Possibly Insane
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I'm sorry if the following is a serious case of TL;DR, infodumping, and/or TMI, but I have nowhere else to turn at this point. In a nutshell: I don't understand my sexuality at all. I've been drifting in and out of a severe depression for the past decade. I'm approaching thirty now, and I'm no closer to understanding anything about myself than I was when I was first aware of sexuality. I've been taking an anti-depressant for most of 2019, but all that's really done is muted my ability to feel anything. I'm afraid that by continuing to take the damn pills, I am killing my ability to understand who I am. I don't feel anything strongly anymore: not love, not hate, not joy - nothing. But, when I've tried to take myself off of the pills, I've just wanted to end my life. I've always wondered whether or not I was gay. I remember being a teenager and feeling weird things about boys, but I always crushed those feelings. Diapers were always the overt object of interest, which sucked because I felt like shit about that, too. I had an OCD obsession with hell/god/all that religious shit, and, while I'm not in any way religious now, I have distinctive memories of wasting hours praying that I wasn't gay, that I wasn't ABDL, that I didn't have anything that made me "weird" or "different." The fact that I had - and still do have - an overtly DL sexuality, complicated my understanding of basic attraction. I know there were boys I found attractive, but there were traits in women I really liked and responded too. I tried like hell to date women only, but the relationships always ended because I didn't want them to discover my secret DL side, and, more over, I had a major fear I'd be disappointing in bed. Now, I'm in a relationship, going on three years, with a woman. We've had sex many times, but I really don't like it. I do it to make her happy and because I want her to feel attractive. The fact of the matter is, I was and am attracted to her as a person, but physically, I just don't have any interest. I've never told her anything about ABDL, and she has made it clear she is a very vanilla kind of person. I always have to imagine some kind of ABDL scenario when we're having sex - that's the only way I've been able to get anywhere. I just feel so guilty and miserable. I really hate the idea of hurting her. I hate the idea of letting her family down and letting my family down. I do love her and care deeply for her, but I don't honestly know if I am straight. It's all so mixed up with emotions and a lack of self understanding. All this confusion and unhappiness and guilt is doing a number on my head. I don't want to go out or be social. I'm working as many hours I can, coming home, and drinking alcohol. I have a therapist, but I can only go so far explaining with the sexual stuff - I've repressed so much it's like my body won't let me articulate what's going on in my head. It's just too fucking painful. Sorry for the vent. I just don't know what to do. I don't want anyone to be emotionally hurt because I'm trying to get this shit in order. I'm just in pain.
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https://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/dan-savage-love-adult-baby-diaper-fetishist-kinks/Content?oid=49694022 Check this out. In some circles of the 'straight world,' it seems as though acceptance is changing.
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Note that CBS refers to the store as catering to people with a "baby fetish." Awful, awful wording choice.
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Looks better, but those prices.
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I ordered a sampler from Snuggies, to be delivered via USPS. I was just informed that it arrived in my mailbox at 11:15 am today, when I was not home, yet the package is nowhere to be found. I live in an apartment building with five other tenants. Needless to say, I am incredibly freaked out right now and very angry. USPS isn't open until Monday. I don't know what to do. A) Does USPS ever make mistakes in terms of updating their tracking info? B ) How should I proceed? I am so flipped out I can't even think.
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I ordered a week ago, and it got here today. Got a tracking number and everything.
- 5 replies
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- ABUniverse
- ABU
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(and 1 more)
Tagged with:
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Producer/editor for various television shows.
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Babyhood - Berkeley's News | The Daily Californian
Possibly Insane replied to a topic in Diapers in the News
I'm pretty sure this is satire. -
^The SDKs are apparently in stock.
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Well, according to the site, they're back in stock...
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I've never had trouble ordering from them, but this round, I went with Bambino because I do not trust the company considering their recent reputation. The business has gone dark, they're not talking to their customers. Some people are getting their orders, most people aren't. I just can't risk it right now.
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When did you order them? The website still says they're not in stock, and ABU isn't talking to any of their customers.
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There's really no way of explaining it. It's traumatic and terrible to witness the death of another human being, and the depths to which it has shaken you says a lot about you as a person. You're a good person. Just let your brain process it - it will take a while.