Fetish excuse for betrayal?

[naughtynicebaby]

Sorry this might be long but I'd love some advice. I've known about this forum for a while but thought I could get an honest opinion... Also at risk that the subject of this post might see it...

[ppbenn]

Being a male, I hope you find this advice useful. I am happily married and my wife does participate in my fetish every now and then. I cannot with a 100% certainty say that your husbands behavior will stop. Sorry, I don't know if anyone other than him can make that guarantee.

[Creepymouse]

It has nothing to do with his fetish - maybe he feels that it did but it's just a simple case of 'emotional' infidelity. If, indeed, the conversations with the other girls were innocent and nonsexual - it's cheating if you have to hide it. In my case, my wife knew I had Daddy instincts before we got married, and that if my prior relationship (my 'lost' little girl - she just vanished off the board we met on) ever showed up again, we'd both accept her as a part of the family. A nonsexual part, like a sister to my new wife. It was not and never could be sexual, just because it wasn't that sort of relationship and I don't need a D/lg relationship to be sexual in order for it to be meaningful. But I would expect her to be upsets if I were to encourage such a relationship without informing her. That's just wrong.

[babylin]

Sorry to say this but your husband is one sick puppy. What you have described is a lying, cheating, immature, disrespectful, untrustworthy sociopath boy in a man's body.

[naughtynicebaby]

Wow, well I'd say I'm emotionally strapped to him - I love him and I know it's not the worst thing that could have happened, but it still sucks. I'm not gonna give up that easily on us though.

[Bettypooh]

I too think you should not give up yet- but you should set a point in your mind where you will give up if it hasn't gotten better. That point can be a time, a certain set of things happening (or not happening), or whatever. Do it so that you know you're not going to be strung along forever. Do it to help you realize that sometimes dumping someone is good for you. Do it because you're worth being treated better than this. But mostly do it to prepare yourself for the future because from here, it does not look like it is going to work out.

[Dill_Pickle]

I think I agree with Miss Betty -- after all, she really liked a recent post of mine!

I think your issues are independent of the specific kink...but I also had a shrink tell me I was one of the lucky ones to be able to leave an abusive relationship. It is hard, I had to be shocked by starting to think about hurting myself to make it happen. This is not to say that with the woman who is now my wife, I don't have a largely tacit agreement to hide my diapers from her because of her very understandable negative associations. It is part of taking responsibility for myself, just as is a certain amount of solo masturbation leading to ejaculations. But what you describe is considerably more than just being embarrased about part of his sexuality and dealing with the mismatch in desire.

It is rime for you to work on your support network, both by exposing yourself to situations that can lead to friendships, and quite possibly consulting a shrink. It sounds like your husband may have a woman in every port. You deserve better. And watch Victor Victoria with a friend..similar issues come up at one point. There is also an apropos scene in fat man and little boy, where general Groves goes to see Oppenheimer and Oppenheimer's wife tells Groves Oppie "is nursing a sore dick" after news of the death of his paramour.

[SoakedinTexas]

I don't always agree with Betty, but in this case that advise is spot on. There is a choice to be made, by you and him. His choice is to treat his wife with respect she deserves. Your choice is to be respected as his wife and not allows him to be mentally abusive. Which is what he is doing by having a cyber affair.

[gnarley9t]

Wow... I'll just put it to you like this. My ex-wife did not accept my infantilism and was very put off by it. Early in the relationship she gave playing the mommy role a few honest shots but she just couldn't do it. I am in a whole new understanding of my infantilism now a days as well as 100x more secure with it but back then I still had the mountain of shame that many of us crush ourselves with for being abdl. So, assuming that I was a sick, piece of shit for being abdl and that I wasn't 'normal' I decided to consider myself lucky that I at least had somebody and eventhough she will never be the mommy of my dreams (although I never stopped dreaming she was and that she would eventually come around someday) I will just have to make do by myself.

Long, long, long story short, she eventually got all insecure that I loved and was sexually attracted to diapers more so than her, me still thinking I am a piece of shit with a serious problem convince myself she is right. We start going to marriage counseling, it goes nowhere cause I keep wearing in private and can't give it up. Our sexual and intimate relationship starts disintigrating. We start holding resentments against eachother, decide to get married anyway while both secretly hoping that the other will eventually come around. Nothing changes and she eventually has an affair on me.

