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  1. Looking for a mommy

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    • Ahh ok now I understand soo he was wearing a onesie that soo cute ! I hope to see more of this cute story one more question in the bedtime scene he was dressed to in a onesie ???
    • Plastic pants or rubbers as they where called at home have always turned me on for as long as i can remember. Now that i can wear mine when ever i want is great. Its great to hear that i am not alone in this side of things, i do love my nappies too
    • wow, what a great chapter.  The Dr's visit seemed just right - and very plausible/realistic given situation.   Well done
    • I think you in the right group LilDavid we are all the same
    • Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick more seconds passed by. My train of thought was disturbed once more. I shook my head. Why did I keep wanting to think of Jenn. She was gone. Why couldn’t I just focus on the task at hand and finish up my work. I mean tonight I was potential about to start a whole new relationship depending how the night went. Why couldn’t I go back to being excited about that. Stretching out my arms and cracking my knuckles I returned back to the keyboard. It was only a few keystrokes later when my mind wander to the thought of just leaving, it is not like the fate of the world depended on anything I was doing. The quicker I left the quicker I could go out on my date tonight. Still I felt obliged to stay and finish up and once more I tried to start entering data. That tick of the clock on the wall managed to distract me once more and my mind wandered from the task at hand. The week after our blow out was painful to endure. Each time I saw Jenn I wanted to just embrace her in my arms and try to passionately kiss her like that morning when I tossed her up on the kitchen island. She would always walk into the room happy and laughing but the second her glance would catch mine her face would instantly turn sour and she would walk out of the room. What really hurt me the most above everything was the fact that when she did look at me all the bubble joy I had loved about her seemed to be stripped and knowing I was the cause of it. It was a really tough week to get through. Amy surprisingly like the first morning after acted very supportive towards me, I cannot count the number of talks we had and the number of alcoholic beverages she kept me from trying to drink to drown my sorrows. I could have killed her the one time she brought Bob round while I was there though. Bob did not hold back from making a few jokes at my expense. The first one I left slide as fair enough I did kind of create a situation. The few after that really started to irritate me. Politely I asked “Do you mind backing off man it is a bit of a touchy subject for me.” Waving his hands in the air he said “aww is the poor baby going to start bawling on me.” Chuckling he pushed past me and went to my fridge pulling out one of my beer and cracked it open. It was more than I could take and I snapped. I stood 6’2” and was a fairly lean 200 pounds and while I was never a fighter the few times I was forced into it I held my own. Bob on the other hand was a short fella around 5’6” and while he was a little stalky I was not concerned one bit about my ability to man handle him. Still with a grin on his face and while swigging back on the beer he took I walked over to him and grabbed hold of his ear twisting it right around causing him to drop the beer and yelp out in pain as his head was forced down to his knee height and I dragged him through the house. Possible I may have let the door slam him in the head as I opened it then tossed him down the stairs off my porch. As he hit the ground he looked up to me and cried out “What the fuck man!” “I warned you. All you had to do was stop.” I calmly said. “Oh the diaper boy is trying to be a man now is he?” Bob sarcastically called out while standing up and brushing himself off. Puffing his chest out and taking a half step toward me in an aggressive manner.   “If you want to have a diaper boy whoop your ass keep talking.” I replied as I just glared at him ready to beat the living daylights out of him. By this point Amy had come running out and pulling at my arm looked at me with a look you see on the face of a dog that is being beat calmly saying “Please stop Ryan, just stop.” I momentarily lost all the anger I was feeling at the moment and felt a little ashamed for how I reacted. Bob could not stay quite though and he called out “Watch out Amy, you don’t want the little baby to piss all over you now do you?” I was seeing red and started down the stairs of my porch dragging a pleading Amy behind me. Screaming for me to stop. It was then just out of the corner of my eye the split second before I was about to unleash a haymaker on Bob that I spotted my neighbour coming around the corner with three little baby ducks running in tow that I realized how crazy I was acting. Stopping I took a deep sigh and dropped my fist. A slight misstep on my bit as you should never go at someone with your arm half-cocked and ready to beat them down and then just stop. Bob landed a pretty decent hook to my left jaw and was in the process of quickly trying to follow it up with a blow to my right before I managed to grab hold of it and put it in an arm bar. As I reefed on his arm forcing him to the ground I wanted so badly to just keep pulling on it until something snapped or popped. By this point my neighbour had frozen and was sporting a look of fear as she watch a little domestic violence take place right next door to her. I hesitated for a second before going back to pulling back hard on his arm then I saw the three baby ducks who had waddled over and seemingly oblivious to what was happening started to forge about in the grass right beside Bob’s head. Feeling ashamed I apologized to my neighbour. Releasing Bob from the hold I spat out a bit of blood and silently pushed past Amy heading back inside the house. The next day Jenn and Amy were gone by the time I came home.    