203 replies to this topic

[ErinM]

I think Stanley was just hoping to redeem himself on this show,

He failed.

[PamperedCookie]

he thinks he doing good. He actually making it worse on himself and us.

[rosalie.bent]

I dont know how anyone thinks appearing on "My crazy obsession" is going to make things better for anyone. All it suggests is that he is an obessive crazy person and then he goes along and provides the evidence. Some people never learn. Stanley is one of them.

[BabyChris121675]

Then you are just as much part of the problem as society and because you remain voiceless you have no right to disrespect stanley.

I have heard negative stuff about Stanely and to people where I didn't want to expose myself to, I would just say that I have read a fair bit about the ABDL communtiy and I know that he does not represent what the ABDL commujnity is like, that it is television and would obviously try to be as sesationalistic as they can, if it was just your average joe who happened to wear diapers or have some baby things, it wouldn't make interesting TV now would it?
It wouldn't get the media attention and the bloggers attention if it were just your average joe.

After telling this to people and explaining my understanding of ABDL they took back their words, and never once suspsected me of being an ABDL..

if you remain silent while a group gets attacked, whether it be ABDL's, homosexuals, blacks, muslims.. and you just sit there quietly while your friends express their ignorance on the subject, you are just as bad as they are.. you might as well join in the ignorance.

On the contrary, I have EVERY right to critique Stanley and I will exercize that right. I think you're wrong, kootzoo. You don't realize that some people have a lot to lose by exposing themselves. I have a lot to lose by exposing myself as an AB and I don't think emotionally and mentally I can handle that. Don't make comments you can't back and defend unless you know the person's background.

I come from a conservative family, I'm disabled and I am not about to do what Stanley does and defend myself as an AB because I think doing so would cost me a lot both mentally and emotionally. I get a lot of mental and emotional help from friends and family and I doubt AB would go over big with them. So kootzoo- think before you say dumb shit before you know why a person's not willing to expose themselves. I am not about to do so because I feel I have a lot to lose.

Would I expose myself? NO. No I won't. Would I defend Stanley in a public setting? NO. No I won't. I have too much to lose risking exposing myself. I have a family that loves me, helps me and friends that are there for me. I don't feel exposing myself as an AB is a good thing to do. Really.

BabyChris121675

P.S.: AB is NOTHING like being black, muslim, or homosexual. I disagree with you on that.

[kootzkoo]

Just by defending something, it does not mean you have to expose yourself. That is two different things..

I know it's not the same thing as being black, muslim or homosexual.. those are just other examples of groups that are criticized but the mob mentality allows it to happen even though it is cruel to generalize any group.. that is the point i was making. thought I was clear.. I guess I was not..

I never said anything about exposing yourself.. I have defended ABDL quite a few times without ever exposing myself as an ABDL.

If someone says, what are you an adult baby too? Just say you aren't but you have done enough research on it to know what it is and what it isn't.. simple as that..
If people ask why you researched it just say you are interested in psychology, fetishes or that you spend a fair bit of time on wikipedia

Nobody is saying for you to do what Stanley does either, and I highly am against that - that just worsens everything.. I am just saying, if you hear people talking about it and people are giving out wrong information about it just correct them on it.. there's articles on wikipedia even that give a much milder and less sensational version than what is on shows like Taboo

[sarah_ab]

the thing is, if you 'defend' something and seem a bit to 'into' defneding it.. people will start thinking there is something more to it... whether they SAY it or not.. its sorta like the calling the dr and saying "i have a friend who has this rash"... the dr KNOWS its you and not a friend...

if you say "i read about this abdl thin and did some research and have found..." people are going to wonder why the hell are you taking so much time to read into this.. unless you are 'interested' in it......

you may not think people think u are into it... but most likely, the more you talk about something, the more you bring it up, and the more knowledgeable you seem about it.... people just assume its because you have at least dabbled.

[kootzkoo]

Honestly nobody has ever even questioned that about me, and I have a very open relationship with my friends, like we share a lot of details and are able to ask each other stuff.

But it really is in how you word it.. I only encountered people talking about adult baby's like twice in my life though, it does not come up very often at all.

But what I was saying about defending was that if someone brings it up, and trashes adult babys.. we as adult babys should defend it, you can do that without exposing yourself. Obviously if you bring up the subject people will question, but if you just say it in a confident way that you read about this in your spare time before.. it should not create any problems


honestly your friends shouldn't even judge you that you looked it up on the internet out of interest.. if they do, then you have shitty friends..it's time to meet some new ones.

