Haku

It seriously gives me the chills, but I think that is the point.

Thanks. I would never get discourage from that. If people found it awkward it's probably because it was! It's just par for the course sometimes.

<.< >.> *Slides in chapter 38 unnoticed* (It's not like I locked in after reading all the comments. That'd be crazy) --- At the Palmer’s residence, the backyard was already set up. Alicia could smell the tell-tale scent of smoky charcoal and what must’ve been burgers and ribs. She could see Luke managing the grill while Jenny was setting the table together with Isabella. Jack explored the grass around a checkered blanket with great interest, gurgling quietly to himself. ‘Country Roads’ played softly from the bluetooth speaker placed upon the table, and when the pair got into view, Isabella beamed like the cozy, late summer sun. “Mommy, they hewe!” she exclaimed, hurrying over to envelop Alicia in her customary hug. Jenny rolled her eyes slightly, but let it slide since Alicia didn’t seem to mind. “Hi, Isabella,” Alicia said, nodding towards her parents. “Jenny, Luke.” “Hey you two!” Luke said from over at the grill. “Glad you could make it.” “Thank you for inviting us,” Emily said and went over to the table, bringing out some lemonade and a bag of chocolate chip cookies they had brought with them. “Oh, you didn’t have to,” Jenny started, but politely accepted the treats. “Nonsense,” Emily brushed off, “a few cookies were the least we could bring.” “Yah,” Alicia snorted and poked her mother teasingly in the side, “considering it’s grammy’s homemade cookies.” “Oh hush you,” Emily rolled her eyes. “I’ll bring an Eriksson original next time, happy?” “Very,” Alicia mused, “but only if it’s your cardamom buns.” The girl felt herself salivating at the thought. “You goober,” Emily chided, but smiled nonetheless. “Hmm,” Luke said, flipping a few patties over, “these look nearly done. Should be just right before the Carters get here—” “Hi! We’re here!” A chipper voice called out from behind, as if materializing out of thin air. “So great to see you all again so soon!” Turning around, Alicia saw Grace, Ethan, Isaac and Logan—who seemed to be carrying most of the bags they’ve brought with them. Isaac sported a wide grin, locking eyes with Isabella and Alicia. “It’s nice to see you all again,” Emily concurred. “Hi Alicia! Hi Isabella!” Isaac said, breaking free from his mother’s grasp. “Wanna play tag?” Isabella had secured a spot just beside Alicia and tugged on the sleeve of her yellow dress, now familiarly silent. Jenny offered an apologizing smile towards Alicia, but the girl just shrugged, giving her an understanding smirk in turn. Internally, she sighed but allowed herself to be swept away with the situation. She hadn’t really been expecting anything else since turning up. Alicia’s eyes wandered along the backyard, finding a prepped up set of plastic chairs and a table adorned with teacups and dolls. “You know,” she said, in an almost scheming tone. “I bet Isabella wants to play house first.” Isabella bounced up and down in excitement. Alicia knew her so well! “Oh…okay.” Isaac said, sounding a little disappointed. “But, we could play some tag afterwards?” Alicia tried. Easily swayed, like little boys are, he bounced back. “Yeah!” The other Carters had already struck up conversation with her mother, Luke and Jenny while they were busy setting up what food they had brought. Catching a glance of Logan, she felt his gaze lingered just a tad bit too long on her mother. She contemplated sharing a few stern words with the man afterwards, but thought better of it. At the moment, she was merely a playmate. The trio grabbed a doll each and started speaking in made-up voices, pouring imaginary tea and chewing on air-biscuits. “I say, Mr. Mittens, you look positively radiant today,” Alicia said poshly, gesturing with a white and blue-striped bunny. Isabella giggled and made Mr. Mittens bow, accepting the compliment. Around ten minutes in, Isaac’s bouncing knees threatened to overturn the table. Alicia thought for a moment, then stood up, doll in hand. “Maybe the plushies want to play tag?” Isabella and Isaac’s eyes widened with glee, and soon they were running around the garden laughing, using the dolls to tag each other. “Food’s ready everyone!” Luke bellowed back from the main table, carrying a big plate of ribs. A large variety of side dishes adorned it neatly, and the trio settled down, heading over and taking up spots next to their parents. Alicia expertly assembled her burger with grilled onion, cheddar cheese, bacon and with a light splash of BBQ-sauce. Proud of her creation, she held it firmly—even though it appeared comically big in her tiny hands—and bit down into the juicy meat. She could feel her eyes rolling back into her skull. Oh that’s so good! she thought, kicking her feet, not caring if it made her more juvenile. “That sure is one heck of a burger,” Logan quipped as he dipped his chips into some ranch dressing, “think you’ll finish that today, kiddo?” Alicia gave him a glare that most would interpret as ‘mind your own business’ and took another big, defiant bite from her burger, maintaining eye contact with the cop. “Geez,” Logan held his hands up in defeat, “sorry for doubting you, ma'am." “Slow down, honey,” Emily said softly, “it’s not going anywhere.” Alicia rolled her eyes and took another bite. It was going somewhere, her belly in fact. Isaac—not wanting to be outdone—tried to mimic Alicia, but the burger bested his tiny fingers, condiments slipping all over the plate. “Heh, kids, amiright?” Ethan said, cutting it into more manageable pieces, much to Isaac’s protests. “Want to prove they can do everything on their own. Acting all contrary just to prove a point.” Alicia coughed suddenly, an onion ring lodging itself into her throat. Her hubris had been her downfall, and she paid for it with concerned looks from the surrounding party. “Told you,” Emily chided, handing her a glass of soda which she promptly drained to avoid any further scrutiny. Thankfully, the concern was short-lived and the table had already developed into other forms of small talk. Alicia resumed eating, albeit slower. “Mommy?” Isaac asked innocently, licking his fingers of ketchup “when’s Alicia and Isabella—” “Napkin, dear,” Grace scolded and held it out for him to wipe his hands. “And we’ll ask before we leave, promise.” This seemed to placate Isaac for a moment, but soon he started talking Alicia and Isabella’s ears off about the different kind of toys and tv-shows he liked, bringing up their visit to the Lodge, as if they hadn’t been there. “Wow…really? How many? Yeah? That’s so cool,” Alicia the-ever-patient agreed, making sure to nod along, trying to sound equally interested in all the little things Isaac had to say. The boy was none the wiser. After the burgers were well taken care of, Alicia felt herself getting dragged away once again for more playtime. Thankfully, the other two opted for quieter makebelieve in Isabella’s plastic playhouse, since neither felt like running with their bellies so close to bursting. While the adults were still chatting away, Emily and Logan exchanged a few looks towards each other, yet looking away sheepishly each time. Jenny and Grace also shared a knowing look with each other, smirking. As if on cue, a strained face on baby Jack gave them the excuse they needed. “Why don’t we start setting up dessert,” Jenny said, unleashing little Jack from his highchair. “Emily, Grace…Logan would you mind carrying some things off to the kitchen? This little one needs a change.” “I can—” Ethan started, but Grace silenced him with a hand on his shoulder. “Not a four person job, dear,” she said. “Someone need to keep an eye on the kids. You should tell Luke all about the upcoming car show in the meanwhile.” Not needing another incentive, Ethan launched into an eager explanation of Fords and Chevrolets while Luke tried to hide a pained expression. Jenny and Grace ushered the other two inside. Inside the kitchen, Jenny gave them directions to the dishwasher, cupboard, and the apple pie in the fridge before absconding with Jack to the bathroom. They started to put plates in the dishwasher, but not before long, Jenny’s voice rang out through the corridor. “Oh shoot. Grace? Could you be a dear and fetch some pants, as well as some wipes from the laundry room? Jack’s had a bit of a blowout.” “Of course!” Grace excused herself, leaving Emily and Logan by themselves in the kitchen. They awkwardly shuffled around for a bit, averting their gaze. “Uhm…” Logan started. “Getting a bit colder lately.” Could one wish for a more stellar ice-breaker? “Y-yeah it’s getting closer to autumn,” Emily replied softly. “Y-yeah,” Logan agreed, as if Emily had revealed the secrets of the universe to him. “Right…so I was thinking…” Emily looked up, meeting his piercing grey eyes in expectation. “If you…wanted to…perhaps…go and get coffee. Like we talked about earlier? Maybe saturday, next week? I-if you still want that is.” He murmured the last part, but there was a tone of hope in his voice. “I…,” Emily blushed slightly, “Yes, that sounds lovely.” “Oh, uh…great!” Logan exclaimed, “Uhm, would around three sound good?” Emily smiled. “That should be fine, but let me give you my number just in case.” “Oh, right,” Logan rubbed the back of his neck, “that makes sense.” They quickly exchanged contacts. Around the corner, Jenny and Grace gave each other a silent high-five before coming back out and helping them with rest of the plateware. Outside, they rescued poor Luke from Ethan's endless tirade and turned toward the kids— who were in the process of professional cooking-makebelieve. “It’s bloody raw!” Alicia said, doing her best Gordon Ramsey impression while taking a faux bite of a chicken leg, much to the amusement of Isabella and Isaac. “Kids! Dessert’s ready,” Jenny called out before she could completely catch herself, and offered an apologetic look towards Alicia, but the little girl was already zooming to the table along with her compatriots. Alicia folded her napkin and placed it on her lap, making sure not to get her new dress dirty, expertly manoeuvring a piece of apple pie and a scoop of icecream onto her plate without spilling. Grace gave her a quick glance, before assisting her son in the same endeavour. When the whole party was satisfied—both in mind and in belly—they started wrapping things up. The sun was setting on the horizon. Isabella and Isaac had promptly nodded off in their respective mommy’s laps. Alicia was of course wide awake, and even offered to help clear the table which Jenny heartily agreed to. “Sleep well, Isabella, you too, Isaac,” she said to the pair before throwing empty cups in a large trashbag, getting sleepy murmurs in reply. After Jenny and Luke had carted off their kids to bed, and Isaac’s parents had secured him in the car seat, Grace walked up to Emily. “Okay. I am just dying to know,” she said with awe in her voice. “How did you do it?” “Beg your pardon?” Emily replied. “Oh don’t give me that. Your