Accepted In Diapers
Written by CJ the DJ and diaperedboilerman (Aka BobStewart)
I begin to hear sounds. People talking outside of the room. I can tell I am laying in bed and I feel a little weak as I begin to open my eyes and look at what appears to be white ceiling tiles and a light. I begin to look toward the right side of my bed and there is a large window and I can see it is dark out, but I see lighted windows on buildings and street lights on streets below. My vision begins to clear up some making it clear I am looking at a city, but my mind is a little groggy yet. I am confused by what I see as I try to remember coming in here…..yet I don’t know where here is. I look to the other side of my bed and I see a woman standing at my bed who I don’t know. I am slightly startled by seeing her, and then I ask who she is! The woman says, it is ok honey, you are just waking up. I am Kelly one of your nurses, I am here to help you and answer any questions you have. I said questions? I thought for a moment, Ok first where am I? She said you are in Akron Children’s Hospital. I tried to remember being brought here or why I was here but I could not remember anything at all except for getting ready to go to the mall with my parents. I remember getting in the car, going down the road and then I can’t recall anything after that. I asked her what day it was and she said it was Thursday. I was confused, how could this be Thursday when the last thing I remember was that trip on Sunday? I tried and tried to think of what I did this morning, or yesterday…………….Nothing comes to mind at all. It is like time just stopped. I looked at her and said Miss, why am I here? She said please call me Kelly, and I have to tell you that there was a bad accident on Sunday and you were knocked unconscious and thrown from the car. How does your head feel? I didn’t honestly feel anything and so I told her I was fine. I asked if she can help me get up because I feel weak. She said you can sit up but you can’t get out of bed yet until the doctor says you can. You were hurt pretty badly. I looked down toward my feet and I was covered with a blanket. There was a tube coming out of my arm and I was tied to the bed. I tried to pull my arm up but it would not come up. The nurse said I will untie you but you have to be careful until we can get this I.V. out of your arm. Please don’t try to pull it out or you will be hurting and this machine will go into alarm making nurses and doctors come running in here. I promised I would not. She untied my arms, my body, and my feet then told me she was going to raise the bed up. As the head of the bed came up, it was nice to be upright and see around my room and a better view outside. As I was looking out the window kind of trying to figure out where I was, I felt this odd sensation in my crotch. I knew it was not right but it took me a moment to figure out what I was feeling. Oh my god, I am peeing my pants. I tried with all of my might to stop the flow. I tried to squeeze my bladder muscles as hard as I could, I crossed my legs and it would not even slow down. I felt nothing responding down there at all to my commands from my head. I had no control of my bladder. I am sitting here peeing my pants and I can’t stop it. My face turned beet red with embarrassment as the flow came to a stop and I turned to look at Kelly to see if she had noticed yet what I had done. I slowly then slid my hand down under the blanket to feel my pants and see how wet I was. As I felt in my crotch I was surprised to feel that I was completely dry between my legs…...……...but what is this I have on for underwear? It felt kind of hard, thick and warm., and when I touched it crinkled like a plastic bag. I pulled the blanket down off of me and there it was …...I was wearing a very wet diaper. I looked up at Kelly with a look of puzzlement and she said well, I see the next question I need to answer is this one. You see the accident hurt part of your back causing you to have no muscle response from your brain to control your bladder anymore. That is why you were strapped down to the bed, to keep your back straight for healing. We had a catheter in you but after A day you began to develop an infection so we had no choice but to put you in diapers. I said but….diapers? She gently stroked my hair and told me that I would be in diapers now for the rest of my life and she will work with me to show me how to change myself and how to adapt to it. She then told me that I was not alone and a lot of kids my age still wear diapers. Just no one talks about it. I was too shocked to even hear what she was saying. My mind was thinking how can this be? How would my parents feel about their 11-year-old daughter being back in diapers. Then I thought, speaking of my parents………….....Where is Mom and Dad I asked looking Kelly straight in the eye? She sat down on the chair beside my bed……………. Took my hand and dropped her head down………………….. For the next moment total silence. Not a word was spoken by either of us…………….. I could feel the blood leaving my face and I began to feel faint………………... She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. I said………..…...they……….…….they are not here are they? She shook her head no and looked back down at her lap and took a tissue from the stand and wiped the tears from her face. She looked back up at me. I began to be overwhelmed with emotion as I knew the next question I had was not going to be one I wanted to hear. I started to cry out of control……………I tried to fight the tears back enough to look at her again and I could barely speak as I asked………... are they with Jesus now? She hugged me and whispered yes. I am so sorry. I grabbed her and she held me in her arms and we cried. The emotions that ran through me were so strong. I was so angry, hurt, confused, and yet in a way numb. I didn't really know what to think or do. I could say nothing. I sat there in a soaked diaper with tears pouring down my face. After a few moments she said she would change my diaper and then let me be alone for a little while if I wanted. I said ok thank you. She laid my bed back down and pulled my blanket off. I just laid there not knowing what to say or think. After she changed my diaper I grabbed her hand and told her I didn’t want to talk, but I also didn’t want to be alone. Could she please stay with me while I go back to sleep for a little while as I am tired again. She kissed my forehead and told me absolutely she would. She covered me up as my mind just raced back and forth between what I could remember and where I am now. What will I do….where will I live...what will happen to me?
