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I, Infantilist


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  • 2 weeks later...

wooooot! way 2 go doc! I didnt think it was possible but i am absolutely more impressed than ever with your work and with this story. I still consider it to be the best thing that i ever read not just in terms of this subject but in terms of just being a good story. And from one writer to another u really have inspired me to push on with writing my book (of course its not about infantilism or anything related but im still inspired dammit! lol) i loved 23 an 24 dude. especially toying with the psychological repercussions of losing his father. I really mean it doc im completely inspired and now i really have to finish this book that i have started. If u can do it so can i! lol. Keep up the good work doc, though i doubt u have any trouble doin it (thats a lie when is a writer not struggling? lol), like i said from one infantilist writer to the next. 5 thumbs up....yes i have that many thumbs!

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  • 2 months later...

Chapter 25

Stillness lingered in the air as I drove towards Jill’s. I was in the eye of the storm, in my car, refusing to look back at the damage that had been done up to that point. Jill became my main focus during that drive, and so did building up the courage to confess that I had almost ended my life and that I needed help.

What would she say? Sure, she promised she’d love me no matter what, but how would she react when I’d tell her I tried to kill myself? And how would I go about telling her? I practiced the words I would say for the entire duration of the drive. It always seems so easy when you practice, but it becomes almost impossible to say the right words when the moment of truth arrives.

When I pulled into Jill’s driveway, all I could think about were the possible outcomes of our conversation that hadn’t even come into existence yet.

“You tried to fucking kill yourself?! How could you?!

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Hi Dr J,

I dont normally leave feedback, dont ask why its a long story and I dont mean any disrespect to all the great writers on here.

This is a good story, it comes from the heart, pulls no punches, and isnt caught up in being some ABDL sexual fantasy...

nice one, I am looking forwards to seeing what befalls Jill and John next. Good or bad...

thanks for writing on here old bean.

cheers

Fozzy

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Hi Dr J,

I dont normally leave feedback, dont ask why its a long story and I dont mean any disrespect to all the great writers on here.

This is a good story, it comes from the heart, pulls no punches, and isnt caught up in being some ABDL sexual fantasy...

nice one, I am looking forwards to seeing what befalls Jill and John next. Good or bad...

thanks for writing on here old bean.

cheers

Fozzy

Coming from you, Fozzy, that really does mean a lot :) This story took me many years of planning and research. I sifted through all of the thousands of ABDL/Infantilism stories on the web as a lurker, saw which ones worked and which ones didn't, and came up with this idea. My goal is to make a fictional (95 percent fictional, anyway) story seem so real that the readers can't tell which parts are real and which aren't.

It's strange, too. Of the many stories I've written/ am writing, this is by far the longest one. I also wanted to make sure I wasn't writing some sexual fantasy as you mentioned. Honestly it's very cliched and in most cases poorly written. Instead of adding that element to this story, I added the human element. The reader can see that John Morrow, while an infantilist, is not much different than your average person. He struggles to accept himself, has family issues, and other things like that.

Again, thanks for your reply and I'm glad to hear you like this story. :)

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  • 2 months later...

Hey everyone, so here's a quick update: I'm in Grad School, which has essentially destroyed all free time. This means that in addition to not being able to write, I also have had little time for friends and family :( I have about one month left before I'm done for the semester, which will enable me to continue working on this story at a much quicker pace. However, the good news is that Chapter 26 is done :) Please accept my apology for being so slow and bear with me as I may take a while to get the next chapter up.

Chapter 26

Before I actually went into therapy, there was something about the idea that scared me. I was always under the impression that they’d certify me absolutely insane and suggest that I spend some time in a mental ward and take a slew of pills that would alter my personality. I was never so wrong in my life.

The initial search for a good therapist was my biggest challenge. I did not want, by any means, a male therapist. There was no way I’d be able to talk to another dude about my infantilism and everything that had happened between me and my father. That narrowed my search to only a handful of places.

I then found a place that “instilled religious values with therapy to ensure an enlightening, healing experience.

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  • 4 months later...

So I know it's been FOREVER since I last posted a chapter. This has been a very emotionally charged and difficult section of this story for me to write. You'll see why. I'm almost through the sad parts, as well as the story itself. I aim to end it by Chapter 30 and finish it once and for all. I apologize for this major gap in between posts. Here is Chapter 27.