daughter is amazing! She’s mature, polite, has good manners, and super good with kids younger than her. I must admit, I’m a tad jealous.” “Hah, is that so…” Emily replied nervously. Alicia had just headed inside to help put away the rest of the cake and ice-cream. “Oh come on,” Grace elbowed her gently, “you didn’t even have to tell her to help cleaning up.” “Ahahaha, yeah, that’s my girl alright,” Emily forced herself to smile. Glancing to the side, she could see Logan eyes growing wider by the second, sharing her pained expression. “And Isaac tells me she’s basically taken over storytime at preschool,” she added. “Alicia should be heading over to Little Oaks next year, yeah?” Ethan chimed in, “maybe she’ll be in Jenny’s class, I bet she’d love that!” Emily felt her stomach churn. “Oh yes, before I forget,” Grace slapped her head. “Isaac would be disappointed if I didn’t ask, but have you given some thought on that playdate we talked about before? We’d love to have Alicia over sometime.” Both Emily and Logan were now visibly distressed. There weren’t many good excuses on the fly, especially since she already delayed the answer. “Um…I don’t..” Emily started saying. She understood now Alicia’s hesitancy from before. The Carters were nice people, and she wanted to be truthful. But the words seemed to get caught in her throat. She’d of course never be embarrassed about their family situation, but neither did she want her daughter to suffer because of the truth. “Are we sure that’s a good idea, this early?” Logan tried desperately, doing a bit of damage control. “It’s not like we’ve known each other for long…?” Both Ethan and Grace gave him weird looks. “What are you on about, Logan?” Grace narrowed her eyes, smelling a rat. “You’re acting weird. Something wrong?” Then, Alicia appeared from the house. “Alright I think that’s—everything okay out here?” She stopped abruptly. “Ah, Alicia,” Grace said. “We were just asking your mommy if you’d like to come over to our house for a playdate next week? Hmm, maybe even a sleepover?” Alicia could hear the tempting tone in Grace’s voice. At age five, she would probably have begged her mother to let her go to a sleepover. But, she was nineteen, and some lines were not meant to be crossed. She would have to come clean, but easier said than done. “Oh, um.” She stuttered, turning towards her mother. “That is…I…” “Wha—?” Grace couldn’t believe the odd hesitation coming from this little girl. Surely they’d not left that bad of an impression? She furrowed her brows. “What is going on here? What’s wrong, sweetie?” Alicia took a deep breath. “I, uh…don’t take this wrong way, I think Isaac is a good kid, but a sleepover wouldn’t…ah…be appropriate?” she mustered out. “Not appro…what does she mean by that?” Ethan looked quizzically at Emily. Grace elbowed her husband and knelt down to a fidgeting Alicia. “Are you worried about it because you’re older, sweetheart?” Alicia looked down and nodded. “Older than five?” Grace asked. Alicia nodded again. “Y-yeah.” “I figured as much. You’re what? Six, seven?” Grace slumped her shoulders, wondering how she should best let her son down. “Well, no hard feelings, Alicia. I can understand if you don’t feel up to it.” Alicia kept looking at her feet. “No, that’s not it,” she mumbled. “Hold the phone,” Ethan interrupted, “why isn’t she in school then? Are you homeschooling her?” He watched Emily expectantly, gears turning in his head. “No, that doesn’t make sense either, why would she be still be at preschool if that is the case…” “Now hold on, hun,” Grace tried. “Let’s not be rude. I’m sure they have their reasons.” “I…,” Alicia started and looked towards Emily again who had also bent down near her for support, interposing herself between her daughter and the Carters. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, sweetie,” she whispered. “We can leave now if you’d rather forget about it.” Alicia shook her head and sighed. “They deserve the truth.” Truth, such an ugly word sometimes. The truth will set you free, or damn you all the same. Emily looked towards Logan. Maybe they wouldn’t share that coffee after all. She chided herself. That wasn’t important. Alicia was important. “Alright, honey,” she said. “I’m always in your corner.” Alicia took a deep breath. “Grace, Ethan. I think you and Isaac are nice people, and I had fun today…but the actual reason I’m at Tiny Sprouts Academy is…well because I work there.” “Pardon?” The Carters said in unison, their eyes bulging out of their sockets. “I work at the preschool once a week. I’m…,” she took another deep breath, “nineteen years old.” There, she had said it. “Wha—?” They both responded. “Nineteen!?” “Y-yeah…” “But you look—!” Ethan started. “Like a child? Severe Growth Hormone Deficiency,” she said as a matter of factly. “I stopped growing sometime after I turned four.” “But, wait…working how exactly? Sorry, Alicia. This is just a little too much to process all at once,” Grace admitted. “She’s Isabella’s aide. We’re employing her.” Luke interrupted, making an entrance after hearing the commotion, walking up by Alicia’s side. “B-but you were spending the weekend together at the Lodge?” Ethan asked astounded, and a bit accusingly. “We owed them a big favor after a miscommunication that was completely our fault.” Jenny had also stepped out. “Also, I don’t see what that has to do with anything? We enjoy their company and we’re free to hangout if we so wish.” “Still, it all seems a bit odd,” Grace said “I mean you were using a sippy cup back at the Lodge…and excuse my rudeness, but you’re wearing some ‘protection’ too right now, aren’t you?” Jesus, this lady was sharp! Alicia thought. Or maybe it was all just so obvious? She probably gave them a view when she sat down or when she was playing tag with the kids. “I-I…,” Alicia felt the familiar dark feeling form in her stomach. She wanted to go home. She wanted to snuggle up with Mommy and Bandit and forget about everything. “Not that it’s any of your business, but Alicia suffers from stress-related incontinence,” her mother half-fibbed. “The sippy was my idea. I wanted for her to have a carefree and relaxing time at the Lodge.” “Oh…I’m sorry,” Grace admitted. “That was insensitive of me. I shouldn’t have pried.” “N-no worries,” Alicia reassured, thankful for her mother’s quick intervention. She felt some of her anxiety receding. But it was probably not a good idea to mention anything related to her other job, or their newly established family routines. “Oh boy,” Logan knelt down, looking at Alicia apologetically, “I’m sorry kiddo. I should have tried to soften the blows perhaps. This isn’t fair to you.” “Logan, come on. You knew and didn’t say anything?” Ethan raised an eyebrow. “I figured it wasn’t my place to say,” he defended, “but maybe it was a bad idea.” “Look, we’re sorry we couldn’t be completely honest with you, but you have to understand that this a very sensitive matter for our family,” Emily interrupted. “My daughter’s been trying her hardest to find her place in the world, but as you can probably imagine, things aren’t exactly stacked in her favour.” It was torture to be under this much scrutiny. Alicia felt like she would rather just find the nearest rock and not come out for the next fifteen years. Maybe things would feel different then. Heh, like a cicada, she mused, imagining herself bursting from the ground, wings and all. “But! She makes me proud every day,” Emily said, shaking her daughter out of her daze. Aww… Alicia felt her heartstrings tug at the nice words she felt she barely deserved. “Please,” Emily pleaded, “try and see it from her perspective.” “She’s a good kid,” Logan assured. “She rolls with the punches, she’s patient and forgiving, heck pretty funny to boot.” Hmm, maybe he isn’t so bad after all, Alicia admitted. “And, uh, she could have given me a much harder time…considering I sort of embarrassed her on our first meeting,” Logan said sheepishly. Aaand he ruined it, she thought, flashing red from the memory. Grace and Ethan both took a minute to gather their thoughts, but eventually, they nodded towards each other. “This is all a bit jarring, I must admit,” Grace started, “but I suppose—in the end—no real harm has been done?” Ethan grumbled a little. “No, but I think we can agree that playdates and sleepovers are off the table…damn, how are we going to explain this to Isaac?” “We don’t, honey,” Grace deadpanned. “He’s not going to understand that his new friend’s actually an adult. It’ll only upset him more.” “I’m sorry,” Alicia squeaked, having inadvertently scooched closer to her mother. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble.” “No,” Grace said. “No need to feel sorry, honey. We’re at fault here. We’ll handle things.” “I…I really did enjoy our families getting together though,” Alicia tried. Grace paused for a bit. “It was really nice,” she agreed, “You know? Maybe this doesn’t have to be the end of things? We could do it again sometime?” You’d think you two would still be up for family friendly cookouts? She looked toward Jenny and Luke. “All three of our families?” Alicia and Emily looked at each other in relief and smiled. “Of course!” “Isabella and Isaac would probably like that very much,” Jenny hinted. “Think you’d be up for more supervised babysitting?” “Oh, I can handle them,” Alicia flexed a muscle. She turned towards the Carters, “and are guys you okay with that?” “You mean having an excuse to let my eyes of my kid for a minute?” Grace smirked. “I think the answer is ‘yes’.” “Agreed,” Ethan said, “and it would probably take the edge off having to explain why we can’t have any sleepovers.” “I have no objections,” Logan beamed, his eyes meeting with Emily. “No objections at all.” “Yeah, I’m sure you don’t,” Grace whispered to herself. With that said, the group set a tentative date for another hangout in the near future. The families said their goodbyes, the Carters taking off in their white car, and Luke and Jenny retreating back inside. ----- Alicia rested on her mother’s shoulder, the fatigue having caught up with her. She made no attempt to struggle when Emily picked her up before entering their house, and neither did she complain when she was changed out of her dress and into her pyjamas and nighttime diaper. “So proud of you today, lovebug,” Emily said softly as she laid an almost asleep Alicia down in her bed, snuggled all cozy with Bandit. “Mm,” Alicia murmured. “Wasn’t so bad.” “Yeah, it all worked out in the end,” Emily admitted, opening the nightstand. “Paci?” “Mmm, yes please,” Alicia said sleepily before accepting the pacifier, suckling on it softly. “Mommy?” “Yes baby?” “Wuw yu.” “Love you too, sweetie.” Emily kissed her on the forehead before closing the door to Alicia’s room. Alicia’s thoughts danced around the events of the evening. Things really had worked out okay. Maybe her new exclusive position as an ‘Etoile’ at the agency would work out too. Hmm, one could hope. She closed her eyes, feeling herself being whisked away into dreamland. Little did she know this was merely the beginning.

