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innocentagain

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  1. http://findarticles....9/ai_n29342485/ The above article is very well cited, and should get everyone up to speed on where the debate about repressed/recovered memories REALLY is, in its progress. As they say in the article, one of the fundamental road blocks is the inability to duplicate trauma memories in human volunteers in a laboratory setting, due to human rights issues. That is the real roadblock to this- not the inexistence of evidence. There is an embarrassment of riches, in terms of very compelling anecdotal evidence. If I could get any of my survivor friends to post their life stories here you would see people who had no inkling they had been sexually abused, and decades later started having flashbacks, for instance. The case I'm speaking of is interesting, in that his older brother recovered memories of the same perps abusing him a few years before, and this friend of mine laughed it off. Then he recalled. He owed his brother an apology, and his brother corroborates his recalled memories. Don't let the FMSF and special interest group lawyers fool you. Lawyers think they can control everything- including science. This is an emerging problem in our society. Lawyers have no place in science. Lawyers are idiots. They don't have one tenth of the intelligence of the average doctor or scientist. "Enough research has been accumulated supporting the position that traumatic memory is different from ordinary event memory and that recovered memories are possible while not necessarily accurate in their entirety (Allen, 2005; Courtois, 1999; Davis, 2005; McNally, 2003; Mollon, 2002). In reviewing scientific developments related to the delayed recall of memory, Brown (2004) found support for the belief that traumatic memories are processed differently than memories for ordinary events. Areas of research highlighted by Brown were van der Kolk's (1996) research on the somatosensory modalities of processing information, the betrayal trauma model developed by Freyd and colleagues (2001), and Anderson's (1998) inhibitory memory model." Also, check out the "Recovered Memory Archive" for over 100 well-documented, and corroborated, real cases of people who experienced repression and delayed recall for traumatic memories: http://blogs.brown.e...ecoveredmemory/
  2. http://www.libraryindex.com/pages/1435/Repressed-Memory-Versus-False-Memory-SCIENTIFIC-PROOF-REPRESSED-MEMORY.html There is another side to the story, when it comes to the scientific community's understanding of memory repression.
  3. The whole "lost in the mall" experiment was flawed. Sexual trauma memories are stored differently. I've met a good 20 or 30 different people who have corroborated their recalled memories with personal confessions by the perpetrator, videographic evidence, and second hand witness testimony. I'm afraid you've drunk the kool aid. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. I remembered nothing for 2 and a half decades, and I've proven what happened to me. "The problem with the whole theory that people become abdl because of repressed sexual memories is that there is no way to prove any 'recovered memories' actually happened... so did it happen, or are people just 'remembering' what they need to make themselves feel more comfortable with their like for diapers etc...." Like me finding naked photos of what my grandfather did? You're mistaken. There are ways to corroborate it after the fact. "Masturbation feels good to me, its not a symptom of some repressed memory. Being put in diapers and treated like a baby likewise gives me the same sexual pleasure not a symptom of some repressed memory." Talking about excessive masturbation from age 4, to the point of chaffing and bleeding, specifically. "I mean if 'remembering' some abuse makes your life easier, makes it easier for you to accept that you like to wear diapers and get off on it.. then 'remember' away." I like how you already know I'm wrong about being raped as a little boy, without having spoken to me, or my therapists. Everyone on this site is the smartest person in the room. Hear a little pop science, go to community college, and you think you have the science definitively nailed down. Ever heard the phrase "By the time you finish med school, half of what you learn will be outdated"? That's especially true in psychology- the loosest of all the sciences. The molestation around age 2 is corroborated by the fact she also molested my older brother. The molestation at 4 is corroborated by the fact there were 2 witnesses to what she did ("WHAT?! FEMALES MOLESTING MALES?! MY FEMINIST THEORY SAYS OTHERWISE!"). What my grandfather did has been thoroughly corroborated. All of it has been corroborated by lifelong symptoms, including (recently) very disturbing and realistic flashbacks, which started before I even suspected anything. The scientific community is in flux over repressed memories. And if you'll notice, I didn't deny that people can be made to "remember" things that never really happened, but if you look into the evidence of this phenomenon there is nothing robust about their false memories. False Memory Syndrome was left out of the DSM for a good reason. It's rare, and it's nothing like real flashbacks- I can assure you of that. Real flashbacks make you believe in ghosts for a second, because you're so confused what's happening to you. Also, I am not trying to say all diaper fetishism is caused by sexual abuse. I'm positing that more is than is currently understood. Perhaps I'm wrong on some of this. I am most definitely not mistaken about being sexually abused. It is all too real. Get onto any of the biggest CSA support sites and tell them repressed memories are not real. You'll get swamped with hundreds of stories- again, stories with corroborating evidence. Sometimes the science is behind the anecdotally proven and obvious evidence. And I assure you, if we're talking about combat trauma, the evidence for repressed trauma memory is very robust and widely accepted. No one doubts it exists for combat trauma victims.
  4. I should add, I'm particularly interested in question number 6. One of the defining characteristics of repressors is that when they are put in potentially stressful situations, they report low levels of distress but are physiologically very reactive (e.g., increased heart rate, raised blood pressure). Depending on how much you've thought of it, and observed yourself, you may think of yourself as easily panicked, or unresponsive to immediate threats.
