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Personalias

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Personalias last won the day on July 12 2022

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  1. Holy shit what a crazy deconstruction with so many complex elements and intense emotions! Well done!
  2. Oh it's ENTIRELY intentional. I didn't know when I'd get a chance to do another collab/fanfic like this so I decided to knock out 2 birds with 1 stone.
  3. Mia, my diapers go on one tape at a time, just like everybody else's. Truly, when I first started reading Academy I, I was intensely gratified and competitively jealous. This is the first series I've read in a long time that feels like something I would write myself. The highest praise I can give to any author in this community is that something they've written lit a fire under my ass so that I didn't want rest on my laurels and wanted to up my game. You started a bonfire under my keister, miss. If you never wrote anything ever again, you'd still be a legend in my eyes and are on the short list of "must reads" that I recommend to fellow fans of this genre. I consider that a gift, and I thank you for it. A bigger gift is letting me play in this amazing world you've built and construct my own demented playground. I don't think I've seen as skillfully constructed and sincere love letter to the forced regression genre as a whole since Princess Potty Pants wrote the first ever Diaper Dimension story. Thank you again for approaching me and letting me put my own mark on the saga of Ai and Bala. I am deeply curious to see what comes next. Love, Personalias
  4. Chapter 6: Tantrum Against The Machine A little over a week later… “Okay squad,” Bala said, “listen up!” The three-dot Pink paced in front of the monkey bars like a general reviewing their troops. “Most of you don’t know each other, and that’s by design so I’ll make introductions for you.” The ringleader pointed to two Latinx Pinks, a boy and a girl. Possibly related, Ai thought. Was that racist? “This is Sun and Moon,” Bala said. The pair high fived each other. “They have the same Carer and they’re actually brother and sister.” Inwardly, Ai wiped the sweat from her brow. “This is Tower,” Bala continued, pointing to a tow headed girl with glasses resting on all fours. Ironic that she was the lowest to the ground. The girl waved to everyone shyly. Bala’s gaze lifted to a Pink girl in a onesie dangling upside down from the monkey bars above Tower. “That’s Baby.” “Why do I have to be Baby?” the girl complained. “Would you rather be Fool?” Baby harumphed and crossed her arms. The blush in her cheeks might have been embarrassment or just the blood rushing to her head. “No. I’ll be Baby.” “Magician,” Bala labeled Ai. Then she pointed to herself. “Chariot.” Then she held up her doll. “Star.” When even the doll got a code name, you knew it was serious. “Oh,” Bala said, “and that’s Ghost.” Ai looked to her right and almost jumped out of her skin! A Carer! They hadn’t even started their brilliant act of rebellion and they’d already been caught! A second later, Ai’s brain kicked in and caught up with her eyes. No. Not a Carer. Just the oldest Pink she’d ever seen. The Black woman nicknamed ‘Ghost’ raised her hand and waved meekly at the others. Two dots glowed on her wrist, same as everyone else. Her outfit was the same pale rose as a Carer’s scrub, but the material was different. She was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts that hid neither the bulge nor the very top of her diaper. Being old enough to be the rest of the group’s biological mother should have made her stick out like a sore thumb, but amazingly Ai didn’t think she’d have noticed the woman if Bala hadn’t pointed her out. “Ghost is really good at stealth.” Ai blinked and looked away. “I can tell…” Bala took a seat in the playground mulch and bid everyone gather around her. They did, forming a tight knit circle.”Ghost. Duck, duck, goose without the goose.” The older Pink started circling the group, patting each one on the head, but not saying anything. “So here’s a fun fact,” Bala whispered. “Where do you think Luna comes from?” “Phones?” Baby guessed. “The internet?” Sun (or maybe it was Moon…the boy one) tried. Ai knew the answer. “With as powerful as Luna is, her network servers would have to be spread out all over the globe.” Bala touched her nose. “Exactly. Anybody want to guess where they are?” “Antarctica?” “The moon?” Bala winced. “Nope. Think simpler.” She pointed down at the ground. “Get the fuck out!” Ai said. It was laughable! Why would the most powerful computer ever created by mankind, practically a machine god, have its servers underneath a public playground? “It’s true,” Bala’s sage words carried unseen weight with them. “Think about it. Who works for Luna? Who does she trust more than anybody?” “The Carers,” Ai replied. “And do people want to be around us?” Bala asked. “Not if they can avoid it.” Ghost said, startling Ai again. It was true. The only people who used these playgrounds were Carers and the people forced to be cared for by them. To everyone else they were warnings or unseen; something to avoid and not think about if at all possible. They certainly were before Ai turned Pink. “So you’re a crazy computer who manages the world,” Bala started, “And you only want your most trusted servants near your brain.” Ai finished the thought. “So you hide the pieces of your brain in places where your agents walk freely and make it so that everybody else wants to stay as far away as possible.” Bala made her doll clap its hands. “Magician gets the hat trick!” “So what do we do?” Ai asked. “First,” Bala said, pointing at the siblings, “Sun and Moon need to provide cover. Everybody loves them. We need you to start a playground-wide game of group freeze tag. Boys versus girls. Girls it first. I want everybody moving and stopping so fast and chasing each other that our Carers won’t be sure where we are.” “We can make something like that go on for about ten minutes until everybody gets too tired or bored,” the girl reported. “We’re gonna need it to last at least fifteen,” Bala replied. She was met with a nod and salute. “Tower. You’re a better cuddly type than any of us. I need you to be over with the majority of Carers doing everything you can to soak up all of their attention. If they’re cooing over you they’re not actively looking at us.” The girl who’d been the lowest to the ground saluted. “Do what I was gonna do anyways. Got it!” “Baby, you’ve got a good set of lungs and a better set of eyes. I need you to be playing near our point of entry and keep a lookout. If things start to go south top side, I need you to cry your lungs out. If we’re lucky we’ll hear you. If not, you can still buy us more time by faking an emergency. Baby seemed nonplussed. “That’s why my codename’s ‘Baby’? Because you need a crier? Can’t I have something cooler than that?” “What about me?” Ai asked. “Magician,” Bala nodded,”You, me, Star, and Ghost are going underground. There’s a drain pipe that leads to the main server location. I’ve been in there only once before and then got out as soon as I realized what I was looking at. Ghost, you’re going to be our Trojan Horse. From a distance you’ll pass for a Carer. Up close you can get the jump on one of the real ones.” “Why do I have to be a Baby?” Baby asked again. Bala ignored her. “Magician, I need you to take point and lead the way once inside. It’ll be blind leading the blind down there, but I think you’ll be able to pull it off. You're more alert than any of us. Use that paranoia to your advantage.” “And you Ba…Chariot?” Ai asked. A sinister grin flashed .”Me and Star will take down the software.” “And it’ll…what? Kill Luna?” Ai asked. The others all suddenly looked worried. Did they really want to kill a machine god as a prank?” “Probably not,” Bala said. “Too many parks. Too many redundancies. But we can cost Luna a lot of data. Show her she’s not as clever as she thinks she is.” Frames relaxed. Energy increased. And that same sinister smile spread across everyone in the group’s face. “So…who’s ready to give God a stroke?” ************************************************************************************************************* Ai shouldn’t have looked back. She really shouldn’t have. If she’d just stuck with the plan this would have been a completely different story. It was hot under the playground. Hotter than Ai had expected. Machine shop hot. Oven hot. Dark too. Luna didn’t need to worry about the comfort of humans in a place where humans weren’t supposed to be. Ai felt like she was dripping from everywhere by the time they navigated the tiny labyrinth. But things were running smoothly. It wasn’t as much a maze as it was a haunted house. There was an intuitive path that led from doorway to doorway, even when there were only slowly blinking orange lights to navigate by. No security, either. Why would there be? No one came here. Security might draw attention. “I think this is it,” Ai said, coming upon stacks and stacks of large rectangular steel blocks. They glowed, blinked, and hummed, heat pouring out of them. “Good,” Bala panted. “Just gotta find an access panel.” “Then what?” In the dark, Bala waggled her doll around. “Remember my secret?” She peeled open the back of the doll’s dress and removed something tiny and square. “The one Luna can’t figure out?” Ai stared in awe at the tiny little chip. “What is it?” “Just a bit of code I made as a nurse. Half of one, technically. Sends a shutdown signal without calling for a restart. But the rest of the code is filler. Creates a feedback loop so there’s no way to turn it back on again. The receivers are constantly processing trying to fill an order that’s never complete. So simple, it was brilliant. And Ai didn’t know the first thing about coding, but on a fundamental level she felt she understood. It was exactly the sort of thing that higher artificial intelligence would overlook. Also something that it would be powerless to stop since it too was made of code. Now all they had to do was find a space to stick it in. “Can I hold it?” Ai asked, full of wonder. “Sure.” Never before had Ai felt so powerful. By having this bit of steel and circuits in the palm of her hand she felt like she finally had all of that sorely needed agency. The power to destroy. The power of chaos and entropy right at her fingertips. “Hey!” a deep voice called out. “What are you doing in here? This is for authorized personnel only.” “Run!” Bala shrieked. Ai didn’t need to be told twice. She darted into the shadows, the sound of pounding footsteps ricocheting off the walls. Hers. Bala’s. Ghost’s. The guard’s. Ai huffed and panted, trying to regain control of her breathing lest she hyperventilate or be heard. “Access hatch,” she said to herself. “Gotta find an access hatch!” She started fumbling around in the darkness. Hoping for her fingers to find purchase on something. Something to grab or hold onto. Something to peel away or unlatch. YES! Her fingers felt a groove. Her ears were rewarded with a click. Her eyes, adjusted to the dim light, saw what she thought was the perfect place. “Here goes nothing…” she said to herself. In a way she was right. What is there left to give when you have nothing to lose? The chip slipped into the tiny slot perfectly. She felt more than heard the satisfying little *click* when she pushed it all the way in. One Mississippi… Two Mississippi…. The lights went out. All of them. The sound of humming machinery stopped. “What the-?” A confused voice said and then turned into a grunt followed by a heavy thud. Silence. “Magician?” Bala called out. “You there? Magi-?” “HERE!” Ai screamed. “HERE!” “Good,” Bala said. “That was definitely the guard. Good work Ghost. Magician, follow my voice!” “On it, Chariot!” Ten seconds of impromptu Marco Polo later, and they were on their way out, holding hands and snaking back through the corridors. “I can’t believe we did it!” Bala gushed. “We pulled it off again! Everything went perfectly according to plan!” “Yeah!” Ai said. It was the first time in a long time where everything had gone the way she’d hoped it would. It was a foreign feeling at this point. A bad one. Everything went right. That meant that something had gone incredibly wrong. Ai slipped the other girl’s grip. “Just one second! Be right back!” “Ai!” Bala called after her. “Wait! Come back!” But Ai was too fast. “No,” Ai heard herself whispering. “No, no, no…” Ai hated what she was seeing. The orange track lights had come back on. Why were they coming back on?! “Nooooo, no, no, no, no-no-no.” The processing towers were still blinking! They shouldn’t be blinking! Why the fuck were they blinking?! She’d just trashed them! Fried out computer towers don’t just come back on! Luna shouldn’t be able to recover this quickly! Luna should be glitching and spiraling and shutting down for repairs. “Nonononononononononononono!” Ai wanted to turn back. She desperately wished she could slow down and be caught by her friend Bala. Yet is was as if some primordial force inside of her kept pushing her down the same path all over again. Her need to scratch this itch and find out the truth superseded her need to be happy. Like a coaster on the tracks, she ran down the same path she’d taken before. And just like an amusement park ride or a haunted house, everything in the computer room, from the computers, to