Hello author in question here! The main character Alicia is 3ft, 1 inches and 30lbs because she has severe Growth Hormone Deficiency in which she stopped growing taller after 4-5 years of age. While she's 19 years of age, this has led to her being mistaken for a child. She has no disproportions that would indicate otherwise, as with genetic disorders such as achondroplasia. While exceedingly rare, people like her exist, albeit her situation would be fairly unique. This is also diaper fiction. Some suspense of disbelief is required. =p

God I love this story. Keep up the good work!

Hi everyone. You're too kind with your comments. The latest chapter had been laying around in the chamber for a while and I just hadn't had the time to proofread it very much. I am doing well, but Uni - while fun and exciting - is taking a lot of my time from writing (as it should). I still have ideas and drafts for chapters going forward, but I also want to be clear that I cannot promise regular updates. I'll be lurking around until later. Hope you all are doing well.

Woot. New chapter. --- Alicia groaned as her heavy legs shuddered, taking a small break as the music stopped and the first round of the dance competition was over. She took a few drags of her pacifier to calm down, lamenting over the fact that she agreed to this particular game. Still, taking a glance over at Bandit held prisoner in a magic circle, she knew she had to win. The archfey that acted as judge over the game looked rather pleased as they sat on their cushioned seat over at a dining table, being fed grapes by different nymphs prancing around, catering to their every whim. Alicia eyed her competitor—a Feywilde satyr that had introduced himself as ‘Peter’. He was a smug, little bastard, barely breaking a sweat—prancing around on his little bastard hooves, playing his little bastard pipes. Alicia shook her head. Bandit was more important than cursing her competition. “Ready for round two?” Peter gloated, getting back into a rhythm as the music picked up once more. Alicia locked eyes with Bandit, finding only trust. She felt her body stir with a fiery passion. “Bring it on,” she bit back. Her body moved before her mind could catch up, surrendering to the primal pull of the rhythm. A fierce current stirred within, rising from somewhere deep and undeniable. Peter started looking nervous, but kept a steady pace. She smirked, his unease becoming her strength, allowing her to push through the pain and fatigue. Another powerful sensation rippled through her, pushing her limits to the max. Peter looked more and more weary by the second. Victory was surely hers! “Ha! Is that—” --- “Aww yo gawt?” Alicia mumbled, half-asleep behind her pacifier as her body shook back and forth in bed making it creak softly as she was loosening up. Her inside stirred with her movements and third time was the charm. Her bowels sighed happily as she pushed out a big load into the seat of her nighttime diaper, squishing against her tush. She groaned as the relief washed over her as a few smaller lumps followed after, grouping together. Her movements died down as her eyes flickered, seeing Bandit nearby on the bed. Snatching him up in a hug, she sleepily stroked his head and mumbled soft, unintelligible nothings. Victorious in her ordeal, she fell shortly back to sleep. Later, Alicia’s eyes fluttered anew, lying on her back, notably less clothed and Bandit-less. She was not alone however, as a soft, familiar humming permeated the room. Mom…? She opened her eyes with a groggy expression, rubbing out the eyecrust as she felt the tapes of her diaper rip open. Alicia recognized the portable changing table she was resting on. “Must’ve carried me down without me noticing…honestly…” She sighed and turned to look at her mother. “Oh, good morning, lovebug,” Emily beamed towards her, “busy night?” “W-what—” Alicia yawned, “is that supposed to mean?” She lightly smacked her lips, breathing through her nose. That’s when the smell hit her. She looked down and gasped in horror at the stained diaper. “Oh. What. The. Hell!” she let out through gritted teeth. Emily gave her a disapproving glance, but didn’t chide her for swearing, and merely took procured several baby wipes as the accessed the damage. “Hmm, this might take a while,” Emily clicked her lips. “I’m going to have to restock later.” I don’t remember going at all! Alicia, thought as her mind tried to make sense of it all. This is insane! Am I getting sick again? “I almost found you rolled out of your bed, honey,” Emily said, noticing her daughter's stare. “Must’ve been some dream you had. You didn’t wake up at all to go?” “No!” Alicia covered her eyes. “Maybe? I mean…I don’t know!” She caught another glance at her messy nethers. It was disgusting. She was disgusting. Alicia felt shame overwhelm her as she started hiccuping. “Hey, it’s okay, sweetie. Mommy’s not upset with you,” Emily assured. “You probably just had a bad dream, or maybe your tummy was a little upset last night. It happens!” Alicia eyes started to water. She didn’t want it to be a thing that ‘happens’! Her mother merely gave a little sigh and reached for a clean pacifier by the sink, holding it out towards her daughter’s mouth. Alicia took it on mere instinct and started suckling. A few moments passed as her breathing became more controlled. “There we go, my sweet girl,” Emily cooed. “Don’t you worry, I’ll have you clean in a jiffy.” “N-no…I should—” The words got caught in her throat. What was she going to do? Clean herself? She could barely look at it without bursting into tears. “Honey, please let mommy worry about your diapers at home, like we talked about?” Emily said softly. “Your practice run should probably be something more…manageable, yeah?” Alicia just shook her head. She didn’t want to think about it anymore. “J-just cwean me awready, pease, mommy,” she whined behind her pacifier. “Already on it, lovebug,” Emily said, wiping Alicia’s bum. Alicia took another few soothing drags on her pacifier and leaned back, taking in the ceiling view. Damn, that’s a lot of wipes, she thought to herself, before she was interrupted by her mother humming a familiar tune. “Awe yu—” she took out her pacifier and looked incredulously at Emily. “Are you seriously humming ‘Wheels on the Bus?’” “Oh,” her mother looked sheepish. “It’s just something I remembered from when you were little. It went something like this~” “No you don’t have to—!” “The wipes on the bum go swish swish swish~Swish, swish, swish, swish, swish, swish~The wipes on the bum go swish, swish, swish~All day long!” Alicia balked as her mother continued singing with childish glee, all the while accentuated the lines with rhythmic strokes with the wipes against Alicia’s tush. She was in hell. “Mom!” “Not a fan?” she asked innocently. “No! Sing literally anything else, if you have to!” “Okidoki, sweetheart,” Emily smiled and took a deep breath. “Pretty little baby~yah yah~Pretty little baby~yah yah.” “Oh you are asking for it,” Alicia scowled, crossing her arms. When she was finally clean she was going to give her mother such an earful. Yeah…she’d wait until then at least. “Pretty little baby. You say that maybe~You’ll be thinking of me, and try to love me,” Emily continued as she finished wiping, balling up the used diaper before taking out a new and taping it snuggly around her daughter’s waist. “Pretty little baby, I’m hoping that you do~ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ohh.” “That’s it!” You’re banned from singing during changes! Alicia threatened, pointing an accusing finger at her mother. “Oh, let’s hurry and leave then, so I can continue to sing to you outside the bathroom,” Emily quipped. “No! That’s not what I…Mom! You’re embarrassing me!” Alicia huffed. “Hmm, no more sad tears then?” Emily smiled. Alicia felt her veins pulse in her forehead. What kind of gall did her mother possess to…to… Huh… Slowly the gears turned in Alicia’s head. Emily had essentially uno-reversed their situation from before and taken Alicia out of her funk. She gently squeezed her nose bridge. “You’re unbelievable,” Alicia delivered with a deadpan expression, before eventually settling on a faint smirk. Seriously, her mother was such a dork. “Aww there’s my happy girl,” Emily beamed. “Come on, let’s get you dressed and ready for breakfast, okay?” “Fine…you goober,” Alicia said, waiting to be picked up. If her mother wanted to play those kind of cards, then she could very well work for it. It’s not like Alicia was developing a habit of being carried around, that was just absurd. “By the way, I looked through a few more boxes in the attic,” Emily said, as she set Alicia down on the fuzzy carpet. Uh oh… “And look what I found!” Emily beamed, revealing a denim attire. “Your old shortalls!” “Yay…” Alicia stared at the blue outfit with white flowery print. “Do I have to wear that, mom?” Alicia said, pointing at it before grabbing a fresh, white t-shirt from the drying rack. “No? Just figured it could be fun for a lazy day in? If you rather wear something else that is completely fine.” Alicia pondered. “Just a lazy day in?” “Unless something else comes up? You could always wear what we bought yesterday?” Emily said. “...Fine,” Alicia said, stepping inside the shortalls, adjusting the straps. They hugged her diaper so snuggly she shuddered a little. Tried as she might, Emily couldn’t help but giggle as she closed the snaps around the crotch. “What’s so fun—aw come on!” Alicia let out, staring into the mirror, noticing