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Creepymouse

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Creepymouse last won the day on September 3 2013

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  1. There's an active community of littles in the area of South Kitsap / Tacoma with people coming in from Federal Way and varying distances. Used to be monthly events at ACES in Bremerton, but Covid interrupted things and they haven't really got back to a steady schedule. Events usually show up on Fetlife if they're happening.
  2. I don't hang out on DD as much as I once did. When my first wife/mommy left me, I started having less and less interest in AB/DL. I mean, I still 'get off' best to a good AB/DL story, but even when my current partner encourages me, I don't *want* to regress or diaper hardly ever. I also have a lot lower libido than I used to, even though I'm being treated for low testosterone. Anyway, I thought this might be the better place to vent than on Reddit or something. My partner came out as NB around December, so some of my grammar may be confusing - I'm really trying to honor their identity. Partner has always been supportive of my AB/DL side - once they realized it wasn't anything related to bio-children. They don't 'get it', but tries to make sure I'm happy and accepted. I still feel intensely judged for some reason and mildly uncomfortable being in diapers around them. Even before my partner came out as NB, they still didn't like 'Mommy' or the like as a term of endearment. We've been together like 7 years and never found a caregiver title we both could be comfortable with. The discomfort/awkwardness is enough that even when I'd otherwise want to, it feels like too much trouble. I think it's because they still have some obvious tells that it's 'gross' - they have a very sensitive nose and sometimes make comments, and just generally don't interact much when I do try. I want to get my little side back, I really do. I used to go 24/7 for weeks at a time, even had a few unintentional wet beds without diapers. Even at work, church, or the doctor. I loved how that felt, but the magic is gone. Part of what interested me at first about my partner was the joy they took in mothering the bio-kid, and routinely talked about how much they loved breastfeeding kiddo despite the discomfort and difficulty they had. They had/have breasts on the large side (and doesn't have dysphoria about them) which I find quite important in a partner. They know I love nursing and want it almost all of the time, but we can never do more than a minute or two, and it's rarely relaxing for either of us. It really makes me sad sometimes - my ex and I regularly nursed and had a routine in efforts to start lactation (with some limited success). I understand their nips make it uncomfortable after a minute or two, but I guess I feel a little bait-and-switched. It isn't fair to my partner to say that, but it's how I feel sometimes. Yesterday they were complaining of a digestive problem and the symptoms reminded me of the symptoms domperidone is prescribed for - but that its side effect of lactation is common enough that women buy it for that purpose. "That's why I wouldn't want to take it. Without a baby there all of the time, it hurts too much to nurse, pumping doesn't work as well." Early on in our relationship I sorta pictured them as the kind of person who would induce and pump just to send to the milk bank, if they'd give it a chance. Anyway, that comment hit me pretty hard and I couldn't stop thinking about it, and it kept bringing tears to my eyes. Today is better, and I know my partner isn't my 'fantasy vending machine', but it still feels sad. They are a good partner in life and we have a good relationship, but our sex is pretty boring and infrequent. Since they came out, they're making some esthetic choices that make them less appealing to me, but their confidence has improved. Partner often expresses that I don't show much interest. I try to initiate or at least push through when I have the energy, but sometimes the man downstairs just won't cooperate. They've been showing a lot more interest in me physically since I started going to the gym regularly after my T treatment, but doesn't really care much about what I find engaging. I need engagement in the bedroom - sexy clothes and whispers and stuff. If they're in pajama pants and a holey tee-shirt, I'm kinda 'out'. They are a "pillow+vibe princess" that likes to space out, but I need engagement, talking, and eye-contact to really enjoy it. Most of the time I'd rather 'take care of it' in the bathroom quickly, it usually feels better. I find it hard to get interested in a physical way without the more traditional femme stuff - lingerie, hair, makeup - things they have become less interested in doing. Their hair is particularly awful IMO, but I keep my mouth shut about it. We've agreed to try polyamory - I always figured we would eventually, they just had to be the one to make the leap. I have always felt like I can love different people in different