tyrantblade3500

Well, I just found out after days of false hope that im not in my new behavioral health centers system yet, even though they had somebody ask me all the regular doctor questions (meds, doses, and where to send refills), I really don't get this, especially considering they know I only had so much medication and have been without any of my seroquel xr since Friday Nor do I know how I will manage until Friday.

Seroquel xr costs over $450 a month until I meet my deductible.

Im gonna try getting through to my new place tomorrow at lunch, meanwhile ive found out apparently a lot of people have problems with Walmart pharmacies, they had their chance with me and messed up, there are at least 3 or 4 major pharmacies close enough to try, im guessing one of them has competent employees, that know how to spell and have a reliable system, while I have a deductible I may have to find a way to pay yhe full cost of my medication, but im not willing to pay it to a pharmacy that causes a mix-up leaving me to withdraw again, in the course of a few weeks when I did not want to go through that kind of suffering again.

Well im gonna be going through withdrawal again, this time because Walmart pharmacy sucks.

I did, odd thing was thinking about going I was terrified, once we started going I actually started feeling more calm, and when I was actually in the hospital I couldn't have been calmer Got asked basic questions, medication sorted out and left Then yesterday I guess i underestimated how burnt out I was, then I got angry and knew I had to leave, later that day I was thinking how I would regret that the next day (which was today) Today started off boring, then I got chewed out and got depressed/angry, then later on I started feeling a little better Still a little mixed up, definitely been a wild few days, feels like I can't catch any breaks and whatever I do will be wrong

I plan on going to urgent care or a hospital tomorrow, this seroquel xr withdrawal is getting to be too much, most of today I was managing alright, but the past hour or so has been way worse than I could ever imagine Its truly mental hell

Im tempted to say screw the medication and just keep withdrawing, mental health center is useless, receptionists can't say who tried to call me and put me through to an answering machine

I don't know what's up, but this is the third person from this center involved with my case that left, this time my files are deleted and I have to start over like a new patients so its back to withdrawal from my medication again.

Late last week, I usually get the urge bad Thursday or Friday night and enjoy it as a way to relieve work stresses and it never gets old/boring for me.

Well we got approved for the agency to redo the roof, thats one big load dealt with. Now when I get over the medical deductible i will be delighted, regardless of anything else, we are trying to get a good treadmill at a good price (otherwise it will have to wait) In a few years I can see feeling way better mentally as things will be way better by summer time. Again I was so stressed just barely getting 40 hours all week when I could get 60 hour weeks easy last year, as such im drunk again.

Well we are waiting to get approved to get some sort of government agency to redo the roof, which should uncover the problem and fix it, but even if approved it may be a while before they actually do, they said we are basically approved, just waiting for it to get finalized, if they do I don't think they will rush over while its freezing (we've had a lot of -degree days, especially when you factor in wind chill which is supposed to be -36 today), or when its really slippery from snow. I know things eventually get better, I just don't like knowing that eventually is probably 6 months to overcome everything, and history indicates something else bad is likely to happen by then. I also realize cutting doesn't solve anything (and it takes feeling a lot we orse as long as i can remain calm) and drinking can be bad too, its just both create some kind of happiness I may not get otherwise

To make things short here are the 3 main things 1. Worst winter in 8 years in my part of NYS, the area between the first and second floors of my house are getting bad, im starting to think I could come home after work and see the second floor from the first floor through a giant hole 2. 2600 dollar deductible, which we thought was 1800, thats half the year of my $450 medication before I can pay just a $25 deductible, currently at a quarter above minimum wage, getting no overtime (company would like to have none for the whole factory but there are 3 small areas still getting it, they always have the same crew, so my chance of replacing somebody to get overtime is basically 0) 3. The company always points out sales to labor cost, well now I know they are doing even better than I thought as one area alone is almost 10:1 ratio, basically they brag and complain in the same sentence Id love to get super drunk, but im trying to slow down and I realize I probably shouldn't drink when im in this mood, im trying to remain positive, yet realistic, but right now im feeling like the only reality is pessimistic, im not thinking about cutting just yet, but I'm not sure how long I can walk the border between feeling miserable and acting on stupid thoughts. Man I hate life right now