the bunny tail poking out from behind. Not to mention she had total diaper butt. “So, so precious,” Emily said, scooping Alicia up, assaulting her with kisses. “Mom, Shtap!” Alicia tried in vain to push her mom’s advances away, but in the end, she also giggled. “Come on Your Heinie:ess,” she joked. “I’ve got waffle batter ready to be cooked.” Alicia gasped, and added poshly. “Well, lead the way, madam.” She cared not that was carried all the way and ceremoniously plopped into her seat. She was ready to receive the waffly goodness. “What would you like to drink?” Emily asked as she poured the batter in the waffle-maker. “Oh, I get to choose, huh?” Alicia smirked. Time for another bit.. “Then I require your strongest potions, potion-seller!”” “You cannot handle my strongest potions, sir knight,” Emily smiled back. “Rats…strongest coffee then?” Alicia tried. “Heh, when you pay for it, I suppose you can have it, sweetie,” Emily rolled her eyes theatrically. There’s a thought, Alicia cocked her head. Mom wouldn’t usually cede such a thing, always telling how bad it is for me… “Oh, I guess milk then, for now.” Emily’s eyes lit up as she went over to the fridge and took out one the containers of breastmilk. “No, no, regular milk, mom,” Alicia said. “In a normal glass, thank you.” “Aww.” She disappointedly took out the milk jug instead and poured a glass for Alicia. “Thanks.” “You’re welcome. Mommy’s milk is for special occasions anyway, hmm?” “Yeah it’s…hey!” Alicia pouted. “Oh look, first batch done!” Emily sang and turned around, serving up the waffles on a platter, putting out the jar of jam and whipped cream on the table. As Alicia slathered the waffle with toppings, her mother looked at her and grinned. “What?” Alicia asked. “Hmm, nothing,” Emily mused. “...You want to feed me, don’t you?” Alicia accused. “Just the first one?” Emily asked gently. Alicia rolled her eyes and sighed. “Get it out of your system.” “Yay!” Emily said, breaking Alicia’s waffle into pieces, feeding her one bite at a time. “You’re…mm,” Alicia said, chewing, “lucky this is so good.” “No talking with your mouth full, sweetie,” Emily giggled. “If you ruin your pretty clothes, I’ll have to get you that bib after all.” “You’re joking, right?” Alicia swallowed. “Hmm, maay~beee?” Emily sang, holding out another piece of waffle. Alicia narrowed her eyes, turning away from her mother with crossed arms. If that’s how her mother wanted to play things, she could certainly oblige. “Oh no,” her mother lamented, “grumpiness detected!” Alicia harumphed, but felt the corners of her mouth wiggle. It felt strangely nostalgic. “Whatever shall we do?” Emily wooed for a moment, theatrically lamenting before re-slathering the waffle piece with more jam and whipped cream. “Mayday, mayday, Aircraft 1337 carrying delicious cargo seeking emergency landing!” She spun the piece around Alicia’s face, getting the toppings all around her mouth and cheeks. Alicia rolled her eyes, bursting out in a giggle before turning her face and chomping down on the waffle-plane. “Wow, good job you were there to save the day, sweetheart!” Emily applauded. “Still some cargo left though.” “Just keep it coming,” Alicia said, chewing with gusto, quickly finishing off the remaining waffle. True to her word, Alicia got to eat the second one in peace by herself. After gorging herself, Alicia retreated back to her room. So much had happened in the last few days she’d barely played any games on her computer, and she was ready to get lost in the world of CRPG:s. About two hours later, her mother knocked on her door. “Coming in” Alicia merely grunted in reply, her eyes taped to the screen. “You’ve been staring at that screen for a while now, honey. Take a break?” Alicia swiveled in her chair. “But mom! I just got past the entrance to the Underdark. It’s so cool!” “You can play some more later tonight, okay? I’m sure…” she squinted at the screen, “your tiefling and githyanki girlfriend will wait for you. My…that tiefling is really buff though…I can see why your approval rating is so high.” Emily chuckled. “Mom…” Alicia blushed. Her mother knew just a little bit too much about these games sometimes. Alicia saved and quit the game out of embarrassment. “Mhm, hold that thought, sweetie,” Emily said, patting around Alicia’s butt, letting out a satisfied hum. “Seems fine for now.” “I think I’d know if I need a change, mom.” Alicia groaned. “Well, you know where to find me if you do,” Emily said, looking around the room. “ By the way…it’s a little empty in here, no? Need any help getting out your toys again?” Alicia crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, letting out a sly smile. “Are you bored, mom?” “...A little,” she replied sheepishly Alicia rolled her eyes and went over to the closet where she had left stuffed her toys after their previous argument. Emily helped her get the box out and they went about redecorating her room. Once she pulled out the grey pusheen plushie, she frowned. “Sweetie?” “Yeah?” “What did you name this one?” Alicia gasped. “Oh damn, I completely forgot!” In the Ericksson household, it was considered bad luck not to name a plushie. It was a sacred tradition, and they were on the verge of a tragedy should they not act posthaste. “Well that just won’t do, Alicia,” Emily chided. “Okay, okay, hmm,” Alicia furrowed her brows, deep in thought. “I’ll dub thee…Sir Nibblesworth, Nibbles for short.” She crossed her arms and nodded, satisfied with her decision. “Welcome to the family, Nibbles,” Emily said, giving an approving smile. “That was close, sweetie.” “Crisis averted,” Alicia agreed. They both looked at each other seriously before breaking out into giggles. They started building up the lego-city again, now under dual management. Alicia felt a small tingle in her bladder, but with a diaper so thick and in the midst of playing, she merely stopped, closed her eyes and then resumed building. Later in the afternoon, Alicia lays on the living room couch, watching some TV. Her diaper was considerably poofed out at this point, squishing against the shortalls, but not uncomfortably so. Alicia perked up as she caught her mother talking on the phone in the kitchen. “I’ll ask her, yeah, but I’m not making any promises…okay, call you back in a bit? Alright, bye bye.” Emily walked in and sat beside Alicia. “What’s up?” Alicia asked. “So that was Jenny,” Emily began. “She was wondering if we wanted to come over for a barbeque this evening.” Alicia quirked her head. That sounded kind of fun actually. “Sure, I’ll—” “Together with the Carters,” Emily finished. “Oh…Oh!” Alicia said, feeling her anxiety rising. “That’s…” “A bit much?” Emily said knowingly. “I mean…” Alicia tried to find the right words. “I think they are decent people…but in a way that just feels worse, since we’re kind of hiding things? It feels…dishonest?” “I hear you, honey,” Emily said. “I do want to spend more time with the Palmers though,” Alicia pondered. “They are really nice.” “Yeah? I think so too.” “What do we do then?” Alicia asked. “I’d say…we go and just try and have a good time. Feel things out and just see how we feel about them knowing? If they aren’t cool about it, then it’s their loss,” Emily said. “You don’t think they’ll be mad though?” “What for, honey?” “That I’m working at the preschool?” “Sweetheart none of that. You are an adult and allowed to work and make a living,” Emily proclaimed. “Yeah, it’s just what the principal told us,” Alicia said. “She did say we didn’t have to lie about though, remember?” Emily said. “I guess…” “Want to hear what I think?” Emily asked. “Shoot.” “In a roundabout way, I think she made up that ‘policy’ to protect you, sweetie.” “Really?” “Sure. She probably figured it was easier for you to play a part than being upfront about who you are,” Emily deftly moved Alicia into her lap for comfort. “Now, people might find out in the future, but ultimately they don’t really have a say who is employed there.” “B-but they may not see it that way, because of…” Alicia trailed off. “Because of your diapers, honey?” Alicia winced. “I guess…” “Honey, if someone worked there, but needed a cane or wheelchair to move around would you tell them they shouldn’t be there?” Emily asked. “...No? As long as they could do the job?” “There’s your answer. Don’t let other people decide your limits, Alicia,” Emily said with a serious tone. “You are allowed equal opportunity like everyone else. You are Isabella’s personal aide who helps her socialize and thrive. And from what I can tell, you’re doing a great job.” Alicia beamed. Her mother’s words resonated deep within her. Still, there was an inkling of a foreboding feeling in her mind taking root. She took a deep breath and slapped her cheeks, burning with determination. “We’re going to that barbeque!” Alicia declared. “That’s my brave girl. Let’s get you changed beforehand, yeah?” Emily patted Alicia’s squishy bum. Alicia blushed. “Okay, mommy. But let’s go with pull-ups while we’re there?” “Of course, dear,” Emily said. “Do you want to try out one of your new outfits?” Alicia nodded. About an hour later, they were both dressed for the occasion. Alicia in her new checkered dress and her mother wearing a midi sundress, sporting oversized sunglasses. Even though her pull-up featured Supergirl on the front, it felt rather weak and flimsy, not comfortable and secure like her diapers, but Alicia vowed to herself that she’d definitely keep herself dry this time. She adjusted the pull-up one last time before they left.