[Leilin]

But what I was saying about defending was that if someone brings it up, and trashes adult babys.. we as adult babys should defend it, you can do that without exposing yourself. Obviously if you bring up the subject people will question, but if you just say it in a confident way that you read about this in your spare time before.. it should not create any problems

Usually I provide a qualified statement:


"I'm all for what a person does behind closed doors, whether or not it's my thing, but that person was an idiot if they were looking for some acceptance for their fetish on national television."

I have no responsibility or desire to defend those people. Period.

[kootzkoo]

i don't mean defend the people on tv, i mean adult baby's in general..telling people that based on your knowledge, that people like stanley don't represent what adult babys are like.

its almost like people don't read my posts they just take certain spots out and forget the rest.

[WBDaddy]

Your sloppy grammar probably doesn't help that, kootzkoo...

The simple and neutral way to "defend" without implicating yourself is "I've seen and heard of weirder shit than that, really. Two girls, one cup, anyone?"

Conversation will be derailed immediately, and yeah, by that standard, everything else is normal...

No offense intended to any coprophagists out there, but let's face it - that's the outer limits at this moment, and I don't want to even KNOW what's farther out there than that...

[Leilin]

telling people that based on your knowledge, that people like stanley don't represent what adult babys are like.

... is an awful tactic if you want to present yourself as somebody who hasn't researched Littles, as it implies that you have prior knowledge to the conversation, or really like talking about things you know nothing about.
Either way, it is a poor tactic. A Little or an idiot.

And, to make it clear, I have no responsibility or wish to defend Adult Babies/DLs in general. Until this community cleans its act up, ejects ALL of the HNGs, sends a clear message that misogyny is intolerable, clearly condemns any and all acts involving children, clearly condemns those who would force their fetish on others, and starts to realize that a fetish isn't an excuse to make an ass of one's self, it is simply not worth defending.

And it has done none of the above.

(To be clear, by "this community," I mean the ABDL community as a whole, not DD in specific)

[sarah_ab]

so the taboo episode and the whole investigation was talked about at my work and emails were sent out when it was finished... and honestly, when we talked about it at work we all laughed and most people were like "its weird but you know whatever flaots your boat in the bedroom.."

i felt absolutely NO NEED to tell them "actually its not weird or actually many people don't do it for sexual purposes...." i mean why bother? does their opinion of something you do in private mean so much to you?? really... just let it be.....

[ForbiddenFruit]

And, to make it clear, I have no responsibility or wish to defend Adult Babies/DLs in general. Until this community cleans its act up, ejects ALL of the HNGs, sends a clear message that misogyny is intolerable, clearly condemns any and all acts involving children, clearly condemns those who would force their fetish on others, and starts to realize that a fetish isn't an excuse to make an ass of one's self, it is simply not worth defending.

And it has done none of the above.

(To be clear, by "this community," I mean the ABDL community as a whole, not DD in specific)

...perhaps because it's not very feasible?

[Bettypooh]

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....Until this community cleans its act up....

No community I know of meets that standard, be it ABDL, TG, GLB, BSDM, or even churches

If changes are to be made in public opinion they have to start somewhere and be started by someone. Is Stanley the right one for this? I dunno Is the time right for this to begin? I think yes- society has never been this open and even accepting of diversity even if those against it have been very vocal. I counseled a TG friend to not come out as a TG, but to go into a stealth TS life instead. There was every reason for this- she could 'pass', she could more easily get a job as a woman, she lived in a very intolerant and conservative city where violence wasn't unknown and the police rather lax about protecting minorities. I was worried for her safety. She wouldn't budge- she was going to do this

It wasn't easy but she managed and is still managing to do OK. She hasn't had much trouble, has found more tolerance than I thought possible and even some acceptance! She even has a job where she appears in public and deals with just about everyone in that town there. I asked her why she chose this path in this town- her answer was that this was a place which needed to be educated about TG's as badly as any and more than most. Making changes here would make more progress for the TG community than going stealth in a more accepting town. And it was time for that to happen. It turned out that I was wrong about everything I believed would come of this