The next thing I knew it was morning, and sunlight was streaming in through the window. As I looked around the room, I saw that I was alone. Kelly was not there. For a moment I closed my eyes and tried to tell myself that this was all a dream, just a very bad dream, and that soon I would wake up to find that I was in my bed at home, and Mom would be coming in to get me up for school. But my futile attempt at pretending was suddenly interrupted when I felt the warm urine flowing out of me. Once again I was completely unable to stop it no matter how much I struggled. Instinctively I thrust my hands under the covers and grab myself between my legs. Smooth crinkly plastic greeted my fingers. I could feel my diaper was sopping wet, and it was getting wetter and wetter as I urinated. " Oh please don't leak on me! Please don't leak on me!" but even as I said the words I could feel the liquid leaking out from around the leg Gathers and onto my skin. I felt tears well up in my eyes but I forced them back. I knew no one would blame me for crying. But I also knew that crying wouldn't solve anything. I would just have to lay there in my leaking diaper until someone came to change me. Just at that moment I heard footsteps outside my room, and then the door opened and Kelly walked in. "Good morning!" she said cheerfully, "How are you feeling this morning?" "Terrible!" I burst out, sounding more Angry than I had intended, "Not only does my STUPID bladder leak, but this stupid DIAPER leaked too!" "Oh dear," Kelly said as she pulled the covers back to inspect the damage, "You are soaked! But don't worry, I'm sure you'll feel much better once we change your diaper and get you all cleaned up." Kelly said I have some good news for you. The Doctor said it was ok for me to help you get out of bed today but we have to wear this back brace for a while. I was happy to hear that as I was really getting tired of lying here in bed. Soon another woman came into my room and she was wearing a green outfit. She said she was here to change my bed sheets and clean my room. Kelly slowly removed the I.V. from my arm and helped me stand up. She walked me into the bathroom in my room and took my soaked diaper off of me. She asked me if I wanted to bathe myself and I said yes please. She handed me some soap, shampoo, and a sponge to give myself a bath. She put on the back brace and said try not to get too much water under it, then waited for me out in the room. When I was done I walked out in my clean hospital gown and laid on the fresh bed while Kelly proceeded to put a nice dry diaper on me. Kelly asked me about school and my friends, and I admit it was really nice to chat with her about some other things besides my current situation. There was a knock on my door and a guy brought in some breakfast for me. Kelly raised my bed up so I could eat. She told me to go slow at first because my stomach was not used to eating after 4 days of no food. I was starving and ate it all. In no time I was wetting my diaper again but this time I didn’t try to fight it. I just continued talking with Kelly as I was peeing. Once I thought I was done I asked Kelly to change me again. This time she said she would now teach me to change myself. It was one of the requirements to allowing me to leave. At first I thought awesome, the sooner the better…..then I thought but then what? Where would I go? I got a little worried and got quiet again. Kelly asked what was wrong and I told her I was scared. I did not want to go to a Foster home with strange parents.
Kelly said, "Oh don't worry about that, I don't think you'll be sent to a foster home. While you were unconscious we reached out to some of your relatives. First, we contacted your Aunt and Uncle on your father's side of the family and asked if you could live with them."
