10 replies to this topic

[babyboy48]

Mrs. Williams was a very rich women who did not have to work due to her wealth. She had hit the lottery of 70 million after her divorcie 10 yrs ago. She had plans for her and her son Timmy. She had a large house that she bought and things that she needed. She was very smart with her winnings and invested well. Timmy started having day and night time wetting accidents after the divorcie so he wore the goodnite pull-ups at all times.
During his High School years he only had to wear the goodnites during the night. One girl named Jenny who would come over to study did not know about Timmy's problem. The 2 were sitting at the table doing home work when Mrs Williams came home from the store. She told Timmy I have to put something in your room, she tried to hide the goodnites but Jenny seen the package.

Jenny replied you wear diapers. No the are goodnites I still have issues with bedwetting and I wear them at night!!!! So please don't tell anyone about this. About this time Mrs. williams come back in and Timmy said thanks Mom she seen the goodnites!!!!! Jenny said no don't worry I won't say nothing, and Mrs Williams explained to Jenny Of his bedwetting issues and there are alot of kids with the same problem. Jenny assured she would not say anything............

The next day at school Timmy seen Jenny by her locker with some friends hoping the other girls did not know about his bedwetting. Timmy said hi Jenny, hello Timmy how are you, Fine Timmy replied. As time went on Jenny started avoiding Timmy, and didn't want to talk to him. It was 4 months before prom and Timmy wanted to ask Jenny to go. She was walking down the hall with 2 other girls, when Jenny seen Timmy she tried to avoid him. Jenny whats wrong, the 2 other girls laughed so Timmy knew something was up. I was wondering if you wanted to go to prom? Jenny laughed and said no way I'm not going to go with someone who still wears diapers!!!!!!!!!!! They are not diapers, they are goodnites. The other girls laughed at Jenny's comment, and Jenny said does your Mom give you a pacifire and bottle at bedtime, and does she change you when you need it. Babies wear pull-ups and thats what you are. It was out and around the school of Timmy problem.

When Timmy got home from school he told his Mom what happened. Timmy was in tears and his Mom consoled him. His Mom was so mad at what Jenny did thinking she was a friend. The next week at school was bad. Jenny walked by Timmy and would say diaper boy, did your mom give you your bottle with formula this morning and change your diaper. By the time graduation rolled around Timmy only has a few friends. 1 month after graduation Timmy was killed in a car accident, which hit home with Jenny she was divistated of this and felt bad that Timmy had died.
Jenny came to the funeral home and was apporached by Mrs. Williams. Jenny how could you do this to Timmy calling him a baby and doing what you did at school. Timmy liked you and you treat him like that. Now I want you to leave and I do't want to see you ever again.

Chapter 2

Well it has been 3 yars since Timmy had died. Mrs. Williams was doing good and moving on. She was in the store getting a few things when she seen Jenny, Mrs Williams Jenny replied. Oh Hi Mrs Williams replied. Jenny said please talk to me this is eating me alive that you won't talk to me. Mrs Williams finnally gave in ok Jenny come by tonight.
Jenny showed up at 6 pm and the 2 talked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They talked at the kitchen table for hours, but Mrs. Williams still was bitter about what Jenny had done. Jenny hows your parents since they moved. Fine they are doing well..... So what has been going on with you Jenny, not much I'm getting laid off and probably going to loose my apartment. That's to bad Jenny, so where are you going to go. I don't know replied Jenny!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to make up for what I did to Timmy and to you so we can be friends again. I will do anything to make this right.
Mrs. Williams thought since she called Timmy a baby this might be a good leason for her. Jenny I have an idea, I will let you stay here and work around the house for your rent. But on one condition you have to know what Timmy went thru and wear the goodnite pull-ups during the daytime and at night. Jenny thought for a minute, that does sound good a place to stay and only wearing the goodnites around the house. Jenny asked do I have to pee in the pull-up. Yes Mrs. Williams replied, but I will check you to see how wet you are and help changing you when needed.
I'm 21 now will the goodnites fit me Jenny replied. Mrs. Williams asked how much do you weigh, 100 lbs said Jenny. They should fit you your small, and they go up to 125 lbs. Mrs. Williams said I think I still have some of Timmy's pull-ups. There the boys style we can see how they fit, follow me Jenny to Timmy's room. When they got to the room there was still some in the drawer.
Jenny lets put one on you to see how they fit and you can get an idea what it will be like here. Jenny got undressed and Mrs. Williams helped her put on the goodnite. Jenny stood there and could not believe she was wearing a pull-up. They fit you fine said Mrs. Williams. Jenny now come on out and we can finish talking. Can I get dressed Jenny asked no said Mrs. Williams. Jenny came out in just a t-shirt and a pull-up. After about 30 min Jenny said can I go to the bathroom. Mrs. Williams said use your pull-up. Jenny went pee in the goodnite and said wow this is great, it feels kind of weird wetting like this. I know Mrs. Williams said. It was 11 pm and Jenny still had on a pull-up for 2 hours. Jenny said I need to get going it is getting late. Mrs. Williams said to Jenny before you leave lets get you out of the pull-up. Mrs. Williams felt to see how wet she was and said did you wet more than once sitting here Jenny replied yes. Good girl Jenny, she told Jenny let me get you cleaned up and you can get going. Mrs. Williams told Jenny to lay down and she used the pampers wipes to clean her up. Jenny got dressed and Mrs Williams told Jenny the offer still stands if you want this then come back in the morning around 11:00 and we can get you setteled in. Ok Mrs. Williams and thank you. Mrs. Williams gave Jenny an extra goodnite and told Jenny that if she shows up and wants this to be wearing the goodnite. She told Jenny then we can go out and get you the girls goodnite when you come back. And a few other things that we will need.