ways. I've always known partner is bi and want to pursue a relationship with someone more femme. I identify as straight, but maybe more 'femme-sexual?' I definitely know I'm turned off by masc people. Maybe we'll meet someone that fits both of our lives, maybe we won't. I hope they find someone they're excited about, and I really want to also. I haven't had any luck finding anyone I'm attracted to, but partner has a date after V-day with a girlfriend they've been hanging out with for a while. The one woman I had a good friendship with moved away years ago. We were really close and 'benefits' were on the table, but partner was in a bad place and we weren't open/poly at the time. Even so, she was more of best friend than a romantic interest, it might have been fun though. I'm bad at making real friends - either we click immediately or it's always awkward, usually the latter. I'm feeling a little hopeless about poly romance for me. There is an active littles community in the area with some mommy-types, but none of the ones I've met are interesting, interested, and available. We have talked about getting some babysitter time with a friend who does pro-mommy/sitter work for AB/DLs. Blah blah blah. I just wanted to get this out and maybe see what others have to say. I'm sure I sound selfish - I certainly feel selfish, having a kind and loving partner who supports me but whinging about not having everything I want. lol We're okay, really. We're both excited about going out dancing tomorrow. But I miss my ex a lot sometimes - there were some shitty awful things that happened and I made a lot of mistakes, but I don't think my little side has ever really recovered from that loss.
  3. I have held it for a few days in the past, because I most enjoy a big solid mess. There's something in my diet that irritates my tummy just a little most of the time, so it isn't pleasant to wait and it isn't ever really firm, so I don't mess much any more. My absolute best time was holding for almost a week with immodium and lots of fiber. I swear I had like four dumps like XXL potatoes in my diaper over the course of that Saturday. I've never been able to reproduce that feeling.
  4. There would almost have to be a failsafe of some sort... However, it could be interesting to figure out how the magnetic device works and hack together something that could be stuck to the outside of the diaper or left inside it, which would intermittently open the valve without warning.
  5. Not all heroes wear capes, but apparently some wear diapers.
  6. I had some time and energy to try a new design that came to mind looking at Doogles' stent. I got some super soft, food grade platinum silicone tubing about 14fr and stainless tubing that fits tight inside. It feels nice and smooth after assembly, and the dimensions are patterned after Doogles' design. The stainless provides the smooth radius elbow, and with any luck it can be bent a little without disassembly. If I don't die, I'll post results and pictures! /Two Hours Later.../ No good. I swear it felt like it was almost there, but I couldn't get purchase on the outer end in order to get the inner end to pass the bladder neck. Now I'm waiting through the stinging and irritation before I can make a modified attempt. I added a bit of ss tube to keep the inner end straight, and I'm going to try a detatchable section as a "pusher" on the outside end to ease insertion.
  7. There are somewhat regular "Little Scouts" meetings in Redding area. Check out Redding Area Little Scouts group on Fetlife. We could use more friends to play with.
  8. They also have some evidence of standard bicycle seats causing impotence in cyclists due to repeated constriction of important blood vessels.
  9. I have come to believe it is related to "shy bladder" and certainly can be overcome, but it takes work. Either a lot of psychological conditioning to teach yourself it's always safe, or perhaps a technological intervention like a stent to trick your body into getting used to letting go for a while. I hit the same plateau when I was in training, but bailed out before I got over it.
  10. My dream would be to be firmly encouraged to pursue double incontinence, but I don't think I'd try for bowel incontinence in reality. My digestion is almost always too fast for my liking and even charcoal and loperamide doesn't really firm things up enough to enjoy messy diapers as much as I used to. It's like the longer I hold it, the softer and more urgent it gets. Every once in a while I get a good, firm load, but usually I don't know until it's already too late to enjoy it properly.
  11. Gah I wish my current partner would even pretend to like it so much. She's pretty accepting but I sense this miasma of judgmental feelings from her - which might be entirely in my head. My ex once put me in diapers full-time, but we had to back out, and she later
  12. Hey InD - I've had some trouble finding materials. Do you have a specific item name and source? Your example of the design is great.
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