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Critiques and Writer's Discussion
For more in-depth critiques of stories and story writing discussion.
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Posts
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By Ishigreensa · Posted
Larry didn't know Sarah that well yet, and she did get a little upset earlier when he'd told her to stay under a ten dollar limit stating that it wasn't enough, and he told her to get what she wanted, so it wouldn't be until he saw just how much of the sandwich and cookie she was about to waste that he would start to realize how wasteful she could be, something she'd have to learn under his roof, that wasn't okay. Larry apologized to the customer after them. "I'm sorry. She's just kind of being picky. I think it's the first time she's ever gotten to pick food out for herself. Strange as that sounds, she doesn't seem to have been well taken care of before she came to me, so please, bear with us just this once." He saw they had two little kids. "How about I pay for their dessert for your patience with us?" "Oh, no, that's not necessary," the father said. "We have little kids out selves, and we let them pick things out for themselves all the time, and honestly, we could have been in front of you, and you'd be waiting not for one, but two excited young kids. We can wait. You just use your money to make your own kid happy." Larry smiled at him, a gratitude of respect in his eyes for the empathetic man. Their kids were definitely smaller than Sarah though, and Larry didn't know it, but one of them was ten and the other eight, and had he known their ages, he would have easily seen that Sarah was nowhere close to eleven years old, but would have had to be at least sixteen or seventeen, but he had rose colored glasses right now, and she never denied being thirteen and then younger than thirteen, always making him guess her age for some reason. Most kids would just tell you their age, but then she was hiding, as assumed, from abusers, so the less she told him about herself the less likely her old foster parents could be found. For all he knew, Sarah wasn't even her real name. -
By littleben238 · Posted
"thank you" He says as he takes the box. He tries to be polite to everyone as he just doesn't know what they'll say to Madam -
By littleben238 · Posted
Benny runs to Daddy "I hold Daddy hand" He smiles, not caring that he's just wearing his shirt, shoes and diaper -
By Electrically · Posted
I completely agree with BP on his very accurate quote, I understand how much work goes into writing stories/books and I don’t think that you should not be paid if the story is worth paying for, but a teaser or basically a advertisement for free is in bad taste, I actually have no idea how much money this type of thing would generate but I think at bare minimum you should consider a contribution to the site. Or the occasional free complete short story. -
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