous i didn't know what to do about it i didn't even know why i had it. i realized i couldn't fill my usual void through my usual methods, but as i was trying to do that very thing i glanced in the mirror like i always do to see myself using my usual means to get turned on like i do and i saw the sadness on my face. and i touched my hand to the mirror and i told myself its too bad you couldn't help me. Later that night as i lie awake in bed battling my insomnia and rolling all my thoughts around i thought back to that. i began to think it wouldn't be fair for just the same me to come out of the mirror i mean he could fulfill my needs but i would have a hard time fulfilling his and then to think about it more he would have a hard time fulfilling my needs cuz he is me too. So i thought that would never work but what if the mirror showed a parallel world. like a bizaro world where things were opposite but still the same so like the me there would be a top and a dom. mind you problematically he could also be a jerk tho. so things like this are how i expand a thought, and it gets deeper, but lets start to pick up the pace slightly. the next day i was filming videos of myself partaking in these methods of filling my void to share with others into the same thing. i saw myself in the mirror from the back as well as on the video display i felt like i was being watched from behind and watching somebody else from behind. my video feed and mirror had created a loop and i thought of what i said. now it almost looked like it was becoming real. i started to lose myself in the fantasy wishing it was true . i started to play like i do. i come up with unpleasant sounding things that i want and i ask myself as if ii were myself and my dom, "daddy do i have to ?", than i eenie meenie miney moe to decide to do it or not. so now with this fantasy in my mind i started using the mirror to look at and ask. i eventually got into to doing that but i still was empty. i started begging for the man in the mirror to save me. i even tried to pretend like i was doing summoning spells and mind over matter tricks and things. as my hole grew ever deeper i started to fall into bad patterns and taking risks and then i caught his eye. in my mind he ordered me with no eenie meenie miney moe and i complied . i felt something a little more alive perhaps. i began to give into that fantasy further i started truly imagining the consequences the long talks. i even started feeling better he let me off my punishment cuz i had to get back into my normal life. but during my normal life tho i experienced the same joys as before i still had some of the emptyness that has gotten out of hand lingering and i fell right back into the same bad patterns this time during the usual joy this time it really has gone too far i am very afraid to face my daddy in the mirror now but i cant bear not to look any longer. the tingles up my spine feel like i am being screamed at ordered to come to it. i must be going now i must look. in case i don't get out of this alright i am writing this here. i brought this on my self i deserve it its time for me to face it. one more parting word before i go, a warning to you i know it is cliche but you have to believe me. be careful what you wish for it may not be what you desire at all. good bye.
  2. white plastic all the way it sucks that they keep getting thinner and smaller and paper outer covers i like to whear an extra large fastened tight where my thighs meet my pelvis and then up top over my naval i had an abena pack finaly last year it did not enclose in the lower region the way i wanted and it was paper outer cover super thick but dint enclose and it was paper it didnt leak for a small coffe pea tho cuz of the thickness and super absorbent interior but i felt like it might have leaked if i went more tho so i was really dissapointed but i cant get premium briefs that often i cant even affored atn that offten i usualy have to go with a store brand i was enjoying leader tho they were blue but they were plastic and nice they were as big as an xl and had 3 tapes i told the company the crotch should be a bit wider the tapes need to be much stronger they should be white and have thicker padding and higher leg guard elastik and they would be perfect now the bag is not the same an from what i could see inside the diapers look even worse now jerks
  3. i like to try different positions like i pretend that i make myself do stuff so sitting alot tho hard chair floor to make it extra naughty and mean to little me or sumthin
  4. i realized recently that i am bi i prefer women i want a dom woman to be my gf an spank me force me to be a baby an stuf and as a 5'11 230 guy women that are capable and willing are hard to find and i realized recently i think on avereage men would be more capable and willing to be my parent mayb i dunno but i had a 1 night stand with a guy recently to see if i could and i could with my eyes closed cuz i wasnt attracted to him but he was a fem guy lol so that dint work but now i know im bi an if a daddy is what i need i am so down lol anyways yea i always felt i was straigh cuz a women could do everything i need but they have to be strong and dominant and a tomboy but yea so now i know im bi and a dl so a man being in control because the women said to could be a hetro thing now if you get a half stock at the thought of the man holding you than you are prolly bi i guess i am too but i have a question now as a guy who wants to be a sub to a woman but became willing to b the sub for a man too is it truly bi if i need to close my eyes and go in my brain while the man is making love to me or is it like a thing are like many sub women and or sub men like having to close there eyes when someone is making love to them or is it like something else i dont even know what im trying to ask now lol
  5. yea im a different type than other generalizations i belive i think im a dl i just love wearing and getting off but i do also like to use for all 3 sometimes all atonce then clean up an be normal again but i also do crave the other baby stuff too passi bubba wipes powder all that i consider im a dl and i want to be forced to whear use get changed use paci bubba all that an stuff like a baby you wanna act like a baby im gonna treat you like one oh you wanna make fun of an incontinent kid imma whip yo butt an turn you into a baby for as long as i choose too all that is what runs in my head constantly but then on the same token being forced to be a baby by a sitter is what i want but also i dont wanna be that limited either like lets watch this grown up movie or show and your gonna be the baby tho but then also when i need a cig an my passi aint satisfying me anymore i can light one up and you know just be forced to be my normal age with my normal life just in diapers and being fed like a baby you know like mayb more like hold lets have a cig ok cig done let mommy hold you oh you want a booby ok baby you know stuff like that just back an forth kinda but mayb diapered the whole time you know i dunno lol