Sitting in the silence of my home as I ate for the next few days was deafening. I wanted to just crawl up into a hole and disappear. The only outlet I had was work and determined to be as perfect as I could at work I may have over done it and become a bit too demanding of my crew. My superiors loved it as we were managing to get done twice as much as any other crew but those working under me soon came to resent me as for any little problem or issue I thought they should know better about I would lose it on them. I knew inside it wasn’t right but that did not stop me from doing it still. Slowly even those who I really got along with on the crew started to distance themselves from me. Then came the morning I walked into the shop and saw a couple human resource staff sitting there. I knew it was for me and after a half day meeting where I got to listen to none stop lecturing of my behaviour and having to formally apologize to the crew I was giving the afternoon off with pay. I wish I could say I took this as a learning experience and corrected my ways but it just managed to make me become a little more of a hard ass. Who were these office people to lecture me when all I was doing was trying to make people work an honest day. The next few days you could feel the tension build between myself and the crew as they slowed down their work which only led me to get more excitable. By the time Friday came around a manager I had grown to trust and really liked pulled me aside and I think in a somewhat veiled threat asked “How many holiday days I had left?” I did not think much of it and just replied “Think I have six or seven weeks.” Looking me in the eyes with a grim smile on his face. “I think it would be best if you took those holidays now. You know have a break from all this and hopefully by the time you return whatever has gotten into you is gone.” “But we are in the middle of construction season nobody else is going push the guys to get the work done.” I exclaimed in disbelief. He just put his hand on my arm and said “I hear Italy is nice this time of year” before releasing his grip and walking away. I could read the writing on the wall so I put in a holiday request for the next six weeks and it was approved mere minutes after I had submitted it. The first few days had me stir crazy as I just sat brooding about being forced off work. Any moment I sat still I just got worked up about being home. On one such day I was so worked up I had to just get out of my house and I walked out onto my front porch. Thinking I was alone I heard a faint “Hello Ryan” Looking over I saw my neighbour who had been avoiding me ever since my incident. “Hey Meg” I politely replied dawning a fake smile. I really did not feel like talking to her but she came over into my yard her growing little ducklings trailing behind her. “How are you doing? I see Jenn moved out is everything okay? It is not like you to be home on a weekday.”   “Ahh everything is fine, work just told me they realized I had a bunch of time off pending and did not want me to miss out on it.” I think she read my bluff “Are you sure you are okay? Do you want to talk or anything I am always just a house away.” With my best poker face on I answered “Nah I am all good” With that there was an awkwardly long pause before Meg spoke up again “Well surely you are going to go somewhere if you are on holidays, I remember all the travel stories you ranted on about endlessly when you first moved in. Isn’t there somewhere you would rather be?” To be honest just about anywhere was the answer to that. “I’m sure I will think of something to do” with that I turned and walked back into my house. For the rest of the day I mulled about miserable that I could not be at work but them Meg’S words just kept resonating in my head. Isn’t there somewhere I would rather want to be. Well after indulging in a few too many beers I had managed to look around and find some smoking deals for flights down to New Zealand with a weeklong layover in Fiji. With a simple mouse click the flights were booked. Knowing I was quote unquote cheap, I prefer the term fiscally knowledgeable and responsible personally, I knew I was going to make use of the flights no matter what. The next day was spent in a frantic search in the early morning hours trying to find out what I was going to do with all my time as my flight left that afternoon. I was a backpacker through Europe in my younger days so I opted for a hop on hop off bus tour which seemed to allow me a good bit of flexibility on the short notice I had. Now I had failed to recollect that I was not as young as I was when backpacked so found myself on a bus filled with young kids on their gap year, the majority of them were half my age but after the few first days I softened up and became a lot more light hearted. I mean no sooner had I landed and checked into my hostel then my new roommates insisted I go out for beers with them. Which led to an interesting night of having some supposed South African drug king pin