Well I'm not sure if things are gonna be much better, ive been batching material most of the week instead of just feeding a line like usual, its a more important job, and harder to do (the hardest thing for most people would probably be lifting 50 lb bags above their head to move them next to a giant mixer, most jobs consist of moving boxes with 20 lbs of stuff and quite often a lot less), im pretty good at it, but around this place it seems either you have been around for a long time or you haven't, since I haven't (9 months compared to some of these people that have worked for the company as long or longer than some supervisors) I feel im still proving myself every time I get to do something else. Also they replaced five mixers with two smaller mixers, now they are getting mad that production is barely ahead of what is needed and then they start yelling at me, its not that im not trying, the production workers and machine operators know im always working very hard, I don't even bother to acknowledge if one of the two owners is around, I just glance over once, get busy (although im usually busy anyways, but this room requires preparing stuff and then waiting 30-45 minutes at the short end for material to get ready to put through the next step) and wait until they are watching somebody else. There might be a slight raise around the corner for a lot of workers as most of us are right at or a quarter above minimum wage and last year anybody working directly for the company instead of through an agency was .75 above minimum wage, for a few weeks I was at a dollar above minimum wage, I know that probably won't happen again as long as minimum wage is going up at the beginning of the year (which I hear is in the works again next year) Only real positive is its close by to me so its a convenient place to work at, and it takes a lot for somebody to actually get fired (kinda stupid that they allow the people that don't really belong here to screw around and not make numbers for a long time before they replace them, but if that says anything it should mean as long as they can't doubt that im doing good for what they give me, I can't see me getting fired ever)

Turns out I probably didn't need to wait, pharmacy already had the new information, was just a matter of using a lot of hsa money to cover the deductible on the medication.

So im finally getting back to taking my medicine as usual (although im down to 200 mg instead of 300 mg seroquel xr because its what was onthat i said no file and im managing), got physically sick and recbe a bonok overing fast (still went to work today, it felt like an eternity and at times half of my upper body was at about 8/10 pain level) But these are side points. So I borrowed money to a coworker which became a friend (maybe the two shouldn't mix), because I like to help and I know they don't think highly of me but they seem to love him, so he could be basically a boss some day and he's already part of the way there. But he likes going to this "shady" looking house usually after payday or after he borrows some money and then reborrows most of it, and now that i said i can't keep borrowing money he won't stop messaging and calling me, isn't something odd here? Id swear with all this evidence he must be using drugs or something, not that its any of my business but using my money it is and I know though he may start hating me things will be better this way at least financially and I won't have continued stress of repeating this cycle, I just hope it doesn't somehow cost me the job (if not missing a day and doing a lot of 15 hour days doesn't secure my job nothing will), also I seem to do good at everything and everybody seems to like me (of course I try being the best I can all around even though im only at $9 an hour)

My mom said she will get the insurance numbers tomorrow, so hopefully it shouldn't be too difficult for a pharmacy to run them because today I felt pretty miserable but also good (on and off, manic sometimes, crashing others)

Well idk about life saving, i think I can manage even If my medicine run out.

I fear I may run out of seroquel xr soon and know that at the very least of I do my sleep schedule will suck and my mood stability may also suck, how do you deal with this? Im good about taking my medicine, but if the insurance cards don't come I guess ill have to be out for a few days.

For me its two main things 1. stick to some kind of diet (eliminating candy/desserts and soda/energy drinks for starters) 2. Braces, im way overdue so im finally getting around to it as an adult (im 23, gonna be 24 in a few months), parents never figured it was in the budget I guess and ive been hating my smile for a long time. How about you guys?

No its not my only method of unwinding, it just seems to be the most enjoyable and overlaps with other things.

Why do I drink? Why does anybody really, usually to celebrate the work week being done, and help relax when work gets really stressing, naturally when I was working 60-68 hour weeks (in 6 days tops, but usually closer to 60 hours in 5 days) I was way more stressed and drank more every week (it varied depending on how drunk I felt like getting which depended on my mood and stress level), but to put it into a number form it was from around 4-12 ounces (only twice at or above the higher number) of 35-40% alcohol once I knew I wasn't gonna be working the next morning. Yeah maybe its not the best idea to have an attitude of not really caring about anything and drinking heavily, but it wouldn't be my first bad idea (not that alcohol usually influences me to act like that more as I handle my liquor well and usually I can be heavily drunk and walk like I haven't had a sip). Im trying to be more positive and reach out if I feel like im really slipping (online of course, I don't want to get my family concerned over any of my moments of weakness)

Hopefully it being taken over will mean no more lack of CS and people not getting orders, although the price increase is discouraging I still want to order at some point (though I have enough good quality adult diapers for a long time and I plan to cut back on spending next year)