Upon hearing this I frowned. I did not want to live with my aunt and uncle if I could help it. I did not think they would be very good parents. They certainly didn't do a good job raising their children. Every time we visited their house my spoiled brat cousins made it an absolutely enjoyable experience. And now that I was wearing diapers, I knew there would be no end to the tormenting and teasing. What fun they would have at my expense! In my head I could already hear their shrill voices calling me names like "DIAPER GIRL!" and "PISS PANTS!" And in my mind's eye I could see my Aunt and Uncle just standing there doing nothing to stop it, and laughing about how "cute" it was. Then Kelly continued, "But your Aunt and Uncle said that they couldn't take you, as they already have their hands full with their own kids." I sighed with relief and then said, "Well if they're not going to take me, then who will?" "the only other relatives that we know of are your grandparents on your mother's side, and we have reached out to them as well. So far we have not received a response." I frowned again. Kelly noticed this and asked, "I take it you're not too thrilled with the idea of going to live with them either." "No, it's not that," I said slowly, thinking out loud, "I've never met them before, but I remember my mother always speaking very highly of them though. I seem to remember her saying that they do a lot of traveling. Perhaps this is why you haven't been able to get in touch with them." Kelly thought for a moment and then said, "You know, I think we only have their home phone number. Do you know if they have a cell phone?" Um...YES they do I said, my mind now working overtime, "I remember my mother talking to them while they were on the road. But don't ask me what the number is, I never knew it." "That's okay," Kelly said laughing, "we'll find out what it is. But hey, before we do anything, let's get your diaper changed huh?" I agreed, and Kelly proceeded to show me how to change myself. After a little practice, I got to where I could do it without help. Once I was taped into a fresh diaper, Kelly led me down the hall to the "Day Room" as it was called. It was like a play room, and it was where kids who were allowed out of bed spent the day at the hospital. As I started to get to know the other kids, I started to feel less self-conscious about my diapers. Some of the other kids wore diapers like me, and they talked about it freely, as if it was no big deal. They were all very nice and kind, and it was just what I needed. I got so involved in playing with them that I didn't even notice how wet my diaper was, until one of the other kids brought it to my attention. I quickly went back to my room and changed my diaper, then returned to the Day Room and played some more. Before I knew it it was time for lunch, and then I spent the rest of the afternoon playing. I was in the middle of a board game, when Kelly came into the room. She said I had a visitor and should get back to my room to meet them. I looked at her with a puzzled look...Who could be visiting me? She said the same girl who came to see you on Mon. Tues, and Wed. evening after school. I got up having no clue who it could be. For some reason my mind was still blank on a few things. I looked at my outfit to make sure my diaper was not showing, I then stopped by a shiny stainless steel wall cover and checked my hair. Just incase it was a cute boy. I walked in the room and there was my best friend in the world. I kind of felt bad as all day long I never even thought about Rachelle at all. But boy was I happy to see her. I ran across the room and we hugged. She said she was so worried about me that she came and cried every day that I was not awake. I cried as I hugged her. Rachelle and I do EVERYTHING together all the time. She is my best buddy in the world. We went and sat down on the bed and started to chat about everything I missed the last 4 days, about our other friends, about our favorite TV show and the boys we liked at school. Then suddenly she stopped talking for a moment and kind of looked away…...I was like, what is wrong? She said I…………..well I kind of feel weird telling you this but…………...I said but what? She said you……………...Um…………....well……………………...You need changed now. My face went blank as I didn’t know how to react. I looked down and could see my hospital gown was completely open and the entire time we were sitting there she had a full view of my diaper. That means she totally could see that I just peed too. OMG. It is not like we never peed together in the bathroom before, but this………..somehow it is different. She got up walking toward the door and quickly said I will get the nurse for you. I said thanks…….then I said actually wait, I can do it myself now. Rachelle stopped and turned back toward me. She said don’t be embarrassed. I have known since Tuesday that you were in diapers now. I happened to walk in your room as they were just finishing up changing you and I watched them walk out with a wet diaper in hand. I admit I didn’t believe it was yours, but as you were out cold, I raised your blanket up and looked for myself. My face turned red again, She said but really it does not change who you are, and it is cute. You are my best friend in the world and if I have to I will change your diapers for you. And if anyone says anything about you I will beat them up! I laughed and said thank you Rachelle. You are awesome. The diaper was again very wet. These things are so thin. I asked her how come a baby can wet 3 times in a diaper and I wet once and it needs changed? Rachelle shrugged her shoulders as she had no clue and I knew she didn’t know the answer. I just felt I had to say something! Rachelle said do I need to leave the room while you change? I said yeah……………...well no not really. We take gym class together. She said good because I am curious about what they look like and how you do it! I got up and changed my diaper as she sat on the bed and watched. She said that was pretty easy actually. I got back on the bed and we went back to talking until 9 PM when Kelly came in and said visiting hours are over now. I hugged her said goodbye and Kelly said she was just checking on me before her shift ended. I said I am good and ready for bed. I turned the TV on, pulled the covers over me and watched some TV until I fell asleep. Feeling much less stressed now. At least my best friend still loves me, and I am getting used to diapers now too.