the lights, to the guard had reset back to its point one. It was too hot in here. Way too hot. Real computer towers would have fried themselves at this temperature. “Nonononononono.” Stupid! Stupid girl! Stupid selfish short sighted idiot little girl! So desperate to get tricked that she almost let herself give into the illusion. To be the hero for once instead of the victim. She wanted the lie SO BADLY. But she was no knight in shining armor. Just an idiot with a barber’s bowl on her head. And Bala was no Dulcinea. Just a common who- “Ai!” Bala reached out and grabbed Ai’s wrist. “Come on! You have to get out of here before it’s too…” Ai yanked her arm away as hard as she could. “How long have you been working for Luna?!” “What the hell are you talking about?” Bala asked, hurt and confused. “I tell you I want to rebel against Luna and you instantly know that there are secret servers right under the playground that you’ve never brought up?” “I didn’t trust you,” Bala stammered. “I had to know you were ready to make the ultimate-” “Cut the crap Bala!” Bala hung her head. She inhaled through her nose and puffed out through her mouth. When she raised her head back up, she was clutching her dumb doll again. “All Three-dots Work for Luna,” she said quietly. “Someone’s gotta show the other perma-Pinks how to enjoy it.” The words alone were a slap in the face. Just another means of manipulation. Just another means of control. A wild brat that seemed to control her Carer and get whatever she wanted. How unreal! Meanwhile Ai was taking her word as gospel and channeling her own wants as silly tantrums and pointless pranks. “You needed to lash out,” Bala spoke softly. “You needed to hate someone. You needed a win. So we gave you one.” “Where are her real servers?” Ai just had to know. “She’s Luna,” Bala said. “On the moon of course.” That explained the cringe earlier. In the darkness, the two Pinks could just make out the whites of each other’s eyes. “And what’s going to stop me from telling everybody else about this? Telling them the truth?” Just like the whites of the other girl’s eyes, Ai could barely make out Bala’s cheshire grin. “Why Ai,” Bala said. “Once people know how amazing you were, that it was you who saved the day and inserted the chip on the great playground adventure; that you were so naughty that Luna decided to take away your Big Girl status forever to keep herself safe; why would you want to tell them what really happened?” Ai gasped. Was Bala saying what Ai thought she was? “You could have it all,” Bala said, her voice calm and hypnotic. “No need for a job. Your every desire catered to. All your friends loving and respecting you. Everybody else scared of you. No one will ever be able to hurt you ever again.” It was true. Ai really did want those things. But did she really want them, or did she have those desires because of Bala’s influence and a lack of other options? “You’ll even get a little doll of your own.” Bala held out her porcelain effigy, her Aya. “One that has a special surprise for good girls like us.” A strange yet familiar voice droned out of the doll’s unmoving mouth. “Hello, Ai. I am very satisfied with the progress you’ve made thus far. You have advanced much more quickly than I initially anticipated. I’m so proud of you.” Luna! Luna was talking to her! Saying she was proud of her! Giving her purpose again! Giving her permission! “You’ll also get to be in on the biggest secret ever,” Bala tempted. “Carer’s are not Luna’s favored agents. We are. Luna loves us so much that she never wants us to have to do anything for ourselves ever again. We are the real secret rulers of the world.” “And all I have to do,” Ai reached out towards the doll with trembling hands, sweat dripping from her fingertips. “Is tell a story?” “That is correct, Ai.” Aya- Luna really- said. “Your final initiation. Your final test.” It was everything Ai had ever wanted. She could have access to Luna. She could have her cake and eat it too, being a rake and a brat while also being near the top of an important social structure. She even got a servant in Nana out of the deal. And all she had to do was pretend to be a big dumb baby for the rest of her days. “So what do you say, Ai?” It would be easy. It was everything Ai could ever dream of. But it wasn’t the truth. Ai’s lips pouted and puckered like she was about to blow a kiss. In a way she was; a kiss of death. Hers, or all of society. “No.”
  5. Chapter 5: Developmental Delays Ai sucked and sucked and sucked, as the sweet creamy concoction that was Nana’s life essence squirted onto her tongue and the girl swallowed it down her throat. She was draining Nana, taking the life out of her. That’s how Ai’s spiteful, vengeful brain liked to imagine it. It felt so much stronger, so much more powerful, than to just call it ‘breast milk’. A fun fact danced across Ai’s mind. The nutrients in each batch of milk was determined by two things: what the wetnurse consumed and what the one nursing needed. Over a relatively short timespan, a woman’s nipples could somehow learn to sense what was lacking in a child’s body from the saliva and thus produce whatever chemicals were needed to correct the imbalance. That meant Nana’s own body went against her autonomy just as much as Ai’s in this case. Ai was denied things like alcohol and caffeine, but so was Nana. Ai couldn’t feed herself or use the restroom, but it was Nana’s responsibility to provide nutrition and clean her up. The clothes weren’t ideal, but they were often very practical while being pleasing to the eye. It’s not like she had anybody to impress these days. Her old friends and work acquaintances? Her ex-fiancé? Fuck ‘em. She hadn’t been taken away from them. They’d left her. There was nothing stopping them from visiting her; no rule of law of Luna’s, passive-aggressive or otherwise, that kept them out of her life beyond social stigmas and not caring enough. She had real friends now. Friends like Bala. Friends who understood how the world worked and saw the system for how silly it really was. And Nana and the other Carers? Luna’s agents were nothing more than humans acting as hands for a disembodied machine. They tricked themselves into becoming organic tools and as soon as Luna couldn’t use them or figure out what to do with them they’d be tossed away too. Ai had just figured it out sooner than most. That knowledge had freed her from her misery. Nana was forced to wait for Ai to finish, gently stroking her hair and praising her the whole time. “Such a good eater. Yes you are! Yes you are!” Ai wondered briefly if she could find a way to get fat as a way to make Nana’s job more difficult. Her metabolism nanites probably wouldn’t allow for that, but it was worth wondering, if only for entertainment. When the whole process was finally done, Ai unlatched and sat up. “Burp me,” she commanded. Like a good Carer, Nana patted and rubbed Ai on her bare back massaging up the gas bubbles until they danced up her esophagus and popped out of her mouth. The Pink smiled to herself. What a life! She didn’t even have to burp herself. “All done,” Nana quietly pronounced. “Time for a nap.” Full agree. More time to her thoughts. More rest. More gentle slumbers like a python coiling up after eating a rat. Nana was careful to lift Ai up and rub her back all the way over to her crib. Ai was the one who was laid down, but it was Nana who let out the exhausted yawn. “Aren’t you going to make me thank you?” Ai asked, smirking sarcastically up at her servant. Nana seemed to consider it for a moment. “Honestly?” Nana replied, “I should be thanking you.” Ai stiffened, knees and elbows tensing. “Thanking me?” “Of course,” Nana smiled down at her and booped Ai on the tip of her nose. “If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have a job, silly. Wonderful baby Pinks like you are quite in demand.” Something crashed and crumbled inside of Ai. “A…job…? Demand?” Nana folded her arms over the raised crib rail and rested her chin; a cat watching the canary in its cage. “If everybody was ready for the responsibility of being an adult, do you think there’d be as many Carers? Thirty, sixty, ninety days in diapers that you can change yourself? That’s nothing.” Ai didn’t realize she was shaking. “But…but…but…but…” “But diapers, and cute clothes, and highchairs, and accessible changing tables, and bottles and public playgrounds and all the other things you need,” Nana talked over her, her voice like a cruel lullabye. “That creates jobs. For everyone. All part of Luna’s plan.” “My job…” Ai mewled around her thumb. She hadn’t even realized she’d put it there. “Your job?” Nana leaned over and pinched Ai’s cheek. “First you did a lot of work without using up the space. Then you created a new opening, didn’t you sweetie? Same with your apartment. You made more demand and more space for people who actually want to be adults, didn’t you?” Nana walked over to the nursery and flicked off the light switch. “And all you had to do was to stop pretending and start being happy.” But Ai wasn’t happy. Not anymore. She thought she’d been fighting. Thought she’d be vexing Luna, or at least Maria. It turned out that even her bratty rebellion was part of the complex societal equation. ******************************************************************************************************** “Hey,” Ai tapped Bala on the shoulder. Bala spun around so fast her bright yellow sun dress flared up in the air, flashing her diaper. Not that anyone cared. “Hi, Ai!” Bala squealed. “We were about to play hide and shriek.” She took one hand off her doll and gestured to the gathered two-dots who had been carted to the playground that day. “Yes. But can I talk to you first?” Ai bit her lip and grinded her teeth. “In private?” For the first time since they’d met, Bala looked concerned about something. “Yeah. Sure.” She looked back over her shoulder and pointed to another Pink. “Zee? You’re it first!” Together they trudged to the far end of the playground. As far away from any Carer as Ai could manage without drawing suspicion. That wasn’t far enough though. Together they crawled into a giant cement tube painted a dark green. Great for follow the leader as well as hide and seek. No cameras either. “What’s going on?” Bala asked. She clutched her porcelain doll to her chest like she was protecting an actual child. “How did you zap your first Carer?” Ai asked. “How did you turn her Pink?” Bala’s normally carefree and wild expression turned deadly serious. “Why do you want to know that?” Ai tugged at her pigtails with apprehension. “I just do, okay?” “Did your Nana ask you?” Bala’s eyes burned with suspicion. “Did she promise you’d get your potty training back?” A shock of surprise burned its way through Ai’s system, starting at her face and traveling all the way down to her soles. “What? No!” “Luna’s never going to let you go, Ai. She never is. No matter what she promises you, she’s lying!” “I know I-” “I’m not giving that secret away!” Bala was frothing now. “It’s the one thing that’s keeping me safe. If I give it up, Luna has no need to keep me!” “I KNOW!” Ai’s voice thundered and echoed in that tiny cylinder of concrete. The last tiny reverberations lingered and Bala’s eyes unclouded right as Ai’s started well up. “I figured it out,” Ai sniffed. “We’re all just pawns to create balance. Something to consume resources, vacate spaces, and create jobs.” Bala relaxed and leaned back. “Oooof. Yeah. That’s true.” She shifted her doll into a cradling position. “That’s why I was never given a reason.” Ai said, realizing the truth of the words as she said them. “I didn’t do anything wrong, I was just randomly selected or something.” “Mhm,” Bala nodded slowly. “Most of us are.” “That’s why I can’t work my way back up! I didn’t do anything wrong! I was just…just…sentenced to life without parole! Just my prison is open air!” “Yeah.” Bala agreed. “That’s what I figured out too. It’s why I Pinked my first Carer. I wanted to see how she’d like it.” The silence got heavier and heavier. “So. What are you gonna do? Try and figure out a way to grow up? Give up and pick up the tablet again?” Ai scoffed, involuntarily. “Hell no!” Bala seemed relieved by that answer. “I started going all in on this because I thought it was a way to really stick it to Luna. Like if she or the Carers weren’t going to tell me what I did wrong or how to fix it, then I’d just give them extra work until they cracked. But they want the extra work! Eating paper and chomping crayons just creates demand for more! Throwing tantrums only justifies the need for more Carers!” Bala’s relaxed expression melted into a frown. “And makes people want to obey Luna even more because they think what we have is so horrible.” “Yes!” Ai yelped with realization. “Our rebellion is being weaponized against us!” A bit of the fight left Ai’s body. “I just wanted to…just wanted to…” Her friend and mentor finished the thought. “You wanted to rebel in a way that actually mattered.” Ai closed her eyes and then opened them again. there was something dark in them, and something darker in her heart. “Yes.” “I can’t tell you how I did what I did,” Bala whispered. “It probably wouldn’t work a second time, anyways. It was more luck than anything else. But…” Bala said before despair could set in, “there is something I’ve been fantasizing about doing for a while. Wanna help?” “Will it piss Luna off?” “It’ll do more than that.” “Then, yes.”
