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Need advice: girlfriend with nighttime incontinence...


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The short of it: My girlfriend (age 29)is a bed wetter, and I (age 26) am trying to find methods that have worked for other individuals, to help her try and overcome the night time wetting. Her nighttime enuresis does NOT bother me (see paragraph below as to why). Have any individuals here succeeded at overcoming nighttime enuresis? If so, what method(s) worked well for you? For her background, see bottom paragraphs.

The long version (my apologies for the length):

I've been a DL all of my life and a recent (last 3 years) AB. I met this wonderful woman several months ago at a con and things were/are going great. In fact they were/are going really really well. A couple of months into the relationship and we finally slept in the same bed with one another and after a couple of weeks of sleeping in the same bed, I finally get up the courage to tell her about this side of my life. I tell her that I hope this doesn't bother her or gross her out any way to which she replied "I would be a hypocrite if it did." That line didn't really sink in until a week later, mainly because I just laid down the most intimate thing about my life so I was in the defense mode. A week passes and we hadn't really spoke much about it so I decided to bring it up with her again and see if she had any questions I could answer. This is when she lays this on me:

She has been a bed wetter for her entire life, and she has to wears diapers to bed. Now I mentioned before that we had slept in the same bed for a couple of weeks and I gotta say, I had NO idea she was wearing. But then again they were the cheap pull on briefs from a grocery store and she hid them underneath her pajamas (we also hadn't been sexually active at all at this point of our relationship so I hadn't "explored" that area much). She's only ever told 2 other people, besides me and her parents. So for her to come out to me about it was very brave of her. She has quite the medical history even beyond this part of her life, but for all intense and purposes, I'm going to keep it to this part.

Tangent:

So here I am, an ABDL who is in love with a person who HAS to wear diapers to bed. You think I would be in seventh heaven, right? HOWEVER, While she's not angry at the fact that she has to wear diapers to bed, she is very frustrated whenever she has an accident, and I don't blame her one little iota. She's had to endure a lot of bodily "malfunctions" and was not able to lead the most social life as a kid, which I'm sure many of you can empathize with. I want to let this be known, if there was a pill or surgery that could fix her up in a heartbeat, I would be the first one telling her to do it, and I TRUELY mean that! I mean that because I would rather her have the option of getting to wear the diaper without having to need it. Besides, we have a D/s kind of relationship where I'm going to be making her wear diapers regardless of her wanting/needing to or not; I would rather see her happy with not having to NEED diapers though. She couldn't believe how lucky she got by finding someone that this is a turn on for.

/tangent

Her background with nighttime enuresis:

It has been going on all of her life. It does run in her family. She has had some success with Kegel exercises (when she keep ups with them). If she watches her water intake for the day, she is less likely to have an accident at night. Accidents seem to be more frequent when she is close to her period. She has consulted MANY doctors and as per the usual, none really have an answer for her. She has tried a couple of different medications (sorry I don't have the names), but neither worked or at least worked well. She thinks that she seems to have more accidents when her hormones are not in-check (again: close to or on her period).

Things I have been noting:

She will have accidents whether she is on her side, back, or stomach. Even when she watches her water intake, she'll still have minor accidents. It doesn't matter what side of the bed she sleep on. Accidents also seem to vary even with how much sleep she has had the night before. The only thing I haven't really been able to keep a quantifiable track of, is her stress levels. It's hard to know what, if any, stressors in her life make her have more accidents, if at all.

The reason why I am asking my fellow ABDLs:

The other night, she had an accident that leaked and we were in the process of changing sheets when I noticed her kneeling on the ground. When I asked her if everything was alright (since this wasn't our first nighttime bedding change and her kneeling wasn't normal) she said she is just getting really tired of having to do this [changing sheets in the middle of the night + extra laundry]. So I spoke with her a little bit after we got back into bed and told her that if she wanted, I would love to help get her past the night time enuresis, if it is possible. She was willing/wanting to try again so I thought I would cast these questions out to the people that I know whom also need to manage their lives in similar ways. Thank you for listening to my VERY long winded story; 5 gold stars to everyone who read the whole thing. If there is information needed about my girlfriend that is needed/wanted, I will use my best discretion to accommodate. I know there are several support forums out there specifically for this, so if anyone has any good suggestions as to where to start, please let me know!

Thank you all again for your time!

DLenforcer

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beyond trying more absorbent diapers, or catheters which I would never recommend because of the risk of UTI's all I can think of is trying the addition of a bed pad, I noticed you said she is using pullups, I never really trust those, one thing you can do that might help her is get her some real diapers, with tape tabs, if you go to suppliers like

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How about just destressing the whole situation .

Not making it a big deal get some relaxation therapy.

Make her feel loved for who she is .

Take away all pressure to stay dry and maybe once she feels comfortable in the relationship and things go in the right direction she will probably just have fewer and fewer accidents .

Even one night dry may be such a confidence builder that it will just stop.

However its your support that will be the key . Just make her feel so good about herself nice trips to beauticians hair dressers cook for her.

Be positive its in you because of the way you have written your post.

Good luck

Xx Sissy wendy

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First: Thank you all for your very quick replies! I have some more information and questions based off of what people have said so far. The questions are at the end.

On the topic of better protection:

Yes (though I do have interesting question at the end of this). It was the first thing that I recommended. However, she actually has been having better success with her pull-on briefs than I think anyone here would have imagined. But being 70% successful still isn't a huge success rate and better protection is on the list. She doesn't have an issue with the tape on style (though she doesn't really have a choice anyway since I'm in charge :D). Cost is something we do factor in, since she wears every night, along with availability. Those are the main two reasons why she's chosen what she has chosen. That being said, I am looking into cost of other effective alternatives.

2. try cloth diapers with plastic or rubber pants(tho this will cause more laundry in its own right)

3. ware plastic or rubber pants over your disposable diaper(tho this will cause more laundry in its own right)

I have even brought up the idea of cloth diapers with her and she's not against it at all, but there is always that initial cost. I do have sewing skills which will most likely get made to full use if we decide to go this route.

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My advice. Wear a diaper, sleep on a pad, protect the matress. If you leak you throw it all in the bin, wash your rubber pants in the shower in the morning, hang em up to dry.

Most importantly.....get on with your life and be happy. If you protect the bed and your partner at night from pee, what's to be stressed or worried about.

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there is a nasal spray that could MAYBE help, but im assuming her doctor already tried that, I think it either replaces or stimulates the production of antidiuretic hormone, something that maybe she is lacking when she sleeps, but I would say just go with a diaper and don't worry about it, let it give better protection than he pullups and see if it improves her sleep.

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Bonn

Excellent! As for DailyDiapers, one of the reasons I like it is the remarkable paucity of trolls. Non-fetish partners are welcome, even if we don't have the same breadth of experience you might find elsewhere.

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Thanks for articulating that, Sparkles. I didn't even think to say that that was my position, and now that I look back I hope that my posts weren't taken by some (not by TC, he seems to enjoy it xD) as airing on the side of troll-ish.

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  • 3 weeks later...

You state that your girlfriend wets at night. However, to be precise since there is a difference in the cure, has she ever NOT wet at night since birth? Is this primary nocturnal enuresis - she has not achieved night time control... OR did she once have night time control and re-lost it (secondary...)

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