It might also simply be that it's much more noticeable to you because you know it's there. I've been in very similar situations with my partner and they swear it's not as obvious as I think it is.
Generally curious, have you leaked in front of your wife ever?
I somewhat had to deal with wearing diapers around a swimsuit recently. I had bought a reusable abdl style swim diaper to try out. It was rather puffy looking because my swim bottoms were more form fitting but I got around with just having a towel at the ready when I was out of the water. Afterwards I just made a quick trip to the bathroom with my bag and changed into something more substantial with shorts over my bottoms while I sat with friends. It was an interesting experience but certainly not the hardest thing to work with.
I lost one of my dogs tragically this summer and it's looking like I'm going to lose another this fall. Cherish the time you have with your pets and you will never regret it.
Porta potties aren't probably the best for disposal. Whatever you wear in you'll probably be wearing out with you.
Me, I'd go with the most absorbent combination available, something baggy to wear over, and definitely plastic pants.
Should invest in a robe or something that you can throw on that's just long enough to cover your diapers. It would enable you to walk around pants less whenever you want.
I had seen some reusable abdl swim diapers recently that had prints and stuff. But rather expensive. Unfortunately it seems the pull up style ones are really the only reasonable alternative.
Love hearing about your travel experiences. That's something that I think a lot of abdl persons don't ever consider.
Also the interactions with your wife are so wholesome, I love it, she seems great! The domestic diaper interactions are so cute.