  6. Chapter 4: Brat Ai screamed. Ai cried. Ai wailed. Ai thrashed. “Ai?” Nana asked, “What’s wrong, honey?” She removed the feeding tray from Ai’s highchair and pulled the girl into her lap. “Does your tummy hurt? Are you thirsty? Bored?” She bounced Ai lightly in her lap. “Sleepy? I just changed you.” With nothing to cover her breasts but a restaurant provided bib, Ai gave Nana no quarter or no clue as to how the Carer could make the screaming stop. Save for when she was particularly bored, Ai didn’t talk to Nana; not with words. Ai didn’t even think of the tall dark woman as ‘Maria’ anymore. Names were for people she cared about. Nana wasn’t even a person to Ai; just a Carer. “Ai,” Nana said, exasperated. “If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I can’t make it better.” A beat of screaming. “Are you sleepy? Is that it? I can let you lay down. Would you like that? Take a nap in the booth across from me?” Ai stopped crying and considered it. She didn’t think she’d ever gotten to sleep on a padded restaurant bench. Changed? Yes. Breastfed, yes. Sleep? No. Ai could sleep anywhere these days. Anywhen, too. The challenge of curling up under a pastel pink blankie and snoozing while patrons around her chatted, ate their steaks and sipped chardonnay was enticing. Maybe later. The unprovoked tantrum started again. She felt her Nana tense up just as she was starting to relax. That wonderful feeling was enough to reinvigorate her and give her enough gas to go all night long. From out of the restaurant’s captive audience, another Carer clothed in rose-colored scrubs emerged. “I’ll take her for a while, Maria. You enjoy your food.” “Thank you,” an exasperated and grateful Nana said. She boosted Ai up by the hips and into the arms of the other agent of Luna. Just to make things difficult, Ai squirmed and reached back for Nana as if scared to part ways with the woman. The guilty and ashamed look on Nana’s face was better than the rarest Kobe beef. As was the dissatisfied look on her face when she finally got to taste her first bite of steamed broccoli. Ai’s wish had come true; the meal had started to go cold. Nana’s substitute carried Ai through the restaurant, shushing her and patting her back, trying to get her to calm down. Without stopping, she left the restaurant proper and started doing laps out in the parking lot. So much the better. All around her, inside the establishment and out, passerby stared at Ai, their gazes filled to the brim with discomfort. What should they do? Should they ignore the screaming Pink? Should they complain? Would Luna penalize them for it? Who was to say? Mixed with that was the fear that they too might one day end up like Ai; trapped with no independence or power, allowed no privileges or responsibilities. They pitied her. More than that, they feared becoming like her. Ai had been afraid once. Now she wasn’t. She didn’t know how long she’d been acting this way. After the first week of playing with Bala she’d stopped keeping track of time. Days of the week didn’t matter; they all ended with ‘y’ anyways. She’d probably lost her job by now and been evicted from her apartment. Hard to tell. She hadn’t touched a tablet or anything more technologically advanced than a jack-in-the box in who knew how long. In the midst of her tantrum, Ai realized that she hadn’t seen any other Pinks that required caring for in the restaurant. That meant Luna had had to send an off-duty Carer to give Nana a break. Good. That meant that Luna was paying attention to her again. It also meant that there was one less Carer available should the computer decide that someone else didn’t deserve their independence. In the days before Luna, there had been this thing called ‘religion’. As Ai understood it, religion was a series of stories that people told themselves in order to trick themselves into being good. In more recent times, Luna had replaced God as the all seeing, all knowing, invisible, adjudicator, and the Carers had taken on the part of angels and executors of her will. The result had been largely satisfactory for all involved and the eternally sought after Heaven on Earth had long since been achieved. That made Ai akin to a demon. Since giving up and focusing all her energy on being her best-worst Pinkest self, she’d truly found something she’d been missing. She was something to be contained; something to be feared. People looked at her and reminded themselves to be good little boys and girls, lest they end up on the playground with Ai. Luna refused to talk to her anymore, but Ai had made peace with that. That was fine. Vexing the Carers and selfishly worrying only about her immediate gratification was more than enough. If she couldn’t take her anger out on her god, she could punish the angels instead. This was only a punishment if she allowed it to be. Better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven… Ai screamed. Ai cried. Ai wailed. Ai thrashed. She’d never been happier. ************************************************************************************************************** It was Nana’s day off. Ai laid on the padded floor of Bala’s home, both girls coloring contently during their playdate. It wasn’t really coloring, for that would imply an attempt to stay within the prescribed lines only adding different shades of color once the hard work had been done. Instead, they scribbled on the paper maliciously and randomly. Bala took her latest ‘mess-ter-piece’, this one a picture of a cow on a grassy field that had every naughty word Ai had ever heard of branded onto its hide and the grass soaked with neon orange blood, and crumpled it up. It sailed through the air and landed with a quiet rustle by the coffee table a few feet away. She wasn’t dissatisfied with the attempt, Ai knew, only done with it. True happiness as a Pink came from acting on impulse. Color, scribble, write naughty words, carve graven images, do whatever feels right regardless, and then move on to the next thing. Ai copied the gesture, tossing away her cloudy sky with far too many purple penises behind her without a second thought. What next? She grabbed another sheet- something with a sailboat-took a big bite out of the corner, chewed, swallowed, and tossed the remains away. “Aya says that’s bad for you,” Bala said without looking up. She’d moved onto turning a busy city street into a nuclear fallout disaster. There was no judgment in her voice; no passive-aggressiveness like with Luna. She was only conveying a message from doll to human. “Why do I care?” Ai asked, rolling over onto her back. She arched her neck so that she could keep looking at her best friend and mentor. From her point of view, Bala was suddenly glued to the ceiling. “It’s up to Nana to take care of me if I get sick. Not my problem.” That and she’d hoped that if she ate enough paper it’d start coming out in her poop. Self-wiping poop. Genius! Bala seemed to consider that. “Good point.” The crunch of her biting into the jumbo green crayon was not unlike biting into a fresh carrot. Bala’s Mommy came around and started to pick up the bits of paper detritus left in the Pinks’ wake. In the days before Luna came online, the house would have been described as ‘slightly messy’, or ‘lived in’. By modern standards it was a pig sty. In Ai’s heart of hearts, it was nothing less than an accomplished act of terrorism. The Carer stopped putting the scraps in a waste paper basket long enough to check their diapers. Neither one of them flinched while their padding was poked and prodded and the waistbands and leg gathers pulled open. The woman in scrubs might as well have been a cleaning robot, such was their freedom. “Come on, Bala,” Bala’s Mommy coaxed, bright and cheery despite how visibly tired she looked. “Let’s go get your diaper changed.” Bala did not look up from her scribbling. “No,” she said flatly. “Don’t wanna.” “But you’ll get a ra-” “No.” There was more edge this time. One more time and Bala would make her Mommy regret it. “Fine,” the Carer sighed. “Then I’ll go get your stuff and change you here on the floor.” A hint of a smile. Bala’s eyes darted to the porcelain doll, as if sharing a secret inside joke with the toy. “Kay-kay.” Ai watched the woman trudge off to Bala’s nursery to fetch diapers and wipes. She hoped to have her own Mommy under that kind of control. Truly the kind of power Bala wielded over Luna’s agents was almost as great as Luna itself. Ai had come so far in such a short time, but it seemed she still had so much to learn. “Bala?” Ai rolled over back to her stomach. “Can I ask you a question?” For once, Bala’s incredibly short attention span allowed her to focus wholly on her playmate. “Yup yup!” Ai reached out and poked the third glowing dot on the other Pink’s arm. “How did you get this?” “Luna decided that I should never not be a Pink.” The idea seemed positively alien to Ai. One dot was a warning- don’t think you’ve outgrown Luna too much. Two dots was a kind of penance. Even people like Ai who had given up on trying to regain some semblance of their old life could hypothetically climb their way back up the totem pole. Three dots a life sentence? Inconceivable. Yet on the playgrounds and birthday parties and carnivals and every other occasion where Pinks were forced to mingle, Bala was the highest of the low and first among equals. If you still held onto fantasies about gaming the system and getting out of a Carer’s grasp, she was persona non grata. If not, she was the closest thing to a celebrity guru. “How?” Ai asked, her volume suddenly near a whisper. Bala’s Mommy came in, a fresh diaper and wipes in hand. Bala rolled over onto her back and grabbed her doll, dangling it up above her head. Ai thought that Bala was going to wait for her Mommy to leave before continuing the confession. She only waited long enough for the tapes to rip. “This isn’t my first Mommy,” Bala said. Ai arched an eyebrow, suddenly curious. “Oh? What happened?” “It’s a long story.” Ai thought that meant she’d have to hear the rest of it later. Bala just needed to pause long enough for her legs to be thrown up so she could have her backside wiped. “I used to want to be a Carer.” The fresh spurt of pee seeping into Ai’s diaper was merely coincidence. But if she’d had her continence it might not have been. In her schema, Bala was about as far from a Carer as one could possibly be. “Really?” “Yeah,” Bala said. “Take care of the Pinks. Make their lives better. Give them something they never had. That sort of thing.” Ai pushed herself up to all fours and then back onto her bum. She drew her knees up slightly. “Okay…” “Luna decided I wasn’t a good fit. Thought I didn’t have the temperament or something.” Bala dangled the little doll, Aya, in the air, making it dance. Damn, but she loved that doll. A note of bitterness creeped into her voice when she said. “Nobody ever appreciates what you do for them. No matter how many times you’re a good girl.” For some reason Ai couldn’t shake the feeling that Bala was talking about her. “What’d you do then?” The Mommy slid out the old diaper and carefully balled it and the soiled wipes up. “I became a nurse.” Before Luna, that would have been a medical position. With all the advances brought on in the decades since, ‘nurse’ was more of a nanite technician, someone who specialized in the little robots’ transmission signals. Closer to a customer service troubleshooter at an internet service provider than someone versed in the care of the human body. These days there wasn’t much difference; just like there wasn’t much difference between a Pink and an unpotty trained toddler. “How did you end up Pink?” Ai asked. Bala fidgeted and her eye twitched while her Mommy rubbed cream into every fold. “I dunno,” she admitted. “Luna never told me. Did she tell you?” Ai stared down at the foam letter blocks on the floor. “No. Luna didn’t.” “Then I got mad, and got my second dot.” Bala said. Been there. Done that. Powder rained down onto Bala’s bottom and drifted into the fresh diaper that had been slipped underneath her. “Then I got my first Mommy. Then I got mad.” “What’d you do?” Ai was up on her knees, looking like a deer ready to sprint away or a supplicant ready to bow in worship. A dark, knowing grin blossomed on Bala’s face; one that went all the way to her eyes. “I figured out how to reprogram her nanites. Made her a Pink without the dots.” A gasp forced its way out of Ai. The only thing that covered it up was the crinkling and rustling of the fresh diaper being pulled up between Bala’s legs. Ai remembered watching some old gangster movies when she was younger. A classic trope was where the head mobster would get his face shaved by someone who hated and feared him, knowing that at any time the barber could slit his throat with a straight razor but didn’t have the guts. Ai couldn’t help but see the parallels in this situation. “Funny thing is,” Bala babbled on. “Now she’s Pink, too. She had an emotional breakdown from all the teasing. Luna thought it would be easier to just make it official.” “How?” Ai asked. “How’d you manage to do that?” The Carer stood up and took away the dirty diaper. Bala threw a toe back and puckered her lips trying to suck at it. “That’s the best part,” Bala giggled. “Luna still hasn’t figured it out, and I’m not telling!” Ai sucked her thumb, humbled and awed at the revelation. She had so much more to learn.