  5. Hmmmmm... I may be somewhat of an anomaly, then. I was sexually abused while in diapers- while being changed- by the daughter of a family my family lived with, and sexually abused at age 4 (out of diapers then) by a girl who was "playing babies" with me, using diapers. I'm positive this stuff caused the fetish for me, because the first place I went to, when I stole a package of diapers from the nursery, was into the closet in my room where the girl abused me. I don't know if this was weeks later, or months, but I was roughly the same age still (4). Same closet, and just so happened to sexualize the thing she'd been sexually abusing me with. The reason I'm bringing this up is that from the professional research, they've been able to divide us into 3 different groups: those whose fixation started before the age of 5 or so, those whose fixation started after 5 but before adulthood, and those whose fixation started in adulthood. The latter two (based on self-reporting of volunteers) in large part had exposure to AB/DL pornography as the genesis of their fetish. Some were (I believe) inadvertantly, unintentionally sexually abused by parents as punishment, by being put back into diapers. I'm leaving out other categories for the genesis of diaper fetishism here, because I'm really concentrating on the age group who started before age 5. The reason why is that the research shows a spike in this group of childhood sexual abuse. Three things were found: this group tended to picture themselves as toddler-aged in their regression fantasies, they had CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse) in their past, and they tended to shun overt sexuality in their fantasies, or practice. Repression is a hotly debated topic. If you actually look into it, denial of the existence of the phenomenon of repression (I should say "dissociative amnesia"- that's the current terminology) is undeniably politically motivated, and was spearheaded by an organization called "The False Memory Syndrome Foundation". Dr. Underwager, who founded it, and his wife, both openly advocated for the legalization of pedophilia, and claimed it was a "good" experience, and children enjoy it. Several other heads of the FMSF have advocated pedophilia, and many members are defense attorneys specializing in defending pedophiles. Conflict of interest much? Hmmmm. What I've discovered from doing hundreds of interviews with CSA survivors, on my own, is that repression of sexual abuse, and subsequent spontaneous recall of repressed memories was very common. The debate over repressed memories in the 90's was boisterous and it left the general public with the impression that repression has been disproven. This was never the case. The scientific community, since then, has quietly been finding that it's very much real. From all the people I've talked to, and all the reports I've read, I've discovered that so-called "False Memory Syndrome" does not exist in the DSM. It appears to be a very rare occurrence, associated with hypnotic regression- and even then it rarely occurs. The majority of people claiming they have recovered memories of CSA say they did so outside of any doctor's office. They're triggered by having children, going to the funeral of their perp, or seeing abuse similar to theirs on TV, or during sex- but this may even be after decades of not responding at all to such stimulus. It appears to be somewhat random. Pre-verbal sexual abuse is even more likely to be repressed. Victims often have a deep-seated need to be comforted the way a mother might comfort a child that age (newborn to toddler). This is what I've seen over and over and over in repressors of pre-verbal sexual abuse. They may simultaneously feel the compulsion to re-enact their own abuse on themselves (very true in my case), while feeling deeply grieved by it and wanting to be rocked, held, cuddled, and comforted the way they would have wanted to at the age it occurred. I would submit to you, reader, that AB/DLism may be a symptom of repressed sexual abuse- not always- but far more often than people now realize. There is a paucity of research on us. And the research that has been done is very anecdotal, and not comprehensive at all. If you are under the impression that the research has proven only a tiny little fraction of AB/DL's were CSA victims, think again. They've done a handful of opinion polls on a group of people who may be deeply repressing sexual abuse, and found that just a few of them remembered their abuse. That is what I'm positing. Anyway, the research is far from conclusive at this point. I believe AB/DLism is a coping mechanism. You may see sexual pleasure (or oxytocin related pleasure) and tend to not even consider something that feels good to be something as unpleasant as a coping mechanism. Ask yourself "why?", though. Is that a rational idea? It feels good, so it can't be a symptom of something else? Post-verbal sexual abuse victims often self-sooth with frequent masturbation. It feels good to them. They may not even put two and two together that they're self-soothing. And they may feel guilty for doing it, and hide it. That doesn't mean anything. Nor am I saying that just because AB/DLism started out as a coping mechanism after your own pre-verbal sexual abuse that you need to shun and avoid it, or should feel ashamed of it. It's a part of you. It's a part of your story. Nothing more. There's nothing inherently wrong with it, and you're not hurting anyone. Not saying this makes it wrong. This all was true for me. I don't have a shred of doubt anymore. I think there's more of us- those like me- out there.
