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nurse_lover

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  1. I was on Zoloft, which was likely the culprit. Also lithium, Wellbutrin and methylphenidate (could be a causing factor, but can not function without it). I also wished I was on estrogen or even a testerone blocker but never took any. That would better in another topic.
  2. It was highly unusually for me to have a stroke with no family history. My dad had a stroke in January (after mine), so there was a history. He was more healthy than me, so everyone was surprised. He just barely got a stroke diagnosis, with no noticeable lasting damage. He was let out after 3 days, and went back the next week. I am thankful of that:-) I had no drug history, having done some inhalants and some codeine in high school and never did anything after. I been clean for like 14 years. MDMA or THC would have likely left me dead. I have never even tried those, jeez, I have never drank alcohol. Mine likely was from a rare condition of vasospasms combined with SSRI antidepressant as a trigger. Now I am off the SSRI, and my mental health is pretty bad now. One of my goals before the stroke was seeing a therapist to discuss how whether I would be candidate for transgender hormones. I had got a therapist from my psychiatrist. There is no way to do that now, as no ethical Dr will prescribe something that carries the risk of clotting. That really hurts me so I just hope the new antidepressant meds help me.
  3. On 8/4/2012, I had a stroke. I taken to a community hospital and I given tPA to break the clot. I was really fucked up, having no ability to talk, and I terrified of being a vegetable. I was fully aware but could not communicate. I had the reassurance that I have my switchblade in my pocket and use to bleed out. The clot-busting drug would have assured that even a well stocked ER could not help me. I am glad I did not kill myself, I had some faith I would be ok. They then transferred me to trauma 1 facility for neurosurgery, which they found it far to risky to operate. I remembered everything going on, but could not comprehend anything at the time. I did know what the anesthesia machine was, and I was wishing to get it. I knew sevoflurane had yellow bottles, but I couldn't even say "mom", go figure... The speech therapist evaluated my swallowing, and found the was minimal damage that. They transferred me to Neuro-ICU that night, but I remember being in 3 nights in the ER. I really want to get diapered, but i guess they do not that when bladder was paralyzed holding it in. The nurse catheterized me, and it felt great as I was drained. I do not remember it was in, but Amy was concerned with UTI's and wanted to remove it. The neurologist had low expectations on my prognosis. They were astonished my drug tests were clean, so they put through like test they could find. I was constipated, but I managed to get enough out to the bedpan and not get an enema. About 8 days they were scratching their heads what caused my stroke, and they proceed with invasive tests. They gave me a transesophogeal echocardiogram which required general anesthesia. I crashed and had respiratory arrest with seizures. I think I may have fecally incontinent during the 36 hours I was intubated and fed by feeding tube and catheterized. When I regained consciousness my bowels empty. I never found how they empty. My mom said it was the worst day in her life and they would not her see me the morning of it. The three other patients were diapered, but not me. I think the nurse was trying to preserve my dignity. They at least assisted me using the bathroom, not using the urinal and bedpan. They did their best to make me comfortable and help rehabilitate me. They discharged me from Neuro-ICU to a rehabilitation facility on 8/21/12. That was the longest time I had been away from home. I was really missing wearing diapers and I still had no idea when I could go home and wear them. I also dreaded the smell of 3 week old wet diapers in the closet. The rehab center was an amazing place. I was there 9 days, and they made a major difference. That's for later.
  4. nurse_lover

    Relationships

    I am single, partly due to mental health issues and not wanting to go through breakup stuff again. I put pansexual, since although I am predominatly attracted to biological females. I am rarely, but sometimes attracted to feminine and sissy males. The last girl I dated does know I wear, and it had nothing to do with why things did not work out.
  5. nurse_lover