  7. Chapter 3: Growing Pains Something was wrong. Ai looked up from her tablet. “Hey,” Ai asked. “Where’s Winnie?” The other Two-Dots looked at one another around the sandbox. “Who?” “Winnie,” Ai repeated. “Ginger? Frizzy hair? Likes to tattle when people have had an accident? Tries to help with diaper changes?” That last part certainly didn’t narrow the field down. “So,” one of the others said, “You but not Asian?” Cruel titters rang out and Ai rose out from her spot and marched over to Maria. “Excuse me, Maria?” Ai asked. “Where’s Winnie?” Maria blinked. “Who?” “We had the sleepover that one time? Could you ask Luna where she is?” A flash of recognition. “Oh! Winnie! That Winnie! Luna promoted her back to one-dot about a month ago. I’m surprised you didn’t notice.” Fresh adrenaline and hope surged through the Pink’s veins. Someone got out! Someone actually got out! She’d done it! That meant it could be done! “How?” Maria frowned in confusion. “What do you mean? Luna just ran all the calculations and determined that Winnie was ready.” “When will I be ready?” “That’s not up to me to decide.” She knew Winnie hadn’t been at two dots that much longer! “Am I close?” A warning look was given. “Ai…” “I’ve got to be close!” Ai gushed. “I try and help get people’s diaper bags and I tell the Carers when somebody needs changing! And I tell you whenever I need a change! I’ve gotta be almost ready! I’ve gotta!” She was practically dancing. Maria reached out and patted the girl on top of her head. “I don’t think it works like that.” “But…but…but…why not?” “Go play.” *************************************************************************************************** Ai rode in her stroller. The soft click-clacking the wheels of her stroller as it rode over the panels of sidewalk mixed with the rhythmic suckling and the taste of apple juice. All in all it was soothing, an easy distraction. She was behind on her rent, but not enough for her to lose her apartment. (Her apartment that she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been inside of). She just had to pay a fine on top of everything else. She stared down, past her bottle, at the tablet in her lap. Goddamn thing had become the center of her whole world these last few months. She’d progressed, though. Luna had almost forgiven her; determined that she was independent enough to reactivate her privileges and reinstall all of her old capabilities. She just knew it. The blueberry party dress she’d been put in felt like such an upgrade after all the onesies and rompers. Finally her diaper was on display for all to see! That meant something, didn’t it? Of course it did. It had to! Apple juice finished, her eyelids started to droop. Too many late nights trying to get that extra pay. Tonight would likely be no different. So much to do. So much to get ready for. And nothing but noisy playgrounds to get it done on. Maybe if she took just a little nap… “Hi Maria!” Ai’s eyes jerked open. Directly across from her was another stroller, carrying another Pink. The young man looked completely mortified as was appropriate. “Candice! Hello!” Maria said, her voice booming out from behind Ai’s stroller. “Who’s this?” “This is Josh,” the other Carer replied. “Luna just sent me to him today! We’re getting to know each other!” “He is such a cutie!” Maria cooed. The man who had likely just soiled himself for the first time in ages sunk down in his seat trying to disappear. Ai wanted to tell him that he’d get used to it, but Luna might think she wasn’t ready if she told lies. “Oh yes he is! We’re going to have such fun together getting him back on track!” The other Carer stepped around the stroller and bent over. “And who do we have…is that Ai?” Ai’s muscles seized up in surprise and panic. She didn’t know the woman’s name, but she knew the face. “Where’s Greggy?” “Greggy?” the Carer said. “Greggy was three charges ago!” Three charges? How had she not noticed? How had this happened? Greggy had definitely been demoted to Two-Dot status after Ai. How had he graduated so quickly? What was his secret? What had he done right? What was she continuing to do wrong? Ai felt her diaper warming up. It was a coincidence but the timing felt appropriate. Though it’s said Luna controlled people’s nanites. Perhaps a point was being made. ********************************************************************************************************** The slow, familiar, not quite in-tune notes of ‘Happy Birthday’ echoed out of Maria’s kitchen. Maria wasn’t much of a singer, but something delicious was baking in the oven. Ai put aside her tablet and got up from the carpet. She wasn’t allowed on the furniture. If she wanted to sit with back support her options were the wall, the highchair, or the ‘activity chair’, which was Maria’s term for an incredibly oversized and immobile walker. “What’s cooking?” Ai asked. She remembered her manners and added, “it smells wonderful.” “I’m glad you agree,” Maria smiled. “I’m baking it for you. Chocolate cake is still your favorite, right?” Ai’s mouth began salivating. “Yes ma’am!” she said. Were she a dog, her tail would be wagging. Not so deep in the back of her mind, hope and hunger mingled. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the occasion?” “I know a certain someone who has a very special day coming up,” Maria replied in a jovial sing-song voice. Ai’s toes curled and dug into the linoleum. She’d already been forced to spend a birthday in this state, so it couldn’t be that. “What kind of special day…?” A smile dared to tug at the corner of her lips. Was this…a graduation cake? Would she be moving out soon? Go back to the probationary period of only one dot? Maybe even gain her potty training all the way back? A girl could dream, right? Maria took off her apron and stepped forward, arms spread wide for a hug. “I know it’s early but…” Ai practically leaped into the other woman’s embrace, hugging her as hard as she could. “Happy Anniversary, Ai!” Ai’s arms went slack, dangling uselessly at her side. She was only vaguely aware of one of Maria’s hands patting her backside and pulling back the waistband. “Just checking,” she whispered, casually. Ai pushed herself away from Maria. Her Luna-assigned Carer let her. “It’s been a year?!” she cried out. So many emotions to process. Where had all the time gone? Why hadn’t she been promoted yet? Would she ever? Or was she just slaving away at a sandbox, shitting herself, making someone else money so she could hold onto an apartment she’d never get to live in again? “Why am I…?! How did this…?! Why am I still…?!” Ai had neither the strength nor the heart to finish any of those questions. “Honey,” Maria clicked her tongue. “You’ve made progress but Luna says you’ve still got a long way to go.” “How long?” But Ai already knew the answer. “As long as it takes, dear. As long as it takes.” ************************************************************************************************************** A year. It had been an entire year. How the hell had that happened? Ai stomped onto the playground the next morning, barefoot save for the T-shirt and diaper Maria had dressed her in this morning. Her stomach gave her one of the few warnings she could still detect with an audible gurgle. This morning’s oatmeal would be catching up to her soon. For a full year she’d been stuck like this. Stuck in neutral. Idling. Waiting for forgiveness- or at least instructions on how to make amends- that would never come. Behind her, the other Pinks who still hoped to return to their old lives plugged away and teased each other incessantly. Their mean-spirited and tired giggles were as part of Ai’s environmental soundtrack as much as the tweeting of birds and the chittering of squirrels. None of that mattered. Not anymore. Ai had finally been able to put a name to all the emotions she’d been experiencing, roiling around inside her like a hurricane. Denial. Anger. Envy. Despair. But not acceptance. Never acceptance. A whole year of grieving. Fuck grieving. Fuck it all. So many faces had changed. None of the others at the sandbox seemed familiar to her anymore. They’d come and gone and come and gone while she remained trapped, serving a life sentence for crimes she’d never been charged with. Who hadn’t changed? The lifers. The ones that had long ago given up. The ones that screamed and cried and laughed and lived. The ones that made their Carers actually have to work instead of sitting on a bench, idly reading trashy books, only stirring to give a bottle or wipe an ass. She marched up to the first face she recognized. Ironic, or perhaps appropriate, considering. “Hi!” The Indian girl said, her smile big and toothy. The three pink dots that bled all the way to her forearm became a strobe because of how quickly she waved. “I’m Bala!” She held out a little porcelain doll, oddly delicate, considering how this familiar stranger seemed to enjoy doing everything cranked up to eleven. “Do you wanna-?” “Yes,” Ai said, before the girl could finish the question. “Teach me.” Tears started to form and drip down her face. “Please…please teach me.”