  6. I have a questionnaire for those of you whose diaper fetish goes back to at least the age of 4-5. If you started this young, could you please take the time to answer some questions. I'm doing research on the possibility of there being a link between diaper fetishism and repressed pre-verbal abuse. Nothing scary. But just answer honestly, and to the best of your ability. 1. I May have alexithymia (http://oaq.blogspot.com/ to find out. Alexithymia is defined by:[6] difficulty identifying feelings and distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal difficulty describing feelings to other people constricted imaginal processes, as evidenced by a scarcity of fantasies a stimulus-bound, externally oriented cognitive style.) YES or NO 2. I have difficulty forming intimate relationships, and finding a sexual partner - YES or NO 3. Growing up, I was very uncomfortable with being touched - YES or NO 4. I started masturbating at a young age - YES or NO 5. I have been mostly asexual throughout my life - YES or NO 6. In very traumatic or distressing situations, I become robotic, and detached, underreacting - YES or NO I'm just trying to get a feel for- again- those of you whose AB/DL tendancies started around or before kindergarten. From the research I've done, this group tends to have the highest incidence of RECALLED sexual abuse. The theory is that AB/DLism in this group may have been caused by, and in fact the result of, repressed abuse. If it's repressed, you can't tell it occurred, obviously, unless you have spontaneous recall. What makes this even more difficult to catch is that pre-verbal abuse takes place during the period of "infantile amnesia"- the period of time the average person has amnesia for- between age 0-4 or so. Just copy and paste the above questionnaire. Your responses are greatly appreciated. I am particularly curious what percentage of people on this site have alexithymia. I was going to simply ask about that, at first, because that by itself may indicate pre-verbal abuse, but I thought it might be helpful to add the other questions.
  7. And please, I understand the stigma we unfairly get from some bigots in the media, but don't report or delete this just out of a fear of being associated with sickos. I hate pedophiles- pedophiles ruined my life. I get to live every day of my life wondering what I could have been like had they not pulverized my tiny little heart at such a young age. I have flashbacks, severe depression, suicidal thoughts (and multiple attempts), and I've been alone well into my late twenties due to sexual dysfunction, because of these bastards. It's become more and more clear to me just how deep the damage runs, and so I have to ask myself, is my ABDL tendancy also a symptom? I believe it might be.
  8. Okay, I brought this up in the chatroom, and one of the moderators suggested it would be more appropriate for the forum (I see their point- this is a very sensitive, heavy subject). So, with completely solemn respect, I ask you: how many of you feel you may have been sexually abused at an early age? I'm not asking for lurid details. The reason I ask is because I recently had it confirmed to me after a long time of always wondering, and feeling something had happened, that I was sexually abused- and in fact, I may have also been while still in diapers. My theory is that infantilism/ABDL may be caused by very early age sexual abuse that is being repressed- if not for everyone, then quite possibly for a lot more than we might think. Infantilism/ABDL might be a coping mechanism to make sense of the trauma.
  9. Oh, I'm not worried about low pay, deadend jobs. My punk band's gonna take off eventually, I'm sure.
  10. "It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not" -Kurt Cobain
  11. I visited my grandma all the time in hers before she died. She was in a pretty kickass one, though. But, just the opposite for me, when I see the people in there I think about how I'll be in there one day and how I'd rather live life to the fullest as a completely self-actualized person. That, and I won't even mind the diaper aspect when I get there. I think it's misplaced guilt to see them and feel bad about choosing to wear them. You wearing them has no impact on them one way or another, and hey, maybe some of them would rather be around someone who can identify with them and their problems. I loved going in there and eating in the cafeteria with my grandma and her friends. Those people are a goldmine of life experience, and I listened to whatever they had to say, since they're eager to talk to someone.
  12. I forgot I'd even written this. Well, I'm an agnostic now. I did wear to church. It didn't bother me at all. It's a psychological thing related to abuse (I believe), for me- don't know if I mentioned that. I find it comforting. Anyway, yeah, wore to church, and it was fine. I feel so free to be myself now, though. So much more free.
  13. The bible, actually, never talks about or condemns masturbation- with the exception of a guy called "Onan"- who, in context, was judged for something else entirely. So, I happen to think Christianity doesn't altogether condemn it at all. Also, sorry if what I said sounded inflammatory to non-christians. Crud, I really wasn't trying to alienate you guys. I could have said it a lot better than I did- it sounded like I was saying I don't care about your opinions, which I didn't mean to say at all. Sorry about that.
  14. But, in principle, he's right that Jesus drank wine. He was even accused of being a drunk. Granted it was by people who hated him, and were trying to make him look bad, but the point that there's nothing inherently wrong with hedonism (according to the bible) is right. Sometimes atheists grasp things like this better than Christians. BTW, my outlook has changed somewhat since I wrote this post.
  15. Does wearing a diaper outside of church distance you from God any more or less than wearing a diaper in church? Does it affect your relationship with the people worshipping with you? Does it damage the relationship you have with anyone else? If it does for you, then YOU need to deal with that. I actually agree wholeheartedly with that. That makes the most sense. And, no, it really doesn't affect the way I feel about God or others. And, I know, it looks a little uppity to have just started this account and immediately write something so serious, but I've been off and on this site for years. Even had a prior username, but I couldn't remember it, so I simply started a new one. Sorry, to any atheists or agnostics, if I offended you. I had just been in a bad argument with someone on another website before I wrote that, and upon re-reading it, I can see that came off quite grating. Not trying to make enemies- besides, my best friends are all atheist/agnostic, so...
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