CHAPTER 2- THE NEW HOME
The following morning I woke up to being gently nudged in the arm by Kelly. I opened my eyes and rolled over to look at her. She said good morning sunshine, I have some good news for you. The Hospital was able to contact my Grandparents last night and they are here right now in the hallway. I told them to wait out there a moment while I help you freshen up. I was excited. Kelly said in the interest of speeding things up, she would change my diaper and help me get dressed and cleaned up some. So we quickly got me all fixed up and my Grandparents came in my room. They gave me a huge hug that lasted for what seemed forever and asked me how I felt and how I was doing. I told them I was not really sure, but I was happy to be alive and have some serious adjusting to do. Grandpa said he can’t wait to get me home and settled in. I started to think about all that I would need. My back brace, my medication…………...and………..Oh god…...diapers. I looked down and began to stare at the bed. Grandma put her hand under my chin and raised it up so that I had to look her in the eye. What is the problem young-in she asked? I said just…………...well so many things I need now. Did you know I am back in diapers now? Grandma said so? I have changed your diaper before and I can do it again. That is not an issue. I said but the back brace, the medication, so many things. Grandpa sat on my bed and put his arm around me and pulled me to him. He said now don’t you be worrying about little silly stuff. We love you and we are more than capable of handling all your little special things. I looked at Grandma and she nodded in agreement. Then she said from now on we won’t be calling them diapers anymore, let’s use a code word when we are out and you need changed that you need your “special things” taken care of. How does that sound? I giggled and said that works. Thank you Grandma. She said I love you Lauren and my heart melted. I said I love you too Grandma so much. I hugged both of them and we chatted for a while before the doctor came in with Kelly. He talked to them about my needs. He wrote a prescription for my medication and diapers. He then walked up to me and asked how I felt and if I might have any interest at all in going home today. I about jumped out of the bed with joy. I said yes yes yes please can I go home today? He said he will see what he can do. Kelly said she needed to do another blood test and I had to be still while she took more blood from my arm. My Grandparents said they were going to the cafeteria to get some food and they would be right back. Kelly told me my food should be here shortly also. I was so excited to get out of this place, and while worried a little, I was excited to start life with my Grandparents. As I was in my happy thoughts I was interrupted again by me wetting my diaper. By the time I was done wetting it, it was leaking on the bed again. I actually forgot that I wet it while chatting with my grandparents and so this was just too much for it. I was about to call the Nurse when my Grandma came in the room. Now I was really embarrassed and kind of mad. Grandma reached over and felt my diaper and she said, I know one thing…...it feels like this diaper is made of plastic and a piece of toilet paper. No wonder your leaking so bad. We will fix that. Last night I went online after talking to the Hospital about you and ordered some packs of “real”diapers for you and should be overnight ed to us today. Now I was curious as what the difference was. Soon Kelly came in and closed the curtain a moment so she could change me and clean me up. She said as you are leaving in an hour or so, I am going to do something special for you. She took one of the diapers and a blade and cut some slices in the plastic, right in the center, then put it on me. Then she put another diaper over top of that one. As she taped on the last tape she patted my leg and said there, that should hold you until you get home at least. I will miss you Lauren she said! I grabbed her and hugged her and told her that I will miss her also. The time came that I was free to go and they put me in a wheelchair which I thought was silly as I could walk. But hey, a free ride. It was kind of fun as they rolled me to the front door. Grandpa had gone ahead and got the car so he was waiting for us to arrive. Me and Grandma went to the car and got in. I felt myself peeing as I sat down in the car but there was nothing I could do about it anyhow, so I just buckled up and hoped the diaper worked. Grandpa had a surprise for me knowing how much I love Ice cream. He took us on a 20 minute drive each way to a place called New Baltimore where there is an Ice Cream stand with really good food. I was so excited. I got the Flavor of the week which was some sort of blue colored stuff with Bubble gum flavor. It was amazing and I was on a sugar high now. Wide awake as we