Having gone through that I am not going to judge Stanley or these show episodes. I would have done differently but this wasn't me- this was Stanley. And he could have done a lot worse than he did. In the end it was (and is) his choice to do whatever he wants, and unless you want to present a different picture on TV to counter him, there's no point in bashing him for that- the deed is done and life goes on for all of us I think the average person can understand that nobody exactly represents any segment of society. Jesse Jackson doesn't represent every Black person, the Pope doesn't represent every Christian, and Ron Paul doesn't represent every Republican. They a one part of their groups and only one part. Others in those groups are different

Stanley is a part of us, and Stanley is different. There's nothing wrong with that. Stanley went on TV with his life, just as many others do and there's nothing wrong with that either unless you're advocating censorship (in which case you need to let me run your life since I think you're messing it up) But I tried that already with my TG friend and I was wrong, so I'm not asking to run your life- or Stanley's Instead I'm trying to learn from whatever I can. I know there was at least some good done, even if those who disagree are vocal about that. In the end it is not my life, it is not me, and I know that nobody else can be me- they have to be themselves and do what they think best. And most importantly, I know I can be wrong no matter how strongly I think I'm right.

The water has flowed under the bridge and whatever the result of that is cannot be changed or completely undone. It can only be noticed and learned from. If there was something you wanted Stanley to do differently he would have listened better had you befriended him instead of bashing him. Those who bash have gotten what they asked for and yet they complain still because they didn't get what they wanted. Those who are intolerant themselves have exposed that Stanley has done this twice and may yet do it again- and that takes guts, more than most of us have- especially when you consider what is at risk with him which he is fully aware of. And we as a community know all this, but we as a community still don't see the opportunity we had (and may still have) to present ourselves as good and decent people who are just different. Stanley is not the first to go public with the ABDL lifestyle and he's not going to be the last. When are we going to learn what to do with that fact? That's what I want to know.

Bettypooh

[ForbiddenFruit]

If there was something you wanted Stanley to do differently he would have listened better had you befriended him instead of bashing him. Those who bash have gotten what they asked for and yet they complain still because they didn't get what they wanted. Those who are intolerant themselves have exposed that

This is more or less the first time I can't actually agree with you. In this thread itself, yes, Stanley did get a lot of venom coming his way, even, I'll admit, from myself, but a large amount of it was well-put and, dare I say it, warranted - particularly at first when people were explaing that he was, and still is, putting himself in immense danger.

I don't think Stanley would have changed his actions either way. This thread was made solely for his playdate hunt. Warnings both about him and the 'community' as a whole went ignored. Does he have guts and great strength of will for going out and doing what he did regardless? Definitely, I'll give him that much. Did it help anyone in any way? Not particularly, if at all.

I can't tell if Stanley actually understands what he's getting into when he does these things. There's a complete clashing agenda between what he wants to represent and what people who actually have control (editors, execs, stations, pretty much everyone involved who isn't a subject) want to represent. Was he aware he's being showcased alongside a man with a proud sex doll collection and a woman whose beverage of choice is her own urine? You can't make a good case for evolution at a rally of dedicated creationists, the same way you can't give a good impression of any eccentricity on the 'freak show shock value' subgenre of documentary. That's what these shows boil down to. what little sympathy DOES exist is used mockingly. Are we shown as harmless? Yes, but only in the same sense that a woman who lives in a rusted shack with fifty cats, living on licking the fungi that grows on the walls, is harmless.

On a few occasions I've said how I'm very cynical on the idea of a 'community'. I don't beleive in a 'battle for AB rights' or anything of the sort. Even if it's not a sexual thing for you, it's simply beyond common decency to want to go around in public dressed as a baby. It's a coping method. Keep it where it belongs. Just because I don't want to see men necking on the street doesn't make me homophobic (far damn from it, I prefer boys myself), I'm annoyed by anyone being so vulgar and animalistic in public.

And yet at the same time, I can't help but feel what Stanley did hasn't helped, and now I think I'm starting to understand why. Best case scenario, vanilla people laugh, leave vitriolic comments, everything goes back to the way it was. Middle-case scenario: this bites Stanley personally in the ass, as it did last time. If it does, my sympathies go out to him, but he was cautioned for his own sake before the community's sake.

Now, the real problem is what adverse effect this can carry. Not as bad as the news stories that associate ABDL with paedophilia, but negative nonetheless. It just has a detrimental effect on general perception of people like 'us'. I don't think it's possible, or exactly necessary, to foster some kind of positive attitude. But every incident like this paints it as being absurd and life-consuming. If it continues, ABDL practicioners coul be actively villified instead of just dismissed as being odd.