Just give in, Jack. Diapers aren't so bad. =P Great stuff, looking forward to more.

Thank you! Yeah, maybe she is growing, in some ways =p Thanks! I'll try getting out a chapter each month.

Happy early anniversary to this story! Man so much changed since I started writing. I finished year 1 of 3 at uni, greeted my baby niece into the world, lost a lot of weight and my egg cracked! It's been a good year indeed. Here's chapter 36. Bit longer than usual, had to rewrite a few times. I hope you enjoy! --- Saturday morning, Alicia shifted in her seat at the kitchen table wearing her pink onesie and a slightly moist diaper. She yawned slightly, smacking her lips, feeling quite relaxed. After yesterday’s bath—bubbles galore—she had been so exhausted, she happily accepted being put back into a nighttime diaper and jammies, sleeping soundly until her mother woke her up. Alicia had merely reached up her hands half-asleep and let herself be carried down the stairs before breakfast. She stretched her arms and legs, feeling cozy like a cast basking in the sun, sipping on some apple juice and letting out a sigh. Oh how she wished they could simply remain in the moment, but they had important matters to discuss. Alicia put her glass down, meeting her mother’s gaze. Emily looked pale, like she was facing down a fearsome predator. The air was thick with tension. “So, mom,” Alicia began, “I suppose we should carry on the conversation from last night.” Emily looked away, taking a deep breath. “Yes, I think you’re right.” She took a few moment to collect herself and turned back. “Alicia, words cannot express how sorry I am for how I acted.” “Mhm,” Alicia nodded. “But maybe you could try?” It came out a little brash, but Alicia needed to hear her mother’s reasoning. Emily sighed, tapping nervously on the kitchen table. “Ever since this whole thing started, I’ve became aware of how…inattentive I’ve been. During your childhood, I mean.” Alicia cocked her head, furrowing her brows—had her mother really been that absent back then? Sure, Charles and Susan had pitched in quite in bit, babysitting, Emily missed school events because of overtime, cancelled outings because of emergencies at the hospital…alright, now that Alicia thought about it, her mother had been a bit unavailable. But that was normal, no? “It all came crashing down on me—so many regrets, so much time wasted behind an office desk.” Emily wiped away a few tears. “I really wanted to be there for you this time; ease your fears and hope we could grow closer. But at one point, I became too absorbed in how to handle things, I stopped thinking of what you wanted. I thought what I did was for the best, for both of us.” She shuddered as she gave Alicia a weary smile. “You’re my darling daughter, and I want to give you the world, because it is unfair to—with so many things that can hurt you…I should never have let one of those things be me. I’m sorry for forcing my way of thinking on you…I’m sorry for breaking your trust.” Oh, mom… Alicia looked down and sighed. Part of her still wanted to be mad, but the warm, tender moments—as well as the fun ones—ecplised the bad and the ugly. They really were closer than ever. She felt her stomach turn in a familiar fashion as she thought about losing out on those moments, but nevertheless, she had to speak her mind. “I…guess I didn’t understand how much it meant to you,” Alicia began. “I’m not sure I felt neglected growing up. I had family and friends that care—still do—but maybe deep down, I also thought something was missing?” She shook her head. “Maybe that’s part of the reason I lash out at people.” Emily remained silent and listened. “I don’t know. I do feel like I was wronged by you however,” Alicia continued. “You violated my autonomy, took away my right to choose and made me distrustful of you. Frankly, you kinda screwed up trying to fix things, mom.” Emily nodded, steeling herself for her daughter’s next words. “But that doesn’t mean I’ve hated everything. Or that I hate you.” Emily looked up, slightly confused, maybe even a tiny bit hopeful. “Yes, what you did was wrong,” Alicia said, “but family means being able to forgive and love each other, regardless of faults.” Her expression softened. “Which means I forgive you…and that I love you, even if you mess up.” “Oh, Alicia,” Emily sobbed. “I love you so much.” The pair rushed into each other’s arms, hugging deeply. “Don’t make it a habit though.” Alicia said, nestled into Emily’s shoulder, breathing in her sweet smell. ”Never give me a reason to be so mad ever again.” “Cross my heart, dear,” Emily said. After a minute, she started fidgeting however. “Something wrong?” Alicia asked. Emily sighed, breaking away. “Sorry, sweetheart, but it’s getting uncomfortable again.” She took a glance over at the cleaned breastpumps over at the dishrack. “I’m going to have to pump again…Oh I suppose it’s a bit awkward doing it in front of you. I’ll go into the living room.” Alicia blushed and shook her head slightly. “It’s fine, mom. Just do what you have to do.” “Aww, my sweet angel,” Emily said, giving her a kiss. “It’ll be a few minutes, but I should have a fresh morning bottle for you soon.” Alicia froze. “Uhm.” Emily looked back at her. “What is it dear?” She thought for a moment and smiled. “Oh, sweetheart. Mommy will let you nurse if you want, but we should get comfy first.” Alicia gawked. It most certainly was NOT on her mind! Was her mother slipping already? “Getting a little ahead of yourself, mom?” She raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t really say I wanted a bottle, did I?” Her voice carried a slight bit of vitriol to it. Alicia didn’t appreciate her mother assuming a new status quo. “Oh gosh, I did it again.” Emily looked hurt, but nodded quietly. “I’m sorry sweetheart.” She defeatedly turned around, grabbed the MomCozy’s and slipped them inside her maternity bra. The pumps hummed rhythmically as they were turned on. The gloomy atmosphere from yesterday returned and the air got slightly tense again as Emily turned around and busied herself with meaningless tidying. Alicia resumed eating her breakfast in silence. Emily sighed. “You were just so…eager last night, and it looked like you enjoyed it. So I thought you’d still be interested, guess not.” Alicia felt torn. Her mother wasn’t wrong, she had enjoyed it, only she was just too stubborn to admit it outright. A part of her held onto any semblance of adulthood which left a bad taste in her mouth. Or it could just have been the toast being a little burnt, but probably the former. “I didn’t know what to do. You scared me, just lying there in bed, unresponsive.” Alicia looked down. “I just needed you to snap out of it.” The half-truth stung as soon as she said it. “You’re right. It was selfish of me. I should never have made you feel that way.” Emily slumped her shoulders. The pumps signaled they were done and she poured their contents into a clean bottle. “I’ll guess I’ll pump less frequently from now on. It’ll go away on its own in time.” Wait, what? A piece of Alicia screamed internally. She hadn’t considered the finality of her statement. “And I suppose I’ll donate what I’ve stored up until now, I’d hate for it to be wasted,” Emily sighed. No, that’s mine! a possessive urge growled within, surprising her. She shook her head. No, it was okay. She was going to be okay. Alicia didn’t need the milk…just like she didn’t need her diapers, pacifiers or her mother’s warm cuddles ensuring everything would be alright. A functioning adult didn’t need those kinds of things. “Every good mother loves and cares for their child—at any age.” Miriam words nagged in the back of her mind. She groaned. Was it really okay to feel this way? Her stomach lurched as the dark pit started growing again. Staring at the bottle, the thoughts of these moments slipping away made her ears ring and her heart beat faster and faster. Another glance at the bottle of milk. Milk meant for her. It was hers…She was not okay. “Maybe we could go back to Nutridrinks?” Emily tried. “I know you don’t like them very much, but they are good for you…Sorry I’m nagging again.” Alicia grumbled quietly as she was locked in an internal struggle, trying to quell her racing thoughts and guilty needs. “What’s wrong, Alicia?” Emily asked, seeing her daughter in distress. “N-nothing’s wrong! Why would anything be wrong?” Alicia crossed her arms, looking away. “You’ve been awfully quiet. What’s on your mind?” Alicia’s mouth locked up, lips trembling, hoping her mother would simply drop the subject. “N-nothin..” “It’s okay, honey. I can handle it, I promise,” Emily assured. “If I did something wrong I’m sorry, but please don’t shut me out…” Alicia’s thoughts spilled out into tiny tears. She soon found herself in her mother’s arms again, clinging hopelessly and trembling. They sat in silence together as Emily rocked Alicia back and forth until her breathing slowed down. “Honey, you’re hurting, please tell mommy what’s wrong?” Alicia took a deep breath, hemming and hawing as she tried to formulate a satisfying answer. It was an impossible task. “Well…You obviously put in a lot of effort,” she mumbled without looking up, trailing off. Was that really the best she could lead with? She mentally slapped herself. Emily raised an eyebrow. “Um…Yes?” “And Nutridrinks are gross. Chocolate, more like ‘Chalkulate’,” Alicia said, almost nervous laughing. Great follow-up, ten out of ten joke. Emily cocked her head. “Is that so?” “Yeah, yuck,” Alicia said, continuing looking away. “I reeeeeally don’t want to drink them.” “I see. That is unfortunate.” Her mother’s sad look started to turn into a grin, hugging her little daughter closer. “Yeah,” Alicia said, leaning into the hug. “What should we do about it?” “I dunno,” Alicia shrugged. “Hmm. If only we had an alternative source,” Emily sang. “Yeah, maybe.” “Alright, lovebug. Mommy sees where this is going,” Emily said. “Let’s be honest with each other, like we promised?” “I…don’t know what you mean, I don’t want anything,” Alicia denied. Her own words felt like daggers in her throat. Her mother’s sweet scent bore into her nostrils and she whimpered softly. “Alright, then I’ll ask; Sweetheart, do you still want to drink mommy’s milk?” “No…I’m not a baby,” Alicia grumbled, squirming as she felt her nighttime diaper rustle under her onesie. “Well, you’re not a baby.“ Emily smiled. “Just mine.” She held her hands up. “And I mean that in the most endearing way, sweetie.” “I-I don’t need to nurse,” Alicia said quietly, the lies stabbing at her heart. “I’m an adult.” “Mhm,” Emily persisted, “but do you want to?” Alicia didn’t dare to meet her eyes. She felt the boundaries between her little and adult side blur. “I-I told you. I did it yesterday because I wanted to help you.” “And you made me so happy, and proud of you,” Emily said, “We were closer than ever. I was happy, and I believe you were too.” Alicia huffed. “S-sounds like you’re delusional, mom.” “Honey, I’m not trying to embarrass you, and I’m not going to put ultimatums on you. I will leave it completely up to you, but I do want your honest feelings. Do you still want to drink mommy’s milk?” Alicia felt her defenses crack, feeling her true thoughts spill out. “...Yes,” she sniveled softly. “I-I like it.” Emily smiled. “That’s all I needed to hear, lovebug.” “D-doesn’t mean I want to nurse or anything!” Alicia said stubbornly as echoes of guilt still ate at her. Emily carried Alicia over to the counter, grabbing the finished bottle. “Okay if we start over? With this?” She held it close to Alicia’s face. Alicia closed her eyes and nodded. The compromise was acceptable. “You want one right now?” Emily said, hope filling her voice. “I could feed to you on the couch like usual?” Alicia wiped off some drool that had gathered on her chin. She nodded shyly, and before she knew it, they were already settled in the living room. She nestled into her mother’s lap as so many times before, the plastic nipple held close to her lips. Alicia opened her mouth on instinct and latched on, suckling. An echo of her adult mind worried she had fallen too far, but as the creamy milk hit her tongue, she inadvertently relaxed, nipple bobbling up and down in steady, rhythmic motion. It’s even better warm… She shuddered slightly. This feeling of peace and simplicity, was it truly okay? “There we go, sweetheart, just relax,” her mother cooed. Alicia leaned in further, letting the warmth carry her off as she drained the bottle dry. The warm feeling invaded her whole body and the dark pit in her stomach settled down to a low murmur. It didn’t take long until she was suckling air, and after another few minutes of cuddling, she sat up and let out a small burp. “Good job,” Emily praised, and stroked Alicia’s her gently. “I love you, sweetheart. Never doubt that. Thank you for giving me another chance.” “Love you too, mom,” Alicia said, “and thank you for letting it be my choice.” “Speaking of that,” Emily said. “I want to do better. Tell me honey, how do you want to handle everything else? “Meaning?” Emily patted Alicia’s diapered bum. Alicia rolled her eyes a little. “Oh, I see.” “Will you still be wearing them?” she wondered, slight hope in her voice. “I didn’t want to assume.” Alicia poked at her soggy diaper underneath her onesie. As the milk had warmed her up, she wondered if it was even wetter than when she woke up. “When you were…indisposed,” Alicia began, “I set alarms during the night, and it kind of worked…once, but I was an absolute wreck.” She sighed. “And then it didn’t work, and I had to put all my sheets in the washer.” “Hmm, remind me to look over your matress,” Emily said. “Might be time for a new one anyway.” “Focus, please,” Alicia groaned, “Anyway, I think it’s safe to say that they are needed, at least during nighttime.” “I think you are making the right choice,” Emily concurred. “A good night’s rest is vital to reduce stress.” She smiled. “I take it I’m still on diaper-duty?” “...Yeah,” Alicia said, wincing at the words. She remembered her own meager attempt at diapering herself. “I think I should learn though, just in case you can’t.” Emily stroked Alicia’s hair in a way that made her shudder with delight. “Sounds good, sweetie. Practice this weekend?” she asked carefully. “Yeah, okay,” Alicia agreed, then sighed. “But, I think I want to wear pull-ups in public, and whenever possible at work. I don’t think I want to gamble on regular underwear at the moment.” “I think that’s a very mature of you, dear,” Emily said. Alicia rolled her eyes. She couldn’t wrap her head around how that was considered ‘mature’, but neither did she argue against it. “Sweetie?” “Yes, mom?” “How much of what we’ve gone through would you like to change? I feel like I need to ask so that I don’t accidentally overstep,” Emily said cautiously. Alicia pondered for a moment. What did she want to change exactly? Hadn’t most things they’ve done at home ultimately turned out alright? “I want to