So, what's the moral of the story? Throughout all that bull shit, at no time did I ever seek a mommy else where and being that your selfish prick of a husband wants his cake and eat it too sickens me and you deserve better. So, do yourself a favor, divorce him and go find yourself a real man.

The end of that marriage was a true blessing in disguise for me, cause as a result, I was inspired to get to the bottom of my infantilism with vigorous work with a therapist. In fact it was with one of the therapists my exwife and I scene when we were trying to pirge me of my 'problem'. Anyway, I eventually arrived to a point of such understanding and security of it within myself that it no longer was the ball and chain it once was but it actually became an asset. And since my divorce I have dated a few girls and one if them turned into a relationship where I.got to experience a mommy of my dreams for a year straight. Unfortunately, the relationship did not last but you know what? That relationship wouldn't have been possible if I stayed in the marriage going nowhere but deeper down the tubes with my exwife. And eventhough there are times I get lonely and miss how amazing my ex-girlfriend was, I always have that evidence that it can and WILL happen for me again. So, what amazing relationship are you missing out on staying with this selfish ass?

[caringlovingone]

i see it this way.

you accept him for this, you put in an effort to try to do it with him.

he shouldn't be chatting with anyone.

no if he came to you and said honey i know this is hard for you and i love you.

would it be ok if i try to find a mommy/ab girl whatever to meet that need i have, but letting you know you are the only one for him.

[pax87]

Every relationship is different. With that said, this situation is unique but the behavior is common among AB/DL's. A lot of individuals, myself included, carry guilt about this lifestyle. For many, this is a part of us that we carry in secrecy. In a previous relationship, I had brought my ex into this lifestyle. And even though she accepted this part of me, I still felt insecure about it.

It seems to me, your partner is also carrying insecurities in regards to his secretive behaviors. Sometimes, it's easier to share this part if you to words on a screen vs being in person, which may be why he has decided to communicate with individuals online.

I'm not supporting the actions he is making. If I recall, you said you are married. In which case, you both have made a commitment to love, accept, and cherish one another. I get you are hurt. You have every right to be. Honesty is huge in any relationship. Somewhere the communication is broken. Though you may be accepting, in his mind he may not trust your understanding if he's been burned by someone else previously.

Have you pointed out to him when you 'catch' him? If you play as mommy and you catch him, have you stepped in as his mommy and said something like 'Did mommy's little boy make a stinky?' Maybe he wants to be caught? These, and many other factors may show some helpful light into his behaviors.

If you feel as though you are unable to trust him, have you talked about it openly and honestly? I read a while back that holding hands while discussing a touchy topic can really help ease tension. Also, have you considered a couples therapist? You can choose to be open or vague with the therapist, but sometimes just having someone to mediate the conversation can be a world if help.

I wish you the best if luck and hope that you two are able to resolve this. If you have questions or just need to vent, feel free. I hope that I've been able to help some.

Hugs,

Paxy

[WakkoWannaBe]

Well, I've never been married or anything - so maybe my two cents isn't worth that much, but I do want to say throw out my support as this sounds like it could go south really quickly.

[AwakenEvil]

Maybe he is acting out his fantasies online. I'm not going to say its right or wrong as I am not one to judge. Personally being in several D/s and Vanilla relationships I can say if he is truly into messing and that's your hardlimit you're going to have more of this from him. Its simply he has a void in his relationship that he is missing. Now the question is can he give that up or can you accept that is between both of you. I can't or won't say that thinks can get better but a start would being totally honest amony yourselfs first and understand that his kinks may never end and asking him to stop would be asking a heroine addict stop. Above all else I would say communi ation is how you fix this issue. Good luck

[bigbabybilly]

Sorry this might be long but I'd love some advice. I've known about this forum for a while but thought I could get an honest opinion... Also at risk that the subject of this post might see it...

[WakkoWannaBe]

I'm curious about how your situation has evolved, TC. I may be asking in vein, but what's your current status? Did things get better?

[New mammy needing help]

Ino how you feel. Its the worst feeling ever. It hurts and makes you judge yourself.