headed home and then………….I panicked….I was peeing again. We didn’t change this diaper. I said Grandpa, I am so sorry I forgot to tell you I needed to change my diaper and I wet it at the hospital and I am going again right now. I am sure it is going to leak. Grandpa said don’t you worry about that little one. It’s all good. Now smile and forget it. To my surprise, not only was Grandpa not mad, but the diaper didn’t leak. Then I remembered Kelly put two on me. I looked back out the window and Grandma said, how bad did it leak honey? I looked again and felt around my bottom. I said, Kelly the nurse put two diapers on me, and I forgot. It didn’t leak at all. Grandpa said then that is the answer until your other diapers get delivered. I said ok and went back to looking out the window wondering what my future would hold. Would I be traveling or will they settle down now and keep me in my school with my best friend. Soon we arrived at a nice house and in the driveway was a large motor home. It was all decked out and looked so cool. My first reaction was to ask Grandma if I could go inside of it. He said sure and opened the door. Grandma went inside the house. This thing is so cool. It has a mini kitchen, bedroom, living room, and the drivers seat wow. I walked up and sat behind the wheel. This is amazing Grandpa, when are you leaving again with it? He said he was not sure, we will have to settle down a little now so that we can spend more time with you. So maybe in the summer when school is out we will travel and in the winter when you are in school we will stay here at home now. So I get to……...err I mean I will be staying at the school I am at now I asked? He said yes, we don’t want to uproot you at this point. I was so happy to hear this. I got out of the driver's seat and felt myself peeing again………..and soon it was running down my leg and into my shoe. I ran out of the motor home so as not to mess it up and told Grandpa my diaper leaked as I pointed to my now wet pant leg. He hugged me and walked me into the house where Grandma already had a clean diaper laying on the bed with a couple washcloths in it. I was not really sure what to do with them as they were not wet for me to wash off with. I started to take my dripping wet diaper off, but then I thought I better ask. I yelled down the stairs for Grandma and she scared me by tapping me on the shoulder from behind. Ha ha ha she was in the other room. I asked her what the wash clothes were for? She said fold them up and we will use them as boosters in your diaper so they hold more. I have a lot of them I use for rags also. We can do that until your other diapers arrive tomorrow. I asked her what she bought, and she said she bought me Youth diapers called Northshore Supreme, Comfi-Dry 24/7, and Abina for running around the house and at night. And then for school she bought me diapers made by Seni Quatro because they are very quiet and hold a lot. I was confused by my feelings because in a way I was excited to try these out. Kind of like getting new clothes to wear. How silly of me to be excited to get new diapers! I went back in the room and Grandma followed me in to show me how to fold the towels to make them extend the time the diapers worked for me. I went back down stairs and called my best friend and we chatted for over an hour on the phone making up for lost time. Soon dinner was ready and I went in to eat. I didn’t really notice any difference in how my diaper felt as the hospital diapers felt wet as soon as I wet them and so did these wash cloths. I guess I will have to get used to this feeling now all the time. After dinner grandma asked how my diaper was doing and I really didn’t know other than I felt wet. She checked it and said there is still room in it. We will change you into a new one with like 3 wash clothes to get you through the night when we go to bed. I was happy with that and we went in to watch TV before bed. As the night grew on it was time, Grandma said she would change me just because she wanted to make sure I had the diaper on tight and correct as there is no mattress protector on the bed right now. It also is coming in the shipment tomorrow. I offered to sleep on the floor and she said she would not hear of it. I laid down and she changed me and used baby powder on me and it really felt good….and smelled good too. She tucked me in and I drifted off to sleep. I woke up a couple times during the night because my back brace was hurting. I really wish I could remove it. But the doctor says another 3 weeks. At least I am allowed to take it off to shower. Anyhow morning came and I got up, soaked as we suspected and Grandma changed me right away. We had breakfast and the FedEx Truck came with part of the order. I couldn’t wait to open the boxes….It was like Christmas or my Birthday. I pulled out the Northshore Supreme diapers, and opened the package. Grandma said