ConfusionHauntsMe

Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to this. I am going to try to keep this a little more brief, but I wanted to at least post a follow-up in appreciation for taking the time to offer advice.

I joined this site in hoped of finding advice for my wife and probably myself as well. This will probably be lengthy. I will give a backstory, today story, posed with my question. Prior to getting married I came out to my wife about my love of diapers. I lived on my own and would only wear seldom even though I desperately wanted more. To the point I decided that whomever I married would have to be accepting it ate at me so much. Thankfully, she was okay with it. I was slow with it at the start. I would wear without using them and in time began going 1. Fastforward a few months. She emailed me one night (she figured it would be easier for me than to talk about it). Questions like why I wear, what brand I want to wear most (she knew walmart depends weren't what I wanted), did I like the AB side of it (mega impressed me she had researched to the point of ABDL), and so on. We began experimenting more. Slowly. Some things she was okay with, some not. Same went for me. She pushed my boundaries. Made me drink nearly a gallon of sweet tea, put a diaper on me, drove to the mall. I fought her forever but in the end, she had me. As we were walking through the mall she stopped, looked at me and ordered me to pee. Then checked when I said I was done. I have never been more horrified in my life. We went straight to the family restroom and she changed me. I had never been into the AB side of things before, until she started them. I would get out of the shower and my clothes would be replaced with a diaper and t-shirt. Little things that meant the world to me. I would never go number 2 in them, only 1. Forward to yesterday: Christmas Eve. It's been a couple of years of this now. Finding boundaries, but it feels as though she is not interested. Like it was an exciting new thing and now it's "okay, why is this still a thing?" Before I go too far into that, let me break down yesterday. It had been a while since I've worn, months. I stop telling her I want to wear since it seems to start to bother her. But we agreed since I had holidays off. Surprisingly, she did something new and didn't stop at 1 diaper. She put on a second. Then a 3rd. 9 diapers later I am laying there in shock. She remarks that I now have no reason to need a change today and to enjoy. I couldn't even walk. She says the rules are no restroom: 1 or 2. She's threatened it before but I get her to cave. She wasn't joking about changing either. She kept tea coming at me all day and after about 12 wettings I realized I couldnt hold #2 anymore. She said if I even asked I would be punished, but I had never done this. Never even desired it. But now I'm sweating and shaking. I plead with her. And like always when i shoot the puppy dog eyes, she finally caved. Problem was after she tightly secured the 9th diaper, she wrapped it in duct tape to only be removed at midnight. I couldn't get the tape off. I had held it so long there was a lot. An awful lot. I had barely waddled to the bathroom and began fumbling with the tape when i knew it was a lost cause. For the first time, I completely filled a diaper with 2. Having 9 on gave no room for sag which I didn't like, but it didn't stop from filling the whole thing. And she was right behind me. She saw and smelled it happening. She gave me a "good baby" with a pat on the butt. I was almost in tears. She took me and showered me off. When the worst was over she left me to finish on my own. I get out of the shower and there are boxers, shorts, and a shirt. She then goes on to tell me that it's not really her thing and that shes only ever done it just to make me happy, but she's run out of things to say and do. It was like a 180. We talked more: she said it's not that she minds, that she's just notni it for the reasons I want her to be. She said she wishes she understood it better but she doesnt. Earlier this year she was excited to "reverse-potty training". And of course when i objected she was set on the idea. And in one evening she basically said she isn't in to any of this anymore. Like she's tired of it and that was our last hoorah. And I'm devastated. She said if she knew what to say or do, she would, but that she feels "scripted." She has looked up things to say and do to punish, humiliate, nurture, etc, but it was only ever scripted essentially. She doesn't understand why and thats her biggest obstacle. Then she just went to sleep. I prodded at talking more but she's irritated. What do I say to her? What do I do? What are some little routine things she can do that maybe if she built a habit she could get into? I read in another post: bedtimes, chores, punishment. I am rather opposed but willing if it means she would be on board I guess. What advice can anyone give her and what can anyone give me on what I need to do? Should I talk to her? Should I just be patient? Should i just give it up altogether and never wear again? What are some things I can tell her to make her understand? Things for her to do or myself that will make this a mutual okay? Or if she's moved on from this, what do I do?