I'm not suggesting it would end in some kind of freaky witch hunt, but in cases where people were discovered to have diapers for their own recreational use the general reaction could be more negative than it is now by (ill-informed) association. My boyfriend-of-sorts knows that I have an AB side but doesn't particularly understand it, partly because through the net he's a cloud cuckoolander and partly because I don't have the courage to sit and try to articulate it to him without seeming needy. Imagine if the clearest representation he got was from shows like this. Yes, he knows I'm nothing like Stanley, but it certainly won't do any good.

By extension, whenever a camp / gay actor is on television and my parents are nearby watching, if one takes a jab, even in jest, at the "fairy" or "poofter" on air, it makes me scared. Every time my lesbian cousin posts some vulgarity on facebook, or her fiancé responds with 'lovvvvvve yhhuu bbeeee mwaaaaaaaaah xx' that makes me afraid. No, I don't want to hear about your facesitting habits even if it's a joke, the same way my family doesn't need to know about my wishes that my boyfriend would dress me up as a baby girl and bottlefeed me. I cringe at many of the goings-on I see at pride parades. I'm almost terrified of coming out as being bisexual to my parents as it's something they need to know but negative influences are all around, and I'm trying to think if it's possible to live without telling them I'm bigender.

See what I'm getting at? I always have been and am likely to remain cynical about the idea of the 'ABDL community' but I can't deny this doesn't have an adverse effect.

[kootzkoo]

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... is an awful tactic if you want to present yourself as somebody who hasn't researched Littles, as it implies that you have prior knowledge to the conversation, or really like talking about things you know nothing about.
Either way, it is a poor tactic. A Little or an idiot.

And, to make it clear, I have no responsibility or wish to defend Adult Babies/DLs in general. Until this community cleans its act up, ejects ALL of the HNGs, sends a clear message that misogyny is intolerable, clearly condemns any and all acts involving children, clearly condemns those who would force their fetish on others, and starts to realize that a fetish isn't an excuse to make an ass of one's self, it is simply not worth defending.

And it has done none of the above.

(To be clear, by "this community," I mean the ABDL community as a whole, not DD in specific)

where did I say present yourself as someone who has not done any research on it? I am pretty sure I said you can tell people that you are aware of this because of research you have done.

[Leilin]

If changes are to be made in public opinion

To be clear, I wasn't referring to public opinion. Just what was required for this community to be defensible, which it is currently not, in my eyes.

One might say that it's not feasible, but pockets of the ABDL community have done just that. Of course no community is perfect in that standard, but the ABDL community stands out as one which is pretty much unwilling to make any effort at all on the whole. There ARE places where being an HNG or spouting outright bigotry in the ABDL world is openly listed as intolerable and against the rules. Does it makes those small pockets smaller than they might otherwise be? Yup, but it sure as hell makes them nice places to be.

The best thing that can happen for "public opinion," in my opinion, is for certain individuals to decide that their bedroom practices are not everybody else in the world's business. However, that's their choice to make, so I have no illusions of a situation other than one which has gullible individual after gullible individual going on television, assuming they can be "better" or make a difference in a better way than the last gullible individual.

where did I say present yourself as someone who has not done any research on it? I am pretty sure I said you can tell people that you are aware of this because of research you have done.

Which immediately paints you as somebody interested enough in the topic to have researched community standards and norms to anybody who's paying attention and can exhibit even a modicum of reasoning skills. No, thanks.You have fun with that but I have no desire to be outed.

[ForbiddenFruit]

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One might say that it's not feasible, but pockets of the ABDL community have done just that. Of course no community is perfect in that standard, but the ABDL community stands out as one which is pretty much unwilling to make any effort at all on the whole. There ARE places where being an HNG or spouting outright bigotry in the ABDL world is openly listed as intolerable and against the rules. Does it makes those small pockets smaller than they might otherwise be? Yup, but it sure as hell makes them nice places to be.

I meant not feasible as an entirety. There will always be...undesirables...around. That much is certain. Can you provide names of such communities?

[Leilin]

Diaperspace is one example of a common culprit.

[ForbiddenFruit]

I meant examples of ones that cleaned themselves up, sorry, should have been more specific.