let's go try one on. I ran up the steps ahead of her. She put it on me and wow……….This thing was thick, And really nice and comfy. It felt so different from the hospital ones I had been wearing. And speaking of wearing….I had no clothes here. Grandma had a pair of old gym shorts I had from a year ago that I left here accidentally and thankfully they still mostly fit. She then went over and borrowed a T-shirt from the neighbor girls so that I could be in something besides the pajamas I had at the hospital, and what I wore home. She and Grandpa asked me if I wanted to go get my things from the old house, I was kind of scared, but definitely wanted to. As we got in the car I peed again, and to my amazement I felt dry almost right away. I could not believe how well these diapers worked. I looked down for the first time and noticed the gym shorts when sitting did not cover the diaper completely in my crotch area as they were too short and the leg openings were big. You could see the thick diaper under the shorts. It actually looked kind of cool seeing that diaper bulge between my legs. I quickly snapped out of my thought knowing this was odd that I was enjoying being in a diaper. How could this be? We drove on across town headed to the house and when we arrived my old neighbor came running to the car to greet me. I got out of the car and she looked right at my diaper between my legs and then up at my face. I could tell she wanted to say something but she didn’t….so I didn’t. I stood up, pulled my shorts down and gave her a big hug and we started chatting like I had not even been gone a week. I told her I needed to go to my old room and get my things. So she said she would help. That was great of her. We went up stairs and Grandma was packing my clothes. She said before I put everything in the box, do you want to wear something besides those shorts Lauren? I started to say yes, but then remembered how cool the diaper looked under them and said no thanks, I am good. And went to gathering my things. By the time we were done I had peed again in this diaper and to my amazement still did not feel wet. This was cool as could be. I said goodbye to my neighbor and thanked her for helping me and gave her my new phone number and told her to give it to all our friends. The drive back was uneventful except I kept looking down at that adorable diaper bulge between my legs sticking out from under my gym shorts. I think I might just get used to this I said to myself as we pulled in the driveway and began unloading the car and filling up my new room. While we were gone UPS had shown up with more diapers and stuff and I wanted to wear those too. But Grandma reminded me how expensive they are as the insurance does not cover good diapers, so I must keep a diaper on until I wet it full unless it is time for bed or some special thing. I said ok and went back to putting my things away and fixing up my room. As the day went on I got to try almost all of my new diaper brands. I noticed in Grandma’s room there was a bag of Comfidry 24/7 diapers in size large. I asked her if I could try one of those too………..and why does she have them? She said well honey at our age and being on the road, sometimes Grandpa and I need a little extra help along the way. Then she said, You must not have opened the last box that UPS brought today because we ordered you some of those also! I zoomed over to the box and sure enough there was some. These were a thick white plastic and so soft inside. I could not wait to try them on. Grandma reminded me again that each diaper must stay on until it was full. This was driving me nuts, as I really felt like it was Christmas and I wanted to try everyone out now.
Chapter 3-Back To School
Once I was well enough to go back to school I had figured out my favorite diapers. One was the Dry24/7 for day time, and the Northshore Supreme for night time. The Abina were good too. They were all so nice to wear. But now at school it was time for the Seni Quatro and the school nurse to change my diapers at least once a day. This would be an interesting experience. I put on jeans that helped to hold my diaper in place. This diaper was cloth backed but kind of more rubberized and not the normal cloth backed junk. It was really quiet when I walked and seemed to hold a lot. I walked into the school self conscious as could be as my friends and classmates all ran up to me to hug me and welcome me back. In no time I was right back doing almost everything I did before. I had some physical limitations now though. One being I had to watch my back….and if I sweat too much my diaper would need changed more often. I soon found it actually easier for me to just let the nurse change me instead of changing myself. But at home Grandma and Grandpa insisted that I change myself. I really do think my new life will be ok after all…….But I sure do miss Mommy and Daddy so much.