    Budgets

    I kind of need them as I was reminded last night when I fell asleep before putting on a diaper and woke up in a soaked bed. I amswered the survey as incontinent, but I do not have daytime accidents, only at night. I am fortunate to have a job where I do not really have to worry about budgeting for them. Due to credit card debt, I rarely wear recreationally during the day anymore so I only need to pay for the 1 diaper that I actually need for the night.
  6. I suffer from bi-polar disorder and severe ADD. I was also diagnosed with aspergers as a child, but my psychiatrist thinks that was a bad diagnosis. Without my meds, I am barely functional. When manic, I was off the walls doing crazy and sometimes illegal activities, and spending thousands of $'s I did not have. When depressed, I engaged in cutting and self harm, up to the point of attempting to kill myself. I recently found myself binge eating, though my attempts to throw up failed. Weak gag reflex I guess.
  7. I do sleep better in diapers. I find them warm and comforting, and do not need to get out of a warm bed to use the bathroom. I happily wear them every night, and every once in a while I wake up wet without knowing I wet.
  8. My bedwetting was always medical (well, technically psychiatric). It was always triggered by stress, anxiety and depression. And since my father was an alcoholic, my mother worked the evening shift, so I rarely seemed to see her, and I was constantly bullied at school, it was a major problem up into college. Thank you AA and more college students being more mature. Even still, I would sometimes have wetting accidents during midterm and final exam weeks.
  9. As far as overall capacity and thickness, I love the Abri-Form X-Plus. I have to say though, the expanding mushy feeling of a wet Tranquility ATN is hard to beat though.
  10. I am a man, born a boy, and have no intentions of changing that. I do wish I had been born a girl though.
  11. Being an TB/AB/DL, bedwetter, or incontinent (sorry if I left anyone out) can put strains on us that are not present in "Normal" people. This can put strain on jobs, relationships, family, and otherwise make life more complicated. I had a very rough childhood, and suffered depression numerous times over the years, and have had to take medications on several occasions. Having alcoholics in the family, and wetting the bed regularly did not go well together, as it was not understood and got me yelled at to no end. I hated life and had few friends. In high school, I made a few attemps to kill myself, but fortunately did not succede. After a suicidal relapse last year, I began going to a psychiatrist again, and while he does not know I wear diapers, encouraged me to go out and do what I enjoy and makes me happy. He has also prescribed antidepressants, and the combination of the two have made a huge difference in my life, allowing me to enjoy living again. I have also been hypomanic a few times, but the severity was not enough for mood stabilizers. In fact, diapers seem to stabilize my mood in a way. The warm comfortable "everything will be ok" feeling. Has anyone else here had to battle this horrible condition, and how does it relate to your diaper wearing?
  12. I still am a bedwetter, though it is a lot less often than during my childhood. My bedwetting seems to be tied into my stress levels, and they are quite low right now. I had accidents near major exams in college, and was medicated well into high school for it. I had a very traumatic childhood, which was probably the cause of the bedwetting then, having alcoholic relatives and on top of that, having severe ADD, depression, and aspergers syndrome.
  13. I am a diaper lover, and have been diagnosed with aspergers as a child, as well as severe ADD. I have substantial tactile hypersensitivity, particularly with regards to hearing. When I started my job, I made sure to tell the guy two cubicles down that I can hear both sides of his telephone conversations, and my hearing test results have also always been off the charts. I have had several relationships end because I have issues with being touched, though Zoloft has been helping somewhat with my social anxiety issues. I used to have a lot of language issues, and was in special education programs for most of grammer school. Well, except for math and science, which I was 2 years ahead in. It took me years longer than everyone else to even grasp english. I was never socially "in" while in High school, and thats when I first started masturbating wearing like 6 pairs of cotton underpants. I think thats what planted the seed for becoming a diaper lover (well, that and wetting the bed into my late teens). It was not until college though when I first started wearing real diapers again.
  14. 95% of the time I only pee in my diapers, but when my parents go away for a long weekend I will poop in them and enjoy the feelings of that greatly. I have also pooped in them while out of town, though I tend to worry about hotel housekeeping. In fact the first diaper I ever wore as an adult got pooped in before I peed in it. I must say, the cleanup after pooping sucks, but sometimes the feeling of a warm squishy poopy diaper is worth the cleanup.
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