Chapter 27

I followed Dr. Venello’s advice and spilled my thoughts all over the blank pages. Within the first week, I must have filled at least seven pages! A lot of it revolved around my father and me. Had I dropped the book on the ground and someone were to read it, they’d have probably thought I was a pessimist. But, you know what? It did feel good to write it down. That way I could see it and it was off my mind enough to where it didn’t make my heart heavy. There were only a couple of things I failed to put in there: the fact that I’d tried killing myself and the fact that I was an infantilist. Those were realistically the two things I needed to admit to Dr. Venello so I could move on with my life and with my therapy, but at the same time, simply the thought of writing them down paralyzed me with fear. So at my second session, I avoided the issues, despite so badly wanting to talk about them. Part of me thinks Dr. Venello knew something was wrong, as she studied my face more often that time around.

Now you might be wondering how Jill felt about this whole therapy thing. One of the hardest things about going to therapy or counseling while in a relationship is that there runs the risk of the significant other wanting details…details you may not necessarily be comfortable sharing with them. This isn’t always the case, but sometimes it is. Fortunately for me, Jill wasn’t like that. She’d ask a simple, “How’d it go, babe?

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Wow very good ending! Been waiting awhile for a this moment to happen! Again awesome work!

Don't say ending!! He's promised more chapters. Yes, please do go on to finish. This is obviously difficult for you to write, but it is also a wonderful story. I need to go back and re-read the whole thing!

Thanks, and do continue!

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  • 1 year later...

No, I'm not dead. I'm just drowning in my final semester of Graduate School and have been battling some major events in my life. Still, I completed Chapter 28, and am nearing the completion of this novel (They say a novel becomes a novel when your word count reaches 60,000+).

So, I sincerely apologize again for the long wait, but this current chapter hurt me to write because it draws a lot from personal experience. Still, there won't be as large of a gap between chapters any more, since I'm nearing completion (and hopefully, publication) of "I, Infantilist."

Chapter 28

I'd never tasted words so sour as they escaped my lips...but why did they taste that way? It felt like I'd told Dr. Venello I murdered somebody. An overwhelming dryness filled my mouth and my face got red hot. I looked down at my hands to see them trembling violently.

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Thanks for returning to this story! haha...you've redeemed yourself for leaving us all hanging.

But now I've got to go back and reread everything to bring back all the details - that will be a pleasure.

While in my experience, shrinks have never been as direct as in this chapter, I do think the overall concept is very good and very realistic. And for the sake of the story, you really couldn't draw all this understanding out in the number of sessions it would probably take to get here. Well done, in my opinion. Very well done.

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omg I just finished reading your story and all I can say is wow... I can relate so much. can't wait for more :D dang going to have to wait like a year for an update? :P o well going to be worth it :D great novel

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

Believe it or not, after almost four years of working on this book....it is done. The story is complete. You'll either really like the ending, or you'll really hate it. I feel I ended it on a fair note.

I'm also working on an "Afterword" that will go at the end of the book. It's like a personal essay that really epxlores the "why's" of working on this. Additionally, the title will be changed so that it isn't as obvious what the book is about. I found a much more fitting title, but will keep the original title on here and in the other communities where I've posted it.

So, here is Chapter 29 and the Finale, Chapter 30. Please let me know what you think! :)

Chapter 29

Before our session ended, Dr. Venello told me that it’d be okay. The plan was that with each session, we’d keep working (with my consent, of course) towards getting me to accept myself. In all honesty, when I left that particular session, I simultaneously felt down and calm. The combination of releasing all of the negativity I had associated with my infantilism and exposing some of my greatest weaknesses definitely took its toll. I don’t think I had ever wanted to time-travel one week into the future so badly before. If Dr. Venello was good enough to talk me through some of my darkest thoughts, then she had to be good enough to help me overcome all of this.

That night, Jill immediately knew something had happened, but she wasn’t sure what. As soon as I got in the door, Jill kissed me, saw the weariness in my eyes and said, “John, you look so tired! Are you okay?

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What more could you ask? He's gotten to feel comfortable with who he is and with no apology. He's got a wonderful woman in his life who loves him - all of him.

Thanks for writing and even more thanks for returning to finish the story. I look forward to an Afterward should you choose to write one.

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  • 5 months later...

Hey folks! I know this has been finished for a while, but wanted to tell you all I'm editing the book, working on the Synopsis, and am attempting to publish this once and for all.

The title will also be changed, and I'm writing an "Afterword" which I will be posting here as soon as it's done.

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Thank You, Dr_J !!

It has been a wonderful story to read.

Would appreciate reading your afterward, as in so many things, distance brings perspective.

Happiness Is Wearing Cotton Diapers

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well i started reading this last night after work and just finished now. It was one of the stories that i always wanted to read but never got the chance, but now that i have read it i am definately happy that i did. What a story. Good work my friend and I think i may have to purchase a hardback copy of this once you publish it :) I think its well enough written that i would even recomend it to friends outside of this community.

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