be informed in any big decisions, but for the most part, I want to continue our…routine,” she said. Going through each and every step sounded so tedious right now. “Alright, honey. If that is what you want.” “I think so, but let’s take things one day at a time?” “Sounds reasonable,” Emily said, “but may I suggest something?” “Sure?” “It’s about that previous ‘deal’ we struck,” Emily said. “Yeah?” Alicia got a little anxious. Surely she wasn’t expected to still honor that? “Now, and before you protest, I genuinely believe it would benefit your mental health to wear your diapers at home fulltime. You’ve already admitted you need them during nighttime, but I ask you to consider wearing them all the time when we’re home.” “...For everything?” Emily nodded. “While we’re both at home and by our lonesome, I’d like for you to let me handle your diapers, for everything.” “But mom, pooping is gross,” Alicia whined. “I understand, lovebug, but I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t believe in it,” she replied. “Remember what Jasmine said about long term stress?” She did remember Dr. Lane’s words about stress, and how important it was to find ways to handle it. “Any method that works for me,” she mumbled quietly. “That’s right. I think we both see how this treatment affects you—despite the setbacks we’ve faced,” Emily said. “Taking care of you in this way does make very happy, but I also believe it’s mutually beneficial.” Alicia looked away, deep in thought. Was this treatment really what was best for her? She couldn’t tell exactly, but neither could she deny its effects. Alicia certainly wasn’t thrilled about using her diapers for everything, but she considered her fluctuating stomach and concluded that she’d rather fill them than her pants. “You’re going to have to change me immediately when I want it,” Alicia grumbled. “I’m not going to sit in a shitty diaper for the hell of it.” “Language,” Emily pinched her cheek gently. “I will manage your diapers, and I will make sure to check on you. You’re free to bother me for a change if it’s urgent. How does that sound?” “....You can’t enforce it if I’m not feeling it…or try and spank me,” Alicia countered. Emily saddened, running her fingers gently through Alicia’s hair. “Never again, lovebug. Promise.” “Good, and I get to take break from diapers at home if I feel like it,” Alicia decided. “That’s non-debatable, and no beating yourself up if that happens. Deal?” “Deal,” Emily smiled, planting a kiss on Alicia’s forehead. “Thank you, sweetie, for trusting me, even after I screwed up.” “Well, we’re family,” Alicia curled up further in Emily’s arms. “We’re kinda stuck together.” “Damn straight,” Emily said, ruffling Alicia’s hair. “Language!” Alicia giggled. She sighed as Emily resumed massaging her scalp, which in turn caused her bladder to cut loose in the moment, warming up her diaper further. Alicia turned red as it expanded around her. A nagging thought entered her mind for a second; would pull-ups even cut it in the future? “Hmm, all done, sweetie?” Emily smiled, watching her daughter shift around as her diaper grew bigger with her latest release. “Yeah, all done, mommy,” Alicia sighed as she finished, catching herself. “I mean…” “Honey, it’s okay. It’s just you and me,” Emily reassured, stroking Alicia’s back. “Let’s get you changed, okay?” “Okay…” Emily carried her over to the bathroom changing table, unsnapped her onesie, exposing her saturated diaper. “Oh, if you’re going to change yourself some time in the future, we should cover some ‘management’ lessons.” Alicia rolled her eyes again, but let her mother drone on about proper hygiene, why powder and cream was important to prevent chafing, redness and to change often to pre-empt infections—all the while Emily demonstrated clinically on her daughter. Emily rolled up the heavy diaper and put it away in the thrash, wrapping up the plastic bag with the other used ones. “Hmm,” Emily said. “What’s the hold up, mom?” Alicia said, naked as a jaybird on the changing table. “`Well, sweetie,” Emily said and held up a pull-up, “I figured you could use a new wardrobe. Want to go to the mall today?” Alicia vaguely remember her mother mentioning it a few days ago. She wasn’t exactly thrilled to go, but took the pull-up regardless. “Why not just order online?” Emily hesitated for a bit. “We could, but you know how it is. Finding the right fit without trying it on is a gamble, especially since most outfits are…” “Childish?” “I was going to say ‘cutesy’,” Emily said. “Autumn is around the corner. I bet we can find a few concealing clothes that aren’t too pastelly?” Alicia rubbed her temples, remembering their last shopping trip. “Yeah, okay. As long as I have the final say.” “Of course, dear. Oh, before I forget.” Emily wrapped up the plastic bag containing Alicia’s used diapers, pinching her nose. “I think we should invest in a diaper-pail. Know what I mean?” Alicia scrunched up her face. “Mom!” “Just wanted your opinion, Alicia,” Emily said. “That we’re definitely ordering online,” Alicia grumbled, and held her breath. Anyone who didn’t mind the smell of their own brand surely didn’t mean after it had been stewing in a trashcan for a while. “It’s practical, dear,” Emily said sagely. “And certainly preferable if we ever have company over.” “Can’t hear you! Going up to change clothes!” Alicia retreated from the smell, bounding upstairs. She rummaged around in her closet, settling on a long-sleeved t-shirt and a pair of loose pants. She tried it on, looking anxiously to find any obvious bulge in the mirror, but eventually relented. The pull-up felt rather delicate in contrast to her Stars diapers at this point. She furrowed her eyebrows and slipped on a pair of black underwear over the pull-up. The extra snugness felt better. She moved around, testing her mobility and nodded to herself. After a few circles around her room, she began working out some knots in her hair, putting it up in a simple ponytail. Satisfied with her attire, she met up her mother in the foyer. She took a glance at her mother’s purse as she went to grab her own. It certainly didn’t look empty. “Stocked up, huh?” Alicia raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? Should it not be, honey?” Emily said. “No one will know what’s in there?” Alicia massaged her temples. It wasn’t fair to start nagging on her mother for every little thing. She was merely prepared like she always was. “Just promise you’ll keep it hidden?” “Of course, dear,” Emily smiled. “Shall we then?” --- At the mall they headed over to Maple & Main. Alicia and Emily had shopped there a few times before and it was one of the few stores in town that weren’t egregious when it came to finding fitting clothes for Alicia. Alicia would describe the atmosphere as ‘cozy’ with its warm oak floors, hanging bulbs and with a faint smell of coffee that lingered from a nearby café. It would be almost perfect, if it wasn’t for the nook with the coloring tables. The store catered to the young and the old, mostly casual, timeless styles. “Hello! Welcome to Maple & Main,” a loud, but cheerful lady called out as they entered. “Oh my word—look at you two! Mother-daughter outing is it?” Before either Emily or Alicia could answer, the saleslady had already crossed the floor with quick steps, her name tag reading ‘Marlene’ bobbing. “You must be here for our Porch Series collection—perfect for these late summer evenings. And—my gosh, sweetheart, you are just adorable!” Marlene said, gushing over Alicia. Alicia blushed and looked down on the floor. Had she come alone or with Lily, she’d probably give Marlene a sneer or a sassy answer, but it was difficult to act tough when you’re accompanied by your mother—as well as padding on your butt. “Actually, Marlene. We were looking for some loose and layered clothing. Perhaps with autumn in mind?” Emily said, stepping in. She looked down to Alicia. “That sound alright with you, dear?” “Yeah, that sound fine,” Alicia said, not looking up from the floor. “Oh, shy one, huh? That’s okay, my little girl is the same,” Marlene said, and bent down. “We’ll find you something nice and cozy, sweetheart, don’t you worry.” Alicia huffed slightly, but decided that Marlene simply wasn’t worth the effort. They looked around—with some help from Marlene—finding three outfits that Alicia deemed acceptable. A blush-pink, knitted sweater and corduroy pants, a blue midi skirt and a yellow and black checkered dress with long sleeves. Alicia had to shoo both her mother and Marlene away while she tried on the outfits, earning a few chuckles from the saleswoman. “Kids, huh?” Marlene said. “Always in such a hurry to grow up.” Emily just politely smiled while hovering close by, but respected her daughter’s personal space. While trying out the last outfit, Alicia felt a familiar tingle in her bladder. Again? She sighed. At least she was more alert to her body’s signals in when she wore pull-ups, probably because they couldn’t hold as much. Unfortunately, the signals grew urgent in a matter of seconds. Alicia felt close to bursting as she finally were back in her old clothes. “You alright in there, sweetie?” Emily asked. “Just, hrmm, fine, mom,” Alicia assured with jittery steps. “Just going to leave for a bit and come back.” Marlene must’ve been some kind of psychic, or perhaps she’d just seen the ‘potty dance’ a few too many times. “Toilets are just to the left and across, cutie.” “I’ll pay for the clothes in the meanwhile and meet up with you,” Emily said, giving Marlene her credit card. Great… Without a word, Alicia speedwalked out of the changing area and towards the toilets. Unfortunately, when she reached the area, she was greeted by a long que of women ranging from young and old. Alicia started cursing silently, but got in the que nonetheless. Another cramp hit her and she started fidgeting, clenching for dear life. She paled as little trickles escaped her, her knuckles whitening as she held back the tide. Her saving grace appeared when one of the stalls near her opened up, and an older lady with a walker slowly made her way out. Alicia gritted her teeth until she could head inside, but as soon as the course was clear, she was nudged aside by a teenager behind her. “Snooze you lose, kid,” she said before slamming the door behind her, locking it. Alicia blinked in shock, then furrowed her brows. She tapped angrily on the door. “Excuse me! I was—” Unfortunately for Alicia her body wasn’t able to focus on anger and clenching at the same time. Her bladder gave out a tell-tale hiss as her pull-up started sagging, her accident growing bigger by the second. She gasped in horror, trying to regain control but only managed to make her bladder sputter before resuming its stream. The worst was yet to come however, as her pull-up strained against her underwear and pants, the leakguards failed and trickles of urine stained her pants as they ran down her legs. Alicia went completely rigid, the slightest shift causing the saturated diaper to leak further. Her pants had started bulging out, no longer concealing her secret. The other people in the que had now turned to watch the little girl, whispering among themselves and some shooting her apologetic looks. “Oh the poor girl.” “Are you okay, sweetheart?” “Where’re your parents, dear?” Their concerning voices made her start sobbing as she knew all of their eyes were now on her. Closing her eyes and covering her ears, she crouched down to drown out their sympathies. Alicia quivered as her tears began falling, staining her clothes further. “Honey?” A familiar yet muffled voice called out. Emily had made her way towards the restroom, bags in tow. “Are you don—” She stopped as she saw Alicia trembling on the floor, witnessing her ruined pants. “Oh, sweetheart,” she said, running to her side. “Come with me, sweetie. Mommy’s going to help you get clean, okay?” Alicia sobbed and held out her hand towards her mother which Emily grasped gently. Another woman had just exited the family restroom with her tot and beckoned them over. “This one’s all yours.” Emily mouthed a silent ‘thank you’, leading Alicia inside, locking the door behind them. She crouched down towards her daughter. “Alright, lovebug. Let’s get you out of those wet clothes, okay?” “I-I’m sorry, mommy,” Alicia sobbed. “I didn’t mean to.” The shock had caused her speech to regress. “Shh, it’s alright. Accidents happen.” “A girl skipped ahead of me” Alicia said defensively as her pants were stripped off. The statement sounded absurd out loud, but she didn’t have the clarity of mind to elaborate better. “I was going to make it.” “That wasn’t very nice of her,” Emily said as she took out some wipes and started cleaning Alicia’s legs. “T-they all saw me, mommy. They were laughing,” she wailed. “Shh, I’m here, sweetie. Mommy promise they weren’t laughing, just being concerned.” Emily ripped Alicia’s pull-up off and cleaned her further. Alicia shuddered when the cold wipe went across her privates. Somehow it felt worse than being cleaned on the changing table—at least she could lie down there. “Alright, I think that’s good enough,” Emily said as she finished wiping Alicia. She grabbed a new pull-up and slid them up her daughter’s legs. “Thank you for being patient, dear.” “Thanks,” Alicia grumbled. She felt the pull-ups around her butt. They felt off. Flimsy. “I’m sorry it turned out this way, sweetheart,” Emily said. Alicia sighed, finally getting a hold of her emotions. “No, I’m sorry. I waited too long to go. I should have known there be a que. Just my luck.” Emily gave her a apologetic smile, turning towards the ruined pants and stained underwear. “Sorry to say, honey, I don’t think you want to wear these.” Alicia grimaced. Great, another pair ruined. “Fortunately, we did just buy a few new outfits?” her mother tried. “Perfect,” Alicia scoffed slightly, and pointed towards the corduroy pants. “I’ll take those, I guess.” After washing their hands, Emily went for the door. Alicia felt her blood turn slightly cold as she imagined the people from before. Her mother noticed her distress and gently took her hand. “It’ll be alright, lovebug. No one’s going to notice and no one cares. Trust me.” “O-okay, mommy,” Alicia said, absentmindedly grasping Emily’s hand. She closed her eyes and went outside. Time seemed to slow down. A second passed, then another. When Alicia couldn’t hear any jeering or condescending tones, she slowly opened her eyes. Nothing. She blinked and looked around. No one was paying her any mind. Just people going about their business at the mall. She let out a sigh of relief and the pair started walking. They passed the small café and Emily’s face lit up. “I think I know how to turn that frown upside down,” she mused. Soon they were both snacking on chocolate-fudge waffle cones as they walked home. Alicia devoured the tasty treat, too preoccupied to notice she never let go of her mother’s hand until they made it all the way back to their house.

