I am new at this site but i'm sure it's like the rest , very accepting and helpfull. I don't want to say i understand your situation but mine is kind of similar. When i was 7or 8 years old (i've figured out the age by remembering what kind of car my father drove)anyway i was repeatedly molested by a neighbor in his garage and on more than a couple occasions i could not control any anal retension, so going home and trying to clean up my mother decide i wanted to be a baby , she then had my sister hold me down so they could put a diaper on me , Rather than do the sensible thing like question why is my 8 year old suddenly shitting his pants. she would lock me out of the house wearing only a diaper and being that age i would try anything to hide. Any way after a good amount of therapy i started wearing diapers 8 years ago , i was open about this with my therapist (a woman) and expressed my interest in diapers, It's a classic circle of the abused finding comfort in their method of abuse. I have accepted this as my fetish and not the cause of abuse, my therapist said it would be nearly impossible to stop thinking about diapers and desrtuctive and to find a way to redirect it as somethng else . At this point i am almost at the point where i will pee my pants if i dont' remember i'm not wearing one and i'm happy, EVEN WITH MY FAMILY .i have a great way of releasing stress and sexualy pent up feelings and i feel good about it. I'll never forget the abuse from either party but i have found a great way to redirect it .Good luck to you.