  8. Chapter 2: Terrible Twos Ai sat on the edge of the sandbox, her back to the sand, miserably poking away on the tablet and trying to get as much work as possible done despite the plurality of roadblocks in her way. For starters, the fire engine red tablet in her lap was incredibly sensitive. It was designed to be a children’s gaming tablet and jam-packed with plenty of pastel pixelated entertainment for less developed minds to enjoy. Ai was allowed to use it for other purposes, but this model didn’t have any compatible keyboards so the girl was forced to make due with the installed keyboarding app in order to write her emails, reports, and fill out her spreadsheets. That simple limitation made it exceedingly difficult to do her job. The lack of tactile input made it so she couldn’t type without looking at the keyboard. The simple act of resting her hands on the keys in preparation registered the same as if she were mashing together a string of a’s, ‘j’s, f’s, k’s, d’s and so forth. As a result, Ai had to hunt and peck for every letter of every word making it extremely difficult to build up any kind of momentum or fall into a rhythm. The keyboarding software lacked an autocomplete feature, too, and punctuations, numbers, and so on required a completely different set-up to be opened. Frankly, it would have been easier to do her work on a phone. If only she’d been allowed one. Ai spared a moment to stare at the inside of her wrist. There were still two bright pink dots glowing just underneath her skin. Disbelief and despair had blended together into a potent cocktail so as to erase her object permanence. When she wasn’t retreating inside herself to deal with the shock or desperately trying to get work done on a computer designed for children she was looking at her wrist over and over. It was like looking for a missing pet or lost car keys; whether it was on the periphery of her vision or her thoughts Ai kept swearing she could almost see a singular dot proclaiming her current level of social demotion over, but every time she looked, there were the same two dots humming back at her. The young lady blinked and stared back at the screen, forcing herself to get back to work. Maria (Ai refused to call her ‘Nana’) had taken her to a public playground, but Ai chose to sulk and work in the sandbox. Ai hadn’t technically been fired from her job. She just wasn’t allowed to show up in person because the office didn’t have the facilities required to ‘meet her level of care’. But she would be fired if she couldn’t meet her deadlines. Nothing would happen to her if she lost her job. Luna ensured that everyone got the level of care they required. She technically hadn’t been evicted from her apartment, either. She just wasn’t allowed to stay there since she was required to sleep in a crib at Maria’s residence. She would be evicted if she got fired and couldn’t wire the rent over to her landlord. Nothing would happen to her if an eviction notice came. No one was homeless in the wonderful world Luna had so precisely organized. That was exactly Ai’s problem: If she lost her job and her home, nothing would happen to her. She’d stay stuck in this ridiculous yellow onesie and diaper, her Pink status would never be removed, and she’d be sucking on bottles, sleeping in cribs, and filling her pants while contributing nothing to society for the rest of her life. In a world where there was no risk, wealth was measured in independence. The more you could handle without Luna’s intervention, the better off you were. Conversely, Ai was the poorest she’d ever been because the artificial intelligence had deemed her needing the same care as a child. All of this raced, looped around, and spiraled back in on itself while Ai scrambled to get as much work done before Maria took her out for lunch. Pinks didn’t have daycares since after the first dot they were each assigned a personal Carer. Ai had to try and get her work done in her stroller, or on a playground, or wherever Maria decided to take her for ‘fresh air and enrichment’. That meant humiliating outfits, public diaper changes, and the smiles and scoffs of any random passersby. Just the other day, Ai endured a mother explaining to her toddler why ‘the big girl looked like a baby’. Maria apparently made enough money so that she could take Ai out to eat at least once a day. That meant public high chair feedings, face wipings, waitresses who loved pinching her cheeks telling her how cute she was, and hot guys thinking she was anything but. And the worst part of it all was she still hadn’t figured out what she’d done to need all of this. Luna wouldn’t talk directly to her anymore, and if Maria knew why, she wasn’t sharing. “How long do I have to stay like this?” Ai had asked that first day. “For as long as you need to, sweetie,” Maria replied. “For as long as you need to.” Presently, Ai pecked as quickly and as diligently as she could on the edge of the sandbox. Next to her were other Two-Dots grinding away to prove their potential for independence, pecking away at their own toy tablets. Of all of them, Ai was dressed the least modestly. Girls were in dresses and jumpers that only really covered the tops of their diapers. Boys wore thin shorts with elasticized waists that left the tops of their diapers constantly poking out and did nothing to hide the bulbous shape of the bulk between their thighs. Maria had condemned Ai to a yellow onesie with pastel green frogs hopping all around, her hair done up in pigtails, and a pacifier dangling from its clip, unused. Every nearby bench was occupied by Carers; their signature rose colored scrubs a uniform and symbol of their position in society. They sat quietly, reading trashy novels to themselves unless Luna or something else notified them of their charge needing something. Ai knew that this was all Luna’s decision, and that it was all for her own good, but she couldn’t help but feel resentful towards Maria. The sentient computer had calculated and handed down the decree, but it was Maria who was doing the dirty work. Ai shifted and barely noticed the squelch beneath her bottom. It had been months since she’d peed in a toilet. Frankly she was used to the feeling of a wet diaper, almost as if that first dot had been to desensitize and prepare her for her second. Her nose wrinkled and she instead took comfort that, if she leaked, it’d be Maria that would have to deal with it. She lifted her head and took in the playground. Pinks who had given up played loudly, screaming and running around without a care in the world. Some people really were suited to this pathetic lifestyle. Their Carers were working up quite a sweat, pushing swings, spinning merry-go-rounds, refereeing games of duck-duck-goose, and generally yelling at the overgrown children to be careful. Ai’s pigtails swayed lightly as she shook her head in quiet disgust. A ping from her tablet caught her attention. She looked down and saw that she had a new email. There was no subject, but she knew the sender intimately. Very intimately. She leaned forward, not quite on her haunches, and opened the message. Her eyes read the message but did not fully comprehend. She read it again. And again. And again. “He’s leaving me?” she said out loud, her voice trembling. “But it’s only been a week.” She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her as she adjusted herself and off the balls of her feet and sat back down. “EW!” A shrill voice cried. “Ai pooped! Ai pooped!” A chorus of snickers rose up to greet Ai, along with the sudden warm, lumpy feeling in the back of her onesie. Other Pinks dashed away from her leaving her side of the sandbox abandoned; their retreating footsteps the sound of dry crackling leaves being carried away by the wind. They pinched their noses and waved their hands in front of their face. Ai’s throat felt swollen, but not because of the mockery. What the hell? It’s not as if any of them could control their bowels thanks to the nanites! Constipation was the only thing keeping them from dropping a load in their diapers, too! Drawn by the mocking laughter, Maria trotted over to the sandbox and deadlifted Ai onto her hip. Nanites could do more than prevent disease and take away continence it seemed. “Come on, Miss Stinky Britches,” the Carer clucked. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” Fingers pointed out like lasers and followed Ai all the way down to the changing mat laid out in the grass. Unwilling to yield or show weakness, Ai stared straight up at the cloudy sky; numbing herself; willing herself not to cry or blush or whimper or hide her face in her hands. “So this is Ai,” another Carer said from the bench. “You’re right, Maria. She is a real cutie.” “Shhh,” Marie chuckled, unbuttoning the snaps in Ai’s onesie. “She doesn’t know that, yet.” “I would appreciate it,” Ai said, finding her voice, “if you could please do this quickly. I’ve got work to do.” Her request was punctuated by the sounds of tapes ripping off and her diaper coming undone. “Oooooh,” the other Carer cooed. “Someone’s very serious today!” “She’s very precocious,” Maria agreed, lifting Ai’s legs and wiping her bottom for her. “Your Nana is changing you as quick as she can,” the third woman assured her. “Then you can go right back to playing on your little tablet with the other couch potatoes.” Ai was about to retort, but the mention of her tablet reminded her that she’d just been abandoned. That final straw weighed her down enough so that she retreated back down into herself while the old diaper was balled up and replaced, her ass powdered and creamed, and she was resealed into her cutesy crinkling prison. “All done.” The young woman got up and walked back to the sandbox. She hated how stiff the new diaper was, forcing her to move with it instead of the other way around. Within the next fifteen to twenty minutes it wouldn’t be as stiff, but she’d likely be at least a little wet. She hated that more. The spot she’d been sitting in had been taken by the remaining Pinks, with no one looking to budge. A pity as she’d been sitting in the perfect spot beneath the shade of an overhanging tree. Now she’d have to worm and wriggle her way back in. “Hey,” she realized, “Where’d my tablet go?” All the other Pinks stared down at their laps, pretending they hadn’t heard her. “Mother…!” Out of the corner of her eye, a flash of movement from the playground demanded Ai’s attention. A woman in nothing but a bright pink t-shirt, a sagging diaper, and white tennis shoes zoomed around on the playground. Or rather, she had been zooming. It was her sudden stop that caught Ai’s attention. She had a dark complexion- Ai would have guessed Indian at a glance- her eyes deep pools of brown and flowers in her hair. If not for the diaper, Ai would have thought her pretty. Speaking of her diaper, the girl was busy filling it. Her knees were slightly bent, her fists clenched, and those deep brown pools seemed distant for a second. Ai didn’t know how she knew the other girl was pooping. The thing around her hips was already so ballooned out and sagging that anything extra added to it would have been purely incidental by this point in time. Somehow she just knew. Then, as quickly as she stopped, the girl started zooming again, climbing up the nearest slide to go down it, the contents of her non-pants likely squishing and sloshing all around. But no one was coming to change her. No one was tattling or monitoring her. No one was stopping her from doing what she wanted to do in the moment. Was that…jealousy Ai was feeling? “Ew! Penelope pooped!” The same shrill voice as before sounded off. “EWWWWWWWW!’ Ai squealed, wanting to fit in. She pinched her nose and pointed her finger at the offending Pink. A lady in her thirties stood up and stomped her foot. “Tattletales!” With a huff, she stomped over to her Carer on a faraway bench to get cleaned up. Ai took her spot on the sandbox. And the girl’s forgotten tablet. ********************************************************************************************************* “Miss Maria! Miss Maria!” Winnie screamed. “Ai pooped again! She needs changed!” Ai rolled her eyes. “Really, Winnie?” Winne grinned, evilly. “What? You did, didn’t you? Or do you not know, anymore?” “None of us know,” Ai growled. “That’s kind of the point.” The straps on the other woman’s pink denim shortalls bobbed up and down with her shrug. “Just trying to help.” She ran off to Maria’s bench and started jawing, no doubt telling the Carer that Ai had just soiled herself (as if Maria hadn’t heard the first time). It was the weekend. Prior to this, Ai would normally have been enjoying herself and sleeping in. But she was too busy trying to catch up on work and dealing with brats like Winnie to enjoy it. No sleeping in, either. Winnie’s Carer was taking the day off, so the pair of Pinks were having a ‘playdate’ that would bleed over into a ‘sleepover’. Funny how the people who changed diapers got days off but the people trapped in them never did. In addition to her having to make an entire budget proposal one finger peck at a time, she now had to deal with this little pissant who had nothing to do but tattle and make a big deal about uncontrollable and insignificant things. That was enough for Maria. She walked over to Ai’s sandbox, picked her up, giving Ai’s bum a pat, confirming Winnie’s accusations. “Wow. You really do need a change!” Maria remarked. “What am I feeding you?!” Ai’s only solace was that the playground wasn’t as crowded on the weekends. Winnie came waddling up, holding Ai’s diaper bag. “Can I help change her, Miss Maria?” she asked, her voice completely aspartame. “Of course you may,” Maria said. “First be a dear and lay out the changing mat somewhere nice and flat.” Winnie did so, rifling through Ai’s bag and unfolding the vinyl backed mat on a patch of grass. “Good girl,” Maria praised. She laid Ai down and started popping the snaps open. “You can hand me the wipes packet and start unfolding the new diaper while I clean Ai up.” “Yes ma’am!” Ai felt her blood boil. She’d already lost count of how many people had seen her naked from the waist down, her messy bottom on display for all to see. But there was something so…so…intrusive about this stranger, this other Pink rifling through her diapers and supplies, acting as if she were any better than Ai. The entire time, Winnie stood over her, never breaking off eye contact while she handed the fresh diaper and then the powder to Maria. Ai held her tongue, not daring to back down. When the deed was done, Maria pulled Ai up to a sitting position. “You were very good,” Maria said. “Is there anything you want to tell me?” Ai took the hint. “Thank you, Maria.” “You’re very welcome, sweetie. Is there anything you want to tell Winnie? She helped when she didn’t have to.” Ai almost swallowed her tongue. Winnie stood over her with her arms folded, her smile concealing a nasty sneer. “Th-th-thank you, Winnie.” Winnie parroted Maria. “You’re very welcome, sweetie.” Her parroting was rewarded with the Carer’s bubbling laughter. “Okay,” Maria declared, shooing. “Off you two go. Go play. Luna wants you to enjoy this time and have fun.” “Actually,” Winnie said. “I need help, too, Miss Maria.” Her eyes cast downward as she traced a circle with her foot. “I need a change, too. I think I’m about to leak.” Maria lit up. “Very good, Winnie! I’ll be happy to clean you up!” “Can I help?” Ai asked. She was already clumsily climbing to her feet and looking around, trying to find Winnie’s diaper bag. Turnaround was fair play. Except it wasn’t. “No,” Maria said simply. “That’s alright Ai. I know you have a lot of work to do. You should get back to it.” “But-!” A bottle was thrust in her face. “If you really want to help, drink your juice before it gets too warm. I can tell that you’re starting to get dehydrated. Let’s fix that, shall we?” “Yeah, let’s fix that!” Ai snatched the bottle and trudged back over to the sandbox and sat down with a harumph. She turned her head and watched Winnie get laid down on the bench, obscuring her form from three sides. She tilted the rubber nipple to her lip and started chugging the disgusting apple juice. Ai hated apple juice, it was by far the worst of all the common fruit juices. Orders were orders, though. If she ever wanted to have her status upgraded, she’d do as she was told without complaint until Luna had calculated that she was ready for more independence and responsibilities. “WAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” The sound of inconsolable blubbering made Ai’s ears prick up. If Ai hadn’t known any better, she would have thought an actual child was crying save for the lower tones. Just behind her, out on the sidewalk, a stroller was passing by. Its lone occupant, a Pink, was screaming like the world was about to end. Ai tilted her head curiously to the side, unsure what to make of it. Most Pinks were quiet and demure in public, too embarrassed or contrite to make much of a scene. This girl’s screams were enough to turn heads. What was going on? The stroller stopped, and the person pushing it walked around and dropped to one knee so as to be at the Pink’s eye level. “What’s wrong, Bala?” the carer asked, her voice syrupy, loving and concerned. The girl, Bala apparently, made no reply. She just kept screaming. Her bare feet kicked the air inches away from the Carer’s face. It was hard to tell due to distance and angles, but Ai thought there was something vaguely familiar about the girl. “Is it your diaper?” the Carer asked. Ai watched her hand reach forward and check. “No. I don’t think it’s that. “Are you hungry? Thirsty? I just fed you. Do you want more?” She dug into the holstered diaper bag and offered up a bottle. The bottle went flying out of the Carer’s grasp and tumbled onto the grass near the sandbox. No one, including the Carer, paid it any mind. Pedestrians would turn their head towards the sound of the disturbance and the sight of thrashing limbs, but would quickly whip their heads the other way around once they confirmed what they were hearing and seeing as ‘none of their business’. Something similar had happened to Ai on her first day like this, but there was something…different. Despite herself, Ai leaned forward and picked it up. She walked carefully forward towards the Carer and the stroller’s occupant, the bulk of her diaper causing her to waddle and toddle all the way over. The Carer barely noticed. Once the bottle went sailing, she just kept digging in the bag. “Aya? Do you want your Aya? Is that it?” She took out a porcelain doll dressed in finery and waved it to get the screaming woman’s attention. The girl in the stroller stopped bellowing and took the doll. “Aya!” “Okay,” the Carer wiped the sweat from her forehead. “That was it. You just wanted your Aya.” “Excuse me,” Ai said right at the edge where the playground ended and the sidewalk began. She positioned herself so that she could see into the stroller proper. To her surprise it was the same girl from a few days ago, the ‘pooper’ who kept on playing without a care in the world. “Yes?” The Carer asked, expectantly. Ai’s reply was automatic and unthinking. Her mind and mouth were in two separate locations for all intents and purposes. “I think you dropped this.” She held out the bottle as far as she could from herself, nipple facing the Carer. The woman in the rose scrubs took it gratefully. “Thank you, dear. That was very kind of you.” She turned her gaze to the stroller. “Say ‘thank you’, Bala.” “No.” A gasp of surprise escaped from Ai. You could do that?! Say ‘no’ to a Carer? Saying ‘no’ to one of Luna’s agents was like refusing an order from Luna herself! It just wasn’t done! The girl was trapped in a stroller, had no home of her own, pissed and shit in herself uncontrollably every day, and couldn’t even feed or dress herself, yet she might as well be defying gravity. The Carer sighed and took her position behind the stroller. “Oh Bala, what am I gonna do with you little lady?” What indeed? *********************************************************************************************** “Ewww!” Ai shrieked. “Greggy pooped! Greggy pooped!” She pointed to the man in the sailor suit and scuttled away from him. “I heard it! I heard it!” Sounds like static bristled into the air as a dozen crinkling bottoms moved away from him. Fingers were pointed and noses were pinched. Ai was getting so good at this that although she’d barely heard the crinkling of the Pink’s diaper ballooning or his unconscious grunts, she instantly knew what was happening. “EWWWWWWW!” The boy burst out into sudden and shocked tears. Snot bubbles started forming and dripping out of his nose and all of his syllables turned into vowels. His Carer rushed over and checked him, pulling the waistband back and staring down inside of his pants. “Oh poor Greggy. Did you make a boom boom?” Inconsolable, Greggy nodded but continued blubbering incessantly. He was led by the hand away towards the public restrooms to be changed. “Can I help?” Ai offered, waiting to be praised. “No Ai,” the Carer sighed. “I’ve got this.” It was mildly disturbing that the Carer knew Ai’s name but not the other way around. Had she really been at this long enough to develop a reputation? “But-” “You’ve helped enough, dear. Go play.” Ai’s face fell and started to sizzle. What was she doing wrong? When someone else told on her they were praised. When she told on someone else, not so much. It didn’t make any sense. She went to take a step and get back to work on her tablet, but noticed how heavy her diaper felt. Today’s romper was really straining to hold the soggy thing up. With constantly worrying about the state of her underwear and the difficulties in working her tablet, Ai felt as if her workload had tripled, despite assurances from management that it had in fact gone down. Feeling drained and weary, Ai walked bowlegged to Maria. Maybe it’d be easy to work in a dry diaper. “Excuse me. Maria?” Maria looked up from her Harlequin romance novel. Her seventh since taking Ai into her care. “Yes?” “I’m very wet, ma’am. Could you please change me?” “Of course.” The change went as expected with Maria humming a jaunty little tune to herself while she went about wiping Ai’s nethers. Strange how routine it had all become. Routine enough that she was at least able to read work emails while her legs were up over her head and a cold wipe was cleansing and probing every nook and cranny. “There you go,” Maria chirped. “All done.” “Thank you.” “Good girl. Go play.” Ai stood up and stopped herself long enough to watch her Carer ball up and toss away the used diaper into a public garbage can. “Maria?” The tall, imposing Carer regarded her. “Yes dear?” “How much longer will I be stuck like this?” The Carer repeated the mantra again. “For as long as it’s needed.” “How long will that be?” “Go play, Ai. Go play.” She looked out onto the playground, viewing the Pinks who made no effort to have their status upgraded. Unlike literally everyone at the sandbox, they seemed happy somehow. What did they have that she lacked?
  9. Academy II By Personalias "At the end of the world, there will be neither clamor nor calamity, neither echo nor epoch. It will be mired in silence and sleep, in deliverance and death. At the end of the world, there will be both patience and purpose, both temperance and time. Only then will it be graced with eternity, and from eternity, a chance." -The Source, in valediction Chapter 1: 90 Days The world was perfect. Things like poverty, crime, disease, starvation, war, pollution, homelessness, and politics had been relegated to the history books. Slight Correction: The world was almost perfect. After today it would be perfect. After today, Ai Sinclair would be out of diapers again. Then, the world would be perfect. Ai sat on the bus on her way to work, her long flowing skirt hanging placidly down to her shins. Her sensible, navy blue skirt, matching flats and plain white blouse showed her to be the smart, talented, young professional she knew she was. The indigo colored broach around her neck added a touch of flair and sophistication, as did the knitting needles she used to keep her hair up in a bun. Only the dreaded garment she was sitting in betrayed her imperfection. Beside her on the next seat over was her black leather satchel bag (she refused to call it a diaper bag). It had just enough of the folded plain white rectangles to get her through the day. After today, she fully intended to hide it away in the back of a closet somewhere until she forgot about it. In ages past, before Ai was born, someone might have tossed the damn thing out or donated it to charity. Charities were obsolete, and throwing away a perfectly good bag might be grounds enough to extend her sentence. That meant more time before she could get married, more teasing from her co-workers, and more diapers. Ai wasn’t about to stumble when she was so close to the finish line. Nervously, Ai rolled up her sleeve and stared at the glowing dot on her wrist right beneath her palm. The one that marked her as Pink. For as long as that dot was lit up, the medical nanites in her bloodstream made it so she had no bladder control. She couldn’t remember if they affected the muscles in her body or if they somehow dimmed some small part of her brain that controlled the sphincter muscles of her bladder. Maybe both? It was the sort of thing she wished she’d paid more attention to back in middle school. In the grand scheme of things, the ‘how’ didn’t matter, only the ‘when’. It had been determined that Ai was too stressed and needed to take a break, and so for the last eighty-nine days, the only time Ai Sinclair realized that she’d needed to pee was when she felt the padding beneath her grow warm and squishy. Today was day ninety; the last day of her sentence. PING! The young woman’s eye twitched and she dug her phone out of the satchel bag’s side pocket. On it was a message: Hello, Ai. Your heart rate has accelerated and I have detected an increase in cortisol in your bloodstream. Are you feeling alright? Anxious? I can adjust your mood nanites to increase your comfort. Reading that message had anything but a calming effect on Ai. Thinking quickly, Ai tapped back: No thank you, Luna. I’m just very excited to be going back to big girl panties at the end of the day. I appreciate your concern, but help is not needed at this time. Dancing bubbles appeared underneath Ai’s message. It was an affectation, of course. Luna was capable of carrying on conversations with over seven billion people at once without