Another segment coming soon..............

[critchy]

Im sorry to say this but its bugging me,

This story is one of the worst i've read, ( I wont even mention the spelling mistakes) for example, the whole story is a massive cliche, as in relative doesn't ever have to work again because she somehow gets an unbelievable amount of money, this is the only build up to the first character, you don't find out about her personality, or timmy's personality, therefore there is no bond to the characters. Then there's Jenny, it doesn't sense that she would care about a bedwetting problem, especially if their friends, then when Timmy just happens to die (which again lacks all detail) she suddenly cares, for some unknown reason, up to that point she had no difficulty in bullying the boy. (Again lack of emotion and following of character). Basically what im trying to say, is dont bother writing part 2, rewrite part one, because the one you have written, was a quick, cliched, sterotypical story of a basic idea which has been done a million times before.

[MessiBoi]

Agree with the comment above, the story flows far too quickly.
Please take in the comments above as well as mine.
Its too rushed and there are too many grammar and spelling mistakes. The story lacks emotion and substance and delivers far too little to the reader. Please rewrite part one before continuing.

Just my two pence.

[baby frost]

This story wasn't as bad as the 2 comments above made it seem u did a good job so far plz continue

[capt.mad_cow]

Really the story is great; its lacking development, spelling, grammar, and punctuation. The story seems like its been written in fast forward. Also this story is cliche with a divorced rich parent that won or inherited vast amount of money and a child with some sort of bedwetting or established problem. I know that most stories are written this way but this seems like a cookie cutter story. I mean the dialog doesn't even have quotes to show that someone is talking and there's no connection or personality in the characters.

I would rework this entire story or read some stories on here and see how people write. This post maybe harsh but this is how criticism is. Don't take it the wrong way and lose interest in writing.

[Summertime]

Sorry the story isn't very exciting, the spelling and grammar is also poor; that said there are several excellent writers on DD that they are a hard act to follow. Why not ask one of the major contributors for some advice? Good luck

[Spokane Girl]

You need to use quotation marks when the characters talk. It was so hard to follow.

[BabyFergstar]

Honestly, I tend to not mind cliche stories...really, they're cliche for a reason - people like them. However, I wholeheartedly agree that you REALLY need to work on pacing and punctuation and everything else. Even cliches deserve to be written well.

[WBDaddy]

It's not a story - it's a fantasy. There won't be a part 2 unless he has more fantasies.

[Fulldiaper]

Using a spile chicker mhight help. Proof reading would also be beneficial. Taking time to develop characters is a plus in most story lines. Timmy being in pullups or Goodnites is classic and as someone else stated cliche'. When someone is reading and reaches a misspelled word, the brain of any educated person has a brain fart and the rest of the content is like a slow zepplin on fire and explosively being demolished right before your eyes.

Mother may have hit the lottery and been very smart as an invester, but why did she want a bABy in Timmy? His bedwetting, or was it her maternal instincts? There are so many directions you can take in a story line. Developing the lottery winning side. Timmy's mother worked three jobs to support her and her son, after her husband passed away when Timmy was only three. She religiously played the lottery every week and as she was close to a total mental and physical breakdown, luck shined on her and she won the Power Ball jackpot of $70,000,000,00. The first think she did was consult a financial advisor and attorney. Timmy was in high school and off and on had also been a bedwetter. Timmy's mom wanted to take him down a notch or two and she decided that his rude behavior and comments to the young ladies at school, had to come to a screeching halt and she knew just how to do that.

Thinking through what you want the reader to experience. Painting a mental picture of the characters will allow a more enjoyabe reading experience for your audience.

[Sarah Penguin]

Using a spile chicker mhight help. Proof reading would also be beneficial. Taking time to develop characters is a plus in most story lines. Timmy being in pullups or Goodnites is classic and as someone else stated cliche'. When someone is reading and reaches a misspelled word, the brain of any educated person has a brain fart and the rest of the content is like a slow zepplin on fire and explosively being demolished right before your eyes.

Mother may have hit the lottery and been very smart as an invester, but why did she want a bABy in Timmy? His bedwetting, or was it her maternal instincts? There are so many directions you can take in a story line. Developing the lottery winning side. Timmy's mother worked three jobs to support her and her son, after her husband passed away when Timmy was only three. She religiously played the lottery every week and as she was close to a total mental and physical breakdown, luck shined on her and she won the Power Ball jackpot of $70,000,000,00. The first think she did was consult a financial advisor and attorney. Timmy was in high school and off and on had also been a bedwetter. Timmy's mom wanted to take him down a notch or two and she decided that his rude behavior and comments to the young ladies at school, had to come to a screeching halt and she knew just how to do that.

Thinking through what you want the reader to experience. Painting a mental picture of the characters will allow a more enjoyabe reading experience for your audience.

I found your spelling errors in your post quite funny, though that might be my insomnia.