  6. i have already worried like crazy over diapers all you find in the store anymore mostly is the clothlike outercover i like to call them paper diapers and that bugs me i want my crinkley diaper that will hold the fluids inside instead of a discreeet cheap piece of junk that leaks out the fabric. now back in mid 2000's they had a cheap plastic diaper at walmart that were decent enogh then they went paper and then they went paper with a single velcro strip that is rediculus rite aid has paper ones that are decent but still terrible in premium briefs i finaly got to try an abena x plus last year guess what they are paper exterior now and the crotch is too narrow and the landing zones for the taps are way too short so angry about that . i like to wear an extra large im a large i can probly fit a medium if i were to where like normal people but when i whear a diaper i want to whear a diaper so i wherre extra larges and i like to fasten the bottom tight at me leg creases and up over my naval fastend tight on top over my stomach this causes leaks and such and the only reason really is the inner padding and fluff are all too thin the crotches are all to narrow the leg gathers are all too low and the tapes and landing zones are not spread far enough and most tapes are to weak or the outer plastic is too thin and the tapes rip the outsides off so in general not being able to afford good diapers they all suck hard altho latley there are a generic brand called leader that are taking a direction i want to see. a large leader is as tall and wide as alot of xtra larges are they have three tapes they are a bit thicker than an avergae store brand they say compares to depend but they are 10 times better in alot of aspects except the tapes are a bit too small and they are weak they sometimes just wont stick at random for no reason and they are blue and they could stand to be a bit wider crotch and thicker fluff so if this company stays this way its good but i really wanna see them make the tapes a bit wider and alot stronger and increase a bit of fluff the leg gatherers height and and make the outer cover a bbit stronger and white is sometimes better than other colors but thats a dls perspective i want more security over discretion and i like white diapers cuz they seem more like a diaper i remember being a kid and seeing big bulky plastic white diapers for adults and just want it so bad i was born in 1981 lol
  7. i have tried to simulate the experience of sitting on the horse and going by trying to do it on like porch rails straddled reverse chair sitting on hard chars straddling benches all kinds of things around my house i can get away with from time to time .
  8. so i dont know why i do this stuff i dont even have any disabilaties to cover for it and i do alot when i got diapers i can trust or i make them trustworthy by doubling up an sometimes reinforcing the tapes with tape its so terrible to do tho im just being a perverted bastard exposing my fetish to people to feel extra naughty or somethin it sucks man but i tend to go out shopping bymyself and intentional wear diapers and take suppositories just to humiliate myself and pretend nobody but me knows what im doing but thats the point of public humiliation people know its so wrong on so many levels i dont know i h8 myself i cant even bring myself to stay with a girlfriend when they wont get into my fetish anymore i did for so long now im getting old and am far too lonly but have become self reliantt i guess but i torture myself with guilt and desire and the urge to seek out this depravity sometimes just consumes me you know and i h8 it h8 it h8 it so anyways i was telling this story i wear diapers under my clothes take supositories and go out running errands and try to let it happen on its own but i tend to push before my control would give out mind you i dont rub it in peoples faces and show it and all that you know but i go out intentionaly for some crazy reason so this story is the craziest it has ever felt it was a heavy load and came hard and fast and reaked to high heaven half way through my shopping trip to walmart and i swear i heard people reacting to my sick shame as i shopped it was hrifying and humiliating and i feel like i want to do it again cuz i feel like i deserve it ifnh8me
  9. sorry to hear that. of course that is true what you said about changing the approach and that is what i had always done. which is why im searching the abdl community and been single for years perhaps even a decade or more now not really just a caregiver tho i am looking for true love a partner too, as i said even tho i fantasize about subbing all the time im still a virgin as in i have not done abdl stuff with another person really and i think of it more as a partner cuz as i said im willing to switch for the partner. even tho i only fantasize about subbing mainly. but this is off topic lol. so your saying as a girl abdl its just as hard for you? wow dint really expect that it always feels like men outnumber women and just because a girl is a girl a man is lucky she even came into his life i only had 3 like total real relationships too mostly. all long term. i kept it buried inside for a long time stayed with a girl and one day after feeling like i was gonna explode broke down and told her one promised to do it and never did one said no but she would think about it but both of those fell apart because i was still in love with the first who cheated on me and used me 5 years on and off then we had a 1 year perfect relationship and i dont even think i told her about it until after she moved away thats a long hard story tho and way off topic here lol
  10. Great story! Funny i used to fantasize about this kind of scenario when i was younger well similar anyways lol
  11. I dont know about genders and stuff that much but lets not go into gender politics people should be free period. As an abdl being a curvy hairy male i do sometimes find myself jealous of girls in some ways tho. i often find myself thinking im never going to get that true love who will do these things to me for me and the only way i could be happy is to meet my exact female doppelganger but then she wouldn't want me either lol. I often feel that if i were a woman i even being curvy not hairy of course lol but curvy could find someone to do these things to me for me it feels like women can get away with being abdl and find someone especialy if like me female me were willing to switch even not actualy ever doing any of this with another person but its only fair even tho all my fantasies are sub in the abdl stuff that if she were willing to do it for me and wanted it also then i would have to give it to her i feel its fair you know. but yea to anser the hypathetical here yes i do get a bit jealous of girls but mainly because if i were a girl maybey i woulda found my abdl match tho perhaps if i could learn to love a man but im pretty certain im straight lol but men are just like me too and would not be atracted to a big burly beardy hairy guy in a diaper specialy a messy one lol tho mind you i find myself decent enough lol im so single that if i could become two of me with a snap of my fingers i would switch play with me if only because we were both so desperate lol Sorry if i got to far off the topic of the op here i kinda got carried away and ran with the topic in my hand until i stopped suddenly like unknowingly running with a rope that is tied to something lol
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