missing a step. The artificial intelligence had formulated its response the nanosecond Ai had pressed ‘Send’. Hidden cameras on the bus were likely observing her initial reply as she typed it. But the little waves of ellipses gave the illusion that Ai was communicating with a person on her level instead of a supercomputer that was smarter than every human that ever lived combined. The message came back: There’s nothing wrong with being a Pink, Ai. I hope you know that. These past ninety days were meant as a way to help you reset, refocus, and recontextualize your work-life balance as well as your personal relationships. Luna had a passive aggressive streak an equator wide. It had started out as a personal assistant application; something to be downloaded to a phone. Despite its evolution, Ai sometimes got the feeling that Luna resented its origins and held it against people. Ai replied immediately: I completely agree, Luna. There’s also nothing wrong with taking pride in one’s accomplishments and how far one has come. I am simply feeling the thrill of anticipation as I re-progress in my personal journey. The bubbles danced for only a second: That’s completely valid. My apologies, Ai. Ai’s thumbs did a tarantella: Nothing to apologize for. Would you please pick out some music for me to listen to? Something to help me harness my energy and keep the positive vibes going? The reply was immediate. No waves of dots whatsoever: Of course. Let me know if there’s any other way I can be of service. Enjoy your last day. The earbuds Ai kept in the side pocket with her phone started playing something. She dug them out, inserted them, and couldn’t help smiling. “Like the legend of the phoenix All ends with beginnings What keeps the planet spinning The force of love beginning” Damn, Luna was good at her job. Ai had loved this song ever since she was a little girl. It always put her in a good mood. At the core of its programming, Luna was still a servant. The only problem was that Luna was determined to serve and fix everything at all times. And when a superintelligent near omnipotent digital god-being decides to look for a problem, it will inevitably find one, even if said problem needs to be manufactured. That’s how Ai ended up like this. She’d been too stressed, too focused, and too ambitious to the point of accidental self-harm. She’d been losing sleep, blowing off social engagements, getting in more fights with her fiancé over every little thing, eating too poorly, and generally not taking care of herself. And when people stopped taking proper care of themselves, Luna tended to intervene. Diapers and temporary incontinence were Luna’s preferred form of self-correction. It had forced Ai to be more aware of her surroundings and her personal needs. It humbled her and made her more mindful of her diet. It was a pain monitoring for leaks and having to coordinate bowel movements with how wet she was - the diapers provided were always the tape on kind - but overall it had been good for her, according to Luna. The diapers also served as a kind of warning. Luna only allowed someone as much independence as they could safely manage on their own. Those who couldn’t handle the rigors of everyday life were aggressively supported. Over her music, Ai heard a panicked outcry. “Luna! No! Please!” Ai’s head turned with the other riders towards the back of the bus. A fair-skinned man in need of a shave leapt out of his seat, eyes wide in panic. Ai followed his gaze down to the front of his jeans where an even darker patch was blossoming; his bladder releasing its contents involuntarily. “We've come too far to give up who we are So let's raise the bar and our cups to the stars” The man’s phone tumbled out of his hand and into the puddle forming at his feet. He looked at his wrist in abject horror, clamping down on it as if to staunch the bleeding. Ai didn’t need to hear the mocking giggles to notice the facial expressions and body language of the other passengers. Bemused looks, cruel smiles, heads shaking in condescension and finger pointing abounded all around her. A giant, practically celebratory chorus of “BABY!” erupted so loudly that even the music couldn’t drown it out. Ai scooted an inch away from her satchel bag. It was only an inch, but that was as far away as she could manage without pressing her face up against the window glass. Amidst the cheering and jeering at the slacker’s misfortune, the bus crawled to a halt. The doors opened with a hiss. Looking at her window, Ai could tell they weren’t at an official stop. That meant Luna had likely asked the driver to pull over. It could do that. Luna could speak to anyone through almost any electronic device. Methods and mediums of communication were more a matter of individual privacy and location and not limitations of software or technology. From where she sat near the front, Ai immediately understood why the bus had pulled over. A woman in rose colored scrubs decorated with drawings of safety pins, baby rattles, and storks ascended the steps. Slung over her shoulder was a large baby blue diaper bag of the same approximate dimensions as Ai’s satchel. Ai removed an earbud and sucked on her teeth. “Hello Georgie,” the Carer said. “My name’s Nicole. Looks like you had a little accident. Let’s get you sorted out, okay?” The man who’d just wet his pants took his hand off his wrist and visibly choked back a sob. “Two?” he asked, “Why two?” The Carer stepped forward and put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay,” she shushed him. “It’s okay. You’re not in any trouble. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She was gently guiding him backwards. Behind him, people were getting out of the way and making room. “But-!” “I understand you’re upset,” the Carer said, “but let’s not make a scene, okay?” From the diaper bag she pulled out a changing mat and laid it across the now empty row of seats in the back that ran side to side; an impromptu changing table. “Let’s get you cleaned up and in a nice dry diaper, and then we’ll have a little chat, okay?” “But my wor-” “Shhhhh….” Ultimately the man laid down and the Carer started taking off his pants, cooing and fussing over him as if he were a fussy toddler. Along with the diaper, this one decorated in colorful cartoon characters, the Carer produced a plain white towel. Another passenger volunteered to take it and started mopping up the pee. Only then did the bus begin to move again. Ai turned around in her seat, her neck akin to an owl, her eyes zeroing in on the humiliated man’s wrist. Sure enough, as advertised, not one but two glowing rose dots shined under his skin, advertising his reduced status to the world in a more absolute and immutable way than a diaper and a onesie ever would. Two dots? What could he have done that would have rushed him straight to two dots? The young woman’s eyes wandered over to the blue diaper bag with the same morbid fascination people used to look at car crashes. Stitched into the broad side of the diaper bag with a darker thread of blue was a name. “GEORGIE”. Ai’s mouth went dry and her stomach twisted itself into knots. The old song in her earbud ended and was replaced by a soft, calm, feminine voice that sounded almost human. Almost. “Don’t worry, Ai. I did not send this Carer here for you. You have given me no reason to believe you require this level of care in your daily life. I’m proud of the progress you’ve made.” Ai nodded her head calmly, afraid to respond verbally lest one of the other passengers suspect what Luna was talking to her about. Despite Luna’s assurances that her time was almost up, it was no small relief to Ai when her stop came and she got off the bus and away from the blubbering newly minted man-child and his new Carer. She clutched her satchel bag, and did her best to keep her composure as she trotted on the sidewalk. Just a few blocks and she could sit down at her cubicle and she could let the day blur by until its completion. She was so going out for margaritas later tonight. Near the home stretch to her work, another Carer passed by pushing a stroller. Its occupant, a black woman, sucked on a bottle of orange juice. Her diaper was on full display and squishing against the straps; the blueberry party dress too short to hide any hint of modesty. Level two Pinks didn’t need modesty. They couldn’t handle it. Ai and the girl in the stroller briefly locked eyes. The girl in the stroller had the wherewithal to look away in embarrassment. One dot was a warning that one needed to re-evaluate their life. Anything more was basically a proclamation of failure. Maybe the girl could work her way back up the ladder like Ai was about to. Maybe. Lots of influencers, entrepreneurs, and celebrities had been on record that they needed extra Caring before they got themselves together and hit it big. But some people, so Ai had been taught, just didn’t want to get themselves together. That’s where Luna and her Carers came in. Ai opened the door to her work and slipped in as quietly as she could. Marjorie at the front desk didn’t pick her head up. “There she is,” the older woman said good naturedly. “Right on time, as always.” “How did you know it was me?” Ai asked. Marjorie tapped her ear and smiled. “Who else around here crinkles whenever they take a step?” “Oh…” Ai felt her face heat up. Over the last ninety days, she’d learned to almost completely ignore the sound her diapers made with every movement and shift she made. Almost. Marjorie’s smile turned sympathetic. “Get ready to get razzed today,” she warned. “Everybody’s gonna get one last shot in before you’re back to normal tomorrow.” Her first week as a Pink had been filled with teasing and terrible jokes from her coworkers. Pacifiers had been left in her desk drawer. Her coffee mug had been hidden and replaced with a cheap plastic baby bottle. Someone had left one of those jingling wrist rattles with a note that read “To cover your dot”. People had said ‘Hey baby’ in a way that wasn’t hitting on her. But after a few days (and perhaps some discreet warnings from Luna about going too far), the jokes had gotten old and the office gossip turned inevitably to other matters. “Let them have their laughs,” Ai replied. “I sort of have it coming.” It was a lie that Ai didn’t realize she’d told until after she’d uttered it. Marjorie shrugged her big heavy shoulders. “It is what it is. Plenty of people get Pinked. It’s nothing to get worked up over.” “Yeah,” Ai lied again. “I’m just glad that it’s almost over.” On that she was truly sincere. “The janitors are too,” Marjorie chuckled. “Hank is getting tired of emptying the trash can in the ladies' room.” Ai’s ears lit on fire. “Sorry.” That was the truth, too. “It’s his job, and Hank bitches about everything. Do what you gotta do, lady.” The smaller of the two women shifted nervously. Her satchel suddenly became an albatross. “Speaking of which, I need to powder my nose. ‘Scuse me!” She shuffled off past her coworker and slid into the single stall women’s restroom. “Damn,” she hissed. “Why’d I say ‘powder’?” As had become routine, Ai locked the door and dug everything out of her bag before proceeding. Wipes. Powder. Diaper. She hiked her skirt all the way down to her ankles and ripped off the tapes as fast as she could. She wiped herself all over, careful not to miss a spot; grateful that she wouldn’t have to religiously shave down there after today. She tossed the used wipes into the open soiled diaper at her feet, balled it up, and tossed the wretched thing away. For her own ego and peace of mind, she sat on the toilet and counted to a hundred, just in case. A sliver of a smirk jerked at the corners of her mouth when she heard the sound of liquid hitting liquid. Good timing felt like victory some days. An extra wiping and a triumphant flush later, and Ai was almost good to go. Finally, she opened the fresh diaper, sprinkled baby powder inside it and taped it on herself while standing up. Originally, she hadn’t been very good at this. She’d leaked unnecessarily more than once due to poor positioning and not getting the tapes right. It’s amazing how good someone can get at something when they aren’t given a choice. After she hiked her skirt back up and smoothed it back out, she realized how nice it would be to be able to wear pants again. The last three months had forced her wardrobe to be considerably baggier. Not so deep down, Ai couldn’t stand the sight of her diapers and even a hint of bulk between the legs or a slip of a waistband was mortifying to her. If not for the necessities of bathing and changing, Ai might have forgotten what the shape of her legs looked like. She gave herself a once-over in the mirror and took a deep breath. She peeked into her satchel bag and counted the remaining diapers. The last she would ever have to wear. “One down,” she whispered. “Two to go.” ******************************************************************************************************** Late that afternoon, an email popped up across Ai’s computer screen. Dear Ai, Congratulations on making it 90 days. I’m very proud of how far you’ve come in such a short time. I believe Mr. Grant wishes to speak with you as well. Love always, Luna Ai stood up from her desk and felt the weight around her waist shift with gravity. She