Pangaea

What you have gone through is terrible. I can't fully imagine what it would be like to live with something like that, and I hope I never will. But I do know from a lot of second hand experience: my girlfriend (for 6.5 years) has lived through somewhat similar ordeals, and has a lot of "experience" with loneliness, anxiety, PTSD, bad shrinks and pills. I think you definitely need people to talk to. Both professionals and friends, though both are easier said than done. Regarding shrinks: don't simply pick the first one available if you have a choice. My girlfriend went through several, and didn't feel a "click" with most of them, and didn't trust most of them. And it is so important to trust and like them, because of the intimate details you should be able to share with them, and because they will need to be able to understand you thoroughly. Eventually she found one she clicked with, and only then she was helped massively. I don't think just upping the dose of some pills is wise. For some people it's good, but right now it sounds like it's being used as a replacement for good therapy, while it should - in most cases - be used complementary to therapy. Friends aren't easy to come by either, for many of us (me included). From your story it sounds like the same holds for you. Some people can just go about anywhere and make friends, and we will simply feel inferior because nobody seems to like us. However, this is only appearance: those who make friends easily stand out, because the others are spending their time alone, secluded. There are many people out there that will be honored to be your friend. I don't know you at all, and yet I can safely say that, because it holds for everybody. The problem is finding those people, because they're most likely hidden away in places you won't easily meet them. In my opinion the best way to find those people is the internet, because it's typically where introverts tend to "go out". I would recommend going to a forum regarding a hobby or something you like or are passionate about and trying to meet people there. Not even to meet in real life, just to chat in private communications. Meet some nice people; build up some friendships; and perhaps, after months or years, meet some of those friends in real life. Though I would also recommend - and I might get flamed for saying this - to not meet those people here. The reason being that this is, for many, a sexual subject; so contacts made here have an inherent sexual nature. That's not to say you can't get platonic contacts going here, but the one thing you will certainly have in common with the person you're talking to may be sexual for the other party; a non-sexual topic will certainly give you at least something platonic to talk about in order to break the ice. My girlfriend has picked up a hobby over the last couple of years: watching gaming twitch streamers and being active in chat. Ever since, she has been a lot more active socially, and has a lot more friends, and even a second boyfriend (we're poly). I'm not saying twitch is the place for you; but pick a community you enjoy, and start some private contact. I do agree, though: with time it gets better, as long as you keep trying. It's a long path ahead, but it's worth it. Note that these are my thoughts based on second hand experience, and this may be different for everybody, so I may be completely off for your case. But I do think there are many thruths that hold for most. If you do need someone to talk to, you can send me a PM. But I would also objectively suggest against that, because we don't easily have anything to talk about other than things related with this website, and we might have no other common interests. But if you really need a listening ear, I'm here, and many more like me; some of which will definitely have common interests with you.

I recognise a lot of myself in your story. Sorry to be blunt - hear me out - but: no, you'll never be good enough. Not if you measure yourself with external factors such as what other people think of you, or what grades you got, or what kind of job you can get. A large part of this is that what people expect of you is often unrealistic. If you've done something, people expect exactly the same level for the rest of your life. If you've written an amazing piece, then people expect only amazing pieces, even if you're not feeling your best or if it's a subject that doesn't fit you as well. You can see the same, very much, in celebrities. If a musician hasn't released a CD for a while, people start to expect it more and more, and will become restless - or even angry - if it takes longer than usual. If someone has created an awesome product, then that level of standard is expected for perpetuity. The standard people expect of you can drop, but it always goes with some form of disappointment. So the only way to prevent this is from performing exactly at the same level for the rest of your life. Which means no lows, but also no highs. But another issue is that your standards of yourself will change with everything you get. Look at rich people: once they have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of their lives, that becomes their new standard, and they want to become richer. This is even reflected in our society: passing grades at university still puts you well above average in general, but the others have just been taken out of your view. You measure yourself with your environment, which will always grow with you. Smart people often know a lot more smart people than stupid people, just to name an example. So what is "good enough", with an ever-shifting idea of average? Who puts the standards? I don't know the answers to that, unfortunately. I know the feeling of not being good enough, and if anybody has a bad opinion on me it will haunt me for a day, or sometimes years. But I do believe that the standards need to be set by yourself, not others, and in an objective manner.

Then I think it's a good idea to go to a BDSM meeting for younger people. It might be

Hi Chris, First of all, I'm not a psychiatrist or whatever, but I did want to add my two cents. My interpretation of your post is that you see two issues: you're different, and you don't have (many/good) friends. The two are definitely related.

Just as a final note - private browsing and disk encryption protects against those things. Good disk encryption can't be broken even by law enforcement. But okay, I just wish you the best of luck.

Forgive me for perhaps sounding blunt, but in that case you'll fail in one way or the other. It sounds like you need this site. First let me say

Last time that happened to us, we filled a bucket and put it in the bathroom so we could flush with that. Though our cats liked drinking from it so much we have it there permanently, now... But it definitely works fine.

I agree with most being said here, but there are two points I would like to make. First of all, if he likes to be dominated in bed, it does not mean immediately he wants to be an AB. His wishes may or may not include diapers, but even if they do it does not mean for him to be an AB. For example, I'm into BDSM (look into that if you're not really familiar with it), it's how I met my girlfriend. I like to be dominated; with diaper or without (I enjoy both). I'm not really an AB, though somewhat interested, but this is completely separate from being dominated in my opinion. Second you say diapers is something like an addiction. It's not, really. For example, I knew I really craved to wearing diapers for a long time before wearing them after being a baby. I don't remember wearing before then, and I'm not sure what caused my desire, but it was there. But how could I have been addicted, then? Perhaps it was a lingering desire from my baby-hood that I didn't remember; so yes, perhaps it was an addiction that simply never stopped for at least 18 years. But even then that shows that it's not a matter of not wearing and getting over it. Unless it takes even longer than 18 years... Don't consider it an addiction. I think it's more accurate to compare it with a different sexual orientation, BDSM, or having the feeling you've been born in the wrong sex. You can't change it, you can only burry it under several layers of misery.

The definition of fraud (one of the many): "deliberate

It's definitely rare, mommies who got into this world without a partner being an AB or DL. But, for what it's worth, you're not alone;

PTSD, really? I guess he must've forced her with a gun to put diapers on him. Or perhaps she's just disgruntled, and a disrespectful cunt, who will do anything in her power to harm someone who dumped her.

My response would be something akin to this: you dress up and act as a woman, so you must be attracted to women! Or: quite a lot of gay people dress up and act as a woman, so they must be attracted to women, they won't be gay at all!

I was bored so I did some searching... Very useful tool, reverse image search of google:

Congratulations! That must've been a huge step!