Chapter 35! Hope you like it! --- Alicia slammed the washing machine door shut, grumbling to herself. Yesterday had put her through the wringer—physically and mentally. She set a quick program and watched as the casualties of the night spun around in reckless abandon. While the machine ran, Alicia scurried into the kitchen and started preparing breakfast. Perched on her stepping stool, she tapped her fingers on the counter, waiting for the toast to pop. Her mother still hadn’t emerged from bed. The dinner plate from last night was mostly untouched. Emily slept sound however, her slow, steady breathing giving her away. Shit…Do I call someone? Susan? 911? No, Susan was busy, caring for Charles, and Alicia wasn’t sure this counted as an emergency. Instead, she let her mother rest. But the silence soon became suffocating. I…I need some air. Her eyes drifted to the discarded bag by the foyer, her library book still poking out. The return was due today. Alicia sighed. Facing Mrs. Brooks was better than staying home and stewing. After hanging the laundry, Alicia got dressed and headed to the library. The late summer air had cooled a little, but she didn’t bother with a jacket. At the library, Alicia tried to slip the due book onto counter and slink away, but Mrs. Brooks chipper voice stopped her. “Good morning sweetness! Looking for some more fantasy today?” Alicia gave a weary smile. “Hi Mrs. Brooks. Just returning one today.” “Thank you, dear. And thank you for treating the books right,” she said with a sigh. “You wouldn’t believe how many come back dog-eared.” “Hmm, yeah. That’s the worst.” Alicia stared into space. Maybe this had been a mistake. She could have just paid the late fee. She prepared herself for a lecture on the irresponsible youth of today. It would at least serve as a distraction. Mrs. Brooks leaned forward, adjusting her glasses. “Something on your mind, petal?” Alicia blinked. “Oh…that obvious, huh?” Mrs. Brooks smiled gently. “Well, I’m here if you need to vent. What’s eating you, sweetheart?” Alicia pouted slightly and her gaze lingered on the floor. She wasn’t about to confess everything to the old librarian, but she did have one thought lingering on her mind. “Mrs. Brooks? Are you not weirded out by all of this?” “By what, sweetness?” “Come on…I know you know. We don’t have to pretend,” Alicia said quietly, lightly shuffling her feet in place. “Would you like some tea, dear?” Mrs. Brooks said suddenly. “Huh?” “I said, would you like some tea?” “Why would you…I mean,” Alicia looked around. The library remained eerily quiet, except for them. “Don’t you need to tend to the library?” The old librarian chins waggled. “Oh, sweetheart. I practically just opened shop. We got at least an hour before any regulars show up.” She opened the small door and went out from her desk. “So…tea?” “I…,” Alicia responded. She could go for some tea actually, “yes please, Mrs. Brooks. That sounds lovely.” She chuckled again. “Oh, sweetie, call me Miriam.” Miriam led Alicia over to a small breakroom with a kitchenette. Alicia sank into small, white sofa, tea soon warming her hands. “Alright, poppet. What troubles you?” Alicia sighed heavily as the teacup simmered in her hand. “You…are aware that I’m an adult, right?” It sounded odd to say out loud, like she was dispelling some sort of illusion, but she needed to know where Miriam stood on the matter. Miriam chuckled. “I reissued your library card when you turned eighteen last year, so yes, I believe I do. Unless you’ve been fibbing? Have you been a child in disguise this whole time.” Her eyes glinted with obvious mischief. Alicia’s cheeks burned as she remembered the congratulatory pinching. “N-no, I haven’t. Honest.” “Oh I know, sweetheart,” she waved her hand jokingly, “Besides, Susan never stops talking about you.” “You know Mrs. Bennett?” This was news to Alicia, as she had never seen them interact before, but it’s not like she kept tabs on any of her grammy’s friends either way. “All old ladies know each other, sweetie,” she winked and took a sip of her tea, “jokes aside, we’re old friends. Play Couronne together now and then. Well, I play, she just gushes about you. That’s alright though, makes for easy victories.” Alicia paused. “But the photo shoot, and that time I showed up with a preschool class—that didn’t feel weird to you?” Miriam took a sip of tea before replying. “I figured you had some…unique circumstances concerning the photo shoot, as well as your latest visit. I reasoned that you must’ve struck a few odd job opportunities. Is that not the case?” Oh she’s sharp… Alicia sighed. “Yeah, different jobs though. It’s…complicated, and I rather not go into the details if I’m being honest. Still, I’m surprised you’re so open-minded about it.” “Well, I’ve lived a pretty full life and met people from many different walks of life,” Miriam explained. “My experiences campaigning for peoples’ rights since the 1960s have taught me many valuable lessons. So trust me when I say; I don’t judge easily.” Alicia raised en eyebrow. Seems like there was a lot of things she didn’t know about Mrs. Brooks. A cursory glance of the breakroom revealed several framed pictures that depicted Miriam together with various people through the ages. Miriam gave her a sly smile. “Were you looking for a scolding, sweetheart? Those cost extra, I’m afraid.” Alicia blushed and shook her head, almost spilling her tea. “N-no. It’s just…hard, you know? My whole life I’ve been struggling to prove I can be independent. Proving to people that I’m not the little child they think they see.” Proving I’m not just some burden… “And now when I’ve allowed myself to be vulnerable, things have just gotten out of control,” she finished. Her hands shook around the tea cup, barely able to raise it to take another sip. Miriam nodded. “You’re doing your best, sweetheart. Life is complicated, especially when you’re trying to figure out where you fit.” Alicia looked away. “I just wanted to be able to hold down a job. I even thought about moving out once. But with my condition…I’ll always rely on someone. I just wanted to show I could succeed.” Alicia’s voice wavered as she held back a few tears as her true thoughts rung out. “I-I…just…just wanted mom to be proud of me.” Miriam squeezed her hand and offered a handkerchief. “Blow for me, sweetie,” she said gently. Alicia did, without thinking too much, breathing deeply. “It’s all so weird,” she paused, rubbing her eyes. “A month ago, I’d never imagine getting that job. Good money, sure, but man, so embarrassing.” “Hmm, I get the feeling it’s not just your new job that is eating you dear,” Miriam said, finishing her tea. “How’s your relationship with your mother?” Oh she’s really sharp! “W-what? You’re a shrink now?” Alicia joked. “Slowly piecing things together, poppet,” Miriam said. “We’re not doing great at the moment,” Alicia confessed. “It’s all rather private, but I suppose you could say we’ve been…discovering things about ourselves.” Miriam nodded. “Mom started working from home, cut down on her hours. We started hanging out more. It was nice, and relaxing. I felt like I could just let things go, and not worry about anything. And she…well in hindsight she probably loved caring for me, like she was making up for lost time.” “You’re speaking in past tense, dear,” Miriam said, “I take it things changed recently?” Alicia looked down and nodded. “Even though it was relaxing, it started to become too much. I felt like I was trading my independence for comfort. She increasingly wanted more, and I sort of just…enabled her, I guess? She gritted her teeth. “Yesterday, she took things too far. She broke my trust, and I don’t know how to act.” “That doesn’t sound good, sweetheart,” Miriam agreed. “You have every right to set boundaries.” “Thank you,” Alicia said. It felt nice to have someone in her corner. “Did you make any sort of agreements when you…erm, started out?” Miriam asked. Alicia sighed. “I suppose we came to an agreement of sorts. She’d take on some decisions for me, and I was okay with that…to an extent. But that doesn’t mean she can just do whatever she wants and say it’s for my own good.” Miriam nodded. “I can’t say I understand the ‘intricacies’ of your bond, but I can tell that you’re hurting…and I bet your mother is as well.” “...The worst part is, I miss it,” Alicia sniffed. “I thought I’d steel myself against it. I’m an adult, and I shouldn’t need comfort like that.” “Oh, sweetheart,” Miriam put her hand on Alicia’s again,”every good mother loves and cares for her child—at any age.” Alicia contemplated Miriam’s words as she went into deep thoughts. Could she really forgive her mother for the way she acted? The old librarian leaned back and gave her the time she needed to think, and eventually Alicia landed on an answer. “I guess I should try talking with her one more time. Try and sort things out,” Alicia admitted quietly. “Sounds wise, dearie. She likely misses you something fiercely, and I bet she’s very sorry for breaking your trust,” Miriam nodded. Alicia’s lips curled up at the thought. “Yeah. I miss her too. Thank you for listening, Miriam.” “Anytime, sweetheart.” Alicia groaned. “Miriam? Now that we’re on first name basis, I don’t suppose I could get you to drop the nicknames and the cheek-pinching?” Miriam laughed heartily. “Not on your life, petal! Embarrassing youth is the lifeblood to staying healthy,” she winked. Alicia groaned again. “But! I assure you, you’re very much not alone in that regard. Why, just the other day, that Pitera boy thought he could avoid me when he came over to install those new lights, but I made sure he got his just desserts,” Miriam guffawed. Alicia doubled over as she imagined Nick all red-cheeked and embarrassed. “You’re alright, Miriam.” Alicia wiped off a stray tear. “Thank you dear, you’re not so bad yourself!” she winked. “I think I’m ready to go home,” Alicia said and jumped off the couch. “Oh, but could I borrow ‘Magician’s Gambit’ first,” then she shifted uncomfortably, “and the toilet?” “Of course, dear.” Miriam bent down and pinched Alicia’s cheek. “You take care of business and I’ll get your book sorted.” Alicia rolled her eyes as she rubbed her cheek. After a quick restroom break, she was on her way home with the third installment of the Belgariad. --- Outside her mother’s bedroom, Alicia took a few deep breaths. Okay, Alicia. You can do this. It’s just your mom, not a monster. You just need to talk to her and convey your feelings. Easy. Peasy… She peered inside the room. Emily was still in bed, barely moved since yesterday. “Hi mom…how are you doing?” Alicia said barely above a whisper. No reply. Just another shrug. Alicia sighed and stepped closer. Emily looked a mess; hair tangled like a bird’s nest, black rings formed under her eyes. Alicia’s heart cracked. “Hey, it really hurts me seeing you like this,” Alicia pleaded, “Just talk to me, please? Emily shifted in bed, turning away from her daughter’s gaze. Out of shame or fear, it was hard to tell. Alicia’s knees wobbled and her tears were threatening to spill again. She felt bile rising in her throat as she tried to draw breath. She retreated from the room, steadying herself. She knew deep down what she had to do. Robotically, she went down to the bathroom, stripped, unfolded one of her Stars diaper from under the changing table—taping it around her waist. Alicia hadn’t really diapered herself before—the one time at the ParTee shack barely counted, but it was not going to slide off her at least. Mommy does it a lot more snug though, she thought as she went back upstairs. She opened her closet and retrieved Bandit. Alicia was going to need a little bit of extra help to be brave. To be vulnerable. ‘Little’. She entered her mother’s bedroom again, but this time she climbed up onto the bed and tugged at the sheets covering Emily. “Mommy…I need you,” she let out quietly. It was a simple yet powerful phrase. Alicia waited with baited breath. She only wanted to feel her mother’s warm embrace again. Words could wait. Emily shivered underneath the cover, and with the slightest of movement lifted the sheet. Alicia climbed into her arms with no hesitation, resting her head on her mother’s chest. Alicia could feel her mother’s heart beating steadily, its rhythm soothing her as she nestled further in. Careful hands wrapt around her—as if she were made of glass—while tears dripped down, soaking into the sheets. Wordless they remained clinging to each other, until their breathing and heartbeats synchronized. Alicia felt a sweet aroma emanate from her mother—curious as she must’ve gotten quite sweaty during her days of bedrest. She realized it was the milk, as it slowly were being expressed and blended in with their bodies with the slightest of movements. Her mother’s milk. Alicia pondered what possibly could have driven Emily to such an extent. How much hormones, pumping and other preparations had she endured to accomplish that. It didn’t make sense. Then, Emily began humming. Her voice was cracked but soft. “You are my sunshine…my only sunshine. You make me happy~when skies are grey.” Alicia clung tighter. Tears streamed down. “You’ll never know dear~how much I love you~please don’t take, my sunshine away~.” Love…She did it because she loves me. Perhaps a misguided attempt at love, but a genuine attempt nonetheless. Alicia felt her words getting caught in her throat. “Oh, mommy,” she cried, “I’m sorry I shouted at you and said those things. I don’t want to be mad anymore…I love you.” Emily sniveled. “And I love you more, my angel,” she said, breaking her silence, “and you have nothing to apologize for. I did a terrible thing to you, Alicia, and I am so, so sorry.” Alicia nodded as much as she could. “Y-yeah, what you did was bad…so you better make it up to me.” “Anything, my sweet daughter,” Emily agreed. “W-we need clearer boundaries,” Alicia said. “Of course.” “And I want us to really listen, really communicate from now on,” Alicia continued. “Absolutely,” Emily agreed. “And…and I think we should see a professional,” Alicia added. “You want to go to family therapy, dear?” “Yeah…I think that would be best.” “All very reasonable,” she said kissing her daughter on the head. “Thank you, for giving me a second chance, my angel.” Alicia beamed and hugged her mother closer. “Of course! You’re my mom. We’re kind of a package deal, you know?” Emily chuckled and in the process, a drop of milk fell down and landed on Alicia’s lip. She instinctively lapped it up and marveled how warm it was. “Oof,” her mother said, shifting around, finally feeling the extent of her full breasts. “I’m really sorry to cut this short, Alicia, but I really need to pump for a bit. These things are killing me right now.” Alicia gripped her closer. “N-no, stay, please.” “Alicia, it’s starting to really hurt,” Emily tried. Alicia couldn’t let this moment end just yet. She needed the comfort, the warmth. She steeled herself and allowed for the ultimate vulnerability, shifting closer to her mother’s engorged nipples. “Alicia?” her mother said, confused. “...I’ll do it,” she whispered. “You want to…?” “...Yeah, I’ll do it,” Alicia said determinedly. “...Only if you really want to, sweetie,” Emily said, but allowed Alicia to take the lead. Alicia inched closer to the mother’s left breast, seeing more of the drops of milk dripping from the brown orbs. She had to suppress a blush as her stomach betrayed her, but she pushed past the embarrassment and parted her lips around the nipple. Her tongue danced around it carefully, savouring the first drop. An odd pause as she wasn’t sure how to proceed, but eventually instinct took over and she started suckling. The reward came in bursts of sweet and creamy goodness—like a mix between sweetened almond milk and vanilla ice-cream. She gasped a little at the taste, released, smacked her lips…then she dove back in, greedily swallowing more milk as she felt her whole body meld with her mother’s. A tiny thought in the back of her head wondered why she had been fighting this in the first place. Another, tinier one, told her that this was wrong, that she shouldn’t do this. She quashed the unnecessary thoughts as both her mind and body filled up with warmth and peace. It was a blissful moment, and Emily and Alicia were happy. “Good girl,” her mother cooed as she tenderly stroke Alicia’s head. “You’re drinking so well for me.” Her words filled Alicia with simple happiness and she leaned in further, nursing until she herself shifted onto the other breast and latching on again. When Emily were drained and Alicia completely full, she found herself onto her mother’s shoulder. Her back was rubbed, her bottom patted, and shortly, she let out a big burp. “Scuse me,” she said sheepishly, but wonderfully warm all over. Their heads nestled closely together. “It makes me really happy you liked it, honey,” Emily sighed in relief, “I’m so sorry again for—” “Hey, no more bad thoughts today, okay, mom?” Alicia reassured. “Let’s deal with that tomorrow.” Emily smiled. “What did I do to even deserve such an angel?” “I’m pretty great,” Alicia agreed. “You little goober,” Emily chuckled. “I suppose we should get up, I’ve been lying in bed for far too long.” Alicia pinched her nose. “Ya…because you need a bath,” she laughed. “Oh, I don’t doubt that,” Emily said, taking a whiff of Alicia,”hmm and I think you’re due as well.” “Only because I was lying on you, mommy!” “Doesn’t mean you stink any less, babygirl!” she cooed and nuzzled Alicia. “If we’re both having a bath…can we have bubbles, please?” Alicia pleaded. Emily scoffed. “What a silly idea. Of course we’re having bubbles.” Alicia giggled. She had to admit; this was way closer to what she wanted. It wasn’t perfect, but they had each other and that was enough.