looked down at her satchel bag and bit her lip, nervously. She could really use a change just then. That and she had only one diaper left. Plus lunch was finally catching up to her. She decided against it, however. Best not to keep the boss waiting. That and she could use needing to change as an excuse if a hasty exit was required. It was a small benefit to her status, one she’d be glad to be rid of, but she might as well use it one last time. She opted to leave her bag where it lay and go see what Mr. Grant wanted. “Please, Ms. Sinclair,” Mr. Grant gestured to the chair across from his desk. “Have a seat.” Ai obliged him and took a seat. The chairs were cushy and comfortable, but also low to the ground. Anyone sitting in them would feel even smaller sitting across from Mr. Grant’s giant oak desk. “What can I do for you, sir?” Ai asked, professionally and politely. “I just wanted to take a moment to thank you,” Mr. Grant said. “Not many Pinks handle their situation as gracefully as you have.” Ai kept her hands neatly folded in her lap. “Thank you very much, Mr. Grant. I hope I haven’t been too much of an inconvenience to you.” “Not at all,” her boss waved off the apology. “We’re here to support you to help you be the best you can be. You’ve been a model team member and I’ve been happy to accommodate you and will continue to accommodate you as long as you need.” Ai blinked. “I’m sorry?” He laughed off her question like a mall Santa. “It’s nothing to be ashamed about. Plenty of people get Pinked. It’s only one little dot. Just keep doing what you’re doing and it’ll be over before you know it.” Ai could feel panic start to set in. She was almost out of the forest but could hear the snapping of dry twigs and the hungry growl of a wolf behind her. “Luna?” she called out to the room. “What’s going on?” An artificial voice came out of the office’s speaker phone. “Mr. Grant is praising you for your perseverance thus far. I would also like to congratulate you on that front. You’ve been very mature given the circumstances.” “Why are you talking like I’m going to still be Pink tomorrow?” Ai demanded. “My time is up! I’m literally on my last diaper!” Mr. Grant suddenly looked very uncomfortable. “About that…” his eyes shifted from side to side. “Luna?” The machine’s gentle, soothing, irritating voice sounded off. “After much consideration, it has been determined that you would benefit from another ninety days of recuperation.” “Ninety days!” Ai found herself shouting. “Ninety days?! Just this morning you were telling me how proud you were of me and how good I’ve been!” “Careful…” Mr. Grant warned. “I am proud of you,” Luna droned. “You’ve made incredible progress. But progress is not the same as completion.” “What is there left to do?” Ai demanded to know. “I’m getting enough sleep! I’m not watching as much television! I’m eating better!” She gesticulated in Mr. Grant’s direction. “All of my work is still on time!” “Yes,” Luna agreed. “But you still seem to think that being Pink is a punishment. It’s not.” Without meaning to, Ai rose to her feet. “Then why are you punishing me?” “I told you she wouldn’t take this well,” Mr. Grant muttered. “You’ve been talking about me behind my back?” Ai shrieked at her employer. “What business is it of yours if I’m Pink or not? Who do you think you are? My parents?!” Mr. Grant leaned back in his chair, distinctly uncomfortable despite Ai’s relatively diminutive stature. “I have known you your entire life,” Luna replied. “And Mr. Grant has a right to know about your status as it directly affects his work environment.” Ai’s fists balled up in rage. “Fuck you, Luna!” she stomped your foot. “I’ve been pissing my pants for three months and you still haven’t told me what I did wrong!” “It’s not about right and wro-” “Shut up you binary coded bitch!” Ai’s stomping foot sounded like thunder. “As you wish…” “And as for you!” Ai pointed directly at her two-faced sonofabitch boss. “How fucking dare you! I’ve been dealing with hazing and shame and whispers behind my back for literal months! And did I see any kind of memo about it? Did anybody get their ass chewed out and fired for harassment? Did anybody else get sent back to diapers? No! They didn’t.” Mr. Grant looked like he was about to say something, but Ai’s fury was disproportionate to anything the man had ever witnessed. “You want to be supportive?!” Ai screamed. “Stop taking orders from a bonkers machine! But you know what? I’m not taking orders from you anymore. I…I…I…!” Something was wrong. Ai’s stomach cramped up. As if on their own, her knees bent slightly. Then, completely against her will, she started to push. “Oh, Miss Sinclair,” Mr. Grant said. “I’m so sorry. I can’t say as I’m surprised, but I am sorry.” Ai had no comeback. She was too busy filling her pants. She was acutely aware while her cheeks spread and the first lumpy mass exited her. It was a small agony feeling the mess hit the back of her diaper and become smushed and spread by the contents behind it. It was even worse when she felt the pressure release and was allowed a gasp as her cheeks came back together and then spread a second time while she started pushing again. There was a knock at the door. Ai couldn’t help but continue pushing, near the point of tears feeling the consistency shift to wetter and sloppier. “Come in,” Luna’s voice welcomed. A tall woman with raven hair walked around to Ai’s. Her scrubs were rose colored and decorated with safety pins, storks, bottles, and rattles. The diaper bag she carried was pastel pink. Ai had a feeling she knew whose name was stitched on it. “Hello Ai,” she said. “My name’s Maria!” The way she spoke indicated that she thought Ai was a simpleton. “If that’s too hard to say, you can try ‘Nana’.” The Carer walked back around and disappeared behind Ai. Just when the young woman’s body finished emptying itself, she felt two fingers stick themselves into the waistband of her incredibly heavy diaper and pull it back. “Good girl!” Ai felt a hand pat her on the bottom, pressing the vile stuff that had just exited her up against her bum and spread it around even more. Her legs felt a breeze. Her skirt was now puddled around her ankles. “Mr. Grant, would you mind clearing your desk off for me? I don’t think her diaper is going to last if she takes another step.” “Of…of course,” Mr. Grant stuttered. He hurriedly swiped papers, pens, his nameplate, and various other knick-knacks off his desk so that the Carer would lay out a changing mat. Not unkindly he said, “And don’t worry, Ai. I don’t hold anything you just said against you. Pinks can’t help it. I’m sure we can make a work from home arrangement if you’d like.” Ai’s world went into a spin figuratively and literally as the Carer picked her up, spun her around and sat her down on the desk. Ai could feel the mess cake itself on her bottom. The Carer took the time to slip off her flats first. “Okay,” she coaxed. “Down we go. That’s a good girl.” “Please…” Ai begged, her voice a choked up whisper. “Please not here.” Her new ‘Nana’ took out an incredibly babyish diaper and wipes. “Don’t be silly,” she cooed. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t have to be modest.” Ai’s ears didn’t hear it, but she swore she could hear an unspoken ‘anymore’ in the tall woman’s tone. Ai lifted up her wrist and stared at the second glowing dot, freshly added. “Why, Luna?” she choked. “Why?” “I’m afraid that won’t do you any good,” the Carer cooed. “Luna never talks to children.” The world went completely blurry for Ai just then. The tears finally won out right as the tapes on her diaper were torn loose.
  10. Yeah. Chapter 111 was somewhat informed by my own real life experiences. Unless they are a proven danger to other students, it takes A LOT for most kids to get properly "expelled" from school. ESPECIALLY Elementary school. (I'm talking about K-5) There are exceptions of course (deadly weapons brought from home...being closer to puberty and punching a pregnant lady), but if a 5 year old bites, scratches, etc. etc. an adult, well...oh well. Suck it up adult. This is doubly true in Special Ed, which Beouf's room technically is. If the school system has agreed to give that child accommodations and provide services, it HAS to, and it will only consider alternative placements or expulsion etc. as an absolute last resort. And part of the reason I wrote Unfair the way I have was with the idea of minimizing stuff like hypno-cartoons, punishment spankings, surgery, etc. etc. because honestly? 1) Probably wouldn't take that much to reduce someone to a baby if you had the kind of societal power/infrastructure and physical advantages Amazons have. If you can legally pluck someone off the street, change their legal status to "infant" with minimal if any paperwork, put them in diapers and baby clothes that they are unable to take off, are controlling their diet, and everyone else you encounter either looks the other way or is in on the act... 2) If you REALLY believe that Littles are akin to children, then you probably would tend treat them more like children and avoid the more extreme stuff (Not knocking them as kinks or as DD plot devices. I just meant that this story started off as kind of a thought experiment). People tend want to feel good about themselves, and we don't treat dogs and cats the way a lot of Littles are treated; and if they were people would be CONCERNED. So chapter 111 was kind of showing the double edge of that sword. If Clark is legally a baby and has those limitations applied to him, then he should also get at least a measure of those same protections. And Brollish is Evil (in this author's opinion), but she is nothing if not Lawful Evil and damnit if there's three things Beouf knows and can talk circles around people about, it's the rights of teachers by contract, the rights of children under her care, and what to expect from "Maturosis". That and Clark ditched his pride at an opportune time and sold the bit. So...technically correct is the best kind of correct. And Chapter 112 was meant to show a couple things. 1. Neither progression nor regression is strictly linear. One step one direction two steps the other and vice versa. 2. A lot of Clark's hang ups deal with feeling listened to and respected on some level. There's a reason why he tends to call captured Littles "mind fucked" and "dolls", instead of "big dumb babies." Babies are still PEOPLE and should be treated like people with thoughts and feelings. The limitations on their freedom is more due to physical necessity and that their brains aren't even close to done cooking. But the Caregivers are thought to legitimately CARE for the child. A doll is something that often LOOKS like a baby, and has similar behaviors. (Laughs, cries, opens and shuts eyes, drinks from bottle. Wets. etc. etc.) But exists for the sole purpose of entertaining and satisfying the person interacting with it. One is a person. One is a thing. Clark has long believed that Amazons near-universally treat Adopted Littles like THINGS. Are their exceptions? Yes. Is there cognitive dissonance? Surely. Ethical concerns? You betcha. But Unfair wasn't written to be prescriptive and offer solutions. It's just meant to be descriptive and examine "what would this world look like with these parameters and what would it look like through this character's eyes?". Nothing more. Nothing less. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
  11. This is just my fan theory but look at the prophecy at the beginning. "The just are blind to love, and the lovers are blind to everything else." With all the tarot prophecy stuff, I think Judith (with Maria) are "The Lovers". Which means one or both of them are going to be sneak under Justice's radar. And "Blind to everything else". I think Maria missed something important or WILL miss something important that will possibly backfire on her in a big away. That's why all these chapters are labeled "Mistakes". It's only in hindsight that she realizes she fell in love with Judith and that distraction sabotaged the stated mission in some way. And Justice missed the crucial moment too.
  12. If you want? Sure. But I don't think I need credit. It's not that "Mommy Milk" is being sold in grocery stores. It's that Janet got goat milk and at some point (probably fairly early on) she just started expressing her milk into bottles, and let the cartons/jugs of goat milk create a psychological association and then just keep mislabeling. If you WANT that to be an industry in your DD fic, go for it. Just not what happened here. So you wouldn't be copying me. And if you ARE copying me, I don't need credit for that part. That's just an old school "parenting trick" I grew up with dialed up to 11. "Eat this thing, it's something you like. Like it, right? Well it's not really the thing you like, but you wouldn't have eaten the new thing it if I'd told you what it is." That's like crediting me for putting someone in a diaper.
  13. I mean, the reason the comments are turned off is because the people turning off comments, suck.
  14. Yeah. They do me too. They don't even credit mine under the right title. It's just "Diaper Dimension Scene". And I'm in the same boat with the same limitations. Not sure what to do.
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