buying all our beverages, trying to hand off a massive bag full of MDMA to us and then paying one of his bar promoter friends a thousand dollars to ride one of the electric powered scooters they have off into Auckland harbour. Not caring to be in control of everything and doing the responsible thing let me unwind more and more and soon I was ticking off all sorts of items form my bucket list I would have thought imprudent to do just a few weeks before. By the time I had crossed the north and south island I had floated down pitch black caves with only the light of bioluminescent maggot poop to light the way (a lot more amazing than you might think), been up in a small plan pulling all sorts of crazy aerobatic maneuvers, jumped out of other perfectly fine planes, paraglided, hang glided, bungeed, canyon swinged you name it I did it. Not to mention just hanging out with all the younger folk just led to endless shenanigans and fun. By the time I reached Fiji on my return flight I was so laid back that despite having booked a stay in a fancy resort I managed to hop of the bus at the wrong spot. This was alright as I soon was met by a friendly old seventy-two year old drinking RTD’s on the side of the road and who pleaded with me to join him. Nothing better to do so I did and it was the best choice of my life. Forgetting about the resort I ended up staying the week I had there in his village. Learning all about the local traditions and ways, his son was a dive instructor and I paired up with him during the day getting my PADI while the nights were spent drinking kava and everyone in the village just laughing and sharing stories. To cap off the experience after having already spent three days diving and feeding about forty-fifty bull sharks I did one last dive before I left. We had heard about a tiger shark being in the area but never managed to cross its path, well that last day no sooner had we started descending than the tiger came around. I am sure she was just curious but after she almost took off the son of the old guy I met’s arm and then swam quickly towards my head. The belly of the five and a half meter long beast being tickled by my hair as I just floated having the largest adrenalin rush of my life surge through me. Needless to say I was refreshed by the time I came home. There was still the little monkey on my back of the whole diaper desire issue but I was confident I was going to make a concerted effort to find a compatible partner. While Tinder did seem like an easy out to find a girl I did not think it would be the best place to find a person who wanted what I did. The last thing I wanted was another Jenn. Thinking my best bet was to be as specific as possible I came across Diapermates and blindly vested myself in finding someone there. The odds did not seem great as there were about seven guys for every female but I had to try. My eagerness was a little misplaced and I should have probably been just a tad more critical of the people I met. Lesson being if you instantly match with someone but never really have any kind of visual interaction with them do not agree to skype and doing embarrassing things which more than likely the not really a potential partner recorded and will live on for all posterity sake in some dark recess of the web. Trying to browse and find other options the next best option that presented itself was Fetlife. While it was not as specific as Diapermates it was a much larger population and all of them had some non-vanilla desire so it seemed plausible a few had to be into diapers. I had some reservations as Jenn was freaky and fun but she was definitely not open to the diaper bit. Still giving it a go I made a profile and then started joining groups that clustered around things that got me rearing to go. Made a few posts and got into a few conversations with people. Some conversations were better than others as people are interesting. Think that is the polite way of putting it. After a few days I had made friends with quite a few guys but finding a female to chat with let alone one whom could possible progress into a relationship was lacking. On the eve of the day I was supposed to return to work I was starting to get the feeling that Fetlife was another dead end. Taking a break from the computer screen I messed about on my guitar a bit and played a few games on the PS4 before deciding to call it a night and one last time checking my profile out. To my surprise I actually had a message, and not just some message form an account with no bio or picture or when there is a picture all it is, is a set of cock and balls which is really not my thing so I was always baffled when they sent me messages. No this was a message from a beautiful lady who took the time to write out her wants and desires and outlined her hard limits. Aside from her claim that she lived in Antarctica, which it seemed a lot of people on Fetlife did. A claim I am somewhat suspect of or if it was true I really need to go check that place out. In the end I figured she had to be the real thing. Still with the embarrassment of my Diapermates experience fresh in my mind I was a little reluctant. The lord hates a coward or so I have heard so figured the hell with it and opened her message.    “Hello HappyChappy! I think you are cute but there is just one problem.” That was it. That was all she wrote. I was left a little l puzzled by it and after a few minutes even considered not even responding before figuring alright I will bite. I typed up my reply “Hey MommyDomme, You seem like an amazing, smart, sophisticated lady. What could you possible find to be a problem with such a cutie as myself?” Sure not my best reply to a message ever but it was late and seemed good enough. I hit send. Had wonderful dreams that night of just who MommyDomme might be and what we might do. I woke with a smile on my face feeling refreshed and eagerly eagerly signed in olt to see there was no response yet.  Felt a little down but it being my first day back to work I went about my day. Seems while the whole company did not fall apart while I was away it had not run as smoothly as one would have thought. My fill in could not hack having to be the conduit between management and the general staff and had turned into an even worse tyrant than I had supposable been before being told to take time off trying to appease both sides of the fence. Production had slowed to a trickle which led to my crew being shunned a bit and becoming the butt of quite a few jokes around the office. It was in this environment I returned to find both management and the frontline guys heartedly welcoming me back. Even the couple who had complained about me to HR pulled me aside and apologized saying they should have just talked to me. Slightly annoyed by this as it did result in me having a letter on my employment record I still had to admit I was becoming a dictator. I told them not to worry about it and the first day back went smoothly. Still could not wait for the day to end so I could log into Fetlife and see if hopefully by now MommyDomme responded. To my delight she had. Sitting back in the chair at the computer desk in my house I clicked open. “No matter how cute you might be the fact you claim Blazing Saddles to be the best Mel Brooks movie of all time is unacceptable. Everyone knows it is Young Frankenstein :P” Oh it was on. Everyone knows Blazing Saddles was the best and I could possibly consider Spaceballs but Young Frankenstein!?   A flurry of messages back and forth ensued over the next few days. I found out we both had a passion for travel, B grade movies and upside down synchronized crocheting. I really had no passion for the latter but when I mentioned it she just played right along. In no time at all I felt like we were best friends as it seemed we spent every second available messaging each other. Each one I received placing a bigger and bigger grin on my face. By the end of the week I had to ask “So how are the penguins doing?” This seemed to catch her a bit off guard “They are not too bad Mumble just finished up his latest dance routine but the leopard seals are vicious this year……. Where did that question come from? “Well I just saw you put Antarctica as where you were from so figured you were just down in some lab down there getting your freak on. I am going to assume you are not from down there, where do you live?” Okay I can’t lie my first message was my best effort, I suck at online talking. “Well have you ever heard of a place called Beverly?” Thinking in my head I was drawing a blank “No, where is that?” “You are from Edmonton right? You have never heard of Beverly?” The second I opened that message I almost burst with excitement. Beverly was the name of a neighbourhood, she only lived about fifteen minutes from me. Hastily I typed a reply “Did you know this whole time we were just down the road from each other?” “Maybe…..” “Maybe? I don’t know if you know this but I am over the top excited right now. I figured I might come across someone I hit it off with but assumed they would be halfway around the world from me. Umm I don’t know if you would be up for it but could I take you out on a date sometime?” “Maybe….” Was all she responded with. A half hour passed before I could not handle it anymore. “Maybe, so is that a yes or a no?” Nothing for the rest of the night. The silence drove me nuts as I kept trying to think if she was really from Edmonton, was she even a real person, there was so much in my mind it drove me crazy all Saturday long. The worst part is she never sent a response and as much as I wanted to pester her for a reply I also did not want to annoy her with a series of messages so I could only sit on my hands and wait. By the time Sunday morning came around I don’t know if I was wishing more for her to respond or to win the lottery. I was certain I had scared her off until I logged in and saw she had messaged me back. “12340 87 Ave, be there at seven on Friday or else…” That was a bit of a cryptic message but any message I sent a few messages trying to get even a bit more information both of them were left unanswered. I tossed and turned in my sleep each night as the days passed by agonizingly slow. Friday morning I could not bare it anymore it seemed every minute was a teetering moment of ecstasy then the next one of fear and self-shame as I convinced myself it was not real. As I typed up a message detailing my anguish I noticed a notification pop up saying I had a message from here. All it was, was “J see you tonight, remember don’t be late.” This got me going and I quickly sent back a message asking for a phone number I could call if something came up but there was no response. All day long I kept playing it through in my head. She had to be fake this was probably just some ploy to lure a desperate guy in. Had it come to that was I really, desperate? She had to be real. Was she going to be overbearing like Wendy had been? Also wasn’t there the guy form Edmonton who would lure men into the garage and mercilessly disembowel them. I shuddered at the thought, I should really stop listening to true crime podcasts.