Aww, thank you for the praise. I'll try to get it out in the coming weeks. ❤️

Alicia tried to steady herself as her mind raced a mile a minute. Her squishy pull-up rubbed awkwardly between her thighs as she sat slumped on the porch—but that discomfort was nothing compared to what she’d just realized. Is that what she’s been feeding me in the evenings?! she gagged, horrified—not just at the revelation, but how her mother had completely disregarded her autonomy. She hadn’t considered how Alicia would feel, because why would she? Fucking typical. Still trembling, Alicia pushed herself upright, fists clenched at her sides, her discarded book forgotten on the ground. “No…this isn’t right,” she murmured under her breath, her steps shaky as she stormed towards the door. From inside the kitchen, Alicia heard the refrigerator door thump shut. Her mother’s voiced called out, chipper and unaware. “Oh sweetie, I’m so glad you’re back, I—” Emily froze in place as she witnessed Alicia in the doorway, face shadowed by fury. “Alicia, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” “...How long,” Alicia’s voice cracked like whip. “Wh-what? Emily blinked, confused. Sweetie, what do you mea—” “How long have you fed me breastmilk, mom?!” Alicia snapped, her eyes blazing. “Did you really think I was never going to find out? Did you even care how I’d feel?” Emily went pale. Her mouth opened, but no words came. Her eyes filled with panic and her hands clammed up. “I -I was going to tell you…eventually.” “Oh really? When it suited you?” Alicia snarled. “Like so many other times?” Tears welled in Emily’s eyes as she slowly stepped forward. “I-I just wanted us to be even closer, sweetheart. It was supposed to be comforting…for us both.” “Comforting?!” Alicia’s voice broke. “You went on hormones. You lied to me. That’s not comforting, that’s just messed up.” Emily flinched as if Alicia had slapped her. Alicia continued. “Yeah, you messed up alright. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry.” Emily felt her throat closing up. “I just wanted what I thought was best for you, my angel—” “Do not call me that! I’m your adult daughter, not your freaking baby,” Alicia screamed. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Emily blubbered, almost gasping for air. “And here I was going to try to talk to you about backing off a bit,” Alicia continued, eyes welling but voice steady. “It was getting out of hand. I needed some space, some normalcy, but I wasn’t going to end things. But now?” She jabbed a finger at her mother’s stomach. “Now it’s done. Completely.” Emily’s voice caught in her throat. “Alicia, wait—please you…you need this.” “Is that what you tell yourself? When you make all the decisions over my head, that I need this?” Alicia shook her head. “Or is it you who need it more?” Emily collapsed into a chair, trembling, her hands over her mouth. Alicia turned away. “I’ll be in my room. Don’t follow me,” she threatened. Emily didn’t. Upstairs, Alicia slammed the door behind her and collapsed face-down onto the bed, letting out a scream that echoed into her pillow. Her whole body trembled with rage and humiliation. She screamed until her throat hurt, until she had no more tears to shed. She stared at the ceiling, feeling numb. Why? Why did you do it, mom? She felt the fuzzy hide of her plushie companions, yet they offered no comfort and soon hurled through the air moments later, impacting the wall. A sneer crept up on her lips as she scanned her bedroom. Things that used to bring her comfort, now just made silently mocked her. No, this isn’t who I am. Alicia began tearing down every remnant of her ‘little’ self. Her legos, her dolls, her pacifiers. She stuffed them into the closet, slamming the door shut. The final straw? The damp pull-up clinging to her hips. She yanked open her drawer and dug out a pair of cotton panties. Without a word, she marched down the hall to the bathroom, ripped off the soggy pull-up, wiped herself down and slipped into the panties. They felt strange after so long—but she reminded herself that it was right. Normal. Good. She stomped past her mother, who remained stunned on the chair, as if her limbs no longer obeyed her. Alicia didn’t acknowledge her presence. Back in her room, Alicia grabbed her phone, opened up a bookmarked article, and began performing the exercises advised from the urologist. --- Downstairs, Emily sat alone, her mind a fog of hurt and regret. She’d heard the tantrum. The closet slamming shut. The bathroom door creaking. Eventually, she had to will herself to move. She needed to apologize somehow. She went over to Alicia’s door, peeking in slightly as she heard grunts coming from within. She’s doing kegels… Emily blinked back fresh tears. That should have been her suggestion. Her moment to gently guide Alicia forward when for when she was ready. But Alicia had taken it on herself. That, more than anything, made it real. My little girl doesn’t want my help….I’m not needed. Emily felt something breaking inside her. She stumbled to her room and climbed into bed. --- The next morning, Alicia arose, groaning like a zombie. Her body ached from the hourly alarms she’d set overnight. Her underwear were mercifully dry, though just barely. She’d hovered over the toilet each time, hoping she’d make it—and she had. Still counts, she told herself. She didn’t see her mother when she went downstairs, much like most of yesterday. The kitchen felt hollow. Quiet. She peeked out the window, noticing the car still left in the driveway. She’s still asleep? Whatever, not my problem. Alicia quickly threw together a plain breakfast and packed a light lunch of two sandwiches. She barely tasted the food. She didn’t want to run into Emily. She just wasn’t ready to face her. At the preschool, things appeared more or less as usual. The familiar sounds of children’s laughter, parents hugging them goodbye and the shuffling of little feet. Ella at the front desk discreetly waved her over. “Hey, got your keycard ready,” she spoke in a hushed tone, slipping the small badge into Alicia’s hand. “Thanks,” Alicia said, offering a weary smile. “You doing okay?” Ella asked, concerned. “Yeah. Just tired,” Alicia muttered and headed off before she was asked to elaborate. She entered the classroom, noticing Isabella already seated in the circle. The little girl beamed and reached for Alicia’s sleeve, clinging to her side as she sat down. Alicia mustered a tired but genuine smile in return. Thank the gods, Nora isn’t working today. Alicia wasn’t sure she could have put up with her antics without blowing a fuse. “Before we begin,” Ms. Ivy said cheerfully, while intently looking at Alicia and Isabella, “I think someone has something fun to share about their weekend?” Alicia groaned inwardly. Of course. She could already feel Isaac’s eyes on them. “We, um…went to the Great Wolf Lodge,” she said flatly. “With our families. It was…fun.” “Oh, what did you do?” Mabel asked, ever the optimist. Alicia looked pleadingly at her. “You know, just playing, eating good food.” Isabella looked at her and began signing with her hands. “Oh…yeah. We went swimming,” Alicia added reluctantly. “And I was there! And…and we played at the playground!” Isaac chimed in. “Issac,” Ms. Ivy cut in gently, but firmly. “Let Alicia and Isabella finish.” “No, that’s about it,” Alicia concluded, “just a relaxing…weekend trip.” Her tone was enough to stop further questions. Not like we’re ever doing that again. Her face darkened a little as she thought back to their weekend adventure. It hadn’t been all bad, but it was most likely not going to be repeated. Things would go back to the way they were before at home. At the agency and at preschool she’d still pretend for the sake of appearances, but otherwise she’d just be her usual, normal self. Guess that means handing out with mom is taking a backseat as well. Without me to coddle, she’s probably going to spend more time at the hospital…like she used to. She’ll be home late…and I-I’ll be all alone… Alicia breath started hitching as her mind wandered to the tender moments they had shared these past weeks, and how it was all over now. But then she reminded herself that her mother had gone too far, and so, she repressed her feelings. Despite pretending at work, it was time to start acting like an adult. It was time to grow-up. “Okay everyone, please gather at your designated tables,” Ivy cheered. Crap! She had forgotten to listen to the instructions. Luckily, Isabella were already guiding her towards their seats. Apparently, today they were working with numbers, so they drew lines and colored in various connect-the-dots pictures. Alicia did her best to keep up appearances, helping out both Isabella and the other kids, but other than that, she was keeping to herself. Alicia made sure not to drink too much during their snacktime and excused herself to try and use the restroom before the next lesson. She spent most of the time wiggling on the toilet before returning shortly. During naptime, Alicia managed to disentangle herself from Isabella. She went up to Ivy on the sofa and leaned in close. “Hey, alright if I take my lunch break now?” “Oh, yes of course, Alicia,” Ivy said surprised. Alicia grabbed her new keycard, phone and lunch from her bag and headed towards the breakroom. It was a cozy little haven for the school staff to retreat and recharge. The walls were painted in a calming pastel hue of dusty lavender, and the shelves portrayed some nature artwork made by the students. A small, but functional kitchenette with a stainless steel fridge where covered in some whimsical magnets. Alicia took a seat in one of the armchairs in the room, giving a nod to Mabel who was engrossed in a book. “Oh, hey Alicia,” Mabel greeted kindly, noticing the little girl. “Hi,” Alicia replied as she leaned back into the chair, unlocking her phone and taking a bite of her sandwich. “You okay?” Mabel wondered. “What? Yeah, everything is just fine,” Alicia said, not looking up. Mabel hesitated. “You didn’t bring your usual backpack today. Change in plans?” Alicia rolled her eyes. “Didn’t need it.” “Right, of course. I suppose you have everything you need here.” “Sure, let’s go with that.” “You sure you’re okay? You look a little worn down. If you want to lie down with the kids, you know you can.” Alicia’s nostrils flared. “I don’t need naps,” she said a bit tersely. Mabel blinked, clearly surprised. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it…” Alicia grunted in reply and went back to scrolling. After a few minutes, she felt a slight twinge, but at least she felt something. She cursed silently and promptly left towards the designated restroom. She sat down with a thud as urine splattered into the bowl. Her underwear had held, but only barely. Stupid bladder… In the afternoon, Alicia got roped in making more funny animals and fantasy creatures, which thankfully made time pass quickly as she occupied herself making the kids laugh. When Jenny came to pick Isabella up, Alicia said a humble goodbye to Mabel and Ivy and sneakily went up to leave with them. Jenny gave her a gentle smile. “Hey you. Heading off too?” “Hmm, funny,” Alicia replied wearily, “like I have anything else going on at this place.” Jenny cocked her head. “I figured Emily would come and pick you up. Did she have to go into work day?” Alicia squinted. How much do you talk to each other exactly…? She remained a neutral expression. “I don’t really need her to?” “Oh, of course. Sorry, I wasn’t trying to imply anything,” she hastily apologized. Alicia merely waved it off. They left together, making more polite conversation, but Alicia’s heart wasn’t in it. --- When she arrived home, she noticed the car was still in the driveway. Surely her mother wasn’t home already? Or had she simply stayed inside, working from home today? Too tired to think, Alicia sighed and opened the door. As long as her mother didn’t start her usual spiel, she might just make it through the day without flying off the handle. But the house remained eerily still and quiet inside. Alicia furrowed her eyebrows, but went over to the sofa and switched on the TV. An hour passed. Nothing, no shuffling of feet, no greetings. Nothing. Alicia started to get weirded out. It was close to dinnertime, and by now her mother usually started preparations. She got up and climbed the stairs and rapt on the bedroom door. No answer. Alicia felt her hands getting clammy, something in her chest started aching. She opened the door slowly. Emily was curled under the blankets, back turned to the room. “Mom…? Are you sick?” A slight shrug. That was all. Alicia clenched her jaw. “Seriously? You’re just going to lie there because I didn’t want to be treated like a baby anymore?” No reply. Not even a look. Alicia felt her agitation rise. “Fine then. Stay in bed. See if I care.” She slammed the door behind her and stomped down towards the kitchen to start dinner by herself. It wasn’t very often she cocked on her own, but she knew how to handle some easier meals. After a little while, Alicia had cooked up some chicken noodle soup and made a few sandwiches.. She carefully balanced the bowl of soup and sandwich on a tray, together with a glass of water. If her mother just ate something, maybe she’d realize how stupid she was acting She entered the bedroom again with a little difficulty, noticing that Emily hadn’t moved from her spot. “Made you some food,” Alicia said, putting it on the black nightstand. The replies remained lacking, but Alicia figured her mother was awake. “Eat something,” Alicia muttered before she retreated back out the door. That night, Alicia ate alone. The soup was okay. The silence wasn’t. It felt off, eating in her own company. After cleaning up, she dragged herself to bed, too tired to change out of her clothes. The last thought in her mind before sleep claimed her was dull, aching one: This isn’t what I wanted either.

Aww, over all ready? Well all good things must come to and end I suppose. Thank for the story, Elfy!

Cute story, I approve.